tsuki

Some time ago, I've taken up the practice of AUM chanting and I was contemplating the sound and its relation to AMEN. While AUM is the sound of eternal oneness, AMEN is A(U)M-EN, the sound of likeness of God and men. I was contemplating the Jesus prayer today (the yin version) and I found that its double symmetry reflects this likeness: Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. The first half of the prayer relates to God (AUM), while the second relates to men (EN). EN is the nasal version of AUM, it is created through closing of the throat with the tongue. I don't know why, but it brings the myth of the Fall of Men to mind - the disconnect from God through independent will that has the ability to choose against the Law. This choice is illusory and is, in effect, a lie that brings about the creation of Ego. The structure of the prayer is rhythmic: odd verses relate to the spiritual, while the even verses relate to the material. Additionally. there is also a progression of the verses in relation to unity and divinity: Lord, Jesus Christ, (unity in God, spiritual, Lord is Jesus Christ) Son of God, (descendant of God, material incarnation) have mercy on me, (individual soul that has spiritual likeness to God and is connected through its mercy) a sinner. (corporeal, material existence that is disconnected) This whole prayer reminds me of the grape vine analogy found in the Gospel of John: This interpretation is especially poignant in the yin version of the prayer. That is because the breathe-in accentuates the emptiness of the spiritual, while the breathe-outs "create" the corporeal. It is a story of descent of Grace from God to men and the final breathe-out expresses relief from sins. I will write on sin later on.

I'm not taking enough care of my sleep. I started using coffee again and it messes up my schedule. I'm also excited in the evening because of my studies and have trouble falling asleep. Unfortunately, I won't have the opportunity to sleep today because of the training that I'm attending. I'm not prioritizing right for the time being.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_contemplation https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_Prayer https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sacred_Heart Today I've been reading about Christian contemplative tradition, specifically about Jesus Prayer and related topics. I started praying using it and I immediately noticed that its full version: has four-fold structure delimited with commas: Lord, Jesus Christ, [YODH] Son of God, [HE] Have mercy on me, [WAW] a sinner. [HE] It is composed of the core (Lord, Jesus Christ, have mercy on me) and the adjectives (Son of God and a sinner). The prayer maps onto the tetragrammaton (YODH-HE-WAW-HE). This mapping can implant additional meaning for contemplation when interpreted as the first four arcana explained in Meditations on the Tarot. The YODH-WAW verses contain the plea towards Jesus and relate to the spirit, while the HE-HE verses relate to the material/human manifestations of the preceding lines. If interpreted this way, the prayer has two-fold symmetry (1,2 | 3,4) and (1,3 | 2,4). Additionally, it can be incorporated with a breathing practice, where each line is either a breathe-out or a breathe-in. There are two versions of such breath mappings: Yang prayer: Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner Yin prayer: Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner Breathe ins and outs can be interpreted as the person's attitude towards the subject of the line: Breathe-in (yin): nature, substance, matter, receptivity Breathe-out (yang): consciousness, movement, spirit, reactivity, relief Additionally, the breathe-outs can be verbalized out loud and breathe-ins have to be thought. This gives us two distinct prayers which I called Yang and Yin versions: The Yang version of the prayer, when verbalized sounds: Lord, Jesus Christ, [...], have mercy on me, [...] It sounds like the shortened version of the prayer When chest movements are taken into consideration: The prayer expresses contemplation on the human nature, It asks out loud Jesus to have mercy on me, It accepts (yin) the Son of God and acknowledges the person's sins. It's introspective in the relativistic plane and asks for God's intervention The Yin version of the prayer, when verbalized sounds: [...], Son of God, [...], a sinner It is uncomfortable to verbalize, even inappropriate to say out loud. This feeling creates an association with the God's name (Jahwe). When chest movements are taken into consideration: The prayer expresses contemplation on the divine, It expresses the tetragrammaton as described by Meditations on the Tarot. It expresses the empty nature of the divine (Christ and the individual soul), It is creative towards the material manifestations of Christ (Son of God) and the individual soul's (me) yearning for mercy. Expresses relief of sins. It's introspective in the absolute plane and perceives creation from God's point of view. More to come.

@MrDmitriiV I didn't mean to imply that you should have a relationship with your father in the sense of being in touch, talking, etc. I was merely advising you to attend to the wounds he has left you with. Feeling the pain, anger, fear and all the feelings you had to repress to feel relatively safe as a child. I was talking about mourning the lack of unconditional love that you may have been deprived of in childhood and the subsequent loss of the "perfect life" you would otherwise have. They may be the things that are being poked by the sound that annoys you. Still, it must feel horrible to be reminded of your childhood this way. <hug>

Maybe, instead of focusing on fixing the sound itself, you could focus on your relationship with your father? I may sound cliche, but maybe you haven't healed your childhood wounds yet and that's what the mind is telling you?

@Ero This is really good. Thank you for this link. John Butler has been gaining popularity here recently. I don't know whether Wikipedia counts as a top resource, but here are some gems related to mysticism: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_contemplation https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jesus_Prayer

This journal is an invitation to study Holy Scripture together. I don't know whether "Holy Scripture" is a term exclusive to Christianity, but I don't mean it this way. If you're currently reading your Holy Scripture and have insights to share, then you are welcome to post them here along with relevant excerpts. This is also a place where I invite discussions about differences and similarities between Holy Scriptures and their depictions of God. The first rule of this journal is that it is not a fight club. Not just because you can talk about it.

I believe so. The content you would provide would either be incorporated into beliefs they currently hold, or demonized and rejected. In case it would be incorporated, they would be less willing to leave their stage. In case it would be demonized, they would feel repelled by turquoise content in the future when it would be appropriate for them. I'd suggest presenting information that is immediately above their stage of development in a way that is informed by your personal experience of transcending their current stage.

It doesn't matter Leo. These studies do not try to approximate the abstract properties inherent to helicopter flight, but measure the risks of flight in current conditions. We're not living in a world where there is 1000x more helicopters in a 100 mile area. In Christian Trinitian symbolism, the Godhead is the Father. The purpose of Jesus was to teach about him through embodiment. That is why it is said that Christ is both God and a man.

From what I've learned, Christians take Christ to be a person of God (Trinity) because of the opening of the Gospel of John: According to this, Christ is the Word made flesh, the embodiment of LOGOS itself. Roman Catholics believe that he is fully God and fully human and his purpose in this world was to allow humans to learn God's ways directly. I wonder what the Qran says about the Gospel of John specifically. Do Muslims recognize it? In the Gospel, Jesus is quoted to say that his miracles are a proof that the Father has sent him. If his words were blasphemous (as Pharisees accused him), God wouldn't have allowed for them.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autorotation

Today I am kicking my own ass for being so damn entitled to everything. My top priority for 2020 is self-care, but the highest form of self-care is self-love. I love my entitled ass.

Supposedly, the Greek word used in Septuagint for God is the same as for the Judge https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_heresies_in_the_Catholic_Church

I haven't felt this good in a long while. So peaceful. Deep belly breaths feel amazing, but I also feel exhausted. Crying is hard work. Some time ago I applied to a programming school as a trainer. They called back and I'm going to see an introductory lesson. I will be teaching children C# and programming Android apps. I want to learn to have fun and increase my empathy.

You're right @Leo Gura, I didn't, it just occurred to me that it's relative. I don't think that bickering about whose teaching is better is good though, so I don't support Bobby's conviction and never have. I understand this because during one of my awakenings, I understood the nature of contemplation. Its results come about because it is a form of channeling that is answered because of devotion to Truth. I also understood viscerally that I am God, reality itself, and that I am ultimately praying to myself. Not my limited self, but the origin of my selfhood, the Source. My atheism was preventing me from seeing it previously so I had to let go of it. I do think, however that it is possible for the Truth/God to influence the material world in other ways than simply by providing understanding in samadhi. Not in the sense that Truth literally materializes/imagines everything (which is true). I mean personally influence things. I believe that this is how paranormal occurrences/siddhis happen. My understanding of the Bible has led me to believe that Jesus Christ was the literal incarnation of Love, Man-God, Word made flesh, and that the miracles that he (supposedly) performed back this claim up. I do have personal, psychological reasons for this search and I am mindful of them. I'd very much like to believe that the world is a friendly place and that there is somebody that will take care of me. I have abandonment issues and I may be trying to fix them with beliefs. I'm willing to go and explore Christianity though and I haven't been disappointed so far. Ahh, this is so embarrassing to talk about my beliefs here. More than dropping shit-jokes in a serious conversation. Sorry about that, Leo.

My wife went to work and I'm alone. I was cleaning the kitchen when it just occurred to me that I can ask Jesus to heal my wounds. So I prayed and asked him to take my wound away, that I can't do this on my own. I bursted into tears and cried for a solid half an hour. Every time I looked at the cross and said "thank you", a new wave of tears came. I don't even know if these are tears of sadness, releasing repressed trauma, or joy. It feels so good to cry. ??? Thank you Jesus.

The week passed by on relaxation, mostly, but I was not satisfied with it. There were some awesome days where I genuinely had fun, but I'm also aware that I'm avoiding my feelings a lot. I'm being very mindful of my inner critic and letting go as much as I can. My crying got a little better recently, as I can tear up more freely. Unfortunately, I need the presence of another person for this, so I can't just cry when I'm alone at home. I feel kind of guilty because of this because I think that I'm a burden to my wife because of it. Today we fought about money, specifically, because we haven't been budgeting for the past few months and I'm burning through my savings like crazy. I feel threatened and overburdened because of it. The role of the main provider for our family is weighting on me and I know that she can't relieve me from it. The squabble was pretty on my part, some unimportant details about account setup, but I felt abandoned and left on my own. That is when I become controlling, when I start to boss around, to protect myself. In the end, she agreed to my suggestions/demands, but what I really wanted was emotional support. I tried to communicate that in parallel to the squabble and I think that she understood that. It's weird that I switch between my adult and wounded personalities during these arguments. She was confused a lot because of it in the past, but she understands and sees it now. Her codependency and fear triggers are definitely not helping here. She was conditioned to not be a burden to her parents because of all the fights they went through prior to their divorce. I also learned that they took her to court and she witnessed all of the divorce nastiness first-hand. I think that her triggers have something to do with becoming a child that is responsible for adults, being unprepared for the job. I love her.

Oh, Leo! Let's cut the bullshit. Are you directly conscious of my bowel movements right now? Because I sure as shit am not conscious of yours. The light of awareness of the particular human I inhabit is limited. Isn't your experience limited? Can you, as a human being, experience my thoughts as I experience them? I bet not. That is the condition of 99.999% humans as well, so why not be honest about that? God is unlimited, yes. He is the love that shines through my shit-stained egoic prism and this particular human lives through it, I get it. I have even experienced it many times before, but any "state" or experience ain't it so I'm not going to pretend otherwise. It was a joke, my therapist advised me to practice humor. Humans aren't less than God just because God provides for them.

@Leo Gura That is why one needs the "elephant man".

@Leo Gura @Leo Gura Hey, love is blind. Stop judging me for my fetishes ?. At the end of the day, regardless of the practices we do, we still live in this limited human form. Why not cut straight to the chase? Because the human is prone to thinking that he has done it on his own, he realized the Truth! He has spoken with the Father face to face and lived! How many miracles have you performed recently, Leo? Any walking on water yet? Having a beloved one is not so bad, it keeps your ego in check and we both know that we need it.

Sorry @Leo Gura, my temper got the better of me yesterday. I appreciate your responses. I said that I don't care what most Christians think of their religion because I believe that they don't really know it. They have been indoctrinated into it since early childhood and I feel that my atheistic upbringing gives me advantage over them. I'm aware that atheism is a belief system that is no better than Christianity and I don't identify as an atheist anymore I can see its underlying dogma. I'm also under the impression that you as a teacher are against bhakti (on principle). Isn't it one of the most powerful paths to enlightenment?

@abgespaced I love you and all of your failures.

Awesome, thank you!