tsuki

@Zigzag Idiot So, I was wondering about the meaning of the three full name numbers and their relationships. I am wondering whether the soul number is constant between incarnations? Given that the destiny number is the sum of the soul and outer personality numbers, and that outer personality number refers to the current incarnation, it seems like it should be possible to calculate what the next life will be about? The operation that is applied to numbers is called digital root and its purpose is to quickly calculate the stage within 1-9 cycle as described by this sequence. The left column is the underlying number, and the right column is its digital root. So, for example my path of destiny number is 10/1 and the next path of destiny would be 11/2. If we assume that the soul number is constant between incarnations: 21/3, then we can calculate the outer personality number so that it adds up to 11/2. For example, 1/1 would fit. 21+1=22, reduction would yield 11/2. So, my next incarnation would entail: Soul number 21/3 Destiny number 11/2 Outer appearance number 1. I wonder if it is a solid assumption that the soul number is constant between incarnations? What do you think?

HOW CAN THIS MAKE SO MUCH SENSE!?!? MY INTUITION IS GOING CRAAAAAAAAAAAZY

Fucking hell man. This is not funny. Fuck you @Zigzag Idiot! HOW THE HELL DID YOU FIND ALL THOSE BOOKS MAN?! Me: Life lesson number: 47/11 Soul number: 21/3 Outer personality number: 61/7 The path of destiny number: 10/1 <~ this fucking shit right here! Fuck! HOW AM I GONNA LIVE UP TO THAT?! COMPLETE REALIZATION AND ATTAINMENT FOR A 1?! FOR A LIFE LESSON 47/11?!?!?!?! My wife: Life lesson number: 37/1 She's not just a one. She's the one Soul number: 33/6 <~ HOLY SHIEEET. SHE'S A 6 THOUGH BUT THE LESSONS SHE TAUGHT ME UNKNOWINGLY FUUUUUU Outer personality number: 47/11 <~ SHE WANTS TO BE A FUCKING FASHION DESIGNER?! The path of destiny number: 8 <~ WTF WEATH?! RECOGNITION?! LOSING AND MAKING MONEY?! FUUUU This so eearie. IT FITS SO WELL TO WHAT HAS HAPPENED SO FAR! AND IT MAKES SENSE! Pssssss, my mind is blown. Rebooting........................................... PS. I translated the related passages for my wife and she was blown away. But not as much as I was. And it is the missing key for me to understand the enneagram which I always wanted to do. Never knew that Gurdjieff was a numerologist but it makes sense.

Yep, bought the book. Bye bye life

Oh yeah.

OMG LOL

Just checked yours @Zigzag Idiot. 33. I also checked mine and didn't notice that 11 is a proper life lesson number. I got all depressed for being a measly 2. SOOOO APROPRIATE lol.

Your post is in agreement with Leo's in this thread:

@Zigzag Idiot This is actually helpful in taking care of my zoo. Thanks ?

During the weekend I was experiencing a sort of twisting of my personality, with various facets of it surfacing and taking charge. For the past week my wife had a period so we didn't have sex and agreed to try to play today. Last weekend we had amazing time together where she opened up a lot and was simply being in the moment, not worried about the past, future, or the pending tasks. Over the last week, she forgot how to get into that space and her inner child was not having any of it today. What I noticed is that the sex-hungry facet of me is avoiding feeling alone. This pattern runs deep into my childhood where I learned that being alone is bad and was told to substitute that with TV. Few years later, a channel with adult advertisements started airing and I quickly learned the ropes. Now I understand why rejection brings up anger. I can't substitute sex for loneliness and I'm hurt because I believe that being alone is bad. In truth, loneliness is the smoke-screen that covers up the need to be alone. So, when I'm sex-starved, or distracting myself with TV, I actually want to spend some time by myself. This is strange because "being alone" is a distinct mental space, that does not correspond with the lack of presence of other people. It is a mental space from which I can express myself, do what I want, etc. It somehow relates to not having a persona and being preoccupied with others. Anyway, there's been another line of development lately that I opened up to. I don't know why but I feel big resistance to setting goals. I can manage day-to-day business with a todo list to some degree, but that also comes with a burden. I am afraid to envision myself in 10 years, my perfect life. It is probably a residual fear about having my parents' expectations failed. This is interesting because instagram has showed me today an advertisement of this "tsuki" journal and I was so enamored with it that I placed an order without investigating what is it for. I assumed that it is a journal for writing my thoughts, but it turned out that it's a bullet journal for organizing tasks. Quite a synchronicity!

I feel like we're opening up thanks to recent events and a bridge is starting to show up between various ideological factions in this sub-forum. I wanted to discuss the topic of intimacy - what it means to each one of you, personally. The purpose of this thread is to expose and appreciate the differences in understanding of this subject. It does not intend to find the "right" definition. For me, intimacy is expressing and seeing the personal truth within a relationship. It requires openness to experience the other person fully, without inhibiting their expression that triggers the parts of ourselves that we reject. It also requires presence to our needs and willingness to present them to our partner truthfully. It is based upon trust, which is the understanding that our partner means well to both of us and will meet us in a receptive manner. Intimacy has expressions in various aspects of relationships, from physique (sex), through life goals, to emotions and psychology.

I have no experience with hookers but I would expect them to be a more palpable variant of porn. Nothing wrong with that if you're thirsty and rich, but it will not give you any valuable experience with regards to relationships. I would also expect it to be highly addictive. Remember that hooker's job is to please you and normal sex is an exchange.

It indeed does. Would you mind sharing your dream @MsNobody? @Shin maybe?

So innocent ?. So much stuff to own up to ? Aren't you aware of what this dream expresses? If you do, that's vulnerability. Leo is not nearly as vulnerable as he could have been.

@mandyjw Never fails to deliver! Do we have another contestant? Gosh you are one of a kind ♥️? And vulnerable at that ? Such a ripe dream ??

And the high does what? Does it no let you feel differently than you normally would? Or maybe feel at all?

I have never been addicted to smoking but I ended up addicted to weed. Addictions usually cover up some emotions that we want to substitute. I would advise starting a mindfulness practice when you smoke. Taste that cigarette, how does it feel in your mouth, how does the smoke taste and what it does to your tongue. (Spoiler: it tastes horrible and you are dissociated)

I just had a huge breakthrough during a therapy session. I am using other people's company to avoid feeling my loneliness. Why would I ever avoid feeling loneliness? It is a feeling ffs ? When I was a kid and had my first day at school, my mom would tell me that I should watch tv when I get back so that I would not feel lonely. I needed a fucking parent back then you workaholic pricks! I'm a 31 years old adult and I kept believing that the whole time that loneliness is bad! wtf?! These people taught me that because they can't stand themselves! And they can't stand themselves because they don't know themselves! I just told my wife that I need some space because I'm using her to avoid feeling lonely. Or rather, I want to be alone but my beliefs turn that into loneliness that I habitually avoid feeling! So in order to do that I walk in zombie mode and distract myself ? lol. Ignorance is so fucking twisted ?. Only a child would come up with such a plot!

@Shin @MsNobody @meow_meow This is now officially dreams about Leo mega-thread. Share your dreams!

@mandyjw that assumption is also unhelpful and related to cultural judgement of mental illness. Tuberculosis is not related to enlightenment and you are not fundamentally flawed fo having it.

Not related in the slightest. Spreading misinformation about mental health is harmful and dangerous to people that are afraid to ask for help.

@Fuku These questions will be direct, but I want you to keep yourself open and not hide behind a persona. If there are any socially unacceptable answers to this that come to mind, I want you to explore them. Write whatever comes to mind, unfiltered. What are your views on women? What is your relationship with femininity, especially your own feminine side. Are you comfortable expressing your emotions when you are in company. Are you bottling in difficult emotions in (anger, fear, etc) when in company? Are you comfortable with these emotions when you are alone? What is your relationship with your mother? How deeply have you explored your childhood? Are you aware of unconscious patterns your parents have programmed you with? Do you know of your inner child and do you have a relationship with it? As children, we are a part of a family dynamic and tend to instinctually fill up empty spots, or niches, that the family needs. We tend to get attention from our parents when we're serving a purpose in the overall dynamic. We need this attention regardless of whether it is loving, or hurtful. These niches then become unconscious patterns that the inner child plays out unbeknownst to you. This can manifest during sex, when you are very open and vulnerable. I would look for the reason why you have these fantasies in the roles you were serving as a child. You may have experienced your mother's overprotectiveness as hurt. You may have been women's protector and witnessed their hurt. The reasons are very circumstantial and deeply important to you, but forgotten for some reason. I would not underplay the significance of the fact that the conscious part of you fears this impulse to be dominated. I have experienced a similar feelings with respect to my own fetishes about dominating women. I was expressing anger at my family for never loving me in the way that I needed and making me into a source of problems to "fix". This is all obvious looking, but to actually experience your own depth for yourself and have these emotions come up is a complete mindfuck. I literally misconstrued in my mind what love is so that I would believe that my parents loved me and that I had a happy childhood. TONS of problems in my adult life originated from this false belief. This is how much we need our parents as children and if we don't take conscious ownership of our vulnerable selves, they will keep reminding us. I would also recommend reading Alice Miller's "Drama of the gifted child". The book is very short but packs a punch so is a good start. See if it touches you deeply, on a personal level. You may be at a loss of words, unable to name what you feel, but crying will feel good. "Homecoming" written by John Bradshaw is a good manual to work with your inner child. You seem to be a creative person so this work may be very natural to you.

@Don Wei Hey man, I'm very sorry that you went through all of this without support from anyone. Thank you for opening up and posting this thread here. It was a very brave thing to do and the fact that you decided to heal your wounds is admirable. I don't have much advice given how much has been said in this thread. The only thing that i'm going to say is that you should realize that it was not your fault. It is never your fault for being taken advantage of. You can learn from this, you can be wiser next time, but it was not your fault. There is a big pressure on us men to behave like we don't feel anything, but this pressure is false and harmful. The fact that you took ownership of your heart and made a decision to heal makes you much more of a man than most men will ever even aspire to. This is how sorry the state of masculinity is and this is why I consider you to be a hero. Good luck and godspeed!

Dark freakin' souls.

Hahahaha! Gets me every time! Are these custom assets? That took some real dedication!