Elysian

You can also be intimate with people without being romantically involved with them. Nothing wrong with being close to people without getting sexual, be that emotionally, physically, or whatever you both need.

One thing that really helped my progress was simply dropping the good/bad dichotomy altogether. I view even the most frightening experiences as a chance to grow/overcome fears. Sounds like a fear test. I actually have a similar figure that has appeared in different dreams or projections. I consider this figure the heart of my deepest fears, and I have no doubt when I can face this figure with no waiver that my fear shadow work is over. Mine is actually a girl also, it's like that stereotypical feminine evil spirit. Think The Grudge, The Ring. Black hair, pale skin, dark eyes. The icing on top of the cake is that it's mouth opens extremely big like it's screaming at me, exactly how some of the mummies do in The Mummy. Lovely character. I'm kind of jealous over you 2 recalling up to 6 dreams a night. Although I haven't done much practice to increase my recall, I've only gotten up to maybe 4 a night, but 3 is more common.

Breaking my video game addiction was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Harder than quitting smoking cigarettes and sweets. The only other that was harder was porn. Some people might be able to have a healthy relationship with video games, but for most it's an escape from reality that makes other healthy forms of time spending not stimulating enough. Video game developers intentionally monopolize on human weaknesses/tendencies. Online games which are what most people play have a social aspect, constant novelty with expansions/updates, competition with leaderboards, no end so there is never a stopping point, achievements to kick in the dopamine fix, in game currency for success driven individuals, guilds and parties for forms of tribalism/community, the list just keeps going. How many single activities easily have all of the aspects of one's life involved? Especially with so little effort required, another tendency of humans. Sure a healthy human can remain detached, but how many are actually that healthy? Note: If it bothers you at all to set video games aside for a month, you might just be in denial about your addiction. And saying you could do it versus actually testing it out isn't the same thing.

One way is to sleep for a few hours, then wake up around 2am. Go start to meditate somewhere comfortable, like a recliner. That way your body is still tired but your mind is refreshed. The vibrations don't always come, but my first time they were very intense. I entered a deep meditation when they came on. Even just surrendering to the vibrations can be a fear test, it was for me my accidental first attempt. I think sleep paralysis can or is also a fear test. I had a few SP incidences before my astral projection really picked up. Some in the community say it's more than likely just your fears manifested into thoughtform so not to worry. That's hard for me to process as not to worry as they also consider us thoughtform of God.

A lot of times when you are trying to speak in the Astral it sounds like mumbled garbage because you're trying to vocalize using a vocal chords except there aren't any actual vocal chords in the Astral. The ghouls could've been a fear test.

It doesn't appear that way, but based off of what I've listen to and read I would conclude they are still turquoise.

Truck driving. Truck driving school is usually 3-6 weeks long, and there are a lot of companies who will front your school costs for you if you agree to drive with them when you get out of school. With the right company you could start at 40-55k/year, and with 1-2 years experience, you could move to a company that would pay 75k+, 100k+ If you're willing to relocate to the oil fields in Texas. You'd probably be able to afford your own place in a few months from now if you saved everything. Also a shortage a truck drivers, so the jobs are plenty as long as you're willing to work.

I'm very active in my dreams. It's opened me up to a whole other aspect of reality. Everyone dreams, even if you can't remember it. You can get better at remembering too, dream journals help, especially writing down as much detail as possible. I don't consider dreams just random memories/information popping up. I'm able to see a value in most dreams, and even if I can't figure it out I trust it served it's purpose. I think dreams don't just happen inside our body, I think our awareness travels to the astral/subtle realms; the non physical. It can be hard to tell, but in my experience dreams always contain meaning. It might be a lesson, emotional release, exploratory, or things beyond understanding for our small amount of awareness. I also think we do often interact with real entities/energy, with a will of their own. One thing I am fairly certain of, is that we also experience memories that aren't from this lifetime. I don't know if you would call that a previous life, or just tapping into the collective consciousness in some way. Regardless, I think this is all connected to Source. Do you think something every human being and many animals do hours a day is of no value? Of course not! It surely must serve a purpose. Last night I'm fairly certain I experienced a past life/other memory of a young Indian girl in slavery. I remember my friends being tortured or killed for resisting, and I found an opportunity to run and I took it. I felt so terrible for leaving everyone behind, but I was terrified. I was the oldest of the group and they used us to beg for money, and I was the best at it. So I knew I wouldn't get the luxury of dying, because they wanted to keep me alive. Luckily I/she found someone who gave her proper clothes and took her in, then I woke up. The thing is, my dreams have gotten more complex and vivid as I've progressed with lucid dreams and out of body experiences. And this would have been extremely confusing for most, especially considering I'm a man, not a little girl. I'm not sure the meaning of the dream, maybe remembering part of who I am, but I'm sure whatever needed to be experienced was. Never hurts to explore the depths of your consciousness.

@Bluebird Glad everyone ended up being ok. I've been where you were. I only took what I thought to be 200ug once, with a lot of psychedelic experience under my belt. I did it alone, and ended up wandering into a hotel lobby. Thought I was having a heart attack and scared a lot of people. Had to be taken to a hospital and given something to counteract the effects. I felt very ashamed by how I had inconvenienced and worried so many people, including my family. I'm not planning on taking psychedelics ever again. I had gotten this from someone I trusted and knew that they had the integrity to actually get me LSD instead of some random chemical. But the truth is, unless you make it your self, grow it yourself, or someone you trust with your life, you just don't really know, even with a test kit. And even when from one of the sources, there is a host of reasons for variability in dose. Even just on one sheet of blotter, there could be hotspots which could lead to one dose having 20 times what another dose has. Mushrooms can also vary in potency from the same batch, based on a variety of factors. If someone is determined to use them, the more natural the better (think mushrooms, morning glory), when you get some from a new batch start at a baby dose and work your way up, and preferably grow it yourself or only get it from someone who grows it. I wish it were legalized and highly regulated so psychedelics were handled in a way like weed is in the states, where active compounds are listed by their percentages and a person can get a tailored dose for their individual needs. Until something like that happens, absolute precaution should be taken by a determined seeker. Even with all the talk about mind being against you, it is one of the most valuable assets one has in the physical world. Don't treat it like a test dummy.

Would you go skydiving without an instructor attached to you the first time you jump? Best case scenario you have a high natural tolerance and nothing happens. Worst case scenario you seriously injur yourself or someone else, possibly landing yourself in jail or a mental institution. Psychedelics aren't a game, nothing is that can radically alter your consciousness. Start with a low dose, and incrementally work your way up to be as safe as possible. Make sure someone you trust that is familiar with psychedelics is babysitting you in a place you feel safe.

I drive trucks for a living. I get paid by how quickly/efficiently I deliver loads, and I get to go home sooner as well. I used to be extremely focused on efficiency. I would intentionally not let people cut in front of me, would get irritated at accident slowdowns and rush hour, I would favor speed over the safest distance from other vehicles. But over the past couple months I've stepped back and looked at the bigger picture. I recognize that every vehicle has someone in it that is loved, I realize that I can't even fathom how much pain would be caused in an untold number of people if something were to happen to them on their way home. And because of this, my number one priority shifted to safety. If someone cuts in front of me I slow down to give them plenty of room, even if they feel they don't need it. I don't worry with how long traffic will slow me down, I just try to keep an eye on everyone around me to make sure I can correct a mistake they or I might make. When there is an accident, I just hope that everyone involved is ok. My philosophy has become, as long as everyone gets home safe, then it's all ok. Is this Green behavior? Driving is the thing I do the most, so I'm curious to know where I sit in that regard, pun intended.

This behavior of selflessness is rooted in trying to implement 1.15 of the Yoga Sutras to combine it with my developing practice, to move closer to self-realization. As translated by Sri Swami Satchidananda: "The consciousness of self-mastery in one who is free from craving from objects seen or heard about is non-attachment." He then goes on to explain: "When we say unattached, it means without personal desires. If you want to be really greedy, be greedy in serving others. Try to remove the suffering of other people. Once you are unattached in your personal life, you can serve others..... Is it possible to be desireless? No. Actually, it is not possible. As long as the mind is there, it's duty is to desire. It seems to be contradictory. But the secret is that any desire without any personal or selfish motive will never bind you. Why? Because the pure, selfless desire has no expectation whatsoever, so it knows no disappointment no matter the result..... Of course, even here we can wonder, 'If I am to lead a sacrificial life, how can I eat, how can I clothe myself or have a house of my own?' You can have all these things to equip yourself to serve others." So as a method of achieving non-attachment, I'm trying to live my life selflessly. I'm still working on it, but my job is one example of where I have been implementing this way of being. True, it brings me peace of mind, but I'm doing so in the most selfless way I can. I just happened to read about Spiral Dynamics yesterday, and stage Green seems to be heavily related with this Sutra which I'm currently trying to integrate. Maybe the reason why traffic stopped bothering me is because the desire is now to keep everyone as safe as possible, so there is no selfish expectation to for instance get home sooner. I didn't even recognize that until I typed this out. Doesn't hurt to get everything out on paper I guess, so to speak.

Well I'm certainly not enlightened and so the ego is alive and well, but it's what I do and what feels right.

If you can't currently find a job in your desired field that doesn't mean it's 'your fault', but it isn't guaranteed that you'll find that either. That's just the way life is right now. There's multiple reasons for that, like the mass influx of university students, not choosing an in demand field, more qualified candidates, among other things. It could take time to get into more sought after positions, maybe even some interning. But regardless you're in the situation your in, and you need to take care of your basic needs. You've got to take care of the basics until you can get into a more optimal situation. If you mean how I got into trucking it only took a few weeks of training to do that. I knew it was an in demand field because there is a shortage of truck drivers, which means I'll always have a job if I ever need one. Same goes with nurses, electricians, welders, engineers, you name it. If you mean a job after trucking, I don't have that. I'm not actively pursuing a different field at the moment either. I've got more immediate issues to take care at the moment. I have health issues I'm addressing, making lifestyle changes, doing shadow work and spiritual practice. The thing I'm the most passionate about is singing, next being sketching. As far as singing goes I sing every day, and am currently learning music theory while also saving for a piano I'll be getting next month. I just moved into a new place recently which is taking up free time, but when I get more available time I'll be putting more time into sketching as well. My interests might be even more problematic financially than yours. I might not ever be able to make a living singing or sketching, but even if that is the case I'm willing to do what I need to to allow me the freedom to partake in my passions in my free time. Hopefully that won't always be the case, and I can make a transition into doing one of those hobbies full time, but I'm just grateful for the opportunities I have right now. I can sing while I'm driving, and sketch on my 2 days off a week. That might seem like a bummer, but I've got the chance to pour my heart and soul into a passion of mine. What else could I ask for? Not to mention having enough extra funds to afford a piano, it'll make learning music theory so much easier!

Just trying to help. I'm just inferring that since you aren't making any money and your family is telling you to get a job that you don't have your own place. You're saying you don't mind not having money or a job, but that's only because they are paying for your living expenses. I've been where you're at, both with the depression and trying to fulfill a dream before I got my life together. That said, I know you're not going to like to hear it, but it's not unreasonable for them to want you to take care of yourself. It can be really stressful not living in your own place, especially if the person taking care of you wants you to assume some responsibility. The thing is though, if you're an adult it's not their place to take care of you. They do it because they love you, and they don't want to see you on the street, but one shouldn't take advantage of that compassion. I did it myself, and it just didn't feel right. Sometimes I misinterpreted those feelings of guilt as them wronging me, but it was actually the other way around. My advice is to get a job doing whatever you've got to do to be able to afford a place of your own and take care of yourself. You might not be able to get the job you want, but that's ok. Most people don't get right into the job they want as soon as they come out of college or become adults. But the amount of stress, anger, and anxiety that you're probably feeling right now will be significantly reduced just by getting your own space. Being able to do what you want, how you want, when you want, with no one telling you want to do, knowing that it's all because you worked hard for it, is priceless. I ended up getting into the trucking industry so I could get my own place. It wasn't a glamorous job, it wasn't what I wanted to do with my life until I die, but it did allow me to take responsibility for myself. You might be thinking, well if I get into a field that isn't my dream job then it might take me years to get to where I want to be. That's probably exactly what it means, but are good things supposed to come easy? Enlightenment might not even happen in one's lifetime even if they are completely dedicated to reaching it. Nothing worth having comes at zero cost. Just ask yourself this, what if your family decided to stop working and said to take care of them while they try to do something different with their lives? Would that be unreasonable? Of course it would be, they're their own persons, if they want to have a dream come true they need to make it happen themselves. You say they are making your life hell, but no one can make your life hell other than you. If you love your family, then do what you can to at least not be a burden to them. They're not even asking you to go above and beyond by being something more than just not a burden. Just as an example, someone that I love as deeply as I know how, also happens to be the most intelligent and spiritual person I know. They could probably work on the SpaceX team to help get us to Mars, or find a new cure to a previously incurable disease, they could honestly probably do anything they set their heart to. They are that bright. Even though they are that much of a blessing to the world, their mother had a severe alcohol addiction. So much so she got into an accident from driving drunk, and became bed ridden for some time. This person loved their mother so much that they put their life on hold to make sure she was ok. They took a job waiting tables to make ends meet. Being who they were they quickly moved to a high end restaurant to a head waiter position. They made enough to pay for a 2 bedroom apartment in a safe area, take care of their mother, and have extra money to pursue dreams of their own. His mother even put off working even after she could start for several months, still needing to overcome alcoholism, but being as loving as they were they continued to support her. Thankfully after some tough love nudges she finally got back into her career field prior to the accident, which let him go on to continue with his life. And I say all this just to show you what going above and beyond for your family looks like. But all your family wants from you is to take care of yourself. I'm trying not to be hard on you, but I just wanted to put things into perspective. I know recovering from depression is really hard, it might be the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and so I'm not downplaying your situation. But everyone close to you, including you, will be better off by you stepping up to the plate. At least long enough until you are able to make your dreams come true. Hope this helps.

I'm not sure if you're talking about MetaMusic, which is the name the Monroe Institute gave to their tracks that have music combined with their Hemi-Sync technology; or just music that you listen to while meditating. But if you're actually talking about Hemi-Sync MetaMusic, they found that stereo headphones is the most optimal way to listen to their technology. The reason for this is because a binaural frequency is created when one ear receives one frequency while the other ear receives a different frequency. This leads to a 3rd frequency within the brain which is caused by the brain trying to bridge the gap between the 2 frequencies. You can use speakers to do this, but it won't happen with the same quality as with headphones, because your ears will actually be getting both signals in both ears; even if you are getting more of one frequency in one ear and more of the other in the opposing ear. This applies to all binaural beat technology. It's suggested to find a comfortable pair of headphones that is noise cancelling, fitting comfortably over the ears. I found that after my first few sits it stopped bothering me. After a couple hours it might start becoming a little uncomfortable, and if I feel like it I just transition into sitting without music, starting from that elevated state of awareness.

Had a few intense Kundalini experiences also, but they weren't brought on by specific Kundalini techniques. It was either by traumatic events or by do-nothing sits. I think educating your self on the symptoms can be helpful for those who have experienced Kundalini related events or for people looking to work with it. If you don't know why you're going through it, it can make you think you're going crazy. That's how I reacted to my first couple experiences before I did some research.

Our children are like sponges, so I'd be careful on the behavior you exhibit by suppressing your nature around her. You will make yourself an example of how she should live her life. Speaking from experience, the wounds of the mother are passed down to the child. I'm still recovering from the generational trauma handed to me. At least you're aware of the issue, many never even get that far.

You're confusing the definition of ego that the general population uses with the ego that's been mentioned above. You mean ego in the sense of overly prideful, but the ego meant by others here that have been trying to help you is your identity with the mind and personality; or your identity with that which you are not. This is just one example as to why your ego has been mentioned and why some others are just saying they hope you get something out of this temper tantrum/venting. You think the whole world is against 'you', and that you're being treated 'unfairly', this is simply the egoic mind throwing a fit because it's not getting it's way exactly the way it wants it. You're taking everything too personally, and that's because you're too identified with the person you think you are. Society isn't out to get you, it doesn't have an objective. And you think 'your' life is horrible because a few things haven't completely bent to your will, but do you know how silly that sounds? Life isn't yours to manipulate and bend to begin with. Authenticity is about letting life flow through you effortlessly, there is no trying to strongarm life when being authentic. Authenticity is the opposite of ego, so don't let your ego claim the world doesn't accept your authenticity, that's completely contradicting. Something that might help is to meditate on appreciation for what you have, and to do some research into shadow work to figure out and work through this anger you're feeling. You mention how bad you have it, but reality is that most of the world has it much harder than you. You live in a first world country and were blessed with the opportunity to go to university. You probably have a roof over your head with food to eat and clean water to drink. Your very existence is a blessing that your egoic mind didn't earn or deserve. How many millions of years did it take to develop that brain of yours to the level where you could have the capacity to complain on a device you didn't even help design, with a language you didn't help write, about problems that your ancestors wished they had just a century ago? How about trying to express a little gratitude? Just take a second to breathe, and recognize that very breath is a gift you didn't earn. You didn't really earn anything in this life, it was all given to you. Spend some time meditating on that, we're so lucky to be born in this time and place. The reason why it seems not many are being helpful in this post is because they don't think it's possible to get through to you in the clouded state you're in. Maybe I'm naive in trying, and maybe you'll consider this effort I've made just a personal attack because of how ingrained your ego is into your identity, but I really wish you the best. It seems your own mind has turned against you, and you need to do some deep reflection on what is going on within you. Here is an authentic, enlightened human being talking about mind having reign over your life, I hope it resonates with you. If so he has much more valuable insights on YouTube, something authentic human beings have regularly.

Agree with the above. I think this is what going with the flow is about. If you just be genuine sure people will leave your life, they were in your life based on who they thought you were. But as they leave people who genuinely are interested in the authentic you will step in to replace them. Relationships aren't permanent, trust in the process and you'll get who and what you need when the time comes. I also want to reiterate finding your true self in your dreams. If you can't remember much of your dreams I suggest starting a dream journal. In my dreams all of my inhibitions hit the floor. Curiosity, anger, lust, joy, they all flow naturally in the dream state. Without fear of the repercussions, for 'better' or for 'worse'. Authentic isn't simply expressing good parts of yourself, it's being true to your nature, letting your nature flow through you unimpeded with care of outcome thrown to wind. It's hard to be ok with the consequences of that when you use your mind to mitigate damage, because you've become too attached to society accepting you and too averse to the town getting together to lynch you. The ego simply isn't compatible with authenticity. In dreams I've destroyed entire solar systems in a bout of rage, and I've also loved more deeply than I've ever been willing to while awake. It's really impossible to fathom the depth of your true nature from the lens of ego.

https://hemi-sync.com/learn/ I've been using the MetaMusic from Hemi-Sync and it's without a doubt the best music I've found to meditate with. It's binaural beats like the above, but the difference is that the Monroe Institute that's been working on the technology has decades of scientific research that's been done on their technique and methods. The CIA even used their technology and did research based on it as a means to expand and alter consciousness, and some of those CIA documents were declassified that you can read for yourself. They have things other than the MetaMusic that I haven't used, but the songs from it is so relaxing that I prefer them. I go to the Meditation and Spiritual Growth section, then open the filter and select MetaMusic. My two favorite for meditation is Crossing the Abyss and Spiral of Light. What I find most interesting is not only are they obviously effective, but different tracks have a different effect on your consciousness, even within the Meditation MetaMusic subgenre. They do cost money, but they are a nonprofit who cycles the money back into their research and the programs they offer which is all about raising consciousness. I'd say I usually get in 1 hour with MetaMusic what would usually take me 2 to 4 hours without it. But that's just been my experience. Check out the research yourself, I've found them to be far more effective than other binaural beats. Most tracks are close to 1 hour long, and you can use them over and over again. I leave mine on repeat, that way if I decide I want to sit for a few hours it will continue for the duration. https://www.cia.gov/library/readingroom/document/cia-rdp96-00788r001700210004-8 Here's the CIA evaluation of Hemi-Sync done back in 1984. It's done on their Gateway Voyage series which is much different than the Meditation MetaMusic, but it speaks to the viability of the technique they use to alter consciousness.

It is very helpful to give yourself some basics so you don't need to worry about survival; food, water, shelter, a job to provide these things. That gives you free time to focus on other aspects of life like spirituality. But at some point, when we do have such things, we switch to accumulating knowledge to improve the self (if we are seeking to improve). Knowledge can be very helpful, but too much time devoted to intellectual pursuits becomes counterintuitive to the spiritual path. You probably already have more than enough knowledge to attain self-realization. "Complete your journey, you know everything now. If you are true in your attitude. You should not still be mesmerized, or being on to such influence or distraction... that the goal is missed. The goal is your self without a goal." Meditation seems like something someone should do as long as they have food and water. I started doing it when my life and mind were very chaotic and difficult. It made it much easier to stay focused and work through my everyday problems. My mind was so full of garbage I couldn't even think straight, I would make many mistakes at jobs simply because I couldn't pay the necessary amount of attention needed for the tasks I was doing. My job situation and in turn pay exponentially increased after committing to sitting on the cushion.

1) my short time with enlightenement only enhanced my capabilities, it sort of felt like the movie Limitless. If anything I think I would be more likely to realize a Divine path 2) Something I contemplated for a long time was what the view of a separate, conscious, omniscient God would be of a being like me. If that being created this body and mind, it would be very aware of it's limitations and tendencies. After all, it would have created me to be inquisitive, skeptical, and mistake riddled. If even still it was simply masochistic, and made us this way for it's enjoyment as we suffer... I suppose I'm grateful for the opportunity to have gotten to experience anything at all. Even if God needs to take a chill pill.

I just wanted to reiterate how important it is to get your own place. It's pretty much impossible to attain the spiritual goals you have with all the shame and uncertainty you feel, and being in your own space will give you so much more room to breath. I made more progress in my own place in a month than years with my parents. Being able to do what you want, how you want without having to endure judgments from people who might not even understand you is liberating. It won't solve all your problems, but it'll clean off enough of the mess so you don't feel so overwhelmed. Been there before with depression, I know how frustrating it can be.

Mind trying to figure out awareness is like a video game character trying to understand the consule that it resides within. Mind is so used to being able to answer so much, this is just something well beyond it's reach.