Preety_India

My third boyfriend In one sexy night Joseph stole my heart away. I began dreaming of him, both in the day and in the night. He would text me non stop at night. Mostly sex chats. Every night was Joseph's night. I had lost myself. I had completely surrendered myself to Joseph. If he had told me to kill myself, I would do that too. I was in a haze. I was in clouds. His love was filling me.

Life in America. One night I was sitting alone in my bed. I received a text on my phone. I asked who was it. The message read "Joseph." I was a bit in a hippy mood. We chatted for some time. And then I told Joseph that I have to sleep. A few days later I again received a text from Joseph. This time he said that he wanted to kiss me. I felt aroused by this text from him. I have to admit I felt wet very instantly. I started typing some gibberish. And soon we were sexting. I began to masturbate, just touching myself. He said he was masturbating too. He wasn't dirty. There was something about Joseph that drew me to him. He wasn't even trying to flirt. A raw sense of romance. I felt intensely close to Joseph. I am such an introverted shy person that I would have never responded this way to anyone. But something about Joseph that was bringing me closer to him with every text. I couldn't resist. It's as though I knew Joseph since a very long time when I hadn't even met him. I felt like a voice from the grave was telling me that I knew Joseph already. Someone I knew in my past birth, maybe in my past life, my past Reincarnation I was with Joseph. I felt intense pain and sadness and at the same time intense euphoria. I was very wet. Just drenched wet. He ejaculated and told me that he was all over the place. He was very happy and giddy. He just wouldn't stop gushing about how much he enjoyed it I was happy too. I had never felt like this before. That night was the sexiest night of my life. I had never orgasmed so much. I had never been this wet. The bed was wet. I drifted into sleep, I slept like a baby. I felt like Joseph was tucking me in bed. The last text he sent was "I wanna fuck your brains out."

Life in America So I kinda figured a way to deal with the American restaurant problem. I saw something on the side that I was unconsciously gorging on while watching the TV screen in the restaurant. It was French Fries. Yay. Hurraaaaaaah!! At least something I can eat The next time we went to an American restaurant as a family, I ordered loads and loads of French fries. Just a lot. That was a good fix. One day I was sitting in a bar in Austin. I read the menu as usual knowing that eventually I was gonna order French fries that were always served as a side dish, but somehow I adopted French fries as my main dish. So I was casually reading the menu and there were some fancy cocktail and mocktail names. I didn't know back then what a cocktail or mocktail really was.. I had never drank anything in my life before except a pint of beer and maybe some wine in a bygone time.. I saw something called a Martini. The name sounded pretty, like a girl's name, Martina / Martini, it definitely sounded like something a girl would drink. And the picture on the menu looked very cute. A nice stylish conical glass with some olives on top decorating it. I decided this is it. With some French fries of course.. I also ordered some fish just to try. The waiter served me as usual. They would give me a weird look because I would specifically ask for French fries, more and more and more... I must have been the first customer in their history to have been so obsessed with French fries. So the martini arrived in a nice glass. It was blue in color. I was wearing a tight blue dress. I had a very curvy voluptuous body and the dress was a bit tight on me. It was a like prom dress that reached up to my knee. Everyone in the restaurant was looking at me. Maybe I was looking too uncomfortable in a tight dress. Or maybe I just wasn't dressed right.. Because everyone was just casually dressed in t shirt and jeans. I was the only one who liked I was there to dance on the floor. Plus I had make up on. Back then I was weird with makeup. I would be done up like a doll. So I must have looked like a clown in that restaurant. I mean when you come to another country you feel like you are on vacation and you want to be overly dressed because every night is like a party night. But the original inhabitants of the country find it awkward to see you all dressed up and done up like you are attending a Cinderella Ball. The Martini was sparkly blue in color. But they put a cover on top. I didn't understand what this cover was all about. There was no straw. I didnt know what to do with this. I looked helplessly at the waiter. What to do with this. Holy shit. Instead of embarrassing myself by asking them how to drink a martini, I decide to go ahead and drink it. As soon as I lifted the glass up and bent it, the martini spilled out of the glass and onto my blue dress. All of it. There was only little to begin with. I couldn't understand what happened. The waiter came and cleaned the table and I felt extremely embarrassed to have wetted my dress. Then I just sat there and ate the French fries. The fish was okay but it smelled and it was stale. I was also wearing heels on top of a super tight dress. My breasts were falling out of my dress. Why oh why I decided to wear heels!! I never wore heels before. I was walking very awkwardly making screeching sounds and constantly trying to gather myself. After that day, I never ordered a martini again. Aww.

Life in America I didn't take much of a liking to American food. I went to expensive hotels and American restaurants and I used to sit there gazing at the ceiling, because there wasn't much for me on the menu. I mean... Everything contained either bacon or beef. I never ate any of that.. So we went to a restaurant in downtown Houston and I told the waiter there to serve me anything that didn't contain bacon or beef in it. He brought me a bowl of salad and some raw veggies.. Big big lettuce leaves and no sugar or salt. No oil. No nothing. Just raw veggies. Totally bland and tasteless. I started chewing the veggies and it took forever. I felt like I was a deer on a diet. I was used to all the spicy food at home. So this tasteless food left me with a weird feeling. But anyway I had some tricks up my sleeve. Of course there are Indian restaurants as well. But you don't come all the way to America to eat Indian food!!! You know what I mean

Life in America So I was in Houston. We were living in an apartment on Katy Freeway. . All I had to do was nothing. My conference was immediately cancelled on account of some emergency . I was wondering what's going on. And now the only option was to follow my family.. We moved in to Hilton Hotels Houston. We stayed there for 2 weeks. We just didn't know what was going to happen. We had been living in a safe and wonderful upscale neighborhood in downtown Houston before moving into the Hotel. Now our life was uncertain in a new country, America. I love America. Especially American people. I was instantly friendly with a lot of American people who lived in my apartment. I developed a fetish for American people frankly. I don't like America as much as I like Americans.. Americans are lovely to look at. Fat, thin, tall, short, whatever, they always smiled at me and that always made me happy. I had never lived in a ghetto in America. So I don't know much about the ghetto life that everyone talks about. There is something in America called the trailer park and I'm not very sure what that is. But many people say that these are places where you don't see a lot of decent folks One thing I quickly learned about America is that only the rich can have an affordable and a dignified life there. America is not for poor people. Poor people just try to fit themselves in there. Anyway... I will always and forever have a loving relationship with Americans. After all its the country that gave me the most important love of my life - Joseph And I will always be grateful to America for that. A big Namaste to America from Preety

Finishing Chapter with Bud. I flew to Houston for my conference work there. I was happy in a new country and a new environment. I had to forget Bud. It was painful and I cried for many days and months over it. It was the worst betrayal of my life. Life in America

My second boyfriend The truth dawned on me for the first time that a man that I had worked so hard for, a man I wanted to be with, a man with whom I was trying to make things work at any cost, a man I had generously helped both emotionally and financially, a man I had sex with, a man I was holding on to to be with forever, a man who I considered my lover, my friend, my soulmate had put a knife in my back. Bud had stabbed my heart. This hurt even more than the abuse and Gaslighting I had endured in the relationship. I told Bud it was over. I had no words to describe my pain It wasn't okay for Bud to not be honest with me The month of June was the last time I had a conversation with Bud. It was over.

My second boyfriend My cousin looked at me and said "Preety hun, why are you doing this to yourself. This guy is not good for you. He doesn't even talk about marriage. He is wishy washy. He avoided my question. He gave me a frivolous excuse for not meeting us. This is not okay. He shows no signs of committing to this relationship. He is simply playing with you. He is player. You don't need this. You can do better than this. " You need to drop this guy from your life. He is playing you. What she said echoed in my ears for hours. I was in tears. But deep down I knew it was the truth. For so long I had been dreaming about a life with Bud, but he wasn't dreaming that. He was only using me for sex and money. Thats all there was to it. Yet another betrayal Broken hearted yet again.. I trusted Bud. I believed his words. Bud used to tell me that we would be together forever. That he was my soulmate. That we would never separate no matter what. Bud was a visual illusion. A mirage. His words were hollow. His promises empty. He never wanted to make good on his words. He was simply an image. He was not my soulmate.

My second boyfriend Then she said "well then let's make wedding arrangements. It's not too early." She had a serious look on her face. She looked at me. She said "well call him. Tell him we are here. Tell him to meet us. We will discuss marriage plans. Let we see this guy. We need to see him. We need to get a good look.see if he is suitable for you." I called Bud. I still had a scintilla of hope that things between me and Bud will work out. I still dreamed of marrying him. Being with him. Getting over our past. Mending things. Making our relationship work. So I called him Bud said some gibberish and I handed the phone to my cousin. She was speaking with Bud I tried to read her expressions. She didn't sound delighted. After the phone conversation was over, she looked at me in dismay...

My second boyfriend I told Bud to go home that day The conversation was over. Knowing that he did everything on purpose was very traumatizing for me. This was not him acting on impulse. This was him putting a concerted effort into Gaslighting me. I wanted to be done with him for good March, April and May were uneventful. I mostly avoided Bud. I had an aunt and a cousin who lives in Seattle, Washington. They came to visit my mom in June. They are a big family. They are always a big presence at weddings. They came and I felt a bit warm and then my cousin sat down to talk. I told her about Bud.

My second boyfriend So I ask Bud. Why did you do this to me. Why did you harass me so much? If we are going to get married, why all this drama? What was the purpose? Tell me the truth? Bud took a breath. He was uncomfortable. Uncertain. He just looked around. Now was confrontation time. Then he looked down. He couldn't look me in the eye. And he said, "I wanted you to marry some other guy. I wanted you to find a better man. Someone better than me. I felt like I didn't deserve you. You needed better." I instantly snapped. "no Bud. That's not true at all. You're lying. You're lying. You are bullshitting me. If you really wanted me to marry some other guy, you would have just told me straight to my face. I know you could have easily done that. This isn't the reason. You are lying and fooling me. You did all of this because you wanted me out. You wanted me gone. I wasn't gonna let you go. I was holding on to you. You were stressed because you had to marry me. You couldn't have turned down my mother. You couldn't show face to her. You would have questions to answer. You wanted to evade responsibility. You only wanted this relationship for sex and company. And when it was time for commitment you decided you were going to drop me from your life. You are a coward and so you couldn't do it yourself. You didn't want to be the reason for the break up. You didn't want to break it yourself. You wanted me to break it. Even if I believe that whatever you did was for the reasons you gave, then it doesn't make sense to torture someone you love to the point that they are hospitalized. You are a piece of shit Bud. Whatever you did to me was pure evil. "

My second boyfriend It was January. I was trying to recover from liver damage. I was seriously thinking about breaking up with Bud. One piece of advice, a golden nugget I can draw from this period is "when something doesn't feel right, it mostly probably isn't."... Believe your gut instincts, especially if you are a woman. I was avoiding Bud for the entire month of January. It was February. It was my birthday on February 21st. Bud said that he wanted to meet me. Maybe he was feeling guilty about me avoiding him. So he came over to my place. He sat there. He got me some jewelry as a gift for my birthday. We celebrated and cut the cake and then we were just sitting on the bed. Just staring at each other. And I was really uncomfortable. I had things to ask him.

My second boyfriend After I came home from the hospital, I decided to not talk to Bud. I texted him and told him everything about my hospitalization. He told me that I was lying. I then handed the phone to my mom and let her speak with Bud. My mom told Bud that I was very ill and I had fainted and taken to the hospital at which point Bud simply said that he was too busy and hung up. Throughout December after the hospital incident I avoided Bud. It was January next year.

My second boyfriend I woke up in the hospital where they told me that my liver suffered damage and that caused me to suffer delirium. I was then taken to a psychiatrist who asked me a bunch of questions and asked if I was under any form of stress. I told her that I had been stressed out the past couple of days because of my relationship. After some conversations with her, she wrote me some prescriptions for depression and stress and told me to get some good rest. She told me to avoid any form of stress. This was November last week.

My second boyfriend Even simple conversations with Bud turned into nightmares. He would turn a simple thing into a long winded argument and then start verbally attacking me with mean comments and constant blaming. I was constantly breaking down and crying for that month. It was November 26. Bud and I had been arguing for 4 days straight. I wasn't feeling ok on the morning of November 26. I told him that I need a break from all these fights. I wanted some peace of mind. I knew something was wrong with me. He blackmailed me that if I didn't attend his calls he would break the relationship. He didn't respond to my constant requests that I wasn't feeling ok to keep talking to him. By 10 am I felt panicky and nauseous. I went to the bathroom where I collapsed and fainted.

Bud had been harassing me for months. Starting July. It continued till December. I had reached a breaking point. Bud even called me a criminal, said that I will kill his parents, that I will poison them. I would always tell Bud that he is simply creating hypothetical scenarios to blame me and guilt me. I also began to suspect that there was more to all of this. That Bud wasn't doing all this for nothing. Bud always did everything for an opportunistic reason. He never did anything for nothing. There was always something for him to gain out of it. I had lost the physical and mental strength to beat him. It was six months of ruthless and relentless harassment and Gaslighting. I had reached the end point.

My second boyfriend As Bud got increasingly abusive, my mental sanity began to suffer. My health was in steady decline. I began to forget even the smallest things. I began to slip into depression. Bud began to blame me for nearly everything. It became an endless process of harassment and frustration. He would wake me up in the night. He would call me non stop. I began to feel less interested in wanting or desiring sex. He would force me for sex. He began to threaten me for sex. He began to blackmail me for sex. This was the same man who gave me an umbrella for free. Who put months and months of effort into winning my trust and finally gained my trust. Now Bud was showing his true colors. He wasn't the man I had fallen in love with. He was a manipulative, lying, blackmailing, Gaslighting, victim playing, guilt - tripping, parasitic, abusive psychopathic freak.

My second boyfriend It felt as though Bud was enjoying my pain and frustration. But for me, things were getting harder and harder. I was gradually moving towards insanity. I began to violently scream on the phone, throw things on the floor. The arguments were getting to me I would loudly scream at Bud and tell him to please Stop. He wouldn't stop. He would speak in a cold callous manner while I would be begging and screaming at the top of my lungs.

The constant question in my mind was "what did I do wrong now?" this is something that we observe in abused victims who have suffered extensive Gaslighting. They are never sure of themselves anymore.. They don't feel confident anymore and sometimes they can go through a mental breakdown not knowing if they are right or not. Bud became extremely controlling and abusive.. He started controlling my every move. He would call me the moment i woke up in the morning. He would ask me what I was doing nearly 20 times a day. He got obsessed with me.. He would keep a tab on my every activity. If I ever said anything to me, he would punish me by not talking to me for days. I would beg to him to forgive me but he wouldn't give up until I had suffered a total breakdown. His harassment continued.

My second boyfriend In essence I was protecting this beta cuck guy simply because I loved him too much. And something in me was annoying me. My gut knew that bad things were on the way. Bud started mentally abusing me. His mental abuse read like a script of a Hollywood psychological thriller movie. Bud was using classic Gaslighting strategies to break my resilience. To break my mental strength and sanity. He started out with petty arguments and they progressively got worse. Bud would pick an argument over anything and everything. He would then find a way to guilt me. He would try to trap me. Once he was in the hospital and I didn't know he was there. I called him up and he began arguing on purpose and when I was able to win the argument, he suddenly told me that he was in the hospital. This was to make me feel guilty for having the argument with him. When I asked him how would I know if he were in the hospital, he said that I never bothered to ask. But how would I ask him such a question to begin with. Bud was putting extra energy in all his arguments with me. These weren't simple arguments. They would last hours even days. I would go days without food or water. Even sleep. His frivolous arguments started to affect me mentally. The most important emotion I suffered was confusion. I would get questions in my head "why is this guy doing this. No matter what I do for him, he is always fighting with me. What does he want. What did I do wrong now?" This was just the beginning of the gaslighting.

My second boyfriend I felt like Bud was doing the same thing with me, albeit in a different way. He was aware that I was rich. He knew my power. He couldn't do anything stupid to me. He would land in jail if I tried. And I was a hell of a force. I would have chased him like a tigress and made sure he paid for all he put me through He had witnessed my rage before. He knew that I could get what I wanted. I was like a silent lion. I was being protective of him only because I loved him deeply. But if provoked, hell hath no fury as me. He didn't want to be on my wrong side. So he was playing it safe.. He could have done much more had he not witnessed my anger the year before. Now he knew not to take me lightly. I wasn't this pretty submissive soft doll he thought I was. I was that way only because I thoroughly trusted him. I wasn't a weak person. I was just a kind person. He had taken my kindness and generosity as a sign of weakness and vulnerability, as a sign of dependency. I wasn't helping him because I was dependent on him, as he thought, I was helping him because I thought it was my duty to help my future husband and share his struggles. He was way off the mark in assessing my strength.

My second boyfriend I on the other hand really thought Bud was gonna be my future husband. I was more than happy and willing to make things work any which way between us.. I was ready to give it my all. I was ready to break off with my mom for Bud. This reads like an Indian movie script. Where a woman breaks off with her parents and elopes with her boyfriend who later abandons her and she is left destitute. This happens with many girls in India. I read a lot of such stories in the news in my country. A guy will manipulate a poor woman living in a village with her poor abusive parents. He will tell her how much he loves her and how happy they will be if they live together in a city. The girl gets convinced that this is her best opportunity for life away from poverty and abuse. She runs with the guy. He uses her for sex. He promises her a beautiful life in the city away from the harshness and fascism of her parents, she lands in the city with him, and he later sells her to an organized crime gang of pimps and she is trafficked into prostitution. It's just trickery and abuse.

. My second boyfriend I wasn't the one to divorce. If I was going to marry a man, I was going to marry him for life. Plus Bud had nothing to worry about finances. I had my own money. I was self sufficient and independent. All we needed was to live together and get married. Deep down it seems like Bud didn't want to marry me. He simply wanted me around. Like a doll. He wanted to marry the girl his parents would agree to. But then why engage me in his life. If that's what he wanted, then why not be honest to me and let me go That's because Bud didn't want to lose his opportunity with me. So it didn't matter how I felt. I was to be used for his needs. My needs didn't matter to him. And why the heck was I supposed to pay his bills if he didn't want anything to do with me. Bud was an opportunist. And he wanted to maximize his opportunity with me. He was getting both money and companionship from me without him having to do anything in return. All he had to do was make fake promises of marriage and eternal happiness..

My second boyfriend My mother still didn't know that I was having a relationship with Bud. She was kept in the dark. This was Bud's idea to never tell anything to my mom about our relationship. Bud was careful. He didn't want to blow up things. He would tell me that it was bad for our relationship to tell everything to my mom. But the real reason was that he was very scared of my mom. He knew that my mom will figure out what he was up to and axe him out of my life or tell me to stop having sexual relations with Bud The moment Bud informed my mom about his sister's wedding in April, he felt pressured to fast forward things for our marriage.. Bud was broke and insecure. He didn't know what to do. On one hand he wanted me sexually. On the other hand he didn't want to disappoint his parents by marrying me. Because I was born in another state, another language,another culture. His parents probably wouldn't have accepted me.. I think Bud should have been openly honest with me about his parents. I was honest with Bud about my parents. I took him to visit my mom several times. So that he would know that I'm serious about our relationship. I'm wasn't simply playing around. I wanted marriage.

My second boyfriend Then it was the month of July. I invited Bud for lunch at my home. My mom was ready to meet him. After lunch was finished, Bud sat on the couch and my mom was ready to have a talk with Bud. She asked him about marriage. Bud said to her that his younger sister had received a marriage proposal from a guy who was highly educated and doing well in life. The engagement was already fixed. The guy was to marry his sister in April the following year. Everything was planned well in advance. Bud told my mom that once his sister gets married, he will discuss his own marriage (with me) with his parents. He assured her that things will be alright. I was relieved to hear this. I thought Bud and I will get married finally and I couldn't be happier. I was waiting to have my own family. My own home away from my family. My new family with Bud. I was looking forward to a peaceful life with Bud.. I had still been paying Bud's bills because it didn't matter. In my mind I was already his wife. I didn't see any problem in helping him financially. His problems were my problems. After all in my mind he was to become my future husband. Even if I fought with Bud constantly and most fights were started by him over petty things, I didn't think much of these fights. In my mind, I was thinking that these fights will naturally resolve on their own once I moved in with Bud. Little did I know.