Preety_India

?? Criticism or self accountability questionnaire ??Are you sleeping No.. Insomnia ??Have you neglected or ignored yourself Yessss a ton ??WHat effort have you put towards solving your problems Not much ??How is your overall health and performance Very bad today 12 July ??What steps have you taken to combat health issues Today wanted to try out some herbs ??Are you too lazy ??Did you give your 100 percent ??Are you committed to yourself and your life ??Have you been working harder ??Have you betted all your resources and effort into solving your problems before whining or complaining or giving up ??How have you been managing your depression ??Do you hold yourself partially accountable for your situation and circumstances in life ??Do you waste your time in useless fruitless unproductive activities and engagements ??How much are you on the self destructive scale ??What did you do today to improve your situation. ??Do you think you have done enough ??Are you into toxic relationships ??How are you connections and social support network ??What effort have you put in improving your self esteem ??List 3 things you did to solve the situation ??Are you giving too much priority to people ??Are you wasting time

Journal entry for imp day 2 Thursday July 12 My current emotional state and Shadow work My current emotional state How do I feel : I feel okayish I feel a little tired today morning. Lethargic and like everything needs to be done in a day. A little too much but anyway will get through today I feel positive since I have posted positive stuff on Fb today. So feeling better. Been motivating myself and rooting for myself. Giving myself a routine self esteem boost from today. Shadow work Past abuse issues Spiritual health check Need to keep up the praying habit. Lying low on that Shadow work questionnaire Goal questionnaire Goal progress questionnaire Criticism or self accountability questionnaire Are you sleeping No.. Insomnia Have you neglected or ignored yourself Yessss a ton WHat effort have you put towards solving your problems Not much How is your overall health and performance Very bad today 12 July What steps have you taken to combat health issues Today wanted to try out some herbs Are you too lazy Did you give your 100 percent Are you committed to yourself and your life Have you been working harder Have you betted all your resources and effort into solving your problems before whining or complaining or giving up How have you been managing your depression Do you hold yourself partially accountable for your situation and circumstances in life Do you waste your time in useless fruitless unproductive activities and engagements How much are you on the self destructive scale What did you do today to improve your situation. Do you think you have done enough Are you into toxic relationships How are you connections and social support network What effort have you put in improving your self esteem List 3 things you did to solve the situation Are you giving too much priority to people Are you wasting time

Emotional State check. Shadow work Spiritual health check Shadow work questionnaire Goal questionnaire Goal progress questionnaire Journal entry for imp day 1 Wednesday July 11 My current emotional state and Shadow work My current emotional state How do I feel : I feel okayish I feel a little tired today morning. Lethargic and like everything needs to be done in a day. A little too much but anyway will get through today I feel positive since I have posted positive stuff on Fb today. So feeling better. Been motivating myself and rooting for myself. Giving myself a routine self esteem boost from today. Shadow work Spiritual health check Shadow work questionnaire Goal questionnaire Goal progress questionnaire

Only you can change your life. Nobody else will.

Criticism or self accountability questionnaire Are you sleeping Have you neglected or ignored yourself WHat effort have you put towards solving your problems How is your overall health and performance What steps have you taken to combat health issues Are you too lazy Did you give your 100 percent Are you committed to yourself and your life Have you been working harder Have you betted all your resources and effort into solving your problems before whining or complaining or giving up How have you been managing your depression Do you hold yourself partially accountable for your situation and circumstances in life Do you waste your time in useless fruitless unproductive activities and engagements How much are you on the self destructive scale What did you do today to improve your situation. Do you think you have done enough Are you into toxic relationships How are you connections and social support network What effort have you put in improving your self esteem List 3 things you did to solve the situation Are you giving too much priority to people Are you wasting time

Yesterday I had been dealing with stuff. And thinking to myself. That life is bs.. It's a big joke. The whole world is. The dysfunction is taken care of by universal laws. Good that we have the cause and effect or else we would have chaos. Life fools us. And there are many illusions. We buy into those. Family is shit as well. It's all a sick joke, a distraction called reality, the biggest reality drama show on earth. No script can be better written.

One thing I need to tell myself is, "create the life you want and don't give two fucks about the world." the world wasn't made for you anyway..

When you feel helpless you look for distractions. Those distractions add to your woes. I liked a comment that I came across today on a website. It's very beautiful. " you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, smarter than you think, and twice as beautiful as you'd ever imagined."

Journal entry for imp day 1 Wednesday July 11 My current emotional state and Shadow work My current emotional state How do I feel : I feel sad and in despair. [no compromise with time] I feel depressed I feel suicidal I feel frustrated. Life seems like a burden I feel like I have given up. I feel hopeless and helpless and like nothing can change my situation. This has led me to follow toxic behavioral patterns like engaging in addictions and negligence and self destructive behavior. Time to get out of this rut and motivate myself to fight back although it looks impossible that a positive change will happen. Right now I can describe my state of life with one word : impossible It seems life will not change and everything is impossible and that my health problems will never get resolved. [The biggest stressor is emotional stress. It rules the body and the mind. The spiritual state of the mind is important to bring a positive state in life] [if you wanna give up then do it after trying everything.] Emotional State check. Spiritual health check Shadow work questionnaire Goal questionnaire Goal progress questionnaire Self criticism questionnaire-- . This will involve getting angry at yourself, criticising your own behavior, judging yourself a little harshly, targeting your own whiny behavior, finding faults, pointing out mistakes and where you think you might have gone wrong and blaming yourself, holding yourself responsible and accountable for whatever happened or happens.

Working towards D day. Wednesday July 11 Today is Implementation Day 1or imp day 1 Imp day 1 DLOW codes will be on messenger Imp day 2 Imo day 3

I have decided to give up on him and not have a relationship with him no more. He said he can't be committed. Now thats a joke. I won't take anymore. It's only friendship for me. I won't be heartbroken again. I tried too many times. I have finally given up on this whole male relationship thing. It's BS. I DON'T NEED A MAN IN MY LIFE. CUT THE BULL. too much is too much. All drama and its seriously toxic.. I thought I will be the one to create drama. But hey, who knew that even men can act like women lol.. This day is a new chapter after cutting off with him. A new beginning. Maybe in future I will finally find a guy I can peacefully live with

July, August, September, October, November, December. Time is running fast. No time to complain or look back. Time to get going and start work and finish it before D day. First thing and foremost. Cut off people. Cut out crap from life. Cut all the BS... Focus on the essential.

OK hey. So I'm back tl . Lol This is July. 2018. Time to work on certain. Things and situations. I did left off... For a while. Missing in action. Good news.... That I have given up the video game addiction I had. Had to find something to engage in. Something peaceful and nice. Found something engaging finally. Now I can finally be in peace. *DAILY STRATEGIES * WHILE I WAS AWAY I LEARNED A LOT,MAYBE THROUGH THE GAME. BUT I REALIZED THAT EVERYTHING IS NOT SO EASY. IT'S DAILY STRUGGLE. EVERY DECISION YOU MAKE DAILY IMPACTS YOU IN A WAY YOU DON'T KNOW. SO NOW IT'S DAY TO DAY. ONE DAY TO THE NEXT. one thing that is good is that I gave up toxic socialization at last. Now things can hopefully get better from here. This month is important. Last year this same time I had been struggling with the same problems. So much has changed since then but still the same problem and not much change healthwise or workwise. But I've grown up and become matured in some ways. Communication helped a lot in the growing up process. Leaving the past behind for now. I know I neglected myself for almost a year. Had too much going on. Shit to handle. My new motto is *daily strategies * and *work hard, get peace *. There is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel if you just weather this storm. Shit takes time so be patient. There's a mountain to climb. And December is the deadline month. The Final D day wil be 31st December 2018..heart racing. The biggest lesson learned. It takes a certain amount of strength, courage, pain, hardships and forbearance to get there through the storm. But once you take all the pain and get to the level where you can take on you will pass through and the struggle will end. Hang on till then. Don't think you are helpless. I have felt helpless for ever. Now I think it was something that was just holding me back. Once you cross that bridge, you won't be helpless anymore. You will get there somehow and the struggle will be over. The escape door will open. ...... *door opens.* in my dreams as a kid, I was told a door will open finally to light. There I will meet God. I remember it very distinctly. The door opens and it's freedom or liberation at last.

Stages in spirituality You will start hating the world or see everything as pointless or dysfunctional and delusional You will see all the illusions created around you. You will be less selfish and your prayers will be for sincere reasons. You might be depressed but even in hopelessness or despair you will either be peaceful or hopeful and positive. You will experience a strange kind of peace. You will have a more open and bigger heart and you will be be able to accept suffering more openly without conflict. Love and empathy will appear to be the most important element of existence. Everything will have the perspective of love. You might begin to dislike people and their behavior will appear as very selfish and immature and as a result you will dissociate and detach yourself from people and become a loner. You will begin to embrace solitude more than before. All creatures will appear equal and equally important. Life will seem like a transient flow of the human breath and you will no longer be afraid of death because death will appear like a beginning of a new journey into the afterlife. Life might seem pointless There can be nihilistic tendencies. Death will not appear as something miserable or saddening but rather peaceful and as a cessation of suffering or a way to put oneself out of one's miseries. You will be less racist and more accepting of other cultures, races and differences. You will be less prejudiced or biased. You will be less judgemental. It helps you to love yourself better. In a devoted kind of way.. Not in a Narcissistic way. If you're struggling with self destructive behavior, it helps to feel more connected to your body and mind and you begin to radiate love and that love reaches to your own body and mind as well, in a way your own love that emerges from you nourishes you. It really heals self pity and self destructive tendencies You begin to respect yourself and your body much more. It helps heal neurotic tendencies and mental illnesses. You will be less miserable and sadistic You will be empathetic to other's suffering. You will want happiness abundance and prosperity. You will try to minimize problems and chaos. You will understand the spiritual side and the physical nature of things. You will have a better sense of intuition and inner connection. You will more connected to your inner spirit. You will feel liberated. You will have more compassion. Your will be strong and you will bravely face difficulties and problems You will be more forgiving and you will see mankind as stupid and foolish. You will be wiser with your choices. You will value principles over materialism, gains and benefits.

In God's world, there is space for everything and everyone, the rich, the poor, the good, the sinner, the successful, the incapable or timid, the strong, the weak, God embraces everyone. In God you should trust. God will help you. Your faith and trust in God will help him find a way for you out of your despair. Although he may not make miracles but he will find a way for you. Open your heart to God and let him work your way for you.

Being judgemental, uncompassionate, critical, selfish,cheap, insensitive, unempathetic, withholding doesn't help. When someone makes a judgemental remark, try to understand where it originates from. Whether it originates from love and open heartedness or big heartedness or cheap mentality, greed, selfishness, and lack of understanding and empathy. Most things said by people arise from lack of empathy. Very rarely anything that is said arises from love. This is human nature. Learn to forget and forgive people's judgemental reactions. Although it's painful when someone intentionally tries to humiliate you. But it only reflects their insensitivity. Humiliation and shaming comes from a cheap mentality. An open heart and mind will never shame a person. A big heart is like a big ship that accommodates everything. It accommodates success and it accommodates failures.

There are millions of good and innocent people in this world who have a strong faith and who are trying to figure their way through this complicated world. They are winners even if they fail at life. I need to lessen my focus on the problems and keep it more on the solutions people seek. I am one amongst those people. That's the first positive step.

. I want to find a spiritual partner for me.

Lol I'm feeling sleepy and tired. But it's been good. I feel free. Free from the bs... Lol.. I feel like I have just recovered from a sickness. It finally feels new Life can be so good without all the bad shit. Only if............ My desires are like that of small kids. I want to create my own little world of small things that are inspiring and wonderful. My own little imagination... Life can be peaceful... Hmm.

I won't be communicating with him anymore from today. People are shit. Enough BS already. Need to block the crap out of my life. I have tolerated a little more than I should. Some people just need to get out of my life before it gets too late Those are pigs and I am gonna stay far away from them. The entire bunch including my ex. Even my sister. I don't trust anyone anymore. Saw how they turned against me one by one. I am better off without crappy people occupying my life trying to put me down. I should have known earlier and I should have known better But it's never too late. Now is a new beginning away from all the bs and the bs people who have existed till now. M are all worthless. Nothing to gain from. Good for nothing. Just an unnecessary drag and drain on my system with selfish people trying to suck me like vultures or scavengers.

For now I will just forgive her. I'm too tired to deal with her crap. It's all dysfunctional. I'll let it go. But my faith is getting tested each day and it's getting stronger. And that's good news. My faith is unwavering and nothing can make me lose it. Even if I were dying, I won't lose trust in God. God is the only one who won't betray me. This much I know. God has been with me through my darkest times when there was no hope at all and I was battling and at my lowest point in life. God will be with me again this time, at least I hope.

My mom is extremely selfish. I saw it today for the first time in my life. She has never hugged me in years even once. Such lovelessness. It's almost bizarre. A few days back she came over to hit me and I had to fight her back to save my life. It's impossible. My arms were swollen and injured because of her constant beating. I told her that I will go to the police and that's when she stopped. Such a piece of garbage she is. Till now I believed that she has a mental illness but that's not true. She is selfish like crazy. She is only worried about herself. Not worried about me at all. She wants to beat me into submission and control me. It's unbelievable. She has no remorse, no empathy or emotion at all. I will be taking her to the doctor next week for her health problems. I was sick two years ago and at that time she never helped me. She just wasn't there for me at all but she expects me to do everything for her which is very strange. All she cares about is her needs. Today was a revelation day. She thought that I got a guy and that I will be going out with him. I didn't say anything. I just wasn't ready to talk to her. And she immediately asked me if the guy was the reason I was not going to talk to her. My God. Who says that. Who thinks that way. So I shouldn't have a man in my life just because she doesn't want it. So selfish. Up until now I never thought this way about her. I always thought she had a mental illness. But this is not that. This is pure selfishness. She used to beat me before and when I was a kid, she threw me out of the house once. She used to harass and bully me a lot for many years up until my teen years. Now I know why. Because she is extremely narrow minded and closed minded, wicked, cunning and unempathetic. She just cannot think with a big heart. She raised me in a way that I always had low self esteem and no sense of self worth. I allowed myself to be treated anyhow almost like a doormat in a relationship. It has taken a long time for me to realize that all of low self esteem I have has come from her beating, abuse, mental and emotional abuse and manipulation and constant humiliation and degradation. She has caused so much pain and harm cause of her selfishness. She has such a cheap mentality that she automatically thinks that any disabled child is fit to die and doesn't deserve to live. What a piece of shit she is. Her selfishness and abuse also made my father suicidal many times. Selfishness creates hell. My faith in God will keep me strong and help me get out of this hell. I'm worth everything. I deserve to live just like any other person. Yesterday she told me that I should die or kill myself. I was suicidal for a while after that. But why should I die? I don't deserve to die. I am also a human being. I have every right to live. I have decided to stop talking to her. But she sometimes gets violent and that's something I need to think about. I always take whatever she says to heart. It's like because she is a mom, everything she says has to be right automatically. She has such an immense confidence when she speaks. She makes everything appear true or believable. Her thinking about life comes from extreme selfishness, and closed mindedness. And probably some paranoia. She taunts me so that she can feel better about herself. She calls me worthless. But I'm not. It's amusing to see how people can demean others to make themselves feel better Yesterday she kept taking cheap shots at me At one point it was unbearable and I told her to slow down with her abusive rants She thinks she rules the world. Some people automatically assume they're higher than others. So cringey and honestly amusing. I'm gonna laugh every time she says something to put me down on purpose. God should probably bless her with some compassion and empathy. She doesn't need it now I guess. But when she will need the compassion of others, maybe she will realize how much she hurt others with her abuse. Self-entitled bitch who thinks she has the right to decide who should live in this world and who should not. I have given up on her. It's too much. I took a lot of her crap. I used to believe all her bull. No more. It doesn't become true just because she says it.. She can very well go to hell and I won't give a f'ck. She has been humiliating me non stop for the past few days and I have stayed quiet. But sometimes my blood boils when it gets a little too much. All her paranoid thinking comes from extreme narrow mindedness, selfishness and lack of empathy. So cunning and insensitive, unempathetic almost psychopathic. No concern at all for someone else's life. She will bully till the person is dead. She wants me to suffer in life so that she can feel better and that her prophecy will come true. So insensitive. How is my suffering going to make her life better. I can't imagine the lack of concern or humanity. I would never want someone to suffer, much less my own child.

My love for God and spirituality is only growing everyday. The worst the circumstances get the stronger is my belief in God and spirituality It gives me tremendous peace to know that God is with us throughout no matter what.