Preety_India

For 2 long months, I kept telling him how much I love him and I said it every day. But he never bothered to show any affection. He only said that he loves me in return like an obligation or favor that is being returned. Since 3 days I have avoided him and not talking to him, just giving him the silent treatment and for the first time in 2 months he texted me "hugs" today, like he suddenly remembered that he needs to show me some affection. I'm so surprised. He will again use the guilt trap to pull me back in when I am trying to whisk away.. He showed me the texts between him and his mom and how unresponsive his mom was. All of this strategy is just a way to make me feel sorry for him and feel bad for him. But I'm not giving into all of his bs. He can go on with his pity party and pretend that he is too sick. Since I wasn't able to completely block his texts, I've decided another strategy to avoid him Is to not reply. Tell him I'm busy, keep mum most of the time, act like nothing happened, show no reaction, not complain anymore, not get mad at him, not even say "I love you to him" because I have said enough of that, alienate him from affection, avoid saying much, avoid talking about his family, basically pretend like he doesn't exist. I was obsessed with him for a while. Kinda stalking his every move but that's because I was suspicious of him and my suspicions were true. But I'm no longer going to snoop on him. Not interested. Not wasting my time thinking about what he does and doesn't. I'm neither going to praise him nor complain to him or show dissatisfaction. Just going to act like I don't care. This way he can't use any strategy to rope me in. And I don't have to deal with the guilt of leaving him. I am just going to passively agree with whatever he says because he is such a narcissist that if I ever disagreed with him then he will fire a cannon at me. I will just say yes to everything he says. That way I'm safe from his rant rage.

I'm going to use deception with him if that's the only way to escape him.

March 9 2019.. I know hun that he is not good for my mental health. It's a tragedy. I promise you that I won't let his actions bother me anymore and I will set myself free from him. All of his manipulations are not going to get to me. They are not going to change my heart. A real man is one who keeps the heart, one who promises and doesn't fall back on them, who doesn't break your heart, and most importantly respects and values you the most. Whatever else he says in his defense is just that, only manipulation, every way of making you feel guilty for being mad at him. When a woman is able to say in a relationship, that, "I don't care about you, I don't care what you think or do, it doesn't matter whatever whatever whatever you do, I'm no longer in love with you, I have barricaded myself among these walls and you are far away from me and you can do nothing to me, and I don't care what happens between us, I'm free to move on with a man who will respect me and not hurt me... " when you don't give anymore fucks about what he does and his actions no longer impact you and you no longer are attached to him with love, you have taken the first step towards emotional freedom.

I know how you feelin.. I know your pain Your tears are mine I understand you I know what you been hiding for so long I know what you mean. I know everything about you. You are a sweet angel Don't let it bother you I can see through your eyes, your eyes hide your pain. I know gal what's going on Don't let them outsmart you, don't let them use you Be a free bird and love yourself Protect yourself gal, before it's too late Set up that 5 feet wall around you, so that nobody can hurt you. I know your heart I know your soul I'm your true soulmate..Remember me

Sbu Flow tasks.... Regular flow or routine. They form a pattern or sequence. Situation appropriate... For that particular situation. Bridge tasks or fillers. Urgent tasks.

I've finally left Joseph behind. Goodbye Joseph. I caught you talking to a 16 year old. Honestly that's it. I spoke to Tracey and Dawn yesterday. And it was a welcome relief. I also spoke to Cindy. It was wonderful. They were very kind and helpful and warm and gave me the best advice on this whole situation. Tracey said that he was using me for his advantage. I wish him good luck. But I have grown up in many ways. I have learned and realized. Hopefully and finally and at last I will be able to focus on my life and move on and work on my spirituality and find peace in life and bring it all together. I will never suffer in life again. I have closed the doors on all the toxic people in my life. And I am finally getting closure and no more chaos or sabotage. Mummy I do love you but you caused me a lot of pain. I will forget you and you're out of my life. I will continue living in happiness and grace and your shadow won't bother me anymore. Find your peace and leave me alone. Goodbye to you. I can be free at last.

My goals, my dreams, my life, my circle, my time are much more valuable than this one person that I'm giving so much value too. That's why I will put him behind me. He can do all the flirting and cheating in the world. I'm already moving on with positivity and hope. He will always create some dysfunction or drama or chaos. I'm done with him. I've realized that he will never change or become decent. He will continue with his dumbness and chaotic odd behavior and some nonsense just to trigger me all the point. I will call him the trigger point guy. He is shameless. All he does is trigger me and start some new drama. Either it is his landlord or tenant or someone at the mall or grocery store or someone at the pharmacy or some random person online or some random bad mood or some woman who he did not agree with. I'm done with his antics. I don't have any love left for him The whole relationship was a mentally draining experience and now my healing should begin. Do not have a relationship with a person who is giving you a hard time. If someone tries to trigger you they are just bullies and they are creating an uncomfortable chaotic environment and just avoid them and be out of their space. The more I will think about him and the more I will be upset by his behavior it will imply that he is more important than my life. Which I should not allow.. My life is more important. And therefore I should act like he doesn't exist and not entertain his thoughts or his drama anymore.

Don't give him so much space in your life. Yesterday I was distracted from my goals because of the whole incident. I reached out to Cindy and Tracey and today Dawn. They were all supportive of me. That helped me a great deal. They all agreed to me that he was being nasty. Don't take him seriously. Don't give him such a space in your life that you forget who you are.

I think I am in a happy space today. It feels good. My life will probably come back on track after escaping the abuse of my mom. It's over finally. I am so free. Also I got rid of my ex. I told that I will call the police if he kept stalking me. Hopefully that warning will do some good. He hasn't called after that last warning and police threat. It's time to cut off people who have been very unkind to me for some time and move on and find support and find people who will respect me and appreciate me for who I am. Because everyone deserves respect.

Today is March 5. Today is an important day in my life. I have made a couple of emotional decisions and decided to make certain changes to my life. I have decided to create a space of dignity and love. I never got any respect or dignity or appreciation from my mother for a very long time and since childhood that impacted me in a big way. I suffered loneliness and pain. I have decided to create a safe space. I have faced abuse for a very long time, my brother in law was also abusive to me. So was my ex for many years. And so is my current relationship which is also toxic. I am creating a pattern of people who love to target and victimize me and I allow that to happen by not being strong. I have decided to get out of that and create love and happiness. I was being humiliated and treated badly. I don't deserve that. So I want to create a space where people appreciate me and respect me. Where I can live with dignity and hope. Where my wounds will find healing. And I will have people who are loving, caring, giving attention and respect and who won't put me down or bring me down. I felt bullied for a very long time. But I have realized that it is affecting my mental health. And I need to take action. And therefore I have decided to create a space when I can be myself and where I can breathe and live in happiness.

BTW I gotta focus on other things. The simpler ones. The more important ones. The things that really matter in life. Things that can change life.

I need to completely forget him which is a difficult thing to do But I guess his behavior is emotionally hurting me. So I will have to let him go.. Such a shame. We had good times together. He used to tell me everything until this recent cheating thing. He used to be cool with me. He still does. He tells me everything. But my bad luck. I am stuck with a person who is just like any other. Just a regular bitch off the block. So I need to get him out of my head or else he will continue hurting me.

I had a fight with him. It's more than I can take. I have lost trust in him. I caught him flirting and possibly cheating. This is too much. I won't deal with this.. I have broken up with him This is the last. I'm not going back. He can do what he wants. I'll find my happiness.. Goodbye to a disrespectful person. ------------------------------------ When you are a weak woman, you're an easy target. When you are a strong woman you are still a target but a harder one.. A lot of women out there are experiencing traumatic relationship stress. I'd call it trs. At the end of it they experience a relationship Burnout when they are completely drained and exhausted and they can't deal with it anymore and so they just want to quit and not want anymore relationships in life at least for a short period of time. This is a relationship Burnout because the threshold has been reached. This could be a major reason why an experienced woman would want to stay single. With men it's a strange case. They present a relationship as a complicated opportunity that comes with pros and cons. But mostly it's disappointing. There is no positive outcome. Obviously there are no benefits. It's a zero personal profit. Also the investment is not viable since you keep getting drained physically emotionally and financially. So effectively there's just loss or emotional drain or damage. You keep losing a part of yourself in the process. Also the sense or feeling of security that accompanies male companionship is just a false sense of relief or security and it makes a woman temporarily happy because it's an illusion that breaks eventually. Men do it to keep a woman interested or tied up. Marriage is however the strongest form of security a man can provide. If he doesn't want to marry its a red flag. If he wants to marry too quick, it's a red flag too. Women who think that if marriage doesn't work then casual dating might. So wrong. If a woman wants to stay away from marriage she should stay away from other options as well because these options are opportunities for perverts, pedos, gamers or womanizers to land a woman. They are looking for a quick sexual fix. So a liberated woman willing to try casual relationships is a good victim. It's her fatal mistake to place her trust in casual dating or short term relationships. She should stay away from it entirely. Women are nurturing whereas men are dysfunctional and therefore the combo never works. Men are not entirely ready for the rigors and requirements of a marriage. Marriage laws are not in their favor and they are not happy being married so they don't want it, whereas women cannot continue with relationships because the men in these relationships get dysfunctional over time. Therefore they both will choose to stay single and eventually their will be a wide gap or a wall between the genders which is inevitable.

March 2. March Goals 1.wake up 2 breakfast 3. Cooking healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner. 4. Exercise 5. Focus on physical and mental health 6. Focus on emotional health 7. Asthma and Bp 8. Saving money. Earning more. 9. Video game. 10. Payment of bills 11. Cut off family and socialization and toxic people 12. Zero down stress. 14. Practice Swan religion. 15. Sequence notes. Daily practice of writing pending tasks before going to bed. Scheduling these tasks for the next day in advance to avoid getting blanked out.

Using the new concept of sequence tickets or sequence slabs. Basically similar to sequence notes but just in long thin rectangular ticket form stapled together and with use and throw advantage. Write two things or tasks on it that needs to be done right away or is suitable for the current time slot and then after finishing immediately discard the ticket by tearing it off. This technique prevents from writing over and over on sequence notes and avoids the need to create too many new sequence notes that cannot be easily discarded.. These sequence tickets can be easily discarded even after finishing just one task and even if 1 urgent task is written on them. It also doesn't need to carry writing material all the time.

March 1st 2019 So today is his birthday. I got a cake for him. Got it customized for him. I'm so happy. I love him And I have finally moved. Two important points right now 1. Time is a premium and my greatest resource right now. 2. I have to jot down all things before I go to bed, so when I wake up in the morning, I don't feel blank and I don't end up wasting precious time. 3. I have to fully focus on my health. This is my only chance and my last Chance. 4. I have to make good use of the freedom that I have got by cutting ties with my family and finally moving out.

I'm feeling acidic. It could be the excess heat. It's tough. This month feels much hotter than expected. Don't know if I can make it through the summer. But I celebrated my freedom with a cake. My boyfriends birthday is coming up. In March. I have to arrange for that. Oh God I'm happy. I am so happy with him. Last month I thought to break up with him. But all is well again. I miss him. He is the only one who makes me happy. I'm happy that I can celebrate his birthday in peace.

I have finally decided to move out. It happened on February 13. It was just a bad day and what a coincidence. I sat in the gym all day long. My brain was fried. I couldn't think. I was depressed. Then finally I made the decision that I have to do this. One way or the other. It's just too much. I found the place on February 15th. I went out in the night totally exhausted. I had been traveling all day long. That day I was losing hope. I didn't get any calls from the ads I had responded to. No nothing. Glad I finally got something at the end of the day. It was a blessing. Then came 4 more grueling days with my feet aching after constant walking for hours. My stomach was ruined. I was vomiting non stop and I had diarrhea. I couldn't cope up with the pressure of sudden stress. I was burned out. I got my periods at around the same time leaving me even more exhausted. I took a break for a few days and it was excruciating. I woke up the last day. Feb 21st was my birthday. I didn't celebrate it. I was too upset. Then came D day.. It was just yesterday. I kept screaming at her. I got violent. I couldn't take it anymore. All the verbal abuse was getting to me. I just was too frustrated, exhausted. I couldn't deal with so much stress. I screamed loudly. And the neighbors came They tried consoling me and I wouldn't stop crying. I told them everything. All the years of abuse through childhood and the harassment I went through. I felt brain dead after they left. My head was blank. I just couldn't think.. My pressure was high. I felt helpless. For an hour I just sat thinking what could I do. Then I gathered some courage and got up and left to that "Room". I will call it my "escape room." I was very aggressive. I had to calm down. Then I got up and left. I didn't return for the night. I came back early morning to get some stuff. I hadn't eaten. Today I came back to get some stuff again. But I'm happy at last. It's freedom at last. From all the chaos.. Hopefully everything will go according to plan and I will be able to go there in peace. I hope I don't die in the process. Because this time is the worst. I am a bit scared and tensed thinking if I will even be able to have my freedom. God knows.

God can change the ugly duckling into a fine thing. God loves you. Always remember that. Let God create the best out of you.

February 1 Today is the day. Finally.. It's tough to deal with this. But I'll get through somehow. I hate how everything has happened. But anyway. It's something I'll eventually get over. I'm glad that I don't have to deal with anymore bs.

January 29 ??? 900 clicker points from 1st January till 29th January.

January 29 Chapter 177 The concept of sequence and precursor and outcome. Precursor and then event and then outcome. If the precursors are present and the event happens the desired outcome is achieved. A vicious loop forms when the precursor is absent and the event cannot occur and therefore the outcome is not achieved. Also in the absence of the absence of the precursors, negative pre-factors are present that lead to negative event or undesirable sequence of events leading to bad outcomes. This is downspiralling.. While in motion, either of these is happening. These are 3. 1. Positive precursor, event, desirable outcome 2. Vicious loop. Lack of precursor, absence of event, no positive or desirable outcome achieved. This is a trap. 3. Negative pre-factors. Undesirable sequence of events. Downspiralling to bad outcomes.

January 28 Monday Chapter 176 Today is a good day Using the new concept of sequence tickets or sequence slabs. Basically similar to sequence notes but just in long thin rectangular ticket form stapled together and with use and throw advantage. Write two things or tasks on it that needs to be done right away or is suitable for the current time slot and then after finishing immediately discard the ticket by tearing it off. This technique prevents from writing over and over on sequence notes and avoids the need to create too many new sequence notes that cannot be easily discarded.. These sequence tickets can be easily discarded even after finishing just one task and even if 1 urgent task is written on them. It also doesn't need to carry writing material all the time.

January 28 Chapter 175 I woke up from a dream today that my mom was beating me. She lunged at me and gave me death threats and began to attack me and I was trying to defend. It was a nightmare and I was sweating when I woke up. It's a reminder for me to stop all communicating with her. It's God's way of telling me that she is not good for me. I want peace of mind. So the best thing is to stop talking to her.