Preety_India

What if I love my stalker knowing and being aware that he can kill me in a fit of rage. Would it be unhealthy? Would it be a sin to love such a person? Leo talks about ideal love and how the other person's selfishness should be accepted. What if I develop deep sexual intimacy and deep mental/emotional intimacy with my stalker and fall in love with him and not care about how dangerous he can be.

@Vincent S @Arthogaan I'm an emotional person. I give value to emotions. When someone is having an emotional outburst, I don't judge it negatively. Why is everyone so nerdy on this forum? If anyone expressed emotions, they are judged as juvenile, childish and low conscious. I find this seriously detrimental. Being expressive and emotional, I find it very liberating and open minded, speaking from the heart. I don't think it's childish or low conscious at all. It's just another mode of expression. Spirituality can be what you make of it and what it means to you. It's not that if you're spiritual, you should look like a mango tree all the time. You can be a bubbly, highly expressive, animated, emotionally raw, charged and still be high conscious and spiritual? Really who decides all these rules around what is spiritual and what's not? Isn't this just another bias and another form of moralizing I want to rebel and break this ceiling that you have to act and behave like a Saint/Yogi to be spiritual. It is smothering me.

@ZenAlex you made really great points. I'll address them in a while.

@ZenAlex exactly that's what I do. I first screen to see if the guy is cocky. This happens mentally and subconsciously. But over time if he is simply cocky for being cocky and I don't see any worth or logical substance to his arguments, ideas, thoughts and actions, then his cockiness is no longer attractive or is fake. Cockiness is great as a surface level trait for attraction. But beneath the cockiness if he lacks substance, then that would be laughable. He should be cocky but that pride should come with substance. Also genuinely confident men who aren't cocky necessarily are also attractive but this attractiveness doesn't build up lightening fast as it does with cocky men, this attraction builds over time.

@integral should I be honest about what attracts me or should I be dishonest? I am never attracted to guys who don't stand up, who don't confront, who are always staying too passive, submissive, who are easily nervous/scared, who don't initiate, who don't lead/dominate, who listen to everything that is said to them, who say yes to everything, who stand behind the woman like a slave, who fail to protect, who don't challenge her, who don't stare her down but look away or look down, who are nerdy, or too insecure and impatient, say stupid things just to appear smart, are overly aggressive/insecure, unnecessarily critical, who can't fight, who can't say no, who are too shy, who are afraid of conflict or too peaceful. Sorry if the man is passive and agrees to everything I say, I don't feel stimulated. I find him lacking in confidence and cowardly. It doesn't attract me. I don't see strength in him. I find such men weak and docile and that doesn't make me want them. They don't look exciting to me. They don't inspire stimulation and excitement. They get me bored. Even if it's a genuinely nice guy. On the other hand men who are too bossy and patriarchal seem very uptight and aggressive and insecure to me. Like I have to bend to their demands. Nope. Such men repel me because they don't allow the woman to be a woman, they consume all space. The middle ground is a cocky guy who is not overly dominating (not like the big old patriarchal preachy guy) who is dominating enough to maintain polarity but allows room for me to act out my feminine desires and gives space for my mistakes and deficit. The patriarchal guy is overly judgemental and I don't want to feel like I'm in a prison. I don't like overly aggressive guys because that shows they are too insecure and vapidly dominating me for their ego. If a guy dominates me, he should do this with some grace and substance, something that I can respect. He shouldn't present frivolous challenges. That would make me lose respect. If he does challenge me, it should have some substance to it. I want to be able to admire the guy. I want to look at him in awe and be inspired by him. So if he is cocky, it shouldn't be vacuous or shallow or empty cockiness/false pride/ego without character/depth/substance. He should be cocky definitely but have some substance to back up his cockiness. I want to look at him in awe and I want to admire him enough to feel attracted and fall in love. Seeing his confidence should make my knees go weak. So cocky is fine as long as it's backed by real confidence, raw courage, trustworthy behavior and substance to his pride. Empty confidence and over confidence appears fake and farcical and suggests over compensation, "wanna be", "trying too hard" and reeks of insecurity and immaturity.

@Batman language is used to describe what exists.

Was a good thing overall I did feel a bit nauseous though Caffeine - —-->fun fun —--> ice water—-->fun fun —--> lemon juice ——> fun fun —--> trip complete.

omg yeah. That's how I can describe it. I felt intense synchronicity and then I could have these psychic downloads about myself. I could feel things around me, my thoughts were clearer and Lucid. I can easily tell the difference when I have taken a dose of caffeine for the whole day (I keep sipping every 2 hours till the whole day) The effect lasts up to few hours to a full day. And my thoughts and mental state are very different from the days when I'm not on caffeine.. The adrenaline is obvious so I take few sips so that it doesn't shoot. Tolerance grows slowly. Now the effects are these Alert state Synchronicity Brings euphoric feelings Reduces my depression a bit Controls my bpd on the worst days Causes crashes due to high energy state during comedown Excessive sleep during withdrawal /deep sleep /almost crash sleep Giddy "high" Clearer thoughts Hyper awareness Able to sync with my inner feelings/thoughts better Repressed emotions/thoughts tend to flow out Sleeplessness in the beginning. But later it's okay. Past two days whole did caffeine and had much more clarity in my thoughts. Like I could really bring it to the surface what my heart really wanted. Couldn't achieve that before.

Good

Human stage Threeness Demons and Gods are same.

A glimpse into the world of nothingness

A bit of OCD. Take breaks. Separate information time and implementation time. Give your brain a rest every now and then. Walk in nature. Consume limited info everyday to avoid burnout. Get good sleep. Listen to music to wire the brain back.

I don't like it. Gross.

Discovered You can't invent something that already exists

Hehe how did you do that

I remained on the floor.. On the floor. And then the whole the whole. The whole the whole the whole The whole The whole thing. The whole sky. Blue. Light blue Calm Skyline Me under blanket I see outside And it was..... Outside I was hiding I was wondering I was looking. I was peeping

It's ok. This too shall pass I remained at sea. It was a long deck. Like a long thing. Can't describe. But I could see something stretching long, the floor below me.

I tried to forgive the one that tried to rape me. I'm not a rape victim. The blanket meant protection of my body

The dream wasn't a good one. There was hurricane. I'm in the comedown right now. There was a storm I lived near it. Someone offered me shelter. I didn't want my family. I saw them as torture Near the Storm it was good. I was living near the sea. I could see sea gulls hovering. I remained tucked under a blanket. Trying to protect. Trying not to hurt.

I feel love. Love for everyone.

I was buying fish pendants in the dream

@BuddhistLover the trip told me that when I wake up I'll see/meet an angel I woke up now and saw you in my journal. You are that angel.

@BuddhistLover I love you

Time to sign out and go to sleep. I feel like I am crashing. Too tired. Goodnight.

@Manusia agree.