Preety_India

Summary of the video Constant thinking loop Intense self love Stressed self coming out Addicts mentality Great awareness Dream like state but still self aware An ego death. No identity. No sense of self or time Sensory overload and visuals and hallucinations, anxiety Partial amnesia, you forget your past Childhood memories flooded back and forgiveness and self acceptance and letting go, healing The subconscious comes out. Done.

@Limo you're welcome. Take care

April 28 Chapter 276 What happened last night First day Aya diaries Costa Rica. Rhythmia organization center Ayahuasca is a plant medicine Finished Gerry Powells speech There is a mother spirit in Ayahuasca. It does not taste pleasant The first serving. Felt like a 2 hour loop of constant thinking non stop Just me thinking about everything that did not matter and kept me out of my current moment and I couldn't get my thoughts to shut off. I felt trapped in my head. 7.25 I felt so much self love You feel like you are dreaming But you are still awake Second half was my anxious stressed self coming out about me constantly thinking about things that don't matter, keeping me out of the moment, an addict's mentality, constantly want more and more, but mommy Aya showing me this is how my mind works, you constantly want more, but in reality you need to just chill, center yourself, you are perfect where you are. Day 2 Interview with Jeffrey It reduces cravings and increases clarity and awareness Day 3 17.42 I took the second dosage. It was too much. I had an ego death No self identity. I completely forgot who I was and I became nothingness. Mommy Aya told me to think about death constantly. I resisted but then I thought about it. I was like an old man in a hospital bed. I saw blackness and I was in a state of Ether, I didn't recognize myself although I was aware, but I felt disconnected, like I would touch my body and be like what this is.. No worries, attachments, or identity. Mother nature kept repeating in my head 3rd ceremony ??? If you are thinking about Michael Jackson or anyone else, you are disempowered 3rd trip Day 3 Day 4 Mind goes blank Took the first serving of ayahuasca I took the second serving and I lost my cool and freaked out. Most scariest experience My body felt like it was melting, it was heavy to move, and I was gonna puke, The visuals were very intense and going so fast, They say Mommy Aya intentionally tries to overload the brain to make it to surrender. The were like strobe light changing every second. But when I opened my eyes it was layers upon layers of sacred geometry patterns So here I am where I feel like I am gonna throw up but can't but at the same time I'm bombarded by these geometry patterns and when my eyes are closed, it's all the fast moving strobe light. Naturally I freaked out I got a panic attack and I wanted it to end so badly and I was fighting against it, at this point the shamans helped and I realized I had to surrender to it Once I did that, it felt calm and the geometric patterns dissipated, 6.09 It brought back my memories. I lost my grandmother when I was a child. And I never got a chance to say bye. I felt mommy Aya telling me to let go. I didn't even know I was harboring this guilt. I also forgave my abusive ex. Interview with Gerry Powell. Struggled with addictions. You wrote a book Interview over 11.03 The plant is amazing. The goal of ayahuasca is to merge you with your soul again ... Most beautiful human experience 23. Invite your soul to merge with you. 24. Money addiction. 25. 14. 08.......this is so much easier with addictions 26.interview over 27. It's Friday. 17.25. I was super anxious when I woke up. And my anxiety morphed into self doubt, I was thinking everyone was judging me, I felt paranoid. Mommy brings out your subconscious and dramatizes it immensely to show you who you are. Shaman raven tried to calm me and told me to give a breath of kindness to the anxiety and say that it doesn't serve me anymore. 28.when you laugh here, it's like non stop. What a waste of energy to care for what people think. I learned self acceptance. 21.35 29. Other people's experiences. Celestial surgery. He melted into the grass. 30. Purging. Purging felt better. I also experienced like a big yawn, felt like a spirit exiting the body. 31. The food was good. Breath work. I cried, I screamed for no reason. Breath work was wonderful. 32. The sad day came. I had to say bye to Rhythmia. 33. It was wonderful food. Next - life after ayahuasca Depression. I would drink full bottles of tequila alone Part 4 Life after ayahuasca How have I changed Only one month after I left Rhythmia. First few days weren't fun. I missed that place. I was feeling spacey when I went to the coffee shop, dreamy, disconnected Dissociation, it was scary, I'm not shallow anymore more like hippy, I want my goals to be about consciousness. No alcohol cravings. 9.27 I never drank in a month I felt an intense need for spiritual learning. I developed a love for nature. I'm a tree hugger It doesn't change you as a person, just makes you a better person. End.

Sesame Street Rehab.

Chapter 275 The implementation part of my spiritual journey begins. Here I will practice all the techniques and concepts I learned so far and record my progress. The conceptual part of my journey is over. I will also develop new techniques and refine existing ones. Finally I lifted off a huge burden off myself and all the toiling for a full year was worth it. This is a difficult path but I'm sure through all the frustrations and shrugs and the struggles I will get ample opportunities to smile and laugh and empty out the negativity in me. I'm now growing to be a better person, a more fruitful, productive and spiritual person. My journey in real life and through this journal has been filled with both struggle and fascination. I have seen everything and known everything and all of that at a pretty young age like an old soul in a young body I have known enough. Life has never been kind to me, but I should let that go. There is always be a better tomorrow as long as there is hope. What I came to know is that this human experience is filled with a lot of struggle, and pain and hardships and drama. This is called living and it will always be this way unfortunately. But I had to find my way out because I was about to kill myself. So a year ago when I knew that if things went really down south, I knew that I wouldn't be a stranger to suicide. I have tried that road many times and I have come back from it, there was always a vestige of hope but it didn't help much. I have somehow dragged through the suicidal period of my life. So a year ago, I knew in my mind that either I had to do something urgently to fix the situation or just give up completely and die. That's when I thought I had to bring a change in the way I looked at everything. I needed a reprieve. I was a mess, a terrible mess, and a terribly chaotic person. My childhood scars had left me deranged and looking for a direction in life. That's when I had the feeling that only spirituality could save my life. This journey started a year ago in February last year. That's when I started recording every day of my life and my thoughts to get a better understanding of what I needed to do on my spiritual path. I knew I needed a spiritual framework or a backbone to start working with because I was very fuzzy about spirituality, it was all scattered in my mind and I had no idea where to begin and how to bring it all together A year ago, if I had to ask myself, what is spirituality, my answer would have been, spirituality is spirituality, that's it.. Just a blank canvas. I had the worst nagging curiousity and I pledged myself that no matter what, no matter whatever the effort, I will dig this out. I will go deeper and deeper and think whatever I can and fish out whatever that makes sense and put it all together and weave it. Slowly and slowly, one day at a time, one hour at a time, I kept going with persistence and kept going and creating my own fantasies and concepts and binding them together. Eventually a pattern arose. Initially it was all scattered dots and I didn't know what to do. I was very frustrated with my own mind. Gradually with my persistence, I slowly began to join one dot to another and a pattern arose. It began to make sense after a while. Everything was making sense one day at a time.. I knew that I was close to the finishing line but the finishing touches were missing and still far away from my grip. So I had to wait. And wait I did. Then in October, I had it. I was coming to it.. Eventually over the past few months, the picture became stronger My dedication didn't fail even for a day. And finally I have it. I have it done what I had set out to do a year ago at this time. Now that it's in place, I can move on further bit by bit just like I did before Now I'm a free bird. I found my life savior in spirituality. It will be my sacred corner I will turn to every time something goes wrong in my life. It is something I can cling to. I needed the last straw. I can honestly say that I won't have to feel suicidal anymore because now I have some hope after all. I guess that's why spirituality exists. To give hope. To bring hope to those who are tired of life and this world and of people and drama, to give them a breather, a refuge, a shrine and a place of mental peace where nobody can hurt you anymore. It's a place to escape to when life is going down the gutter. Well of course it's better than drugs and suicide and self harm. It's much healthy and a way to heal away from all the chaos of the world around you. I wish I could afford a rehab. But I can't. So my spirituality is my rehab. I tried many ways to distract myself from all the abuse I went through and all the chaos, video games, food, music, over working, dating sites, trolling, constant shopping, crying, self harm,... But no use. It only makes my health worse and gets me even more depressed. So I figured out that my escape has to be a healthy one where I recover positively and I am able to get away from the emotional abuse and mess. The only thing I didn't try was alcohol and drugs because it's kinda illegal here. But now there is much more hope, thanks to all the effort I put in through this last year, despite my depression I was determined that I need to find that positive corner which will not be just a distraction that helps me get by through the day but also something that will be like a life purpose which will make my life purposeful and give meaning to it and inspire me everyday to live better and be better and lift me out of the depression.. Yesterday I was contemplating suicide again and I cried many many hours, feeling empty and hopeless. But after an hour this cup concept popped in my head I hurriedly wrote it down here. After that I felt better. I get bored very easily. Probably signs of some sort of borderline personality issues. I don't know. I think it's my hyper need for Stimulation. But anyway, I'm not going to waste my life diagnosing a new mental issue with myself every day. So yes distraction for me can only last so long. And I have an insatiable appetite for living a purposeful life. So yes. I need to make that happen or else I will spend my old age in regret. Yea I can be bipolar sometimes. But it's all okay. With a fucked up childhood, mental health issues are no surprise. But hopefully i have finally found a way to deal with my depression and emptiness and a lack of purpose and meaning. This I can put into practice from now on. And this will be my new life I have turned over to a new leaf. And it feels better. The chaos inside my mind has begun to settle. I'm finding peace. Finally and hopefully I can now move on and have a beautiful direction in life.. Yay.....its a new beginning. Amen....

Chapter 274

With the cup concept, the conceptual part of my spiritual journey is coming to an end.

Chapter 273 ~~~ ~~~~ ~ The Cup~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ This is the most important concept. A cup. When the cup is full, you are able to give so much of yourself. And give more. When your cup is empty, you have nothing to give, and you fill it with complaints, judgement, gossip and all the toxicity in the world. Why do you get attracted to these things. Because your cup is empty. The reason you are so dissatisfied in a relationship is because you don't know how to give, you only know how to take. You want to keep an account of what you get. But you forget to see that you don't give anything. You aren't supplying the "fertilizer", careful. I won't call it love. I will use the word fertilizer instead of love because love is such an ambiguous term and is thrown around too often as a general vague term. So I will just call it Fertilizer. A plant or land needs fertilizer for it to grow crops. Without it it's stunted. Every relationship also needs a fertliser. Without it the relationship is stunted. This applies to all kinds of relationships, even the relationship between parents and children. When you cannot give this fertliser, you fill it or compensate with all sorts of things like money, toys, gifts, etc. But that's not love. But you think it's love. But it is not. It's not exactly something that will fulfill a relationship forever. It won't. It will drain any relationship eventually.. Everyone needs the fertilizer. A husband who thinks he is providing for the needs of his wife is not actually loving her, he is not thinking what he really needs to give. He is not even focused on giving. He is measuring everything with an accounting book. True love lies in giving, not receiving. In giving, we receive. And we do not give with the expectation to receive. We give in order to build a relationship, for the crop to grow and for the land to be fertile. This is the law of nature and anything against it will only cause more destruction. There is a reason why as a person you are not able to give a piece of yourself into a relationship. Because... Your cup is empty. An empty cup can't give anything. You can't pour from it. There is nothing to give. As a result, the relationship doesn't grow and you feel drained instead of fulfilled, you count everything you give, you measure everything you receive, you get suspicious of everything, you place unreasonable demands, you get selfish about little things, you get dissatisfaction and this inner dissatisfaction and turmoil turns into cognitive dissonance. This cognitive dissonance entraps and colors all of your thoughts, the thoughts originate from this cognitive dissonance and they pour out in an ugly fashion resulting in spats and fights over very little things and hate and attacks over nothing. It makes the relationship toxic and drains it eventually. All love is lost and its all gone one day. It's a cycle, a vicious cycle Empty cup - - > General feeling of discontent - - - - -> wanting something to fill it, waiting for someone to fill it, - - - - - - -> tired of not being able to fill it - - - - - - - - - - - > feeling discontent - - - - - - - feeling dissatisfaction and restless - - - - - - - ->dissatisfaction leading to cognitive dissonance - - - - - - > petty arguments, conflicts and fights - - - - - - - - - - -> no growth - - - - - - - > feelings of hurt and loss - - - - - - - - - - - >breakdown of a relationship But it's a different thing with a full Cup. Full Cup - - - - -> Feeling of vitality - - - - - - - > happy mood and temperament - - - - - > able to give - - - - - - - > not waiting for the cup to be full - - - - - - -> not feeling restless- - - - - - - > waiting to give rather than receive- - - - -> thinking of ways to fulfill the relationship and help it grow - - - - - - - > sharing happiness - - - - - - - - -> not complaining constantly - - - - - - > not demanding or expecting all the time - - - - - > giving without strings attached - - - - - - > not counting or calculating what's given or received - - - - - - - - - - - -> no cognitive dissonance - - - - - -> not being selfish - - - - - - - - - ->thinking about the person's needs - - - - - - - - - > trying to understand what will make them happy or at least not upset - - - - - - -> trying to contribute in whatever way - - - - - - - -> mutual growth - - - - - > happy relationship - - - - - - - - -> (unless the other person is not loving) When you are deficient in yourself, you can't be gracious enough, you cannot give, you cannot grow, you can't help the relationship to grow, you can call it love, you can call gifts, money, sex, words, pleasure, trips as love but real love only comes from an unconditional place, conditional love comes from a place of deficiency, an empty cup, this leads to more emptines. The cup keeps getting more empty and hollow the cognitive dissonance only becomes more acute. But when you are full of graciousness and your cup is full, you don't ask for anything you would rather give, you love that person unconditionally and you love that person for loving that person and not for a particular gain. You don't ask questions like, "what can I gain". You don't get selfish. Your love is selfless and soothing, comforting. You think about the other person more often. You want them to be happy. The cognitive dissonance is almost zero.. You demand less. You expect less. You complain less. You fight less. When you ask too much, seek too much, want too much, you are coming from a place of deficiency and not abundance. When you are abundant, you need not ask.. Think of it this way If you were rich, would you ask for money. Most probably not unless you are greedy. But if you were poor, money could be an incentive for you. An abundant person is generous, waiting to give, waiting to fulfill the other person, looking for ways to make that person happy, and trying to see ways in which the relationship can grow further and see its full potential and contribute to its growth and keep maintaining it. It's like loving and maintaining a garden. He/she wants to give their full self to the relationship and see it grow. Whether there are fights, such a person seeks solutions, where there is pain or sadness, this person wants to bring comfort, where there is need for help, this person is more than eager to help, where there is deprivation, this person compensates it with love, care, affection, this person is not waiting to be told what to do, this person is not starting frivolous arguments, this person is not being a full time complaint box, this person is not overly calculative and judgemental, he gives time, he doesn't feel that he is losing something or wasting anything or being foolish or doesn't compare a relationship to a "bad trade", He is more than willing to do anything for the relationship. In fact he would feel upset if he weren't able to do something to keep the relationship. He wouldn't count the ways in which he is trying to make you happy He wouldn't feel like an asshole to be with you. He wouldn't guilt trip you like he is doing some big favor by being with you and putting up with you and that he could have found someone better if you weren't there, like by being with you is a punishment for him, he loves you or else he wouldn't even bother to be with you, he can get anyone he wants, he doesn't find enough reasons to appreciate you, he would make you feel like you aren't worthy of him but he is with you anyway, he rates you on a scale, he is trying to not hate you, you are lucky to be with him, he makes you feel like you lack something, he makes you feel pitiful about yourself, he hardly ever praises you, you have to beg for his affection, any affection given is forced affection, he constantly makes you feel like others are so much better than you, he makes you feel like you are really lucky to get his love and you are actually undeserving but you are still getting it since he loves you, like you committed some crime but he is forgiving you because he loves you so you have to be very grateful, he doesn't need to do anything for you, he is already doing something great by just being with you and you should feel grateful enough just to have him. Like he is a great god and you are nothing. Like he is some great judge of your character. He wouldn't make you feel drained. He wouldn't make you feel like you don't deserve. People with the fertilizer, they bring beauty and love to a place of deprivation. They heal instead of hurt. So if you have to give, your cup should be full. Only when you feel abundant, you are generous and are able to not only give to yourself but also to others unconditionally. That's because your cup is full. The fertilizer is the true essence of selfless unconditional love and nurturing that brings growth in life. That cup is overflowing and you wouldn't wait to give more. Let God in your life. And let his love fill that cup in you. And let his guidance and love fill the cup to inspire you to help yourself grow and to have fulfilling relationships and fulfill the other person in the relationship. Feel abundant not deficient. So how do you fill this cup. Through love and giving and through God. By giving we receive. That's exactly what the Bible meant. By giving we receive to fill the cup. The cup gets fuller or gets filled when you give more unconditionally. So if you exercised in having plants, gardens, pets, took great care of them, gave them a lot, loved them a lot, loved them unconditionally, and then let them just go to wherever and let them be free. You aren't getting anything back. This way you are cultivating selfless unconditional love. The more you learn to give this way, the less self centric you become and the more abundant you become and the cup becomes full.

Chapter 273 ~~~ ~~~~ ~ The Cup~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ This is the most important concept. A cup. When the cup is full, you are able to give so much of yourself. And give more. When your cup is empty, you have nothing to give, and you fill it with complaints, judgement, gossip and all the toxicity in the world. Why do you get attracted to these things. Because your cup is empty. The reason you are so dissatisfied in a relationship is because you don't know how to give, you only know how to take. You want to keep an account of what you get. But you forget to see that you don't give anything. You aren't supplying the "fertilizer", careful. I won't call it love. I will use the word fertilizer instead of love because love is such an ambiguous term and is thrown around too often as a general vague term. So I will just call it Fertilizer. A plant or land needs fertilizer for it to grow crops. Without it it's stunted. Every relationship also needs a fertliser. Without it the relationship is stunted. This applies to all kinds of relationships, even the relationship between parents and children. When you cannot give this fertliser, you fill it or compensate with all sorts of things like money, toys, gifts, etc. But that's not love. But you think it's love. But it is not. It's not exactly something that will fulfill a relationship forever. It won't. It will drain any relationship eventually.. Everyone needs the fertilizer. A husband who thinks he is providing for the needs of his wife is not actually loving her, he is not thinking what he really needs to give. He is not even focused on giving. He is measuring everything with an accounting book. True love lies in giving, not receiving. In giving, we receive. And we do not give with the expectation to receive. We give in order to build a relationship, for the crop to grow and for the land to be fertile. This is the law of nature and anything against it will only cause more destruction. There is a reason why as a person you are not able to give a piece of yourself into a relationship. Because... Your cup is empty. An empty cup can't give anything. You can't pour from it. There is nothing to give. As a result, the relationship doesn't grow and you feel drained instead of fulfilled, you count everything you give, you measure everything you receive, you get suspicious of everything, you place unreasonable demands, you get selfish about little things, you get dissatisfaction and this inner dissatisfaction and turmoil turns into cognitive dissonance. This cognitive dissonance entraps and colors all of your thoughts, the thoughts originate from this cognitive dissonance and they pour out in an ugly fashion resulting in spats and fights over very little things and hate and attacks over nothing. It makes the relationship toxic and drains it eventually. All love is lost and its all gone one day. It's a cycle, a vicious cycle Empty cup - - > General feeling of discontent - - - - -> wanting something to fill it, waiting for someone to fill it, - - - - - - -> tired of not being able to fill it - - - - - - - - - - - >- - - - - - - - - - - - -

He doesn't deserve my love. Not at all. I'm better off without him

This is the last day of my relationship. This break is final It wasn't worth it. It was worth nothing I put a lot of trust into someone who is stupid and cannot be an understanding person. It's like I'm talking to a shallow person. It doesn't make sense. It makes me just unfulfilled.

This is the last. No more. I have taken enough.

Chapter 272 That God helps us to become full. He fills that empty cup. He fills that empty cup with guidance and love and strength... Only when the cup is full, you can get going.

Chapter 271 For you to be able to help others, you have to be strong yourself. For you to help the sick, you should be healthy yourself For you to be a life coach and coach others you have to have your life in order first. Also if you have to give more to your life, you have to be in good shape. You can't pour from an empty cup. Take care of yourself first.

Chapter 270 April 23 Today is a brand new day. And time to begin a new chapter. I'm feeling great Forgot to add this part. The body is like a casket or a hollow statue. There is a lot of empty space inside. This empty space is throughout the body. It is dark there. And when you feel God's energy through you, this space is filled. This space is filled with the joy, peace, love and guidance. When this space is filled it begins to nourish all other parts of the spirit like the mind, the chi, the heart. The space gets denser and denser and you are filled a beautiful spirit. Your spirit becomes like water, immutable, unchangeable, unimpacted, stoic and strong. Guided spiritual meditation, Swan manual, tarot cards, the spirit exercise(water exercise), contemplation exercises, parts of mind exercises, review contemplation, brail exercise.

Chapter 269 Life is such a mystery Work, relationships, friendships, philosophy and spirituality are such an intimate part of life and really there cannot be a textbook formula to apply to these things and they will work out. These things will happen naturally. The problem is we get molded. We do the work that is available instead of what we want to do. We engage in a relationship which is perceived as desirable rather than having a spontaneous connection. We follow a philosophy like a pattern. I guess that's where we all go wrong. Life has to take its course naturally. And every point of the matrix you have to be prepared for it. That's pretty much what it is. I believe in a lot of the stoic concepts. I believe that life is a struggle and a lesson in heroism. Whatever you are is only as long as you live. But what you do will last forever. Life is very uncertain. Life is an uncertain reality. Therefore there cannot be a specific rule or textbook as a manual for life. The only thing that is certain about life is its uncertainty. Life is a mystery and it had to be like that because it's spiritual. It's not materialistic. The Bible is true. You have to live a godly existence. The rewards of a material existence are nothing. But the rewards of eternity are beautiful. Life is natural. Technology cannot change this or bend this. Technology cannot change universal principles. So what are we to do. The only thing that you can do as an observer of life, is to absorb the experience and cope with it and fight with it and as a stoic be brave and conquer suffering and achieve despite the challenges and be prepared to face everything that life throws. That's the stoic way of living. The only thing you have for certain is a very short period of time, today and tomorrow and you have to prepare yourself to brace the next day. That's the only manual. Look for a higher reward, a spiritual reward and not for a material reward and never think that you missed out on something. All that is a matter of perception, all that material success is very much an illusion. It's not true. Whatever you think you missed out on was nothing to begin with. Spirituality and eternity are connected and intertwined. When you truly experience spirituality, you are on a different plane where you experience beauty and love and peace and a calm and serenity and peaceful joy and acceptance. This is a highly subjective experience, and to reach there you have to be really devoted to your quest. But all the devotion is worth it. This is how my spiritual experience was I felt like I was a child playing in a playground with other kids and there was not a care in the world about anything at all. It felt so free, free from everything. (*freedom) The next thing I felt was being with someone that was deeply caring and very warm and very friendly. It was like pure love. Pure pure love. It was pure selfless love. Like an angel loving you. Like a mother who loves you. It felt like the beginning of life. There was complete non judgementalism. There was no judgment whatsoever. It was like I can just be myself. Nobody to tell me anything. No expectations of achieving something. It felt peaceful and it felt like being surrounded by all love. There was so much empathy and laughter. There was happiness. There was no place for negativity or hate. It felt like an unusual mysterious form of peace where everything came to a standstill. Like the peace that you have in a graveyard. Like nothingness. Like nothing matters. Felt like I'm an observing ocean that is observing everything around with muteness. Just simply looking.. And at the same time it felt a very strong sense of self love. Like an another identity of my own loving myself. Like a mirror image of me loving myself. It felt like a river of love. Very comforting. It was like me comforting myself. Me telling myself to be at peace. It felt like the energy of love. God is the energy of love. It felt like selfless love. It was like water, always flowing. Flowing from one point to another, never still. When it was still it was like ocean, just observing. When it was flowing it was energizing and uplifting and motivating.. It was self - healing. It was self - comforting. (Water is the knowledge and the cup is the Mind) (. (Bruce Lee already explains this a bit in the full quote: “Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend.” - Bruce Lee There are different takes on what he could have meant, depending on what the question was that led him to this statement, but if we assume he talks about life, then what he means is this: Water is formless, therefore it can adapt to every form. You, however, are often way too rigid. When a situation arises that you do not think you can handle, fear overtakes you and you degenerate into a state of helplessness. You are not adapting to your circumstances, are not dealing with the situation, and instead complain about it, and even blaming it. When the teacup situation arises you yell at it if you do not fit in right away, and blame the surroundings for shaping you into a shape that does not fit. You do not adapt. You let your past control who you are and are staying rigid in your form, which means you only fit into certain situations and crack at others. When water crashes against an object, it disperses and forms again, but when a box, for example, crashes against an object it shatters into pieces. Currently, you are like that box, trying to force yourself to adjust to different situations, shattering to pieces, breaking your own spirit, if you can’t. What Bruce Lee meant with his quote “Be like water my friend” is that you should not hold your own image so tightly. You are not your past, you are not the object people shaped you to be; you are simply water that has temporarily taken on that form. You can be successful no matter your start, can be anything you like to be and adjust to any and every situation if you just adjust and deal with things the way they come instead of wishing they were different. Stop trying to make the teacup adjust to you and adjust to the teacup instead. Problems arise all the time in life, and you can try to keep your rigid shape, smashing into the problems until one of you breaks, or you can be like water and slip through the cracks. ) It's a self healing force that is invincible because of love. It is constant, ever flowing like a fountain, it is silent like an ocean. It is the strongest form of self love. God is the embodiment of love. The spirit of love. God is a self healing force that causes your spirit or energy to be in equilibrium. That means your inner spirit becomes like water. Ever flowing, never impacted, never destroyed. When water crashes against an object, it disperses and forms again, but when a box, for example, crashes against an object it shatters into pieces. Nothing impacts water or destroys it. It remains the same. Your inner spirit forever stays the same because of the self healing force of love from God. It becomes like water. Nothing impacts. It laughs at the world. The water remains constant. No obstruction affects it or breaks it. Your inner spirit like water stays calm through everything and tides over anything. It is back up again, fully recovered even from setbacks and depression or suffering or obstacles. Imagine like your spirit is like a battery and you need a charger and God is that charger that keeps the battery up always. No enemy or obstruction can hurt the spirit. The spirit remains that way, remains like water forever. It remains stable and young and ever flowing and never drained or never down or defeated. This world is a nemesis. God is the friend. This world is a time capsule of the interaction between spirit and reality. But to take its onslaught, the spirit has to be strong and God gives that self healing strength for the spirit to recover from all the jolts of the world. The spirit continues strong into eternity. The spirit keeps self healing every time and from time to time with the energy of God. When the spirit becomes like water, then this life becomes pointless and everything starts to look pointless and unnecessary and of not much significance. Because both good or desirable or bad do not impact the spirit. It all looks irrelevant. The spirit just observes it and the spirit continues to flow. Imagine a fountain that never stops despite the disasters. It is eternally flowing impacted by nothing. Whats the point of this The spirit getting drained is really a form of sickness. It affects the body. It stresses you out. It is in constant state of suffering and agitation. Imagine using a phone with the lowest battery charge, it's really tough, The goal for the spirit is to stay stoic throughout the situations and interactions of the world. So getting drained is losing hope and not reaching the fullest potential of one's intentions. But a strong spirit moves on and achieves what the mind wanted. The soul continues on its path of purpose of creating goodness in the world and spreading light with an enormously strong spirit. Spiritual strength is a mysterious strength. It's like you are too exhausted on the bed and you feel like you just can't get up because you are so tired that you might almost faint. Yet if your spirit is strong, even in those circumstances, you will be able to get up despite the tiredness. The spirit will give you the willpower and the energy. Thus the spirit will show its power in the most impossible and insurmountable or difficult situations and circumstances where all hope is lost and where everything seems impossible. The spirit will give the energy to rise up again and to survive and tide over those extremely difficult circumstances. There are many in the world where people have survived and showed remarkable feats in surviving very difficult circumstances. It's their strong spirit at work. Scientifically their bodies under those circumstances should have shown massive damage and degradation and even a scant possibility of survival. However when examined they show miraculously or baffling level of recovery and no effect at all or very little impact and their survival and escape looks very astonishing like almost unachievable by a human. Yet they make it or made it. That's because of their power of the spirit. Their spirit like water remains unfazed, undefeated and this ever flowing spirit gives tremendous amount of strength to the body. A drained spirit cannot do this. I don't believe that this spirit creates miracles. But what I feel is that this spirit gives the strength and the ability to deal effectively with the interactions and situations of the world that are encapsulated into a phenomenon called life. Such a power the devil can never have. It's only God that gives it to the one that deserves. When you have a spiritual experience with God, your spirit becomes like water, strong, resilient, invincible,calm, matured, stable, flowing, motivating. And when you are deprived from such a spiritual experience, your spirit is empty, drained, it becomes like the wind, lacking strength and takes any direction in which it is made to go. When your spirit becomes like water, everything begins to look petty and you become a different person. You become strong and tough and resilient and things of the early nature do not matter anymore. Here we have a few definitions to better understand this concept . Life being like a time capsule of events and conditions. Earth as the earthly world of illusions and material rewards Water, representing the resilient nature of a fulfilled spirit Wind, representing the weak spirit Sky, representing eternity and the eternal guiding spirit of God and its rewards and glory of peace, joy, love and happiness. You have to be not like a wall or unemotional but like an absorbing sponge to feel the love of the eternal spirit or God. If everyone just focused on their own spirituality and the spirituality of their nearest kin, the problems of the world would end. We focus too much on the world and too little on ourselves. The world is an anomaly created out of the algorithm of many different positive as well as negative factors arising out of human perception and their clashing in reality. The Swan manual, tarot cards, the spirit exercise, contemplation exercises, parts of mind exercises, review contemplation, brail exercise.

The real challenge does not lie in calling a spade a spade, but calling a brick a spade His fragile ego just cannot handle anything. Bullshit is bullshit even if you put a elitist sophisticated spin on it. The real challenge does not lie in calling a spade a spade, but calling a brick a spade. When you see a thug, you can call him a thug but what to do when a sophisticated person is peddling you. White collar crime. Beneath all that veneer, all that sophistication, deep down there is ugliness, a fetish to feed the ego, and basically its sophisticated hustling. The problem is you can't put a finger on it, can't say why it is wrong or evil, These people and their ideological and philosophical ramblings. Ain't going anywhere with all that narcissistic crap. He is high up there in the ranks of truly undesirable people. His fragile ego just cannot handle anything. Bullshit is bullshit even if you put a elitist sophisticated spin on it. The real demon is not the demon himself but Judas who is a wolf in sheep's clothing. Who appears like he is teaching the masses but in reality he is sowing the seeds of hate. You're just wrapping it up in a different judgemental bullshit package. When someone cannot be your downfall, you are your own downfall The greatest Bible in the world is karma. Karma is the biggest teacher. It teaches you everything. Karma will put you in your place. Karma is the ruler. It is a mirror that shows you the truth and shows who you are. Spirituality and life is about morality. Those with moral values do not spread hate. Narcissism causes you to lose that which was once beautiful. Your narcissism will be your own downfall. It will make you lose everything you were once so proud of you. Pride is nothing but self deception and delusion. Crafty means skilful and tricky in achieving goals Conspirator means schemer or plotter or someone who is the mastermind behind a conflict or disaster. Deceptive means a person who is very vague and not providing clarity and his true nature reveals that his impressions were fake. Like he said he is going to help. But when you need help he is being evasive. Deceitful means a person who cheated and used a specific method to get his goal. For example a man who copied to get good grades. Liar one who lies Shady means sneaky that is there is something suspicious about that person or that person's work. Fake means a person who puts on a display of an emotion without actually feeling for a specific intent. Phony means a person who is pretentious. Like always being pretentious and always putting on a fake display of intentions. Like everything they do is a show or a display. Just not genuine. Traitor. - they destroy your trust and completely betray you by turning against you for their selfish means. Manipulator is someone who has bad intentions for you or selfish intentions for them and talk you into getting done what they want. They also brainwash you for their means. Devious - a person who gives an impression that they are doing everything for your good but hiding their real agenda behind their impressions. You become aware later that you were being used for their benefit and their true agenda was something else that benefits them. Disingenuous - a person appearing to be having all good intentions or interests behind what they do but clearly their agenda is their own benefit and this is covered up or kept hidden or made to appear less relevant. For example an author who claims to raise awareness about a crime but their real motive was to profit from the book sale. Con artist - is someone who is outrightly scamming people by tricking them into a scheme that is obviously a scam and completely false.

One big difference that will happen to you on the path of spirituality is the onset of depression. Your heart will grow bigger and bigger and your mind will expand in awareness and you will begin to notice how petty and shallow and disappointing humanity is. You will be depressed looking at the state of the world. You grasp a piece of beauty from a higher plane and it will be so beautiful that in comparison to it, the whole world will look so ugly and despicable. It's like you have been with the most loving people and now you are suddenly thrown into a prison full of thugs and bullies. It will feel unreal, sad depressing and you would feel like you don't belong there and that you have to stay away from such toxic people, you wouldn't find them relevant because your moral scale is higher. You will find those people like worthless nuisance destroying your agenda and not allowing you peace. You won't even discuss things they do because those things will be irrelevant to you. Once you are on the path of spirituality you will experience beauty and only beauty and the beauty will be so astonishing and pleasant and ethereal that all the richness treasures achievements of the world will fail in comparison. And suddenly everything and anything human will appear incredibly valueless, vague, ugly, shallow, hypocritical and futile and cringe worthy. Humanity will look like a pile of garbage and you will be residing in a different plane of beauty and eternity. You will feel eternally alive and blissful and invincible, no hate will destroy you, you will feel liberated and you will feel so peaceful so joyful and The people who will look genuinely good to you will actually be the weirdest out of the whole crowd because they would be ostracized for being spiritual and not like money hungry successful ones

Just a reminder to myself - Never world Never to dabble into ghosts, paranormal, supernatural, aliens, UFOs, cryptids, ancient cultures, sasquatch, strange artifacts, strange places, creepy stories, occult, occultism, witchcraft, vampirism, magic, psychic powers, mediums, faith healing. Supernatural claims, NDE claims, spontaneous healing claims, christ testimonies, identifying as someone else ex elf, strange disappearances, Esp, demonology, tarot reading, divination, ancient aliens, afterlife stories, weird things, illuminati, conspiracy theories, fortune telling, numerology, time travel, alien abductions, cheap cgi effects, demons, monsters, ouija boards, time slips, men in black, cursed objects, curses, strange deaths, shrines, high strangeness, occult books, occult artifacts, haunted buildings, places, good luck symbols, energy of crystals, creepy pasta

Taken from an article. The Unbelievable Skepticism of the Amazing Randi Share on Facebook Post on Twitter Mail Image By Adam Higginbotham Nov. 7, 2014 A few minutes before 8 o’clock one Sunday evening last July, around 600 people crowded into the main conference hall of the South Point casino in Las Vegas. After taking their seats on red-velvet upholstered chairs, they chattered noisily as they awaited the start of the Million Dollar Challenge. When Fei Wang, a 32-year-old Chinese salesman, stepped onto the stage, they fell silent. Wang had a shaved head and steel-framed glasses. He wore a polo shirt, denim shorts and socks. He claimed to have a peculiar talent: from his right hand, he could transmit a mysterious force a distance of three feet, unhindered by wood, metal, plastic or cardboard. The energy, he said, could be felt by others as heat, pressure, magnetism or simply “an indescribable change.” Tonight, if he could demonstrate the existence of his ability under scientific test conditions, he stood to win $1 million. The Million Dollar Challenge was the climax of the Amazing Meeting, or TAM, an annual weekend-long conference for skeptics that was created by a magician named the Amazing Randi in 2003. Randi, a slight, gnomish figure with a bald head and frothy white beard, was presiding from the front row, a cane topped with a polished silver skull between his legs. He drummed his fingers on the table in front of him. The Challenge organizers had spent weeks negotiating with Wang and fine-tuning the protocol for the evening’s test. A succession of nine blindfolded subjects would come onstage and place their hands in a cardboard box. From behind a curtain, Wang would transmit his energy into the box. If the subjects could successfully detect Wang’s energy on eight out of nine occasions, the trial would confirm Wang’s psychic power. “I think he’ll get four or five,” Randi told me. “That’s my bet.” The Challenge began with the solemnity of a murder trial. A young woman in a short black dress stood at the edge of the stage, preparing to mark down the results on a chart mounted on an easel. The first subject, a heavyset blond woman in flip-flops, stepped up and placed her hands in the box. After two minutes, she was followed by a second woman who had a blue streak in her hair and, like the first, looked mildly nonplused by the proceedings. Each failed to detect the mystic force. “Which means, at this point, we are done,” the M.C. announced. With two failures in a row, it was impossible for Wang to succeed. The Million Dollar Challenge was already over. Stepping out from behind the curtain, Wang stood center stage, wearing an expression of numb shock, like a toddler who has just dropped his ice cream in the sand. He was at a loss to explain what had gone wrong; his tests with a paranormal society in Boston had all succeeded. Nothing could convince him that he didn’t possess supernatural powers. “This energy is mysterious,” he told the audience. “It is not God.” He said he would be back in a year, to try again. Early one morning last summer, on a visit to Randi’s house in Florida, I drew up outside a few minutes later than we had agreed. Randi, wearing a canary yellow sweatshirt, was waiting at the front door, holding his watch in his hand. “You’re late!” he barked, and it was hard to tell if he was joking. We sat down in the living room to talk, and Randi spent half an hour laboriously adjusting his watch, winding the hands to display the correct date. “I am a little bit obsessed with having the right time,” he said. “I’ve always been very, very, big on knowing what time it is. That’s one of my connections with reality.” Randi has never smoked, taken narcotics or got drunk. “Because that can easily just fuzz the edges of my rationality, fuzz the edges of my reasoning powers,” he once said. “And I want to be as aware as I possibly can. That may mean giving up a lot of fantasies that might be comforting in some ways, but I’m willing to give that up in order to live in an actually real world.” That fixation on science and the rational life — and a corresponding desire to crusade for the truth — has a long history among magicians. John Nevil Maskelyne, who founded a dynasty of English conjurers in 1855 and became a prolific inventor, began his career by exposing fraudulent spiritualists and reproducing their tricks. Houdini turned to debunking mediums in his middle age as his career as an escapologist went into decline. He offered his own $10,000 reward to any spiritualist who could perform a “miracle” he could not duplicate himself. Martin Gardner, whose book “Fads and Fallacies in the Name of Science” is a founding text of modern skepticism, was also fascinated by magic, and became well known for his books explaining how many conjuring and mind-reading tricks rely upon strict laws of probability and number theory. Penn and Teller have since followed Randi down the path of conjurers who have become debunkers. Randi now sees himself, like Einstein and Richard Dawkins, in the tradition of scientific skeptics. “Science gives you a standard to work against,” he said. “Science, after all, is simply a logical, rational and careful examination of the facts that nature presents to us.” Although many modern skeptics continue to hold religious beliefs, and see no contradiction in embracing critical thinking and faith in God, Randi is not one of them. “I have always been an atheist,” he told me. “I think that religion is a very damaging philosophy — because it’s such a retreat from reality.” In July last year, Randi came closer than ever to the end. He was hospitalized with aneurysms in his legs and needed surgery. Before the procedure began, the surgeon showed Peña scans of Randi’s circulatory system. “Very challenging, a very difficult situation,” the surgeon told him. “But he lived a good life.” The operation was supposed to take two hours, but it stretched to six and a half. Since then, Randi has had several brushes with death. But nothing has shaken his steadfast rationalism: neither the heart attack he suffered in 2006, nor the cancer that followed. Nor, for that matter, did a conversation he had with Martin Gardner a few years before Gardner’s death in 2010, when his friend confessed to having chosen to believe in the possibility of an afterlife. “That really surprised me, because he was the rationalist supreme,” Randi recalled. “He said: ‘I don’t have any evidence for it, you have all the arguments on your side. But it brings me comfort.’ ” Randi told me that he now feels mild trepidation each time he goes to sleep at night, and pleasant surprise that he wakes up in the morning. But he insists he does not need the sort of reassurance that Gardner sought in his own last days. “I wouldn’t have any comfort from it — because I wouldn’t believe in it,” he said. “Oh, no, I have no fear of my demise whatsoever. I really feel that sincerely.” Most mornings, Randi is already awake at 7 o’clock, when Peña comes in to check on him; sometimes he’s up at 6. “I’ve got a lot of work to do, still,” he told me, “and I’ve got to make use of my viable time.” He is currently completing his 11th book, “A Magician in the Laboratory,” and spends several hours a day responding to emails from his desk in the chaotic-looking office he maintains upstairs. He Skypes with friends in China or Australia once a week. Peña likes to cook, and paints downstairs, beside the framed lithograph recalling the triumphs of the Man No Jail Can Hold. The couple have spent much of the last year traveling to film festivals and screenings across the United States, helping to promote a new documentary about Randi’s life, “An Honest Liar,” which will be released in February. Randi has been surprised by the response. “Standing ovations, the whole thing,” he told me. When Randi began to come to, heavily dosed with painkillers, he looked about him in confusion. There were nurses speaking in hushed voices. He began hallucinating. He was convinced that he was behind the curtain before a show and that the whispering he could hear was the audience coming in. The theater was full; he had to get onstage. He tried to look at his watch, but he found he didn’t have it on. He began to panic. When the hallucinations became intensely visual, Peña brought a pen and paper to the bedside. It could prove an important exercise in skeptical inquiry to record what Randi saw as he emerged from a state so close to death, one in which so many people sincerely believed they had glimpsed the other side. Randi scribbled away; his observations, Peña thought, might eventually make a great essay. Later, when the opiates and the anaesthetic wore off, Randi looked at the notes he had written. They were indecipherable

Chapter 265 I will add another step to this. Review contemplation After many hours of contemplation, you can do a review contemplation that focuses on productivity, outcome, result and future corrections, additions and considerations. I have written before about brail and chi energies. And now it is a different form that I came across in my contemplation exercise. And this is attraction based energy. This energy you build up by attracting certain things to yourself. You can either attract positive or negative based on the law of attraction. Chi is the output or vibe. Brail is the inner state of homeostasis. And this can be called element energy or psychic energy. Brail, chi and element. Chi is output Brail homeostasis Psychic energy is feeding. And there is attraction and visualization as parts of the mind.. Parts of the mind 1..shadow 2.. Utterance 3. Awareness 4.. Equilibrium brail or homeostasis 5. Security 6. Nourishment 7. Filteration 8. Observation 9. Memory 10. Judgement 11. Cohesion 12. Avoidance or protection 13. Freedom or release 14. Recovery 15. Contemplation 16. Rehabilitation or therapy.. 17. Visualization. 18. Order or sequence 19. Attention, concentration, focus. 20. Cleaning. 21. Attraction.and telekinesis. 22. Compass Attraction based contemplation. Desire based contemplation Observation based contemplation. Here you observe your mind and see what it's attracting. And whatever you need to attract. Observe your own mind. Third person based. Never world.

Chapter 264 I'm feeling much better today. Much better. I feel confident than ever. I feel like I can finally get a grip on my life. What I did for this is laid-contemplation I will layout 4 types of contemplation. Laid-contemplation - you have to lay down and close eyes and just focus on different sensations of the body. Let the sensations slowly settle down and calm. Sitting contemplation - sit upright and a straight back. Stretch your arms and warm up. Now hold a rod in your hands. Like a long metallic or wooden rod. This is to keep the hands engaged. If not a rod, use a big bowl a metallic and hold it with both hands and the bowl placed as you sit cross-legged. Standing contemplation - stand with upright posture. Place hands on a wall at a horizontal angle. Now slightly bend head towards the wall with the neck bent in. You can do this on a wall or a door or window. Now silently contemplate. Silent contemplation - be completely silent and shut down all sounds in the environment. Use any of the positions above... No thoughts. Completely blank and silent