tsuki

I needed to read your message, like, 10 times before I could hear it. Despite the fact that you gave as much as two paragraphs of apologies in advance, my fragility made me skim the parts of the text to hear it as a bunch of insults. This is amazing. I believe this is what you're referring to @Bill W . I don't know if that's a mitigating circumstance, or not, but I wrote this post to be deliberately over-the-top nasty. It was not an outburst. Mikael posted a topic about his unhelpful self-image and got about 10 pages worth of compliments and reassurances. His reaction was to argue with people that tried to make him feel good and convince them that he truly is hideous. My intention was to make him reflect on that fact, so I had to go so much over the top that he would try to defend himself. I think that he saw through the ploy. I find this post to be juvenile because I should have known better how low self-esteem works. He does not need to hear such things from me, he probably has those insults on repeat in his mind all the time and he internalizes them. This is why I find helping people so difficult. I don't know what makes people gain distance from their own minds. I was never able to figure it out, the only think I know to work is suffering. This reply actually haunted me for days and ultimately slipped into my LSD trip. I apologized afterwards to make peace with myself. What I referred to as being an asshole in the video was more subtle. It's about witty remarks that slip through in everyday life. They mostly go unnoticed both by me and the recipient, but it still affects my relationships.

@jbram2002 You probably won't be able to hear me out, but I'm gonna say it anyway: space does not exist. It's a concept that glues the world of illusion together (just like time). Since when telling people the truth didn't make them give you weird looks?

She's writing more posts than she's hiding... (I think it's on purpose )

You cannot create love or space, but you can remove things that obstruct them. In this sense, yes - you can make them.

So, various typologies are based on expressions of essence through different means? Endocrine type being the 'body type'? I can now clearly see myself as lunar-venusian and how these qualities are indeed complimentary. They seem like a irreconcilable paradox though, impossibility. It took me solid 20 minutes to decrypt this sentence, but I'm not open enough to dive into Astrology yet. Do you find it to be accurate? There's a lot of information on my birth chart that I just generated, but I'm not going to learn all of that now. Assertiveness was definitely a very strong theme in my life. It's really difficult to find in-depth information about body types on the internet. Is there any specific name for this typology (like MBTI, or enneagram of personality)? I've seen the videos you posted and found a few websites, but it's very sparse. I wish I had known this when I was a teenager. I bet I would dismiss it though

Stage green picking on stage blue. Nothing to see here.

"Lunar willfulness and ability to focus offset by Venusian relaxed openness." is that part about personality, or about essence? I've been reading this to make sense of what essence is and I think that it's what I referred to when I said that I don't exist. It may not be a good way to phrase it, but I intend to shoot a video on that topic soon. For now, I think that personality is what is pieced together to make sense of the world, while the essence is what is left after we've deconstructed the personality enough to see it (or lack of it). Thankfully I was spared such violent outbursts, but I'm prone to yelling when I'm angry. It usually happens when I'm turning the other cheek for too long and the other person does not get the clue, or, when I'm being an asshole habitually (see below). Me being an asshole mostly comes off when I stab people unconsciously after I've seen that they say something pointless/obvious. Sometimes I even poke fun at them for that, it feels like beating a dead horse. I don't do that on the forum too often (I hope!). It's much more difficult in organic situations where it's instinctive and requires reflex. Staying in the heart space seems to mitigate that. It may be a form of expressed Schadenfreude. It was probably the first time I gave an explicit compliment on this forum. I'm mostly challenging and ridiculing people to encourage them. It only effective for the healthy people that don't need to hear it. I also said the same for the opposite case, putting myself above others. I've never been a mother, but I am a son and I know what it does to a child when a mother is entitled because she sacrificed so much for him. I feel that my mother was reasonable in this regard, but she still has trouble respecting my boundaries and using her feelings as a paper shield when I need some space. I imagine that a lot of grown ass men have problems with severing the umbilical cord if they haven't developed their violent side. Making those videos primarily for myself helps me being honest with that. Practicing vulnerability is useful for relationships. I know that relationships are an end in itself for you. Thank you. When are you going to post a new video?

if you have any specific questions that interest you, don't hesitate to ask.

This is such an important topic. Please share your experience with us @Leo Gura.

In my particular case, when I'm stuck in disagreeing with people, I do that out of a twisted form of care about them. I simply cannot let people near me be stupid, or misguided and I mistakenly think that by correcting them, I'm making them wiser. Inwardly, I believe that everybody is equal and everyone can understand how I perceive things, so I'm simply doing my best to explain my point of view. If it's not being met with openness, this brings about suspicion of stupidity which only makes my explanations even more fierce. Accepting that some people are simply incapable of intellectually understanding something is very difficult for me. That is because it means that my point of view is inherently impossible to share and my mind is only partially useful in communication. The real problem that underlies bickering is the fact that the mind is used to construct stories that mend broken hearts. If two emotionally hurt people meet and their stories mismatch, they will try to defend their cohesion by trying to undo the stories of the other. The pain that is being released is not harnessed, but used as fuel for blame, hate and aggression. In that environment, no amount of discussion is ever going to make people agree. In that case, it is much more beneficial to withdraw for your own sake, to stop your personal suffering and harness it for healing. If you're fragile then you're in no position to help anybody. The need for social approval is in my experience a face of fear of not knowing, of directionlessness. It may also interlock with the sense of shame or guilt about not amounting to anything in your life. Those feelings are only present if you're in the mindset that you're obliged to be of service to other people, that things (including you) are valuable only through shared agreement. To stop your need to talk about your insights, you need to realize that by making other people follow them, you're making them cheap. People are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves and having insights of their own. Your insights are just for your own sake, at least until you're comfortable with sharing them, or when people explicitly ask for help. "Explicitly" is relative here, it may also refer to bickering, but you need to be healthy yourself to recognize that. So, in summary: never help others at the expense of your own well being. I hope you find some value in my story and peace in your life.

Oh crap, now I'm so pleased with myself that I won't be able to give any solid advice. Quick, think of something... hmm... let me collect my wits for a bit while I will mention someone I look up to in this regard. @Zigzag Idiot I'll get back to you when I gain some distance @flowboy. Maybe it's a good idea to inspect what intrigues you about me? Just please don't post it publicly or I'll have to leave. kill myself.

Yes, but now I got self-conscious that I made a declarative sentence about enlightenment . I was just kidding.

I see the doomer/bloomer video as an analogy of spiritual transformation. Our modern day's equivalent of Zen model. "It's modern day's 10 ox hearding pics hahaha. Now we just have 2 stages to accommodate for our attention deficit."

Haven't you seen this video? Hahaha really? I always thought that it sounded as if someone slapped a pussy on my face sideways. Why is everybody so kind to me suddenly?

I'll get back to you @mandyjw, I need to run some errands for now and I need some time to ponder this. Thank you for your comments @Zigzag Idiot @mandyjw.

It's modern day's 10 ox hearding pics hahaha. Now we just have 2 stages to accommodate for our attention deficit.

I appreciate your post. Thank you.

Thanks man, I needed to hear that encouragement. I need to learn to encourage people more. Sometimes it is exactly what they need.

Will is the unity of desire. Free will is the result of inner conflict, seeking resolution to fragmentation. It only seems like 'you' have free will because that is how fragmentation is experienced. With integrity there is only Will and it has you.

I ran across this when I was reading about chaos magic. I was never moved to start a deliberate practice like that. Maybe I have other places to explore before?

@mandyjw What do you mean? @DrewNows Thanks!