lightnessofbeing

@Alex_R thank you

Hi there ? About 10 years ago i suffered a severe episode of depression after a series of loses that caused a protracted crisis and a lot of questioning into the nature of self and reality . Things started to feel pristine but empty of substance including myself . I experienced a shattering of the ego self and a tremendous amount of fear arose that i resisted until i didnt. It felt like dying and letting go into that great annihilating Void. Thats where Peace came and Joy came in . At that point I studied Adyashanti ,Ken Wilber , Stan Grof and othes. Meanwile i was put on antidepressant meds for several months until something clicked into my mind and i became manic. I had effortless God consiousness ,realizing I and Everyone /Everything as That ,sleeping too little , having a tremendously hedonic energy flowing through my body , creativity etc. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and put on mood stabilizers from then on . I have a love/hate relatioship with meds like these. From time to time i quit taking them cause i reframe my experiences as stages of the spiritual path and not psychosis . From my ego death and on i just cant seem to be able to rebuilt a solid sense of self that can be 'normally ' functional into the society . I work from time to time , i managed to make a family , but i just cannot find the motivation to reestablish myself into the dream i left at 2012. I just cannot believe in the solidity of the physical world and fully engage with it as the immanent God that I Am. Embodiment seems a great challenge and i wonder what my meds are doing for me or preventing me from doing . From time to time i just feel a pull to a great Silence where everything (incuding my child ) seem unimportant ,meaningless and second hand byproducts of the Godhead . At that point i crave for death to liberate me cause i just can't seem to be able to stay for a long time at God -Immanent mode . Again, and i conclude with a question for you all , what do you think of the psych meds and the path .For those who are taking them and pursue enlightenment: how do the benefit or not from them ? Thanks for reading

@egoeimai if you are interested in pm with me let me know ! I am! ??

@Preety_India thanks!?

Hi girls/women! I am a mid-thirties heterosexual new mom living in Athens (marousi)with my partner and 7month son looking for potential long term friendship with a woman (preferably also a mother ) who is into consciousness/enlightenment and psychology work a lot, politically at least liberal feminist. Due to the current state of covid precautions and having relatively little free time , i am available for meeting up once a week (it also depends where u live!) but if we match up i'm also into messaging and phone/video calling more often. If you are interested please pm me for more!

@cetus56 thanks

@Preety_India thank you. Very compassionate and wise response.

@Nahm did you just compare a human being that perpetrated rape multiple times with a stove? This is beyond my comprehension . You cannot reason with an object but with a human being I hope you can. Otherwise nice quote. @Nahm @Nahm @Nahm

Hello fellow psychonauts Just watched Self Love episode and struggling with past rape trauma.Few years ago I was in a relationship with a relatively loving man. At some point in our four year relationship I had severe depression during which I had zero libido. He pursued sex with me multiple times during which I was crying from the beginning till the end of the act, then going to the bathroom vomiting and crying. I knew he enjoyed my pain and felt hurt, but could not stop him because at the moment my self love was totally absent. At the same time I could really empathize with his sadistic side, even love him at his lowest point. When recovered, I never talked to him about these painful experiences, but broke up with him instead. Still, my pain, confusion, guilt, shame and anger are not resolved.My question for you is, how do I reconcile Self Love with bitterness for him and myself (for not setting boundaries) ? I do not want to keep being trapped in past pain but find it hard to forgive. I sometimes have fantasies or revenge. Not violent revenge, just doing something, maybe confronting him or going public with his name. Please help. Thank you for your time.

A hedonic electricity strikes my body from head to feet. The absolute symptom of diviness shines through. All tears were well deserved for this moment. Every challenge was just right. Every frenetic journey of the mind is now destroyed into the fire of Completion. I arrive at the peak of my inner mountain ecstatic and spellbound by the view. Nobody, not even death, cannot destroy this prehistoric Miracle of Mine. I’m One With All , every gaze I look I see myself, every bird , every shadow, every dream and every nightmare, ME, recognized, shining through, sitting on the inner Rock of Solitude, admiring my wondrous work! I am the One Unseen Unfathomable and Unbroken . A sweet, divine pride strikes my body! An unspeakable Bliss caresses me! For this moment I lived thousands of agonizing lives. This is the highest bliss, the recognition of Self as profound Love and Divine Lust, the recognition of Self as the everpresent Awareness , timeless time and spaceless space!

Louis Lambert by Honore de Balzac !

Yes, maybe i could gradually turn my studying into meditation, thank you@Ludwig

Good evening dear actualized friends! I want to ask you for any tips because after my meditation my awareness is too much disidentified with my cognitive aparratus and i find it difficult to concentrate on my studying! Any tips? Thank you

Athens, best regards to all from Greece!

the poet Jalaluddin Rumi “The way of love is not a subtle argument. The door there is devastation. Birds make great sky-circles of their freedom. How do they learn it? They fall, and falling, they're given wings.”