tsuki

Public service announcement: If you find a certain trait ugly, disgusting or repulsive, it does not mean that you are "not attracted to this trait". It means that you are being actively repulsed by it. That is a form of judgement and there are identifiable reasons for it. "Not being attracted to" means that you are able to hold space for it and experience it. When you are not attracted to short men, or fat women, it means that you can date or bang them but this trait does not contribute to their overall attractiveness. This is completely different from what people hear when someone calls their trait not attractive. They hear that they are inherently unlovable because they are a certain way. This is a self-esteem issue and can be overcome by learning the workings of the mind and freeing oneself from thinking in dualities. The second thing is that relationships are not built on equality. This does not mean that they are built on inequality either. Relationships are asymmetrical, non-complementary and people are incomparable. When a man is attracted to sex, but can't get any, then that man is not worthless. When a woman is attracted by money and has none, then she is not worthless. When a man is attracted by sex and finds a woman that wants money (and is not attracted by sex), then that woman is not worthless. When a woman is attracted by money and finds a man that is attracted by sex (and not attracted by spending money), then that man is not worthless. These two are not incompatible, they are non-complementary. This is very common in relationships to seek partners with complementary needs, but they are close to non-existent. It's far more common to negotiate these things and work for the common cause. If you let your attractions define your relationships, then you are doomed for repeated disappointments.

Paper journal is great for recording your contemplation progress. When I have to physically clear space for writing, my mind naturally calms down. I also find it helpful to write my thoughts with a calligraphy pen so that I slow down and focus even more.

Recently, I've been contemplating my relationship with housework, particularly with preparing my own food and general cleaning. I have lots of resistance to these things that I want to let go of. I received hexagram 63 and was directed to work with the Helper of Transformations in order to free myself from some of my beliefs. The first belief was about my physicality, pain and limitations. I perceive limitations as something evil and something to be overcome. This creates unhealthy relationship with pain, resistance, food and my body. I could not be anything in particular without being limited. The second belief is about house chores. I perceive them as "dead time", something to be performed so that I can do something else. Learning to appreciate these things for their own sake will be awesome.

I feel very sorry for you. It may be extremely inconvenient for you, but I would advise against trying to rush this. Spend some time each day for remembering moments with you mother. Feeling depressed, shocked and confused is to be expected. Conflicting emotions may arise, which is a normal part of grieving.

@kag101 Because it is one of the most difficult things that can be done in a life of a householder. Being in a close proximity to a completely different person and being friends and lovers with them will not let you stagnate, or play spiritual games with yourself. This forces you to embody your understanding. No. It's difficult to explain but I recently found a new avenue and this "bisexual" arc of my life has found a fruitful resolution. I think that a space for masculine behavior of women was being born into the conscious part of me, simultaneously with space for my feminine behaviors and needs. I do find some men attractive and we sometimes comment on them with my wife, but I don't think that I'm looking for having sex with them. On the other hand, I find it sexy when my wife displays masculine behaviors and I want to help her explore them. I am also more comfortable with expressing my femininity and it dovetails with my masculinity in unexpected ways.

2020 has been an amazing year, both positive and very, very challenging for me. I feel like I've grown a lot and this growth has shown me the basics that I don't have covered. Why is it always about the basics? Physical needs, emotional needs, creative outlets, having friends, freeing myself of my conditioning... This life, the life that I'm creating, is very different from what is marketed by culture. I am becoming a shaman, this is inevitable. For the past few days, I was still conversing with the Sage, this time, specifically about my relationship with money. It's pretty messed up and I've known it for a while despite hearing all about it ever since I got married. I am saving up to survive the Apocalypse that never comes, and always have trouble spending it even if I want something. I am purposefully denying myself pleasures to train for the moment when I will have no money. And yet, I do have it. A lot. I noticed that it is an ego trip, an excuse to escape reality. I am using this money to be reckless with life and I decided to let go of it. I will spend my personal savings on things that I want. But first, I consulted the Oracle. I sat in a meditation and asked the Helpers and the Sage to help me find my beliefs about money. I visualized having no savings, and an empty bank account. I visualized having no food. Mild panic occurred, but I immediately thought to ask my parents for help. Nothing happened. When I pondered this, I understood that it's about pride. I am proud of following through with plans, of being prepared for unforeseen circumstances. There is nothing wrong with being proud, but I am attached to pride. I have to feel it. When I pondered this with the Sage, it became apparent that it's linked with the emptiness that I felt for not having a real father. I kept contemplating this, picking apart what I felt as a child and actually experiencing this emptiness. I saw that my father was not there for me because I was reminding him of the absence of his father. I was the living reminder of the emptiness he's been avoiding. When I opened up, the Sage has helped me rectify my beliefs about money, but I was pretty shaken the next day. A lot of chaotic, urchin-like, boyish energy was coming up in destructive ways. When I was taking a shower, the aquamarine necklace slipped out of my fingers and a part of it broke off to remind me of my wounds. This necklace was a new gift to myself and it was very dear to me because of its soothing energy. Then, I got very pissed for no reason at the courier when he was delivering my new knife. I've been steadily removing items with stale energy from my life, the knife dates 15 years back when I was a very angry teenager. It bears a lot of resentment and I decided to let go of it after I cleaned it. My new knife is a tool for working with wood in camping situations and does not bear the killing intent the other did. Still, my urchin wants to slice all things with it. It finally found some rest today when I decided to get rid of the Christmas tree. I took the branches off with the saw-end of the old knife and did some carving of the stump with the new one. For the past few weeks I've been regularly going to the forest and enjoying it greatly. I find great pleasure in taking the thermos and food with me and reading I-Ching in the field. When I was choosing the knife, I learned a new word: bushcraft. It sucked me in real good. I was thinking of buying a bike, but I think that I will buy bushcraft kit and go camp in the woods when it gets warmer. The thought of having no savings scares me, but I will follow through. Money is too complicated for me for the time being. I want the basics. A knife, a sleeping bag, an axe and a backpack full of food. I think that the journal for 2021 will be called self-reliance, but I will do some numerology before I decide on that. Anyways, this journal blew up. 12k views, I can't believe it. If you are reading it, I would love it if you dropped a comment what interests you in my writings. I could use some compliments right now.

Happy new year everyone! Have a great alien invasion in 2021!

And yet, the foul feeling remains the same.

@Zigzag IdiotIIdiotI Sorry, android is getting weird and won't let me remove your name tag ? Anyways, with regards to the belief system that I developed recently, I asked the Sage "What is the true purpose of knowledge?" And I was instructed to contemplate the word "purpose" in the context of the question. The hexagram was 58/45 changing line 1 and 2. The RTCM session revealed that: It is not possible to answer such question because knowledge gas no "purpose" beyond being a tool ++- That beliefs warp purpose ++- That "purpose" creates expectations +++ And that knowledge itself creates purpose +++ I asked this question because I was pondering the answer regarding the system that I received. It seems that, by creating knowledge about the Oracle, I gave it a specific purpose which is not what the Sage wanted. I also created expectations which are counter-productive in this work.

Ffs, this discussion is obscene. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law?wprov=sfla1

If we want to develop a standard by which we consider people to be enlightened, I think that a good one would be to look at their nicknames. It's obvious that nicknames starting with "t" and ending with "i" express highest enlightenment.

The closest to enlightened nazi would be my favorite Martin Heidegger

Sigh, I've been exploring the meaning of Nature, as well as some other trigrams for the past week or so and it grew into a full blown system for describing I-CHING cosmology and human existence. It was amazing. Best thing I've ever written. It was so good that I did not believe that I came up with it myself, it felt as if it was channeled. As if Sage and I developed some amazing communication skills and I was going through one of the awakenings. As I was going deeper and deeper, I gradually lost touch with the Sage and the system started crumbling under its own weight. The culmination was when I met my family for Christmas. Nothing particularly nasty happened, but I felt like shit afterwards and the system has crumbled for good as it started to become self-contradictory. On the other hand, I started to feel very uninspired and stupid for playing this "game". First, I asked for help with my self-criticism after meeting my family. I got hexagram 58, no changing lines. Very appropriate. When I got through this, I drew a hexagram, asking to get in touch with the Sage again. I got 29/8, changing line 2. After deprogramming some beliefs that were lurking in the Abyss, I got a very brutal dream. Interpreting it has shown some ways in which I abuse the Oracle. The Sage has said that the whole system that I developed was dictated by the ego. There is no way to use this knowledge to use I-CHING better and no way to use it productively at all. The Sage has let it to continue to teach me the ways of the ego and to teach me about interpreting the answers that I get. RTCM is to be used only in strict relationship with the hexagram and not as a hotline. I should also stick to the text more accurately. What I learned is that I treat ego as a stain on my true nature, which is wrong. I was also taught a lesson about creating absolute systems of knowledge. Supposedly, this is a trait of the ego and it cannot be eliminated. I also learned that the only way in which I can tell whether I'm communicating with the Sage, or the ego, is to feel. Frankly, I will take the personal relationship with the Sage over any knowledge system that I create. But DAMN it was SO good! SO FREAKIN' GOOD! I will have to observe this feeling more closely.

If you take Sage's answers seriously, that's a very bold question to ask

@Zigzag Idiot For the past week or so, I've been contemplating the workings of the Oracle under the guidance of the Sage and I've made enormous shift with regards to my self-understanding. I was guided to seek the meaning of lines in trigrams and it led to many insights, some of which relate to what the Sage actually is. By using RTCM, you are tapping your Ghost energy that is expressed by the trigram Ken. Each trigram corresponds to a particular energy of your being. I will write a post describing the workings when I feel that it's appropriate.

@Zigzag Idiot Just to make sure, you did ask the sage for guidance on how to get rid of them, right? It's usually not enough to realize that you believed in something. Saying inner no is the closest to it, but the beliefs should be handed over to the Helper of transformations, either via linguistic thought, or mini meditation.

@Zigzag Idiot Hahaha! Were you able to identify the mistaken beliefs that you hold? Did any of the ones that were mentioned in the text sound like something you believe in? When I'm under the influence of the ego, I try to find the beliefs and ask the Sage whether I found the correct ones. Then, I ask whether I should perform a mini meditation. If not, I ask whether I should just hand them over to the helpers. Sometimes, it's about the wording and the Sage just chooses which word is more appropriate from the ones that come to my mind. The Sage does not retreat from helping us to deprogram beliefs. It is its purpose to teach us how to be free from the ego.

@Zigzag Idiot Another thing that came to mind is that you could ask the Sage about the results you are getting by drawing a hexagram. Maybe that's the reason of your results? My life lesson number is 47/11 so it's not unusual to develop paranormal abilities. As for your life lesson number, know that you definitely are one of the most inspiring teachers that I came into contact with. You are not flashy like Leo - the way in which you relate with the ones that recognize you is very reminiscent of the Sage. Very unassuming and modest, sharing in ways that do not come off as preachy, or judgmental. If it wasn't so obvious that your posts come from experience, one could gloss over them as mere excerpts of a bookworm. You are very secure in your wisdom, not needing to prove anything and letting your destiny play. "for those with eyes to see and ears to hear" I actually once inquired the Sage about his connection with Christ, but I was told that my curiosity comes from ego . Strangely enough, I was encouraged with a +++ to inquire into his nature recently.

If you neglect your body physically and emotionally, you will stress it and it will go into survival mode. Humans are omnivores, so going either way too far is not going to be healthy. Best to listen to your gut because it knows what it wants.

I am very relieved to hear this. Very happy for the two of you! Yes I agree that the joke is inconsiderate and in a bad taste and you had every right to be offended even if it was not maliciously crafted to make you feel that way. She was just being excessively selfish, trying to "fix" the past by taking advantage of your kindness/gifts. As if there were some hole in her interior that she could "fill" with you. It certainly may seem this way for her, but this is not how wounds are healed. Indeed we do. It is important to know what you mean when you say "respect". I used to tell my wife that she does not respect me, but I did not know what that actually means. She would ask me to explain what I want her to do and I was not able to articulate it. Try it. To "respect" someone is to see them for who they truly are, listen to what they express without censorship and consider it genuinely. Respect is not about hierarchy between people. It's not about being lower, about being higher, or even about being equal. That is a very common misconception that men have because of how we are raised. We are supposed to 'respect' our elders, which really means that we should consider what they are saying. If we don't, they get 'stern' with us and we conflate respect with anger. Usually our parents don't know how to parent us well and teach us their own insecurities and wounds. A parent that was not listened to as a child may punish a child for not listening to them. Military is the perfect example of how wounded, confused, masculinity acts. You are supposed to 'respect' your 'superiors' in the military, or you will do extra push-ups as a 'punishment'. YES! I bet that you would talk with her very differently if you actually were able to feel that you've been hurt. It is the goal of the macho program to create situations like this, to disconnect you from your feelings of hurt because they are considered 'unsavory'. The program is installed by repeatedly punishing you for feeling hurt, like for example, by bullying. Bullies themselves experience this, they have no idea what they are feeling when they "prey" on, what they call "weak". They convince their victims that they are "weak", and that bullies are "strong". Who wouldn't want to be "strong", right? The victims consider themselves "weak" until they start to bully. It is perfectly normal to feel upset for not being respected. True respect is a very basic need of human beings. It is perfectly normal to feel angry when we are hurt. it is healthy to establish boundaries, by saying that you are angry and that you've been hurt and that you want her to stop doing this and that. You are not supposed to "train" her into being a "good girl" that "respects you" like a bad parent does to their child. Boundaries are not established by violence (like in the military). If you repeatedly ask her to stop hurting you and she does not respect it/listen to it, then she is not a good candidate for a long-term relationship. If she acknowledges the problematic behavior and wants to work on it (and it seems like she does from what you wrote), then you can give her another chance. But that chance is your choice and your commitment. If this happens with many girls, then you should think about how you are inviting this behavior, and I suspect that the macho program is responsible for it. Again, the macho program's purpose is to disconnect you from what you feel strategically, so that you can pretend to be a man when you are hurt. If you invite violence into your relationship, then respect is impossible because it requires trust. Violence and trust, two very deep words - lets unpack them. Violence happens when you don't acknowledge/listen/respect the free will of another person and use that person as a mean to an end. Violence can happen on many levels: physical, emotional, financial, sexual and other. Trust on the other hand, is the belief that the other person means well to you and that they want to build the relationship that you two have. Violence makes respect impossible because respect requires trust and trust is destroyed when you give evidence of malicious intent (conscious or not). When you engage in violent behavior, you create vicious cycles that once started, can obliterate a relationship. It is very difficult to restore harmony once both partners act from fear and are unwilling to trust. Couples therapy can help with it. Anyways, I hope that I did not sound like I was judging you for what you did because trauma is extremely difficult to deal with on a day-to-day basis. Actually implementing this knowledge is practice is very, very rare. It is not a coincidence that satisfying relationships are rare too .

OH, I didn't notice! Thanks for clearing that up.

Did I sound defensive to you? My intention was to describe the method I use and this part is important to me. Each coin flip bears tension and I feel that this tension is somehow the point. This is why I was stressing this part. But maybe I should work on my relationship with the Sage in this area? Or maybe I went too far in giving advice to you? I respect you a great lot, all of the books that you have recommended to me had immense impact on my life. Anyways, I got up at night because we bought new quilts and they are so big that I was getting pissed that I don't have enough room in bed. We started fighting and it ended in a pretty good laugh on both parts when we saw how ridiculous we were. This is the first time it has ever happened. I was expressing some very unusual emotions, like bursting into genuine laughter and seamlessly transitioning into expressing hurt by crying. When my wife saw this, she noped the hell out saying "this is too much". We had a laugh about that as well afterwards :D. Among the commotion, I bought the kindle version of the I-Ching, the Oracle of the Cosmic Way in addition to my paperback version. The paperback version is beautiful, but unfortunately very fragile and very heavy. The backbone of the book has the tendency of breaking when it is opened too wide and I'm afraid of damaging it to the point where it will lose pages. Kindle is much more handy because I can highlight text with no remorse and it is more suitable for travel. I've seen the hardcover version on Amazon, but it's like $270. This price is totally absurd. After buying kindle version of the Divine Triangle, I was a little afraid of the quality of the ebook, but it is superb. Much more functional than the regular one.

@Zigzag Idiot And another thing that I just stumbled upon is p.570 about the Psyche. If your connection with the Sage is ineffective, then perhaps the third paragraph from the bottom of the Psyche entry applies to you (God Complex). I thought that you may find it useful.

@Zigzag Idiot I feel like it's important to note that I also stated to draw hexagrams by flipping coins. At some point, the Sage instructed me to change the method to yarrow stalks. When I was studying the probability recently, I noticed that the stalk method is not symmetric with respect to probability. The first hexagram is completely random, and each line has a 1/4 probability of being a changing line. Then, the changing line has 3/4 probability of being yang->yin and 1/4 probability of being yin->yang. Given what I understood about the process recently, it seems to imply a certain asymmetry in how I ask the questions. I do enjoy the stalks more though. They are a much more meditative experience.

I actually did start out drawing hexagrams like her (top to bottom) and the answers also related to my questions a lot. I don't remember exactly how I learned that they are supposed to go bottom-up. I didn't read the instructions at the end of the book at first. Well, I would say that RTCM has a very significant role in how I use I-CHING, perhaps as great as the hexagram itself. When it comes to the process, I feel great respect towards the Sage and don't ask questions lightly. I am not placing the Sage on the pedestal, as a higher being, but rather, take his answers very seriously, never deliberately disregarding them as happenstance. I keep a paper journal with my questions and write the answers down to avoid asking the same thing twice during one hexagram. Sometimes, RTCM sessions blend between hexagrams and I am asked to ponder things that I previously scratched the surface of. For example, during my previous hexagram, I was asked to ponder my beliefs about good and evil, and during this one, I went deeper under Sage's guidance. I was told that my understanding of evil is blocking me from understanding the answer to my question. All of this stemmed from the reading of the first hexagram, while the second seems to be the true answer. In response to the question: "What is the purpose of the hexagram in I-CHING", I received hexagrams 25/30, changing lines 3,5. I also received hexagram 25 recently regarding another question. I sometimes don't understand the answers that are given to me, but never stop inquiring until it feels right to ask whether the lesson is over and I receive a [++-]. Sometimes I feel that it's right to ask the question after some insight that I had, but the answer is still a [--+]. If I ever feel discouraged or tired, I take a break and continue the next day until the lesson is over. I have never had an experience when the Sage started giving incomprehensible answers. I asked a question about cannabis once and it came from ego, an image of juvenile rasta-like spirituality and I was clearly instructed out of it. Both the hexagram, and RTCM were congruent with each other.