28 cm unbuffed

@dflores321 Thank you for your kind words, for real. In my situation, it's not really about emotions, at least - I don't think it is. Or maybe, I became too "disconeected", because of the amount of work, that I put on myself. I don't know, I had depression episodes a lot of times before in my past, but this time it's something different. And I have no clue what the hell it is, I really don't. I feel like it's because of lack of a deep connection with anyone, I have no true friend or a girlfriend right now, that might be the cause. Once again, thank you for your message

I remember, when I first discovered self-development, man, it was like landing on a Moon. Enlightenment? Wow, that sounds amazing, I want to achieve that, damn. Listening to spiritual teachers, gurus, gathering knowledge like crazy. Meditation, psychedelics, yoga, books, woooooooow. Don't get me wrong, these things are still pretty cool for me, yet, there is one thing, that I am not that excited about - my life purpose, precisely - my dharma. I thought, that I want to become a teacher, YouTube creative, artist, guru, name it however you want. The perfect plan for a perfect life. And it's something natural for me, for real. I am great at teaching, I just flow with that, and I was never taking lessons about "how to teach", I just do, I just feel people. Yet, there is one thing - I don't like it that much. I'm pretty sure it's my dharma, I can do it, using simple language, being funny, with no effort, just flowing with that. So what? If you are black and tall you have to play basketball? Do you remember John Wick? He just wanted a simple, easy life, with his family, yet, Universe wanted him to be a serial killer and he hated that. I'm pretty pissed off, that when I was in my 20's (29 now) I should've become a rapper, that would be fucking cool. Being a teacher isn't cool. I know I sound like an angry, ungrateful little boy, but I don't know, something doesn't click for me here. Have any of you encounter that kind of problem?

@DIDego In regards to balancing feminine and masculine - it's perfectly natural for a women to do things, because "this is what I felt was good", etc. There's nothing bad about, but there are limits to this approach, when you are doing only the things like that and f.e you don't brush your teeth, because "you didn't feel like that", you get it? Men have to be more grounded, realistic and strategically thinking. I'm not even sure, if that is really men/women issue, or what I mean by that, it's just about finding a balance. About being open emotionally, understanding women, etc, it's something that was my problem for some time, I was really immature, but it's all fine right now. Teal is great. If you need english lessons, pm me, we can arrange a Skype call. @SirVladimir Yeah, I am recognizing what is going on with me right now. After my dark night of the soul experience and spiritual awakening, I had to isolate myself and really work with what happened, that was really traumatizing experience and I went through something like PTSD. I am working on moving on one step forward every day. @John Lula My mind is not that noisy, it's a silent voice in a background, which I ignore more and more. The problem is, when you are loving yourself more and more, your mind is starting to be your ally, and my ignorance is working against me sometimes, as I said, I need some courage to get back to reality after what happened to me lately. Thank you all guys, for your help and kind words

I'm not really sure, if all of that is a depression, ending stage of my old self and my old life or something else. And by something else, I mean - I was a dreamer, I was doing tons of dumb, girly stuff, and I had to hit rock bottom to realize all of that. I purified myself of feelings, which you can't really rely on as a man. And it's strange because life seems somehow empty right now, goals are like checks from a to-do list, it works a lot better and it's not a fantasy world anymore, yet, something's missing here (my soul) and I can't seem to find it.

@supremeyingyang They did not start yet, and yeah, I'm taking a slower approach this time, I reached flow state some time ago and I trust in that, not forcing anything. I'm thinking about micro-dosing for some time when I'll get my hands on it and my therapy will progress further. I am also having my own place next month so I can finally get into dating seriously. Not that motivated about all of that stuff, but I can recognize, that it's just a stage. @DIDego Thank you, man, I'm sure, that it's great stuff, but I have no idea about the background of this man and it's really long audio, it just doesn't resonate with me.

@supremeyingyang I am going to therapy and thinking about getting some LSD to make the process faster. Right now it sucks, because I have no energy and motivation to do anything, life is a chore atm.

@datamonster @supremeyingyang I am still learning to be more compassionate and helpful, I am on a good way towards that, my ego is somehow getting that. I mean - I can clearly see, how karma works and how Universe is giving me opportunities to help myself by helping others, there are tons of it. It's almost poetic, how it all clicks together. When I said that "I'm a selfish little prick" I meant that more in a way to be realistic about my character, not in a cocky way. I am the only child, I am very narcissistic, there's a lot of it. @Oliver Saavedra I was wondering yesterday - the process that I am going through is similar to the one that Aaron Abke is describing on his channel, I am after Spiritual Awakening and from what I understood, after all of that, he got enlightened at the end of it. For some time, I thought, that it's one-time shadow integration/healing - dark night circle, but I started wondering - maybe it's something you go through multiple times in your life when you evolve to next level of consciousness, f.e - I am going into Orange right now, after that, I will go through the same shit to evolve to Green, etc. Yet - I am not sure, my heart chakra is open, maybe I am not the good/soft/compassionate guy, and that's my nature aka evil heart lol. Like Walter White's "awakening". I'm not going to do any evil or anything like that, but you get what I'm saying.

@DIDego Thank you for the love man, I'll try my best when I'll be able to. Right now I am going through the so-called spiritual depression episode, after my dark night, which is something that just occurs from what I know, so you can go into the next stage of your life. Not sure what to do about it, I am so confused, because right now, after 29 years of living on Earth I realized that I had depression for most of my life. What the fuck, how does life look like on the other side of this shit?

@Espaim Yeah, I know, self-development is an endless journey, you can always learn something and evolve, yet, I somehow got bored of it and am not that passionate about it atm. Looking for a "next great thing" that I will get ignited by again

Yea Exurb1a is brilliant but also somehow a lost soul

Devil is in all of us

@Oliver Saavedra Yeah, I already tried doing YouTube, talking head stuff, mixing it with some humor, etc. Dunno, not sure about it. Everything about self-development was said already, nothing to teach, I mean, umm - there were times in my life, that I just knew that this is something I should be focused on about, fuck everything else. Just a massive burst of inspiration, motivation, and drive. I feel like, my self-development stage of life is ending and it's time for something new, yet, I don't know what it is yet, but fuck courses, analyzing, strategizing, this time I'm trusting the Tao.

Short note - I don't give a fuck about changing a world and making an impact. I don't give a fuck about other people, to be honest, I'm a selfish little prick. I'm an Aquarius - I first heard that from some astrology guy, that when I help people, I help myself. I tried that, maybe that's karma or some shit, or that's just how the Universe works, but yeah, it fucking works. And it's magic, metaphysics, energy, whatever. But it's like sucking cock for money, just because of the fact, that I like money lol

@Justine Fuck it drop some acid For real tho - try with a small dose and see what happens P.S can you send me any of your other photos? we are friends, remember?

@Stenne Yeah, dude, it works, listen to me! (Fun fact - life doesn't work like that, you have to find out for yourself)

@Chumbimba Why do you feel angry about that?

It helps to raise your vibration, become more masculine, have more energy and motivation for sure. You can use that energy however you fucking want if @Leo Gura prefers to use it to jerk off, it's his choice, lol. I'm not judging, demonizing or whatever, sometimes I am too horny and just jerk off, just as sometimes I am bored and drink alcohol. Still - both of these activities are useless / are not the smartest choices you can make. He didn't go for his Mahasamadhi / Enlightenment / Whatever the fuck it was, because he prefered to jerk off (he told it himself in his video). Why do you still listen to him in regards to that topic? lmao

@Yarco @Recursoinominado I bought that course for 10£ from some guy on Reddit, just to check it out. He is pure orange, he is cocky and arrogant as fuck, but so am I, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I'll put some information about that course, when I'll get more into it, for now, he is not as bad as you would suppose he is. He likes to act cocky sometimes, but even in his first lesson, he talks about honesty, being loyal, authenticity, and self-reliance. He has a lot of good qualities and his course is not a pure scam or money machine like you would think it is. Maybe he just loves to make money and that's his thing? I'm tired of judging people.

Have any of you tried it for yourself? At this stage of my life, I want to create financial freedom for myself, and I'm thinking it's a good idea to follow that program. I'm interested in the opinions of people, that have already tried it. Is it really that good? What other resources do you recommend on that topic? Thank you in advance!

@Artsu @Chumbimba That's a terrible post, man, for real. First, you are saying to him, that his job sucks. Then, about you founding your own answer, without giving him any advice. First of all - when you will bitch out about your job, it will not help you at all, it will make you miserable and bitching about how unlucky you are and unjust the world is. The key is to accept your situation as it is and move on from there. I don't really like Jordan Peterson, but he was right, saying, that you have to prove yourself, anywhere you work, always do your best, that will train you for future situations and future jobs. His first job was a dishwasher, and he gave his best, even there. I agree, brainwashing people to buy your products is not the best thing to do in the world, but you will never leave that place without money, that they are paying you. Vicious circle, but you don't really have much choice, do you?

@Raptorsin7 Try that for relaxation: It helped me a lot, in just couple of days, good luck!

@Chumbimba Also, gratitude is something you have to focus on. I also had a 9-5 job which I didn't appreciate. It was an easy and well-paid job, in a big city, yet, I was too arrogant to be thankful for that. Corona showed me my place and now I work for minimum wage in work that makes me want to kill myself just thinking about how dumb I was. Start a gratitude journal, that should help. That practice alone will make you realize, how lucky you are, just having something to eat, a place to live, being healthy. You could be born without legs, diagnosed with cancer, you name it. Even looking from a metaphysical / Actualized.org perspective - Universe is infinite, you could incarnate as a fly eating shit and die in 2 days. Be grateful for what you have and live your life to the fullest!

@Gesundheit That's just a cortisol addiction, your body and mind were conditioned, that you need some trigger or some temporary high to get results. That was a backwards motivation, out of desperation, running away from something, not after something. That's being a rat, not a human. I get that, I have fucked up past behind me too, like the worst shit, trust me. You get the best results when you are fully peaceful, relaxed, one with reality and in a flow state, watch Michael Jordan's interviews about that f.e, he calls it "being in a zone". When you can get that state for hours and get one with nature, man, you are going to get great results in life. Good luck!

@Gesundheit empty mind is actually something great that many people work years for, you should be grateful for that. Now, when you're mind is empty, let go, let the God/flow/life do the work through you and see what happens. Trust, that it knows better than you and your ego-mind, about what you really want and love. Watch the character performing it's act and trust that it will lead you, to where you ultimately want to be. That it's intelligence is much more powerful than yours. See miracles in your life. Let go, start doing, let it flow.

@Gesundheit that's something granted, it's fascinating and all, but I would not focus on it, as it will happen anyway, right?