tsuki

If you feel hurt because you were judged, remember that there is not much to say other than what we think about each other. Each adjective is as descriptive of you, as it is descriptive of another person's point of view. The most profound way to be together is to be silently connected.

I don't know what to write in Gog's defense because the ban may have been given appropriately. The fact that I like him and that I enjoyed our interactions does not lessen the severity of what he did. I just wanted to say that it's a shame that it ended up this way and that I would welcome his return. Would you please consider releasing his ban?

Working out is like having a relationship with my body. It's difficult to start the training, but once I do, it's intense. It is both pleasurable and painful. The pleasurable part is the dizziness of exhaustion and the intensity of experience. The painful part is, of course, the fact that my muscles are sore afterwards. The added bonus is that I feel easy for living the non-training part of my life and not thinking that I should exercise.

Today's running was very refreshing. My muscles were sore after two days ago and I was a little afraid to hurt myself, but it went better than I expected. I feel energized and my mind was creatively racing during the run and afterwards. My thighs hurt, especially sartorius. I need to find some routines for proper stretching here. I was stronger and had better endurance today. I wonder if that's gonna stay.

Outline of understanding as a spiritual practice as explained in terms of alchemy. Earth: the stone. Water: personal experience. Air: Ego FIre: Ambiguity. The goal of alchemy is the Quintessence, quint essence, fifth element. You take the stone, whatever it is. It may be a piece of art, a painting, a song, a book, a conversation, a person, an object, anything, even silence, space, stars, you, the floor, a window, this text. Anything. The stone is Dry and Cold. It is in itself, by itself and protects its own boundaries. It has its own form and shape, its own rules, requires effort to change and upon effort, it returns to its natural state. Now, you take Water, your personal experience. This includes your knowledge, your experience, your feelings, your intuition, your perceptions, objections, opinions and facts. Water is Cold and Moist. It gathers and connects, but has no substance of its own. It is pure relativity for the sake of it. It is connection, relation, without the things that are being related. Now, you apply the Salt principle. You mix the two in order to create Soma, Primal Mud. If all you see in the Mud is Water, your personal experience, then it means that you've thrown a rock into a pond. Start over. If all you see in the Mud is Earth, the stone, then it means that you've thrown a glass of water onto a mountain. Start over. It is best to start with a middle sized rock and learn to dilute it gradually, to make the stone personal until it is something in between you and it. Primal Mud needs to be neither Water, nor Earth. It is both Moist (relative) and Dry (concrete, stable, rigid). It is also Cold, contracting, known, mechanical and mundane. Then, there is Fire, which is ambiguity. Ambiguity is knowing that you don't know. It starts with openness, with the acknowledgement that something may be other than it appears, but it does not end there. Ambiguity is forgetfulness, destruction, obliteration, erasure. It is death, a dream that you forgot you had, the breakfast you had a year ago, a relative that died 50 years before you were born. There is no fire without something that is burning. That is, non-existence does not exist. That sentence and this paragraph is Sulfur, inspiration. It brings it about, but it needs to burn down. A fire cannot be captured because it is a process that turns to ash what it touches. Fire in itself Hot and Dry because it separates and is unyielding. The last part is Air, the mediator, Ego. The Ego does not think or feel, because thoughts and feelings belong with Water. The Ego does not destroy because destruction belongs with Fire. The Ego does not die because the only thing that exists is Earth and Earth does not think or feel. The Air is Moist and Hot. It transmits Moisture from Mud to Sulfur and Heat from Fire to Water. Ego makes the inspiration of ambiguity known and uninspiring or destroys connectivity in the Stone and makes the Mud fall apart. The pathway is bi-directional and the Ego has no control over it even if it rules the process. If the Air needs to warm the Mud, but can't - it means that the Ego is mixed with personal experience. If the Air needs to make Sulfur Moist, but can't - it means that Ego is destructive and suicidal. Both beliefs are mistaken, as the Ego cannot die and cannot experience. Ego is in-between Death and Life, Mind and Body. It is the Soul between Spirit and Corpus. The only thing that Ego does, is conducting. It transports things, but it appears as if it was directing. When it is directing, it is when it is entangled with either personal experience, or Death. There is no other place than Death for personal experience to go, and there is nothing else to do for Death than to destroy. When Ego directs, it conducts, when it conducts, it directs. The four-element rotation process never ends and never starts. The Quint essence, the Spirit, is the self-similarity, how every Element can be seen in everything. It is how the Air resembles the whole of the process. It is how the Lower Self resembles the Higher Self and that the two are identical. The Quint essence is the Void, the immeasurable, because there are no words to describe it.

Bringing this post forward because it is relevant to what I'll be writing next.

@now is forever Sigh, please just get out. You wanna chat, go to my other journal. This one here is the place where I think. https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Classical_element#/India https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Aether_(classical_element) https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Akasha ______________________________________ On another note, I'm still interested in Hades and Persephone and I'm not seeing them clearly. The Underworld is their home, which is an instance of Otherworld: https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Greek_underworld https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Otherworld https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Chthonic https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Hades https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Persephone

https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Classical_element

https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Hera

Enough bickering. Ego is Air, Spirit is emptiness and they are not opposed to each other.

Hey, I'm not saying that the books are right because they are books. It is all my experience too, I just use the knowledge to systematize this. Some things are beautiful because they are raw, and some are beautiful because they are symmetrical. Alchemy is something that shows the underlying symmetry of how the world works. It's the symmetry of the raw. I brought Pythagoreans up because they use the pentacle to show what you are saying. The original 4 elements are within the square of opposition (it is counterclockwise here): Earth, Water, Air, Fire. The fifth element, here called Spirit, is above, connected to all of the rest elements. It is not really a pentacle, it is a pyramid. In the original image, Spirit is the observer, the one that reads the image. I think that the fifth element is best left outside of the picture because it is mystical, esoteric. It is equally made of Fire and Water, as it is made of Earth and Air. It symbolizes the ascent, increase in dimensionality, the Quintessence, reconciliation of the opposites in harmony.

@now is forever Does the picture show the canonical order of elements in Ayurveda? Pythagoreans also had a five-element system, but I find the four-element one to be more appropriate. Aether is subtle and it is perfect for it to be left undefined, as an upward movement through the spiral of creation. When it comes to the Earth element, here are a few links if you want to chew on it some more: http://opsopaus.com/OM/BA/AGEDE/Earth.html https://www.wikiwand.com/en/Hera

Those are some impressive muscles. Really creative way of showing how they interact.

My muscles are wonderfully sore today. It feels good to do nothing, but I'm gonna stretch. I need to study the general outline of what muscles I have.

The difference between Maximus and Commodus is not that one gave in to emotions and the other controlled them. The difference is that Maximus is internally firm and integrated, while Commodus needs external validation from women and the crowd to feel empowered. Maximus is a complete man that seeks no trouble. He protects his home for the best of his abilities, and his abilities are great. He is a general that leads armies of Marcus Aurelius. When his family dies, he does not 'give in' to grief because there is no point to withhold it. He gives in, because he is overwhelmed. He knows that he has no reason to live, but he continues because he is furious. His wounded animal does not let him kill himself because it seeks blood. This is what is right. Commodus on the other hand is blind to his wounded emotions and tires to act like a man. He is wounded because of his busy father's neglect and is pressured to act because of expectations that are placed upon him. He yearns for his father's approval, women's approval, crowd's approval. He unconsciously tries to rule the same way he sees others have control over him. Through fear, manipulation and intimidation. Through emotional wounding. He does not see that he spreads his incompleteness like cancer and in doing so, makes the state unstable, paranoid. He tries to distract it with violent games, but it only hastens his demise. A perfected mind does not know what to think. It is able to hold any thought, no matter how cruel, blasphemous or revolting it is. The mind does not discern what is right or wrong. Emotions do. A man is a mediator between what he feels and what he thinks. Thoughts are the raw material that he uses to create. This is why Maximus always knew what to do and this is why the crowd and his armies loved him. There are moments when the animal nature takes over and this is when a man knows that something is important. Sometimes, what's important is tending to the frightened animal's wounds but a mind cannot know that. Maximus knew that his fury is right because he was hurt unjustly. There is no reason in the world to kill a man's family out of revenge. That is a sign of weakness and the state that has been entrusted to him cannot have a weak ruler. His fury is righteous. Stoics are not bloodless husks that feel nothing. They only feel what's necessary and wise. This is why Marcus Aurelius chose Maximus over his son (at least in the movie).

Don't worry, time is tricky. Confusion is just a clever way of saying that you're exploring the territory until you get the hang of it. You cannot fight your way into presence, the only way is to relax into it. The mind needs to become like water, accept everything, retain nothing. The primary error you seem to be making is that you cannot do anything in order to be present. You cannot plan the steps, or start a practice. That is because any intent puts you in the future and that is exactly the opposite of what you're trying to do. You cannot still a pond with a stick. One thing that stills the mind is simply giving up on life. It does not mean to throw it away and kill yourself, or be miserable, it just means that you accept wherever the tide takes you. You treat every day, every pain as a lesson and change in response, harmoniously. Find solace in death, treat it as a friend. It does not matter why a mind is wired to seek future. It is enough that it does and you don't want it that way. You need a why only if you have a plan to do something and that does not help with presence.

No, I actually look completely ridiculous dressed up like that all the time. It's preference.

It is impossible to create rules for solving conflicts of perspectives. That is because: Rules can only be enforced through conflict Rules are perspective-dependent I imagine that your true underlying assumption that creates such a disturbance is that a guru, or a student are somehow different and that teaching is one-directional. You don't need to prove anything to anybody. What you experience is nobody's business, even if you fly to work every morning.

My hoodie. I only have one because I don't sport sportswear. I need it occasionally, just for exercise. Actually I share it with my wife . I prefer when you draw them spontaneously, without asking me. If I wanted to divine, I have my I-Ching.

I just came up with a way to describe Alchemy in terms of itself. There are four factors in the process: Earth: The Stone Water: Logic Air: The Creator Fire: Creativity The Stone is the subject matter of the process. For a mason, it is a gross stone. For a painter, it is the canvas and paint. For a writer, it is a story. For a programmer it is code. Its primary characteristic is that it is Dry. It has a firm structure that does not yield easily so it requires effort to conquer. It is resistant, but loyal and therefore, stable. Secondarily, it is Cold. It has a tendency to absorb into itself and does not mix easily. Logic is the relative interconnectedness of things. It is like Water, because it is Cold and Moist. Coldness of Water comes from its ability to absorb things. To make something out of stuff that is of different kinds. With Water, you can make a soup from vegetables. It makes fish, grass, trees and stone into a lake. Water in itself, however is nothing. It is Moist and it has no substance of its own. It is relative, it can only form connections, dilute, but there has to be something that needs to be connected. You can mix various kinds of water together and you still get water. You can combine Earth and Water through the principle of Salt. The end result is the Primal Mud. If you take a small rock and throw it into a pond, it goes "splush". You won't be able to find it. If you take a glass of lemonade and splush it on someone's face, he's still there and Water is gone. You need the right combination of Logic and Stone to form Soma. The Mud needs to be sticky, but firm. The last element is Fire, the Creativity. It is Hot and Dry, for it is discerning and obeys its own rules. The Fire is Hot. It separates the undifferentiated Mud into various kinds. It is also Dry. It is uncontrollable. It comes on its own and obeys its own rules. Flame destroys and creates. It does so by taking something and making it different. If you give it a piece of paper, it is no longer a piece of paper. It turns it to ash and it will burn it until it's done. It is difficult to spark a flame, but once it happens, it will spread on its own. There is no such thing as Fire without something burning. Fire is subtle, but there is Sulfur, inspiration. The Mud on its own will not burn and if it will, it will turn it to ash. There is also the third element, Air. The Creator is Air, for s/he is the Mediator. S/he is Moist, and Hot. Moisture is flexibility. It is the possibility to adapt, to yield effortlessly. This is how The Creator is similar to Water, but unlike Water, s/he is Hot. Hotness, on the other hand is how s/he is similar to Fire, but s/he is Hot only secondarily. S/he is also Moist. Therefore, The Creator is the Messenger that is Moist to Fire and Hot to Water. S/he yields to the Creative, and discerns from the Primal Mud. If the process gets out of hand, the Creator has the possibility to reverse the flow, to yield to Water and cool the Fire. S/he is the Mercurial principle, the activity of reconciling the irreconcilable. The creation comes from selective, directionless, destruction. This destruction is not random. The Creator is the Air, invisible, directionless. It moves, but there is no mover. It reveals by dropping the curtain. It goes, Earth > Water > Air > Fire > Earth > Water > Air > Fire > ... Stone > Logic > Creator > Creativity > Stone > Logic > Creator > Creativity > ... Each cycle turns the Stone closer to the Philosopher's stone. Logical Creativity, the Stone that is the Creator.

@Codrina Sorry, but I can't seem to see what is your problem. Can you please state it clearly? Is it about the fact that you snapped in February? Or is it about the fact that you feel lonely?

@Zigzag Idiot

You cannot experience death. Death is like a dream you never had, a memory that you forgot. After the physical body dies lies exactly the same thing that was before it was born. While you are looking for answers, your precious existence is chipped away. Second, by second. Tic tock tick tock tick tock tick tock... Why look over there, what lies beyond, if you're gonna find out eventually anyways? This thing, all of it, is only once and just for you. Stop wasting it and wake up.

My blouse did not dry up, so I couldn't go running. Instead, I did alternating series of pushups, situps and crunches until my muscles gave in. Tomorrow is going to be so much fun .

From a gross point of view - yes, it is disempowering for men to yearn for a woman that much. On a more subtle level though, it is precisely the point. The masculine fantasy is to have so much power that you can give it off freely. Strip clubs are a monstrosity not because they are disempowering for anybody. It is because it is a place where men that dedicate their lives for amassing power meet with women that dedicate their lives to be perfectly deceitful. Yes, men are in power because they have money and status, and yes - they are disempowered because of their animal instincts. It is, however symmetrical for women. They have the power over the animal instinct, but they are powerless because of lack of money and opportunities. Frankly, I find strip clubs beautiful in a grotesque way.