Manjushri

I can't decide whether I'm bullshitting myself with these distinctions, and furthering my delusion. But, the difference between the premeditative and the postmeditative experience is obviously existent. One we can call lower, and the other higher state of being. But isn't it just higher because I give it the advantage over the lower? Both are just states, experience. The first is a bit more narrow, dull, I'm unaware in it, toxic, ,don't want to actualize nor transcend in it, get caught up easier in my minds bullshit,wanna do anything but feel the present moment,etc. But still, it's all just experience. its my ego making the distinction : oh this is good, oh this is bad. And the aversion towards this 'lower' state is often what pushes me to the cushion. This has been bothering me a bit. So why are we pursuing the 'higher' then?

@aurum Thank you!

Oh I'm doing meditation already but that's not grinding,that's the middle way heh! @aurum what exactly do you mean?

I'm 18, and my advice would be : cut off any contact from people that are our age, because you sound like a guy who would be friends with everyone, even at the cost of 'dumbig himself down'. Fuck that, actualize in school. Quality friends will ensue. Worked wonders for me I love your passion and ambition, gimme some pls. Im a bit depressed

Thank you for replying man! Fuck no. I have interests but they don't go as far as passions. Of course I'm going. The question is : to which one? I don't want to learn anything that isn't useful, amassing knowledge seems like bullshit to me because it's futile, and I have no curiosity to just want to understand things for the sake of it.

Which is the most useful knowledge/education that I can get? I don't have a LP figured out yet, I'm 18,have a shitton of limiting beliefs that I need to work on. I want to get into a college because I'm a straight A student and education is free here, to buy me time to figure out what I wanna do with my life. I'm already preparing for psych entrance exam. Is there a better thing to get educated about? I feel like college is a hindrance unless it's aligned with your LP, but I have none so for now I wanna tread the safe path. Not mature enough to break through yet. Need to work on my bullshit first. So, what would you say is the best education you can get? Which field of science, art, whatever? And when I say best, I don't know what I mean lol. Best college for self-actualization? Or in terms whats useful knowledge? No idea.

I have no passion. No curiosity. need to work on that.

Fuck dude! Wow. I cried a little. A lot.