28 cm unbuffed

Hi guys. I watched the Transformation Mastery course by Julien Blanc and there were many steps there, all of which I think I overcame. There is one more thing and he presents it as a last step himself, if I am not mistaken, which is this notion of "I am a bad person". I know I am not a bad person, in fact, I am a really good guy. Yet, there is this thought repeating itself in my head, in many forms, coming back again and again. Julien says that is was deeply rooted in him, because our society is showing us, that bad guys are also cool and it's awesome to be a bad guy character. I am not sure if that is it in my case. Not really sure what it is and even what triggers it, it's just a thought on a loop autopilot that I have. It's like an old shadow of mine, that refuses to fade away and die, it's really annoying and I would love to get rid of that once for all. WIth other thought loops, I used a method of just watching and not attaching to them, because from what I know, giving them any attention and emotional attachment is just making them stronger. It worked for all of my shadow work, but this one just dies hard. Any advice would be golden, thank you a lot.

@mandyjw So you're telling me, that Neo was wrong and Cypher is right? Deluding yourself is the correct answer? No, let me correct that, you're saying, that they are both right, it's about perspective and the deluded one is wiser, whilst being stupid, because it's deluded. Life is a paradox and shit?

@Someone here @Javfly33 Dunno guys, I tried everything, and if Universe is playing this game since forever and it has an infinite number of perspectives and it has seen everything, and it never ends and it lasts since always and will last forever and ever - what's the point? Yeah, I know, it's about JOURNEY, it's about here and now, it still doesn't convince me. There's nowhere to go and nothing to do, great, why not just kill yourself? Oh, I forgot, there's only me and I will probably reincarnate and have to live through this again and again. I'm stuck and Universe is stuck, what a fucking farce.

@deso I had an existential crisis when I was really young, too young for that shit. I then tried everything, fucking, drugs, video games, getting money, getting things, working on my looks, psychedelics, cold water, diet, breathing exercises, I even experienced an awakening and I still don't give a shit. Life is a senseless illusion, I'm tired of looking, as I've seen and done everything and it's still not worthwhile for me.

@jimwell In the past I was really fascinated by Leo, I watched tons of his videos, and now, the Mahasamadhi event that he described, or whatever the fuck it was showed me that I am on exact same level when it comes to spirituality as he is. I experienced this (whatever it was) too. And I made that progress in 2 years, that he did in 6 while living in America and being a millionaire when he started. I had nothing and I didn't go to any seminars, didn't meet any gurus, I did it all by myself, so he's not my idol or anything. He still doesn't see his god complex after all these years, that's my opinion. Yeah, dude, we get it, you are god, but at the same time - you're not. This thing, that I'm describing, maybe I was too prideful to prove you something, but it's just like that: you stop seeing people as people. You see their soul, who they really are. Why they do what they do. You start to see life as a movie, a theatre of life, like Marcus Aurelius puts it. Everyone is here just to play his role and you can see it clearly. That's what I meant. Abusive father, and his son, that even after all of this crap, that happened to him MADE IT AND BECAME A GENIUS! WOW! WHAT A GREAT STORY! Life / God is like a piece of art and battle between good and bad, yin and yang and it's just God playing with himself, having tons of fun with it. And it's all out of love, he fights, kills, rapes himself, betrays himself, just so he can then defeat himself FOR LOVE. He fights for it and discovers it's the only thing worth living over and over again. Plus - it's all just a dream and there is nothing really, it's all an illusion. Love and delusion are the same things, really, and I'm not being neurotic or anything here - the fact is, that life is just a movie that god created for himself to watch. When you become enlightened you probably are becoming aware of that 24/7, and you just enjoy the show and don't give a fuck about characters anymore. Clap, clap, clap. Truth isn't so beautiful, fancy, colorful, or whatever. The truth is, that there is only void aware of itself, trapped with itself, so it created this dream to amuse itself. And that's the only way reality can be, but that's another topic. And I don't understand it FULLY yet - if I did, I would be enlightened then. It's fucked up, but that's what it is. It's not that romantic, pretty, artistic, whatever to me. It's fucked up, it's just God deluding himself to not admit that he is alone and bored. But that's my personal opinion. Maybe after 5-MeO, you are becoming conscious that THIS IS SO FUCKING PERFECT!. So what? It's still an illusion, fancy one, maybe even THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ONE, so what? It's like masturbating to the most beautiful woman in the world. Ps. I watched just one of Spira's videos in my whole life.

@jimwell did you experience a spiritual awakening? that's the explanation of how everything EVERYTHING is love you either get it or you don't

@mandyjw Okkkkkk, that's deep.

@jimwell Look at this that way: everything is backward. Gandhi was the biggest egomaniac out there, just like all of the other people that serve humanity. Like, let's say, Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson - they witnessed spiritual awakening and they know what they are doing. Awakening shows you the truth - the more loving the soul of a person is, the worse person they are on our, human, ego level. It's selfless to beat your kid, it's the act of love because he will grow from that, become a stronger person, more independent, and more empathetic to people that suffer. I'm not sure if I can explain that to you because it's like telling someone - hey, look, the world is backward! Why do you think the most successful people are also kind, loving, genuine, etc.? They have a lot of love for themselves, they learn, study, work on their purpose, they help people. Saints are evil souls, evil people are saint souls. That's how it works. Example: some kid gets beaten by some bully in his school. This kid gets angry, starts working out, getting more manly, hitting on girls, etc. Bully did this for him, without knowing. His soul was so selfless, that it decided, that it will come to this world, just to play the role of a bully, so that some kid can hit on girls and get ripped. Do you get it?

@Inliytened1 Can you describe it or PM me Leo's description of that? I thought, that it's either Spira's description or solipsism is the correct answer, it turns out, it's something else that is true. I experienced this once in my life, I was looking around my room and felt like: ok, this is everything there is, that's all. That's why I thought, that solipsism is the answer. I never tripped on 5-MeO, I will work my courage up to get there, maybe it reveals more Truth. @Leo Gura Why is that, when we are acting like devils, but without knowing or having enough wisdom, we are still getting punished for that? It's a kinda cruel thing to do to yourself, I don't want to act like a devil or hurt anyone, but how can I be 100% sure that I am not doing that subconsciously or out of pure stupidity?

There is a thing. I remember talking to my friend, that is addicted to drugs, and he knows that. You can convince him in all the ways you want, but in the end, he will just say: "why the fuck not". And he knows about all of the negative influence that it does to his health. My question here is like that: I can already hear some of you talking: "If your dream is big enough, you will be able to say no to all of these "bad" things". The thing is - I'm in a similar spot, My mind is no longer my enemy, it gives me advice about not doing these things. Yet - I don't give a fuck in many cases and do these anyways. Why? I can't even dream of a bigger vision for my life. Is it because my goals are not palpable? Another approach to this topic is: remember where you came from and this should be your motivation. Yeah, but it has somehow backwards motivation effect on me because I am really fucking happy having nothing, after struggling with a lot of suffering and I do not need that much to be happy. How to motivate myself to push forward and do the stuff, that I should be doing? I need to defeat that final boss, final excuse named "Why the fuck not just stay like that?", "Why struggle, why work,"", etc.

@Leo Gura So, I am the only experience there is, you are just a part of it. Your experience does not exist. Only mine does. Right?

@Leo Gura Isn't it solipsism? Isn't it an egotistic way of looking at reality? This one sounds more convincing to me:

@Juliano Zn Imagine you are having a dream. You are a dreamer, so the dream is within your head. So, technically, your dream is you, because it's in your head.

So, there's a thing. I don't know if I'm bipolar or not, I always thought it's something natural and everyone thinks and feels that way. I thought that's just the way God and the Universe works, the battle between yin and yang and shit. I am not so sure about that right now. When I am creating my YouTube videos, I am constantly thinking about myself - should I do them the more mature way, put more emphasis on excellence, let's say, perfectionistic, beautiful, excellent, wise, representing high values etc., or just let go, be goofy, be normal, fit in. It might have something to do with a) society brainwashing and deeply rooted want to fit in b) maturity process and shedding myself from old values and childish behaviours c) I'm fucking bipolar lol. For way too long I allowed myself for this kind of battle with myself, not sure if I can still tolerate that shit. It's really, really frustrating, tiring and counterproductive. Any ideas? I was talking to one astrologist, and he told me that it's part of my personality, battle between being myself and need to fit in. I wanted to fit in for way too fucking long and I wasted years of my life for that, I'm done. I feel like Richard Feynman / Gregory House, they were acting like cool guys just to be liked/fit into the society. I don't want to do that, but I think I have to if I want to somehow be part of society and to accomplish anything in life. What is more, I live in Poland, where people still live in medieval times. My mother is a narcissistic idiot. Fuck randomness. I will work my ass off to move to the United States as soon as possible, but it's not that simple, I have to kiss a lot of asses to get there, pump dumb "smart" people's egos. And it takes time. I need something right now. What do you guys think? Maybe I am missing something? What it really is, that thing?

@Leo Gura So, from what I understand, Mahasamadhi is being presented to you, after you do all the work that was to do and experience for this life, and you can leave and die. It is up to you if you want to leave or stay and enjoy this dream more. Am I right?

@Leo Gura Fuck me, that's art. That makes perfect sense, But at the same time, it's really sad, that God is all alone and there is nothing that he can do about it, other than deluding himself, sigh.

@Leo Gura Let's say, that this is how it works. Our Universe is the biggest farse and theatre that ever existed, it's so complex and multidimensional and complicated, just so that God could delude himself into believing that it's all true. But why he does it over and over again? Just out of boredom? That would make him a masochist (or sadist, depends on how you look at it) to enjoy watching all of this shit. Btw - isn't it strange, that the happier version of existence, is when you are fully disciplined, just acting like a robot, doing the same things over and over again, just better each time? I don't get it, why would that be the best dream to dream, what a stupid imagination. Life is fucking bizarre lol

@Average Investor That is really a piece of awesome advice, I already am working on that one. I was way too soft with just cutting off people, that were just too dumb for me, that sounds harsh, but that was my reality. @SamueLSD Yeah, that might be the case. What meditation technique do you recommend? I tried a lot of them, but never really stayed with one of them, for a longer period of time (I think focusing on breathing would be my favourite one, if I had to choose). I'll watch Leo's videos about that topic for sure too.

Fuck it, move on, the person that does that kind of nasty shit is not a good person and it will take him years to develop beyond that. Just leave.

@Chumbimba Great stuff man! How did it happen? Was it like - you felt these old emotions, or you observed your thoughts and you recognized them as something else, that you thought they are? Nevertheless, great job dude, admitting these kinds of things to yourself (and on a forum) is something admirable.

What is this need or should thing about?

I just watched a video about a 5-MeO trip. Also - my intuition is telling me two things that I will have to experience in my near future are 1. bad trip and 2. my mother's death (which may be just metaphorical and in nature, it just means that a man is grown up and developed). I am terrified about having a bad trip, the last one, about 2 years ago I almost went crazy. I got into a loop and I couldn't go out, I was battling with myself, you get it, god vs god, etc. I also had a glimpse of enlightenment. That was 2 years ago and only now I am understanding that and what it was all about.

I don't know about 5-MeO, this might be too much for me now, and I do not have access to that kind of stuff. I will start with Nahm, thank you for your advice.

I have a dream board. I meditate 1 hour as the first thing in the morning. I want to be a cool, smart guy, living in New York with a smart, cool girl. I also am writing these 10 things, that you are mentioning, being grateful for things in the future. Yet, somehow, I still feel boreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed with all of that and I find myself not giving enough fucks.

I understand it that way: God is this all-seeing eye, that just perceives that dream, which is everything, and our perception is a part of it, that this awareness perceives, I experienced it, I get it. I don't get this: If I am just a part of God's dream, why would I want to let go of control and let him dream whatever he wants? I get it - I am him, he wants the best for me, but really? When I dream at night, the dream is still me, because it's in my head, I get it. But I can dream about a girl murdering rabbits, or whatever, and what if I am just one of these rabbits for him? Just let go and experience the massacre? Let him do whatever he wants to do? Is there anything the character in a dream can choose or he is just a puppet, a part of an infinite, perfect dream, which includes fuckedupness too? If I would know, that the girl in a dream is me, I would never want her to suffer, which means - when I am aware of the fact, that the God's dream is me, that means, that when I let go, my dream will be just what I want, the perfect life, dream life?