Preety_India

I believe negative energies can come from fights and the presence of a negative or destructive person. I've experienced this in my childhood home. One negative person is enough to upset the positive vibe of the home. Try to find who is responsible for the cause of the negativity and avoid such people. Also maintain peace and quiet and less noise or fights. Work on yourself to be more peaceful and happy. I've seen that happiness makes a difference. It compensates for the sadness created by the person. It offsets the negative energy at least in your own room. Flowers make a difference. Fresh flowers arranged in a vase. An open window letting in sunshine and lots of air. A few potted indoor plants. A Buddha statue or any religious idol if you are a religious person. Incense also brings a positive feeling. Praying and meditating in the room will also disperse the negativity. Also listen to happy music as soon as you wake up early morning. Watch humorous shows or clips to keep you in a good mood. Your good mood will uplift the energy of the room Hope this helped.

Chapter 105 Human is ordinary. Divine is extraordinary. Representations for Zveth, zvethiss and Zvether. Zveth by the Celtic knot, or flame or ocean. Zvethiss by the inner voice or inner feeling. Zvether by the outer voice or just words that the ego speaks. The desires of the zvethiss arise in the soul. The soul is spiritual therefore stronger. However it's not sacred. Therefore the desires of the zvethiss can be compromised by the Dzhin. Zveth is the ocean and the zvethiss is the waves. Your innermost feelings. They could be right or wrong, for your better or worse. They are not necessarily perfect. But they are internal and hence more attuned to your inner soul. More compliant to your spiritual nature. Hence better than desires of the physical nature or desires of the Zvether. But are they completely perfect and righteous? No. They can be impure too. They are pacified by the higher forces of the Dzhin. At the end of the day, even the spiritual part is still human, not divine. Just spiritual. Zvether can be described or represented by a tree because it's static and immutable. Very stationary and unchangeable.

Chapter 104 Solis Strengthens the zee Purifies the Zhin Improves the Zvether Pacifies the zvethiss plants benevolent desires in the Zveth. Brings growth and hope Gives grace. Resolves problems /troubles or instability. Provides support Restores harmony and peace Keeps the heart pure. Brings ultimate positive transformation and creates a beautiful haven. Fulfillment The Zveth or soul is like an ocean in which emotions and desires emerge like waves. It's like a ocean that keeps flowing and moving. A flame that keeps burning.

Chapter 103 What does it mean by that it will stabilize the Zvether.. The zvether will be compensated and taken care of. If there is ill temper, it will be calmed. If there is aversion to something, it will be removed. If the ego needs an achievement it will be done. If the ego wants beauty, it will be given. In essence the ego is a bridge between material and spiritual. It connects them together. If the Zvether loves the color blue, then everything will be blue. If the Zvether gets disturbed by loud sound then it will be protected from noise. Thus it will be stabilized to exist in peace and the restlessness of the ego will be reduced. Also it will help to redesign a healthy ego compatible to the universe and nature and natural living. This is the provider nature or the breadwinner nature or divine grace of God. It provides for the needs of the Zvether through its quality of grace. It is also the restorative nature of God, this quality that brings a change in a state or matter. I can call this the transformative nature of God. Transforming and modifying something and restoring it back to something more aligned or healthy or wholesome. It eventually transforms the Zvether to something more wholesome and beautiful. Thus the Zvether of a crocodile is changed to the Zvether of a lovely flower. An ugly unsymmetric, scattered, unpleasant mass of clay is molded into a beautiful sculpture. This is how God builds the Zvether into something magnificent and beautiful. There is also the hidden nature of the soul. Zvethiss. This is the soul within the soul. The one that does not like or accept aspects of the person's ego. It would have wanted things differently. As a result it clashes with the conditions of reality and the nature of the ego. Example. You always like peace and quiet. But you are born with an anxious mind and a hot temper. Your body is always restless. Thus your inner soul is in conflict with the outside nature of your reality and self. It doesn't like it. It would have wanted otherwise. Same thing applies to people with phobias. They would have wanted to be free from fear and its unpleasant symptoms. The inner ego is different. Same applies to skin color or eyes or shape of the body. You would have wanted your eyes to look different. Or your hair to have a different texture. Or your social skills to be better. Or your vocie to be softer or louder, however you want it. That's your inner ego that is in conflict with your expressed ego. Both are different. Zvethiss is always in conflict with the Zvether. But not always. When we grow, we want the Zvether to be closer to Zvethiss. But our versions of what we want ourselves to be like may be flawed. For example. A person wants himself to be able to do drugs and fit in with his peers who are into a decadent lifestyle. Now he fancies it and wants himself to be that way. But when he is transformed into a druggie like his friends, he suffers innumerable health problems and wants to go back to his original self. Thus it's not always necessary that we what we want is in our best interests. Now what does the Solis do. It transforms the Zvether into not only something more palatable and soothing to the Zvethiss but also in sync with the best interests of the person or his Zveth. As well as something more in alignment or compatible to natural forces or conditions. Thus it does not neglect the cravings of the Zvethiss. Which means the Solis will resolve the eternal restlessness of the Zvethiss. Where the Zvethiss is ignorant of its best interests, there the Solis will make peace with it and reach a compromise so that the Zvethiss follows wisdom and understands what is prudent and best for the Zveth. Solis never abandons the needs of the Zvethiss. For Solis everything is possible. All that it wants is the Zhin to be clean and innocent and completely honest. An honest Zhin[heart] is rewarded. And the Solis is keen in understanding the rigors of the honest heart. If the Zhin is pure and without blemish or ill intent and full of love, rest everything wrong will fall in place and nothing will be impossible. Only good intentions are needed. And the power of divine grace will always take care of the rest. An open heart or a good heart is all that is needed. Rest of the flaws of the body or the mind can be taken care of. They will not be impossible to resolve. God will bring out the good even from the bad. God will bring out the best from the worst as long as your heart is pure. Nevermind the flaws and the problems. All he wants is you to have an honest heart. The flaws can be fixed. But a bad heart cannot be fixed. It will ruin even the good around it. Whereas a good heart will bring out good even from the bad. This is the basis of morality. That's a good heart is sacred. An honest heart is almost divine or has divine grace on it. God's grace is not with you if you are dishonest. When God's grace is with you, you are blessed with the power to create good out of everything. That which is without this sacredness or grace is incapable of creating good or good will not naturally come to it. It will be flawed inherently and it will give into the vices of greed and superficiality and heartlessness and thus cause chaos and bring despair rather than hope. Now there's a fundamental difference. It's not that the other person cannot create good at all. It only means that they lack a lot. Like for example, there is difference between a naturally born good writer and someone who can write well enough but lack the natural ability or vibe of the the born writer. They can practice and become better but they can never match the original pure primordial talent. You can be good at it but you cannot reach the peak point of brilliance. That's something that only a real born artist can achieve. Thus you can be a good person but you still lack the genuine goodness and innocence and benevolent spirit of the person blessed with grace. Like the difference between a person who is forcing himself/herself to cry versus a person who naturally tears up and gets emotional. Because their passion is genuine and not forced, hence what they do is really remarkable and almost unattainable and worthy of praise and glory and admiration. Whereas the person who works hard to get there is also laudable but their qualities are still forced and their achievements cannot outshine. However they should be praised because they tried to create goodness despite their obvious lack and flaws. It is praiseworthy. But it's not exemplary or magnificent. That which is born from genuine passion is exceptional or brilliant or extraordinary. It has its own place. The one way to open that door to sacredness and grace is to have a pure innocent honest heart. When you are genuine, the extent of your rascality is known. So even your lies, cheating or other flaws can be forgiven. But when you are sneaky and dishonest, now you are a real threat because nobody knows what you do, how much bad you can do. There is always a certain degree of trust when you are genuine despite your flaws.

Chapter 102 What about solutions to problems and growth. What about motivation. This depends on how adequately the zvether is developed. Also I wanted to focus on the concept of visualizations and crystallizations. So what about motivation. And everything can have a divine aspect. Like honesty and divine honesty. Knowledge and divine knowledge. Motivation and divine motivation. The latter can compensate for the lack of the former. Thus when we don't have enough knowledge the divine knowledge guides us.. When we are not willing enough, the divine will pushes us. God works through us. His greatness reflected in our life. His design reflected through our growth. Thus God is not only an empathetic listener, a voice that cares, guides and supports and provides divine intelligence and grace but also a sculptor that designs and fashions our course through life only when we surrender to his will. He understands the Zveth. Desiring - - > visualization - - >crystallization - - >manifestation. This is the energy reality sequence. How energy is manifested in reality. How an emotion from zee turns into a thought and when charged, it is put into motion, zee pushing it forward alll the time and how the universe gathers its forces to crystallize this thought into reality. This is fascinating. The thought is a part of consciousness or infinity. [infinity symbol]. Consciousness crystallizes itself to manifest into reality when the zee is very strong. This is all the power of the zee. The power of a single emotion. The power of passion. A thought is a mere floating thought but when zee meets the thought it gets charged and proceeds to form a structure. These can be called solid thoughts or thoughts that are very strong and capable of being converted into intentions and reality. They turn into goals or decisions and slowly crystallize into baby steps and then actions. These thoughts then get reflected through actions. Therefore actions or karma are representations of thoughts that led to them. What if the desires are negative.. If the desires are negative, this needs a change in the Zhin, in the zvether. This negative can be changed to positive. With Dzhin. Desires have to be positive. Thats a fundamental requirement without which the desires can manifest into very wrongful actions. These desires or instincts guide us. They take us to what we want. They are manifested or created like waves in the Zveth. Like waves in the ocean. These are created continously. That's what the role of the Zveth is. We are constantly floating in desires. We sense them all the time. They are needed for survival and growth. The survival instinct is a key example of a permanent desire. A desire or instinct which is ever present in the Zveth no matter what. Therefore we have the will or the intent to live. Sometimes under dire circumstances our will to live is broken. But it gets revived back once everything returns to normal. The desires constantly emerging in the Zveth are necessary to grow and flourish. What if this didn't exist. It's like saying we can survive without hormones and enzymes and food. No we can't. Our bodies are designed for survival. Notice how our organs are constantly working in order and sequence and everything is minutely regulated and any error causes disruption. How we need food and water to survive. How plants die without water. Thus our survival and existence is not merely based on a body that relies on food. But also on hunger that creates the need for food. Thus hunger is necessary for survival. But it's an instinct created in us that drives us to find food. Now only hunger is not enough. We need decision making and proper thinking and feeling or else our mindless decisions will bring an early death. Thus all our instincts are uniquely attached to each other and work in tandem to create a process or sequence of growth. All these instincts are equally important to not just survival but also living. We have to remember that we are not just physical creatures but also emotional. So when we don't feel good we don't want to live. It's not just survival but also living that we want. And all these natural instincts as well as emotions help in that process of not just basic survival but also living with a purpose. Our body is engineered for survival and our soul is designed for living. Thus instincts and desires and emotions are constantly created in the soul. Sometimes these emotions can override the need to survive and we can neglect our basic needs for a higher purpose.. When these desires are negative, they can cause destruction and inhibition or sabotage of growth. Leading to decay and early death or premature death or destruction. Or misery. This is downward. This is not life-ward. But it is destructive and toxic. Life is not just physical but also emotional. So there are two aspects. One that promotes good life and the other that harms the prospects of a good life. I will call this with two terms. One is life-ward or progression. And the other regression or toxicity. Life ward is positive. Toxic is "emotionally detrimental", annihilative, ruinous. Life ward is... "emotionally conducive",, "emotionally enriching".. Or nurturing or benevolent. These desires can be put into two categories Detrimental desires. Benevolent desires Detrimental desires are those that can cause deterioration of our own self or harm to others. Benevolent desires are those that can bring growth and upliftment and nourishing for both the self and others. It's important to discourage detrimental desires and encourage benevolent desires. When these desires are positive they guide us to create a beautiful life full of vitality and growth and continuation. This is upward. Now the elements of manifestation are set into motion. From a desire comes a thought and a goal. And then our body and mind put together a plan to convert this into reality. This is all fantastic and brilliant of how we are designed to make things happen and how we achieve that which looks impossible at first. It's human brilliance. So coming back.. The waves are created in Zveth. These waves constantly guide us and want that which is good for us. It naturally creates wants or needs in us that are beneficial for our growth and survival.. And also for living a life of joy and purpose and flourishing and fulfillment. Our soul is the main center of guidance.. The divine aspect in our lives can further purify these desires of the soul to create a better existence. It can replace negative desires with positive desires.. What's not possible in this world. Only an intention is enough. Goodness flows where love resides. The divine aspect can change the Zhin or the nature from evil or bad to good, it can strengthen the zee or spiritual energy or strength, it can improve or stabilize the zvether, and it can plant healthy wholesome beneficial or benevolent desires in the Zveth. God's soul, his spirit, his zee or strength. This is all comprised in the Solis.

Chapter 101. Yesterday I was thinking of certain concepts like desires, zee, sequence, manifestation, sequence boxes., bricks, building up, morality, sacredness. I feel that sacredness is found only in people who are deeply in sync with their conscience. They are very spiritual. That karma exists. There is all knower, all listening voice that guides the course and makes things happen and this voice knows best. That morality is at the center of it. No matter what. This voice also cares. It ultimately desires our well being but we don't reach out to it. That everything is possible if we are in sync with this voice's guidance. Also that it can resolve complex situations. What about solutions to problems. What about challenges. There is something like social and unsocial nature. I will call this supportive and dampening nature. The desire element needs to be very strong. It's the what the soul wants. Zee... The vibration and emotion. Zveth... The place of desires and voices... The soul is not just a life force but it speaks the language the self understands. The ego is attached to this..... Zvether. Zhin.. The spirit.. This grows like beautiful light. Zvether is the ego... Zveth represented by a knot or a ring. Zvether represented by your voice. Whatever you say from your heart is what the Zvether speaks.

Chapter 100 God exists. Deep down I know.

Chapter 99 November 26 So what are those bricks 1. Intellectual growth 2. Psychological knowledge 3. Social intelligence 4. Good decision making 5. Avoiding toxic elements 6. Self care and self awareness 7. Therapy 8. Relaxation. 9. Abilities. Mental abilities.

Chapter 98 No headache. November 25 What Im looking forward to is going to be gigantic.. Brick by brick you build your life everyday. I've to optimize and I've to control a lot of different things at once. Talk therapy every day is a huge way of not only improving communication and expression and past regression, therapy and venting out, but also understanding what is going wrong currently that is improving presence of mind and mindfulness. Being more self aware and understanding what needs to be fixed currently and what is causing problems or what could be the source of future problems and early detection of red flags.

You need to get your lawyer. Your mom's gonna getcha. I spoke to your brother. .. and you need to just fucking handle it. Because Dalia.. Listen. if I go screaming to the judge whatever I say, "oh.. it's okay, it's okay." They're charging your ass. Mike, it doesn't matter. Period. Doesn't matter? You could hire five fucking lawyers. They're charging your ass. They have your voice, your face. 4.52 Everything on tape. You're in a lot of fucking trouble. I'm trying to help you out. How are you trying to help me? How? How? Because I'm trying to get your head, fucking, get off the bullshit. .. and understand what's going on here. What bullshit would that be? Dalia, I already know. I'm sitting here. My time is running short. How are you gonna tell me that you didn't say it, and you didn't do it? When I saw you say it And saw you do it.

Hello Hey its me 0.26.Yeah, what's up Nothing Mike, Can you please come here. Say it, listen, I don't want to fight with yah Honestly I can't help you Don't you understand what just happened 0.41 What they're saying is not true How is that possible Look, I'm sitting here, it's not true, it's not possible You wouldn't even give me 2 mins to talk to you But it's not possible Babe. What they are saying is not true How in the hell did I hear it and see it? Look I heard what you heard but it's not true. I heard what you heard and I saw what you saw , it's not true Everything they showed you, they showed me ... and how are you telling me that? I'm giving you my word that it's not true What do you.. Dalia, I couldn't help you even if I wanted to. Mike please I need an attorney....please...Can you please help me? It's not true Your father was here and I spoke to him. 1.31 He's gonna go talk to your mom. I called him for you. Alright... Right? Dalia.. Mike Everybody knows where you're at. I took care of it. Mike... I know that..... I need your help, okay?... Cause it's not true. I understand what you're saying. How do you explain what I saw and heard? Mike I have a limit on my phone call. 1.49 You know more than anybody it's not true. Just give me time so I can talk to you. What are you going to say? I saw it. I heard it. I saw what you saw, and I heard what you heard. Okay, wh-wh-wh-and what the fuck? You said you wanted to have me killed. I heard that. That's not true That is not true. 2.07 How should I feel? How can you believe that? I heard your voice How can you believe it? That isn't the point... Heard you say it. It's not. I heard what you heard and it's not 2.21 What did you.. What did I hear then? I heard you say - -.... I heard the tape. Okay, I heard the tape and I saw pictures, and I saw the whole nine yards, I saw all of it. So, why would you meet a fucking BLACK guy in a parking lot? Explain that. I'm sitting here on the phone. I will tell you when I see you in person. Please You're not. I can't come there anyway. I'm not allowed there. That's not true. Who said that? They tell you that on purpose. That's not true. Dalia, I don't know what you could tell me. Even if Let's pretend that "dohhh! It's all better".. I can't - - they're charging you right now! Don't you get it? Mike I didn't do anything. Please I don't know what to say to you. I can't help you. It's out of my hands. You're not even trying. 3.09 What am I supposed to do? You're supposed to get an attorney Please. So I can talk to you. Sighs.... You know one thing after another one thing after another 3.20 You can't explain this more. Y'know? C'mon, man. That's what you think. Wh-what do you mean you didn't get him? You met a guy in a parking lot and..... Mike, you know me okay? You needed me yesterday.... I took you right to Fort Lauderdale because of fix, because of this because of that.. Every time you need me, I am here for you. 3.36 Every single time, and there is no denying that. So why would you meet a guy in the parking lot, and I hand him twelve-hundred dollars, and say.. "yeah I want him dead." I didn't pay anybody 1200 dollars. Period. So how did they get your voice on that tape recorder? Mike, I'm limited with my time please Okay, can you please tell my mom, please? Whaddaya, what can I do? You can get an attorney, please? 3.59 Scoffs (scoffs) Is she gonna call me? No, why would she call you? Call my mom I did call her already. I spoke to her and she didn't believe anything I said. ... And I didn't say anything bad. I let her know what. You didn't want to help her. I already talked to my mom. You didn't offer to help her. You just said, "okay, well, you know, whatever" You gotta be kidding me man Dalia.... I heard you say that shit Mike..I'm telling you right now,okay. 4.30 you, you can't fix it. ? You are nothing to me. You need to get your lawyer. Your mom's gonna getcha. I spoke to your brother. .. and you need to just fucking handle it. Because Dalia.. Listen. if I go screaming to the judge whatever I say, "oh.. it's okay, it's okay." They're charging your ass. Mike, it doesn't matter. Period. Doesn't matter? You could hire five fucking lawyers. They're charging your ass. They have your voice, your face. 4.52 Everything on tape. You're in a lot of fucking trouble. I'm trying to help you out. How are you trying to help me? How? How? Because I'm trying to get your head, fucking, get off the bullshit. .. and understand what's going on here. What bullshit would that be? Dalia, I already know. I'm sitting here. My time is running short. How are you gonna tell me that you didn't say it, and you didn't do it? When I saw you say it And saw you do it. 5.21 Do you have any idea how I was when they told me what supposedly happened to you? How I got and I was, and how everything? Right and you wanted me fucking 500 or 5000 percent dead. ? 5.30 That's not true. You're absolutely sure. That's not true I heard I heard what you heard and I saw it. That's not true. Ah.. Oh oh oh ok. And what did you hear then? I heard the 5000 percent sure. I heard.... Um.oh...what else did I hear? 5.44 I heard the whole thing. Everything you heard, I heard. And now what.. And what are you concealing about it? I never wanted you dead. Period. I never paid anybody. I never gave any money. I never anything. What did you pay him for? I didn't fucking do anything. Why did you see him then? Why were you exposed to video camera and fucking tape recorder? Why? Can you meet me in person so I can talk to you? No Why why why Explain that to me right now. 6.17 Why the fuck should I? Because you know me. Okay, whenever you need me, I'm there for you. Period. 6.25 You know that. ... or am I not? Sighs... You couldn't even get off the couch the other day, and I cleaned and I brought you dinner. And I this and I that. ... and I always think of you. You're always taken care of. No. You're always everything. ..... I never..... Ever ever ever ever... In my wildest dreams,ever want that for you... ever. Well you said it, Dalia and I.. No [I did not] No I did not say anything. Period. I didn't say anything. I heard you. Mike I didn't say anything. I heard what you heard and I didn't say that. What the fuck? I heard you say it. How did you not hear it? I mean how did you not hear it? I heard you. I heard you. I saw you. Y'know?. I saw it. I heard it. I don't understand what you're arguing with me about. And what were those two safety deposit keys? What do they do? My money? No. They're just papers. What are you talking about? The sets of keys they found in your purse. Is that where my money is hiding me right now? 7.24 No. They're just regular papers. Nah.. 7.28 They were safety deposit keys. I know what they fucking look like. 7.31 Right... and I've got papers. That's it Well listen. 7.39 I don't know how you actually have the nerve to sit here and lie to me now. I don't understand. Like, I fucking heard you say it, Dalia. 7.45 I saw your fucking mouth do it. Okay? I can't help you even if I wanted to.. do you get it? Why don't you want to? It's not in my fucking hands. You're not even trying It's different if you're trying, you're not even trying. What could I possibly do for you? I don't get it. What could I do? You're not even trying. Trying what 8.07 I'm fucking sitting here like a dumbass!! Hmm. Please. Okay, they're getting ready to take me Again. Dalia... I'm just. Listen, I'm gonna give you some advice and you need to listen. 8.18 You're gonna be running around in there for a little while. Couple days You need to just try and fucking relax ... and fucking just go with it. 8.26 and keep to yourself. ... and don't say a lot. 8.30 Mike, I love you.. don't do this to me. I swear to God, everybody's treated me awful here, I can't do anything to you. You know me. I didn't want to do this. They were awful to me. I love you. I can't help you. There's nothing I can do to help you. y'know? Know what I'll do? Y'know what I'll do for you? 8.56 Seriously. What ? 8.58 Sign my house back over to me, and I will help your mom.... Eventually. Gimme my house back. That's it. That's it, what? I'll help you. So I don't have to go through all the fucking legal system bullshit I have to go through already. What does that mean? It means sign my property back to me.. that you stole. That's what you're thinking and I didn't steal anything. Alright so listen.. I'll have the papers sent to you somehow. You'll sign them over to me. and then I will help your mother. K? I am not signing anything. I know you wouldn't sign anything. I knew that wasn't gonna happen..so I can't help you. If that's what you're thinking about, I'm sitting here rotting... .. and you're thinking about a house. Dalia you tried to have me killed. That's not true 9.45 you're a fucking liar. You're a fucking liar. What did your mom say? She's not saying shit. She's sitting there. The fuck's my mom sayin'? And what? Check it out. 9.57 My mom. Your mom. fucking everyone else's mom. They're all out of it. Do you know where you're sitting right now? That's fucking reality? I can't fix it. I just offered to help you, and again,you have the balls to say no to me. Okay? But I can't help you. How do I believe that you're gonna help me if I do that? Cause you know why? 'Cause I'm the only fucking person on the phone that's ever done what they said they were gonna do. Me!..... See I don't know How do I believe that? Dalia, don't say shit. 10.23 I just said I'd help you. K? You just basically said, "fuck you" to me. Which is hilarious considering your situation. ... and considering what the fuck just happened today. Have your mom call me? 10.34 I'll talk to her about it. ... and I told you what I'd do. I'll fix it. I will help you. But you gotta fucking do the right thing Alright? Okay 10.43 I have to go, I'm getting finger-printed now.

Chapter 96 I don't need no crapp. Anyone who is trying to be extra extra intelligent and logical is nothing but selfish. All their logic and judgement they can keep to themselves. They are trying too hard to justify their domain. They are calculating their odds and bets. I need a dummy. A basket case who can get along fine. They are using too much grey matter and less heart matter. Their objective concerns they can fulfill with the person who fits all their parameters like a hand in a glove. They can find the person who they will have nothing to complain about. Leave my back and let me find the one who I can be happy with. They are looking for maximization of their personal advantage and that's not love but, what they get and how much they get, not waiting for this kind of judgemental love that rests on the proceeds of a gamble, they can join the club that satisfies them,thats not deep love but love made on a bet, love is the longing to be with someone you truly care about, there are no ifs and buts, they are no odds and bets, there are no profits and losses, there are no too logical returns and conclusions and analyzes, there are no, "what about me", there are no objective deductions, there is only and only one thing, an emotional attachment, a love, a giving, a wanting, a commitment, and deepest unbreakable loyalty.

You never really loved me. I can't trust you. You are not trustworthy enough. What is to say that you won't divorce me in the future. It seems pointless. You plant seeds of doubt in me. You don't assure me of a anything. This is not healthy. Why should I put myself in jeopardy. I mean why should I trust you. I have observed you and I'm aware of who you are as a person. You have a lot of past baggage that you are not ready to forget. You haven't gotten over. You don't move on. If you want a new person in your life you need to forget the old person completely and not even talk about them. Just ridiculous. You cannot leave seeds of doubt. It's your responsibility to create trust. I feel like that you can discard me anytime you think I'm not suiting you. That's not how things work. You cannot keep the other person on a razors edge. They are going to feel insecure and move out. I'm sorry, I don't trust you enough to just surrender my life to you. I have done that before. Trusted someone and got betrayed. Is my life a toy for a man's desires, his playground that he can play on. I have wasted too much time on frivolous people. I need a solid person. A person of words, of trust and integrity. Not someone who instantly plans to just drop me. This is no game and my life is not on the line for it. I have low self esteem that emerges from childhood issues, I agree, I don't need to pay it with my life. I will recover and move on and heal. I need someone who won't ever leave me no matter what. Not all this messy bullshit and baggage. Too much tension and chaos. Sorry I can do better. And even if I don't I can live happily alone, I don't need to trouble myself more with all the drama that a man creates. I'm too hurt and jaded. I don't need a man's lessons on life. If a man is not trustworthy enough then no need to be with him. I don't need a circus. I have seen far too much, known too much, seen a lot of bs around me, and experienced a ton of stress through all of this. I deserve happiness, low self esteem high self esteem doesn't matter. I should find happiness in a more deserving place,in a man I can fully trust with my emotional well-being. I ain't gonna risk my emotional well-being with another player or seeker of women, I have given into that game before and come out hurt and betrayed and painful and deprived. I will not attach my emotions to another man in the name of love and let him play with my feelings again, and give him the chance to just ruin my emotional health for his entertainment in life. Too much of that bullshit. I have been naive in love. Dumb as a rock. I am not going to be smart anytime sooner. But c'mon. I do deserve better than my heart being broken every time and then feel abandoned and discarded. I do deserve some loyalty for my loyalty. I can't let someone just walk all over me just because I'm blind in love. Why should I deserve that? I don't deserve games. I'm a serious person inside. I need pure commitment, like lines in stone. I am giving my heart. That's more than giving money. I am not giving my heart for it to be played with. I am giving my emotions so that they can be respected. And if you can't respect my trust and loyalty, fine, find someone who is game for all your whims, I will try to find someone I can completely trust, no more feeling heartbroken and crying in despair that someone left me just like that. Like an abandoned puppy. Nah nah nah. I'm not some toy. Even animals get treated better. I need a companion for life. I will be happy with someone who is solid as a rock in his intentions to be with me. Who is totally invested in me and my well being and expects the same out of me. No more uncaring people.. Enough.

Chapter 94 Godliness saves us. Today I got a lot of concepts in my head. One thing is that morality is very important and it is a sign of godliness and sacredness or divinity. Godliness comes with natural intelligence and intuition. There is something that is socially cohesive and then something that is not growth oriented or productive or socially cohesive. This is a key personality trait. Some people are just creepy when they are not positive enough. Such people are sadistic Love heals. Sadism kills Morality is not just a way of life. But it is sacred. Godliness is eternal devotion and love. It is restorative and productive and supportive. It is curative, that is it heals. Desperate people under desperate circumstances do desperate things. Emotional freedom is absolutely essential. Self awareness is very important. All our vices get the better of us. Our vices are the Satan. Ability is extremely extremely important. Without brains and ability it is tough. Two absolutely essential requirements in a character are goodness and intelligence. Stupidity brings harm and destruction. God knows you. God sees everything, hears, feels everything.soul. The ear of the soul. He listens to the voice of the soul. When the soul is in agony, it gives out a scream and this voice of genuine pain is heard by the all - knower. He cares and finds a way to fix the pain. He knows the truth about you so you have nothing to worry. He knows and understands your flaws and why you do what you do, so do not be guilty. In his heart, you are already forgiven. This means God is the ultimate empath. He understands and therefore he cares. In God we should trust because he will take care and fix things when he will know what is hurting you. He will make peace and liberate and save you. He is the guardian. The ultimate guardian angel. He will save you from eternal pain and misery. He will take you to a safer place and give you peace and love. He will comfort you and bring you back to life. He will regenerate you and keep you in love and growth. If he brings challenges and turmoil, it will be to wake you up and for your own good and safekeeping. Through everything he will show you the way. He will keep you secure therefore do not stress or get anxious. Do not worry. Let him know and do what is best for you. Let him be the saviour of your life. This is a difficult road called life. Let him be your helper and guide. Thy will be done, only if you truly confess all your hopes, fears, guilt and openly and innocently trust and open your heart without blemish or corruption and not hide and be totally trusting and free from bad intent and sneakiness ,no phoniness, with total openness and goodness and complete innocence approach him and tell him all you feel and what you need and your pain, sorrow, guilt dislike, frustration, hopes and fears and dreams and let him workout the best for you. Let him hear your cries. Let him know that you trust him. One thing. If you trust Him completely, he will neither betray nor forsake you. He is merciful not a spectator or sadist or psychopath. He is an empath and a doer. He will love and hold you close and do your will. Hence do not fret or lose hope. Hope finds a way and will creates it.. Have faith in him and he will show his divinity through your life. He will put in motion all the events in a way that will be the best for you. He will hear your cries and do justice to your soul. His godliness is a great force, his godliness is great, his greatness will be shown and will save you from falling into the black hole of the wicked destinies. He will save you from vices and he will save you from the beast. He will know and fix your flaws. You are his prodigal child. He will forgive and understand your human frailties. Your imperfections. But he won't judge and feel you down. Rather he will uplift and fix your troubles and not let the flaws cause you to suffer or let others suffer through you. He will protect you from ultimate abuse of judgement and give you hope so that you overcome the flaws and shine like a star and reflect his greatness through what you become and what you attain. Your freedom is his obligation. His mercy is your birthright. Do not be parched. Do not be deprived. Give yourself wholly to him and trust him and let him into you. And be totally free and open and innocent of intent to him. And he will never abandon or hate you. He will love more than you deserve. And he will a true companion and healer. His compassion is great and your life will be a testimony of his compassion for you. Do not let the cruelty of life absorb you and throw you down the dungeon. Be calm, ask him help and he will provide. Trust him and he will change your soul if its impure. Trust him and his intelligence will guide and survive you. Give your heart to him in complete faith.

I'm thinking about what Godliness means and how it heals. And I get the instant answer that godliness means love.

Chapter 93 I had a severe headache today morning. Even yesterday. November 22. (. Hackle, curved hackle, fishmouth, roundabout, sea-wave, top A or half A, Straight A, double dip, double whammy, pocket, far shot, back sling, flamingo, twister, even or unique spread, chaos strategy, deflection, sync or flow, trapping, break strategies, spin strategies, diamond shot, middle shots, ribbed or ribbon shot, slow ribbed or full ribbed, roller shot, angular shots, perch angular shot or small L, double ringer, double ringer sea wave. )

The true meaning of life is realized when you have transcended everything, when you have become one with the ocean

Chapter 92 I am going to break the Jinx. I'm going to get out of it today. Now or never. It takes a lot of resources to build a life.

Chapter 91 Saturday 17 November Feeling bad. When can I get out of this jinx.

Chapter 90 You cannot lie to a mirror.

Chapter 89 How to increase emotional intensity. Zee expansion and intensification Feel an emotion Think about a situation Invest your emotion and purpose into your goal. Show love Feel the vibration Pray on it Be deeply engaged Constantly feel the same emotion. Bring up the same emotion Reiterate this emotion Repeat the thoughts. Remember and repeat. Be deeply attached. Be passionate. Make this an important life's mission Be completely devoted

Chapter 88 Moving onto greener fields. Today is November 15. An important day. Lot of the stuff needs to be sorted out. I need to take things strictly. Need to devote myself more to myself lol. Yea the agenda is surely going to change and the focus will be me. Haven't had that for quite a while now.. I am also thinking of something like time compression. And how to get more done in less. Today all toxicity goes away.

Chapter 87 Keep your psych radar always on.

Chapter 86 This has never happened to me before. This is mind blowing. All thoughts just percolate my mind. Never before. I don't need to decide anything. Decisions just flow. Everything just clicks in my head just like that. I have become so acutely aware of even the most minor things. A minor statement or a minor change and a minor difference in the human weather is enough to alert my senses.. Now I just know what it means. It's like I already know everything and it doesn't bother me anymore. I have become matured enough to accept the disgusting side of others.