28 cm unbuffed

@PenguinPablo Yes and no. My mind is fooling me, that's for sure. Honestly, I have no idea why I'm such a loser in this area of life. I didn't have any positive experiences with women. I know it sounds bizarre, but that's my sad reality. @The0Self In my case, it was rather that the girls were falling in love with me after knowing me better and better lol, not the other way around. Whatever you say sounds true, but that has nothing to do with approaching strangers and talking to them, it still seems a little bit out there 🤷 I can't imagine going to a bar in the evening (or even doing the same on the street), approaching a stranger there, talking to her and it's all like smooth, we talk, whatever. It doesn't sound realistic or doable. Maybe if you're a tall, handsome, rich, Spanish, 50 Shades of Grey type of guy, then yeah, maybe. But still, it would look weird on the street even if that guy did that. If you're not that guy in the club that I mentioned, they will look at you like you're weird and sue you for harassment if you don't go away lmao. Don't want to be negative or something here, but what I'm talking about sounds like reality and what happens (at least in my country) and what I observed. If you're not tall and super handsome, girls will of course shame you and ridicule you, let's be honest here, if you're the Grey guy, they will think you're the most charming and confident guy because you walked up to her. That's how females act, that's brutal, harsh, and fucked up 🤷 That's why I'm not so eager to do a game really. And it's not like "It's just your belief dude", no, I did that even with neutral agenda, like asking for a direction or something and girls are just like that towards you if you're not good-looking, they're just acting like bitches, you're nothing to them🤷 Bitch look, "Go away", "you're like a worm to me", yeah, let's dedicate 2-5 years of my life to pursue that, sounds inspirational. @Leo Gura Of course, there will be cases where a girl will talk to you, be somehow nice, maybe even give you her number or something and these happened to me too. But it's only because she doesn't want to be rude, she does that but it's not really being a good person or anything, it's like a nice guy syndrome for a woman rather. Other than these two kinds of responses, I didn't have anything other than that really, positives were only slutty girls that wanted to fuck and then ghosted you if you are not being the fuck-tool, that they were looking for. Zero empathy, cold-ass ghosting with no remorse, see you later 🙄

I've been reflecting on the challenge of finding a girlfriend or connecting romantically and realized that cold approaching might be the next step for me. Despite giving other methods a fair shot and making numerous adjustments, they just haven't panned out. It's a tough realization, but I'm coming to terms with it. The idea of cold approaching is daunting, I won't lie. It feels alien to me, and the thought alone is enough to freeze me in my tracks. It's not just nerves; it's a physical barrier I'm grappling with. To tackle this, I've been doing daily breathwork exercises and confronting some deep-seated emotional trauma, especially around my chest and heart area. It's a painful process, with about 30 minutes each day of intense, burning emotions, but I'm hoping it's clearing the way for better things. I have tried cold approaching before, around 20-30 times, but it's always been a struggle. It required a lot of self-coercion and the presence of a friend to make it more bearable. However, this approach isn't something I can sustain long term. I've been mulling over a possible step-by-step plan to ease into it. For instance, on day 1, I could ask 5 people for directions to the post office, and then build up from there. But I'm questioning the long-term feasibility of this strategy. What happens if I do find a girlfriend and then become single again? Starting from scratch each time doesn't seem practical. Is there a better, more effective strategy you might suggest for someone in my situation? Any advice or alternative approaches would be greatly appreciated 🤗

@Leo Gura Yeah, that's exactly what I'm going to do, thank you Leo 🥵

And what do you guys think about the Law of Attraction and all of that destiny, airy-fairy approach? I know it might be a great trap and excuse, to avoid socializing, approaching, or making efforts to do more dating, but in the end maybe if someone is destined for you, you will eventually be together no matter what (or something along those lines). Like soulmate or something like that lol Might that be true or that's delusion level hard?

@Leo Gura I understand that, but I still didn't do the basic, fundamental work on my social skills and confidence with other people in general. I don't want to brute force the process, I know that it might be just bitch talk and excuses, but that's where I am right now. @Rishabh R I think he meant that the growth that you get from that process > gf

@Leo Gura I'm going through a freaking dark night of a soul experience and trauma release, I just let it do its work for now. I'm also shedding layers of "nice guy-ism" simultaneously. Then I'll start being more social and maybe work my way up to cold approaching with that. Pushing myself doesn't work, I did this in the past and now I'm back in the same place. I'll get there, just by using a step-by-step approach this time. Edit: When I read a post from @Israfil yesterday, about just doing more stuff, and becoming a more social and interesting person in general, I felt a great relief. Now, I wasn't judging myself about how much of a loser I was, because I was not approaching and then I was a lot lighter and felt free. I know having goals, being strict with them, and healthy pressure are good tools, but in this case, I was doing more harm than good to myself I think

@Israfil It's not that easy to find a social circle, as I'm here like alone in a new city, I'm trying my best tho I'll start attending martial arts (Saturday) and yoga classes (Sunday) and will also go out on Fridays and Saturdays to some Meetup meetings, don't have any better ideas for now. I'm also doing gym/sauna 5 times a week, but it's not like I will just approach random people there and talk to them. I do some chit-chatting here and there, but it's nothing sustainable or long-term.

@Israfil Yeah, I'm doing that. With my career, with my university, and also with my YouTube channel. Plus exercise, plus martial arts, plus yoga (I'm also a polymath lol). I'm not that fast to open myself tho, so it might take some time (I'm a highly sensitive person / HSP) ;P I'm just kind of mad because nice-looking girls are looking at me here and there and I have no balls to do a straight approach. But I think that's just not my nature, I'm too sensitive to just go in, hard as motherfucker.

@Israfil yeah that's exactly the conclusion that I'm coming up with too, cold approaching is robotic, numbers game, that's like a brute force approach, not an organic process also, it doesn't make the social aspect of your life to magically disappear, even if you find a gf for yourself by being lucky. you will have a gf, but still no social life, and you will probably lose a gf am I right with these conclusions?

@Spiritual Warrior I'm being real, other than that - I don't like you, you have no idea what you're talking about, go away

@Spiritual Warrior I did, that's who I am at my core, and that's something natural for me. But it's not like people notice that while walking past by you on a street or from a short, initial conversation. Other than that, I remember you from another post of mine. You're the clueless nice guy that likes to act like a smart ass, aren't you?

@Israfil But where do the women come from lol I moved to a new city, and I have a couple of friends from work, but 0 close ones, how do you guys want me to build social connections? I tried a couple of meetups and stuff like that, but it's bullshit in a long term. I have no idea where to look, other than cold-approach / dating apps (which do not work). I don't like the cold approach/night clubs idea that much tbh, but I have no other place to go really to find a girl 🤷

@mmKay I read it and checked it out on YouTube, I don't think that's the same. I do the Wim Hof breathing technique every day in the morning, but it's not like I get this attack or something right after that or even shortly after that. I don't lose my breath. It happens spontaneously throughout the day, it's like an emotional release, and it's with 99.99% probability because of a trauma, because that's the exact place where I first experienced it (the traumatic experience itself).

@Mannyb Yeah, maybe that's just a story, but it hurts like motherfucker

@mmKay I'm processing tons of trauma this autumn, I feel the pain in my chest area for hours sometimes (I have to lay down on a bed and feel into it). It already lasts for like month or two. Everyday. That's a lot and I have to honor that for now, I tried to push myself through it, but I got triggered too easily, like a wounded animal.

@Miguel1

@Miguel1 ?

@mmKay Yeah, I am, but that's because of trauma, being hurt by stupid women wasted years of my life. On a physical level, my biological body is just afraid of getting into that again, that's mostly it. There's no development in approaching right now, there's development in clearing trauma first. Don't "XD" me, please. @Leo Gura Swagger is what you mean? Confidence? Assertiveness? Politeness and honesty? I can get that and I got these from other things like martial arts, gym, and just acting like a decent man on a day-to-day basis. Not sure what more there is to get. And I don't need to chase sex to motivate me to improve these aspects of my life.

@Leo Gura I know what you mean, but do you mean becoming so strong that I can tolerate that much of women's bullshit? 😱 That's too strong dude, wow. 🤯 On a serious note though... How does learning pickup give you strength or develop you as a man really, I'm not convinced by that argument.

@Emotionalmosquito Yeah, I think that's a typo or something, I ignored that because I assumed that he made a mistake

@IronFoot What I meant is: https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fexternal-preview.redd.it%2F5CCQQxGrCRlBtPKU9lrjey823c1pQ2yzV14ZbhRF7WQ.jpg%3Fauto%3Dwebp%26s%3Df48bd249258d6d34a90957e959c7abffb5177416 Not sure if you can find a really attractive girl who isn't crazy, that's a unicorn. Other than that, I'm a highly logical and "cold" guy you can say, most girls are crazy to me and they are mostly a pain in the ass, and nothing in return other than sex. So, the warm body approach still seems appealing 🤗

@IronFoot I kind of get it (the warm body approach). If you have a "whatever" girl to smash in front of you and someone who is crazy, solipsistic, and delusional about their worth (like most high-value women are) then the choice is really easy. I choose the lower-quality girl all day. Who wants to deal with that bullshit just to smash somewhat higher-quality pussy, give me a break dude. Men don't respect themselves and will do anything, ignore women's fuckedupness, just to smash that. That's pathetic. Other than that, yeah, that's something that I try to do while focusing mainly on my own life goals, passions, career, and fitness. Thank you

@Leo Gura Yeah, I already moved to Warsaw (I'm from Poland), but at the moment I'm focused on gaining financial freedom for myself because even if I want to give dating more attention, money problems might still bite me in the ass along the way. Investing 2- 5 years is not something that sounds worth it to me, girls are not something THAT worthwhile. Like what the fuck Edit: Also, doesn't it seem a little bit fucked up, that you will probably not find a girl that invested even a day into something like "game" or whatever. They just dress nice, exercise, and focus on their thing (whatever that is), like basic stuff. How's that fair to invest years of your life and why would you want to try so hard just to get that? The only explanation that I find for that is that there are tryhard guys that will do anything for that and that's why the competition is so hard. Guys that are so thirsty for a pussy that they will do anything just to smash a high-quality one. Like, there's no dignity in that, not trying to offend anyone here or anything, but why would anyone do that and why would anyone value a woman that much? All of that sounds bizarre and pathetic to me. And what a game is really? The entire skill is about how to make a girl have fun! and be aroused and go "woooo!!!" and go emotional like a stupid child. I don't fucking get it at all.

I'm going through a similar process right now, mushrooms opened my heart chakra, and the emotions that were blocked started to flow out like crazy. What helped me is practicing daily Wim Hof breathing technique in the morning, my body is then better able to process all that is coming out and feel these emotions fully. @Inder Thanks for the yoga exercise, I tried it today, maybe it will be able to stretch my chest area and allow me to process more emotions faster. For like 2 months now, I have felt pain in my chest (like dirty, unpleasant, negative emotions) either mildly but lasting for hours or more intense for like 15-30 minutes at a time. Every - single - day. Not sure when it will stop or process fully or when the moment of it being fully processed will arrive. That's a lot.

@Yimpa Thank you for your advice, Mr. Clueless Nice Guy