tsuki

This week was packed full of emotions and I think that I need to start to recognize that this will never be any other way. First of all, I my recent fascination with bushcraft has triggered taumas regarding my father and I was mourning after the childhood I never had. It was especially difficult and confusing because I think that this was the first time I was able to consciously recognize these emotions and linked them back to my childhood. I did not know what I was looking at, but kept staring into nothing until it came to me. This staring into nothing has been something that I've been doing every time I'm contemplating something I don't understand and given enough time, I always seem to uncover and map the territory that is being revealed. This ties the week with its second major feature that was happening at work - we were trained in domain driven development. This is a wonderful paradigm for programming that comes with great tools for domain discovery and mapping. Its applications are huge, way beyond mere programming. It is actually a tool for extracting knowledge out of experts for the purpose of clean modeling. This is the process that will help me contemplate in the future. I hope to re-purpose it for self-discovery, to map the programming that I've been conditioned with so that I can free myself easier from it. The course was particularly touching because I was able to connect more easily with some of my teammates, as well as find like-minded, stage yellow thinkers. I was able to bond with the teacher and felt inspired to present the modeling, thinking part of me with no restraints. It was very touching to be accepted as I am, because I consider it the core feature of my mind. I was pretty amazing, having conversations with like-minded people without restraint. These were good programmers with a lot of experience and I am hopeful because I believe that my potential stood up for the test. I feel confident in myself because I was able to follow pretty effortlessly and was the biggest source of questions from the audience. I sometimes even felt like the course was done specifically for me and even become self-conscious a few times. It was especially difficult to distinguish when childhood grief was coming up during the course. I my abandonment wounds got triggered too, when the teacher got tired of my deep questions the third day, but I managed somehow. Today was the most exhausting because the whole course was so cerebral that I was completely spent. I observed at some points that my mind simply started tuning out and filtering the talk out. The third most important feature is that I watched Nolan's Tenet. Very good movie, it bent my mind pretty well. Good supplement to the rest of the things. Actually got a mini ego death out of it today, when I rewatched it on top of the exhaustion from the course, and neglected, boiling emotions that were spilling after an intellectual week. I will have to spend a good chunk of time tomorrow on emotional self-care. I don't know whether I will be able to go to the forest, but if I do, I will drive some of the path. I decided that I should go deeper and I don't feel confident in my physical strength just yet. My wife helped me with modifying my gear so that I can use my poncho with the liner as a winter coat. It's gotten warmer, but I'm sure that it will come in handy during camping. Exciting weekend to come. I also have some insights about sexual perversions, masturbation and emotional regulation, but they will have to cook for some time before I will be able to formulate them clearly.

I think I get it. I was completely oblivious to the causes of these difficult emotions because this is new. I'm mourning because bushcraft is something I could have done with my father. This is the childhood I never had.

@Zigzag Idiot What do you think is the essential quality of being a redneck?

@Shunyata If you believe that what you know is enough, have it your way and see where it takes you.

Start by getting over this attitude. The demons that you want to slay are parts of you that you reject. They are not meant to be slain, they are meant to be loved and accepted for what they are and they need a place in the overall scheme of things. These parts only act this way because their intention is to get re-united with you. See: δαίμων. The ego is a very overused word that means various things to different people. In shadow work, what you really want is to expand your self-concept (ego) so that it can include the parts that it currently rejects. There is a vast difference between a fragile ego that is unhealthy, a fragile ego that is healthy, and no ego. I would not make such absolute distinctions by saying that shadow work and enlightenment are separate. It is easier to transcend a healthy ego.

When I was contemplating my circumstances when falling asleep, a Polish word came up and I thought that it was important. The word is: anatomiczny.

Haven't spoken with the Sage yet, but I asked the Helpers to help me make sense and order all of the things that I'm overwhelmed with. Felt some sense of peace after it, I felt having a burden lifted off my shoulders. I spent some time today with myself and after all of this, it became apparent to me that these tramps are touching something deep within me and that they are liberating something. I do not understand what just yet.

You mistake getting what you want with being happy. These are two different things. The rush that you feel when you get things your way is called "winning" and it is in opposition to "losing". Sometimes, you can get things your way, but sometimes you have to alter your course. Happiness is freedom from opposites. Wrong. While it is certainly true that many thoughts we have are beliefs, which are either fantasy, hearsay, or knowledge, we also experience the world in our unique way and can express this experience honestly. In this expression lies what many fail to find: self-worth. You will never be valuable through the roles you perform in other people's lives. You can only be valuable through the very fact that you yourself find yourself important enough to express your depth. This is the true purpose of language: to describe what we experience with honesty and authenticity. If you cannot see or accept that, then you are simply expressing your self-hatred, which, to be honest, is just oozing from your OP.

Pretty overwhelmed atm. I had some difficult emotions coming up since yesterday, numbed myself down with sleep and facebook memes. Of course, it didn't solve anything, just made me feel worse and empty on the inside. Fought with my wife in the morning after she shared her plans regarding our home, said some nasty things to her. We were pretty inconsiderate for each other, but after some time we managed to have a good conversation that made me realize how overwhelmed we both are. I'm trying to manage my work, learn bushcraft, settle into living without therapy, have insights about my father, and I'm unable to contemplate what the Sage has taught me. She's trying to get off SSRIs, establish a habit of working out, manage the house, research stuff about running a business during the pandemic, plan the next purchases, and decide on the logo. All of these call for going deeper into myself, rather than float on the surface. Today after work, I will sit down and contemplate with the Sage. Also, yesterday when I went to sleep, I had a dream where my inner voice was screaming at my father for not being the support that she should have been for me. When I listened to this voice carefully, I was shocked and awed at the idea that the world is supposed to be anything. It was so foreign that it literally took my breath away. Then I woke up with the feeling of being cleansed of something, like after my recent awakening. Also, I need to re-calibrate my goal of being self-reliant. This needs to be balanced.

Here's your problem. You expect that realizing the truth will make a difference. Truth is already true, you realizing it will not change anything. You will probably do less stupid shit ignorantly, but you will still live in accordance with it.

What is the difference between "the same" and "different"? Why do you think that these two categories form a duality?

@Vision How to get over it? Hmm... let's see... How about you get in touch with the fact that you don't know and ask a question on the forum? Who are you asking this question, hmm? How is it possible that I'm a figment of your imagination, and know something you don't? Solipsism understood correctly does not create feelings of nihilism, or being trapped.

I finally was successful in lighting a birch bark with a flint . I will have to admit that I did that at home, on a frying pan, after many tries . My knife is probably dull on the back and that's why I can't get enough sparks. I finally managed to sharpen my axe with the wetstone properly. When I was learning this, I noticed a few things about sharpening that eluded me before. I can use the water to monitor which part of the blade is in contact with the wetstone. Thanks to this observation, I was able to understand that the axe is not ground radially, as the shape of the axe head would have me believe, but the grind is flat and it's much easier to sharpen this way. The other change is that I learned to change the grip of the axe depending on the side I'm sharpening. The third change is that I lock my arms and rock my whole body when I sharpen the blade. This way, I can grind a constant angle and I managed to sharpen it to the point similar to my knife. Axes are scary, had I misused it in the forest and hit my leg by accident there, I would probably not make it out alive. Learning first aid will be very beneficial for my safety. My right arm is pretty sore today, the fall was pretty straining. I hope that it will work by the weekend because my wife leaves in Friday and I will maybe sleep in the forest for the first time? That would be cool.

Ahem

Went for the second tramp yesterday. This time, with full gear, took me 5 hours to return. It was difficult to get out of my awesome bed in the morning, but my wife asked me to buy some groceries at 7 a.m. and when I saw the snow in the darkness, I decided to go. I rushed the preparations because I wanted to go out when it's still dark, but the breakfast, coffee and packing took too long. I forgot to pack the flint so I had to buy a lighter on the gas station. I attracted attention in the forest and it was shown differently in various age groups and genders. Boys were kinda interested, adult men would avoid eye contact, while older guys would look with a mixture of admiration and envy. Women, on the other hand... this tells a whole tale about a "soldier" fantasy Polish women have. Women my age would hold eye contact, smile invitingly and most of them would even say hi, which is very uncommon. Teenage girls would look away embarrassed. The older the woman, the bolder their behavior would be. I passed a group of three hikers, probably 70 years old, and one of them would outright comment on that I am a soldier and engage in a conversation. I was actually talking to two of them, one seemed wiser than the other. She seemed like she knew the ropes and asked me if I were to stay overnight. She quickly withdrawed because the other seemed like she regressed down to a teenage girl, but was not going to be ashamed of her feelings . As slow as I am in these matters, I thought that she was picking on me and got pretty pissed for some time afterwards until I connected the dots with the other encounters in the forest. I could have asked her if a soldier sole her heart in the past . I found a great spot for a camp amidst some young pine trees in deep forest and rested for about an hour. I sat against the tree stump and admired the silence. The clothes were pretty comfortable, but the softshell got kinda wet although it dried quickly. The biggest issue was, unsurprisingly, my cotton underwear that got soaked and did not dry at all. I will have to spend some money on synthetic underwear. I regularly wear long underpants and I was always wondering why nobody sells "good quality" underpants. Of course, nobody sells it because "good quality" meant cotton to me lol. That would be a disaster. After some time, I began to feel cold so I decided that I will gather wood and try to start a fire. I collected some bark from a dead tree beforehand, but I decided to save it to practice with flint at home. I easily found suitable small, dry, pine branches and even found a dead tree, about 5 cm in diameter. I chopped the tree with an axe, but I got scared of how loud it was. It's illegal in Poland to gather wood and start fires and I was pretty close to a forest nursery. This is so fucked up, really. Our law and lawmakers are completely nuts. I am a criminal for bringing a stick home. I decided to just practice using the axe and made some fire feather sticks. I can't chop wood for shit, it looks way smoother on youtube, I wonder why that is. Carving with a knife went much better and I made one stick that would probably be enough to start a fire. I lighted it with the lighter I bought and felt accomplished . I was pretty scared to stay there for a longer time because of the noise that I made, so I decided to pack the camp and go deeper. Unfortunately, I was pretty tired at that point so I did not go too deep, but the view was awesome. On my way back, a car wanted to pass me so I tried to move to the wayside, but the road was covered in ice and I fell, supporting myself with my right arm. When I got up, I immediately fell again, on the same arm. I can feel the arm today . Pretty sore overall, mostly the front and back of my thighs, but also arms, especially the right one. When I was walking, my right groin would hurt like when I was young, so I took this opportunity to learn how to take steps more comfortably. I settled for something similar to how I tango, taking steps mostly by moving my calves by rotating my knees. The groinn was hurting because the boots are pretty heavy and picking them from the ground wastes so much energy. There is a considerable difference in walking on a road from walking through a forest. The latter is much more tiring. I will have to prepare myself for the next weekend, because my desire to go out is pretty fickle. Over the week, I will have to decide on items that I will buy, both tools and edibles. I bought a different poncho as the one that I currently own is pretty worn. I also can't use the map compass for shit. I though that I will do better given how much time I have spent in ArmA as a kid, but I did not have the patience to figure how this thing works in the field. I will also have to buy a thermometer and some other appliances. Packing ahead of the time and organizing the gear is so important. My inner nomad is so excited about it! I also thought about doing some exercises to strengthen my thighs and knees during the week. My shoulders could use some work as well. It's getting dark quickly so I can't go out during the week.

The fact that I don't find someone attractive doesn't mean that I denigrate their attractiveness. I am just expressing my preferences. There is no objective beauty standard that "sits" outside of our minds. This beauty standard is only unified because we collectively decide so. It does not even touch upon the person in question. It is wholly my own perception. Statements "I don't find this person attractive" and "this person is a skinny bitch" are MILES apart. The former is about how my mind works and the latter is a judgement about the nature of the person in question.

@tsuki Ethereum is unique in that instead of simply transferring money between accounts, you can also deploy code that users can interact with. This code can, for example, send money held by the contract. This gives the potential to create contracts between parties, some of which give rise to an analog of digital companies that sell their shares for ethereum. The hack you are talking about regarded such a company. The code that was deployed on the Ethereum blockchain was faulty and a hacker used its vulnerability to steal some of the money that was deposited by shareholders. it is important to note that this was not a bug of the Ethereum itself, but rather in third-party software that Ethereum was running. Since it happened in early days of Ethereum and it concerned a lot of users, it was decided (by the community) that the blockchain will be manually rolled back to the state from before the hack. There were controversies around this topic and this actually created two versions of ethereum, one where the hack didn't happen, and the other, where the hacker has his money. The latter is called Ethereum Classic (ETC) and is understandably much less valuable than ETH itself. The controversies regarded the interpretation of how deployment of smart contracts should be considered. In ETC, smart contracts are basically considered law. The code defines a deal and if you can't see loopholes in it, then it's your fault and it is legal to use the loopholes by everybody. This is considered a "feature" of trustlessness of ETC. By deciding to fork and revert the state of the blockchain, ETH decided that it is the intent of the contract that matters. There are however, no safety features to revert smart contract actions in ETH. A rollback like this would be extremely unlikely nowadays.

@GroovyGuru The most personal information that the blockchain holds is the address of your coins. Roughly speaking, address is generated from the public key that can be used to validate whether you can move these coins to another address. You, as a person, hold the private key and it is never registered on the blockchain. Everybody that have your private key, can move your coins. The blockchain itself, is a sequence of transactions, each either moving the coins from one address to another address, or awarding you coins for creating blocks (mining). There is no way to tell who owns coins on a specific address, unless the private key has been found on their computer, or they disclosed the information themselves. So, by observing the movement of the coins through the blockchain, you can know whether coins are "dirty" by knowing that they passed through specific addresses that are known to hold money for illegitimate purposes. For example, if SilkRoad wallets are known, then all coins that come out of that place are considered fraudulent. Another example would be busting drug cartel hard drives and finding private keys with massive amounts of BTC. Looking back at the transaction history in the blockchain, you can reason about addresses that took part in the transactions. This is not so simple in general, because rating services offer percentage of safety, so there is some leeway in interpretation, but it is possible to know whether coins are safe. There are even more obfuscated blockchains out there, mimblewimble protocol being the basis of them. The mathematics are more involved, but thanks to this implementation, it is not even possible to decipher the transaction graph, or even how much coins were transfered. The only thing that is possible to validate is whether coins were not created out of thin air. The only legitimate way of creating coins is by mining.

I agree. I find it quite interesting that both the lowest tier and highest tier look quite deformed to be honest, but the high tier is very symmetrical. The high tier looks quite like a cartoon with exaggerated features. I'd even consider the possibility that the existence of such subreddits as @Bando posted is solely for the purpose of holding this beauty standard in effect. Because isn't it deceptively one-dimensional just so that we can compare people as if it was something objective? Why not give various ratings to different facial features such as nose, ears, jawline, etc? Why not judge body shape along with facial symmetry? Because then, we could not compare and sort people into categories so easily like this.

In the spirit of getting free of my pride, I bought a new bed with a NASA-grade mattress. My fucking God, this thing is amazing. I think that for the first time in my life, I was excited to fall asleep. I usually postpone it for as long as I can. Now that I think of it, it might have happened because my previous bed sucked ass? Dunno. Usually, with mattresses, there is a trade-off between softness and rigidity. Rigidity supposedly helps with back problems but is less comfortable, while softness helps the mattress to adjust to your body so that it is more comfortable. This mattress is soft and rigid at the same time. It has a layer of springs underneath a thick thermoactive foam that becomes elastic when heated up by the body. The foam has memory so that when I lie down on it, it adjusts to its shape and I feel as if I were floating in the air. My back smiles when I think of this feeling.

Not when most crypto investors base their predictions upon news digest headlines . If you understand the technology on the protocol, or implementation level, then you are miles ahead of the crowd. Not to mention that most people don't even understand the differences between coins too well. If you want to make big money off technology, you have to invest time into understanding it. Most investors don't. This is how salespeople steal their money, they pitch crypto/stocks/etc as risk free investment, and there is no such thing. This can easily turn into full time job if you wanted to. I definitely agree. I can see how the current technology is problematic. This is not even specific to crypto, I can see how fiat money is problematic and someone came up with the idea how to upgrade it . In the relative world, there are no absolute solutions. With technology, the "what" is not as much of an issue as "how". With crypto, it is pretty fucking difficult to understand mathematics behind this that solve the issues we're facing right now. This is one of the downsides of it. For example if someone solved the scalability problem reliably, then it would be the crypto of the future, regardless of its current market price. Not to mention the cryptography doomsday that will come when quantum computers are ready to use.

This is true, but I don't think it's much of a threat for now. This is not going to happen overnight. There is a plethora of altcoins that try to solve specific problems that bother BTC by changing the parameters within the BTC protocol. For example, Dash is an altcoin that tries to solve responsiveness problem by speeding up the block creation rate. The problem is that each variation of parameter introduces a downside. This is why most altcoins running on the BTC protocol are roughly equivalent in terms of value even if they rate differently. BTC is much higher with respect to USD than DASH, but they are basically the same technology. Then, we have different protocols such as BTC and ETH and we can already see that it's not like people switched overnight to ETH when it was introduced. Hell, even ETH is being improved upon by the likes of Solana, and Solana is practically worthless atm. There is a long period of adoption between the technology is introduced and it is trusted by the users, especially when money is at stake. So the transition should be visible miles ahead if such were to happen. Not to mention that BTC is being updated too, so it's not like they are blind to this possibility. For example, ETH is transitioning to ETH2, which will introduce major protocol changes that are backward-compatible only to some extent. But it was designed so that ETH1 will be recognized in ETH2 blockchain. The game is not to have an absolute store of value, but to appraise the value of upcoming technology correctly. Also, it should be noted that the problem of implementation of digital money may have a stable solution that cannot be improved upon. ETH is mostly different from BTC in that it is a computing platform, but it is not a better currency in of itself. It actually lacks some of the features of BTC that make AML issues more involved.

@Lyubov These are valid points. Here are my thoughts about it: I think that this is the biggest reason for volatility. I agree that this is a big issue with crypto and this is why I said few posts back that the technology that will allow for widespread adoption is probably 20 years from now. The biggest obstacle is scalability, slow confirmation times, as well as difficulty of use. All of these points are solvable given enough time. While this is true for the big daddy BTC, not much so in the case of ETH. Ethereum is a decentralized computing platform where you run your software. It has an internal market because you pay in ETH for execution of smart contracts that give interesting technological opportunities for developers. its biggest advantage is that software that runs on etherum blockchain is trustless. There is no centralized authority that can cheat and control the outcome of events. This is why I think that ETH is much more valuable than BTC, not because of its value as money itself (the first point, inaccessibility), but because of how you can use it. I like the analogy someone posted here that if BTC is looked at as gold, ETH is like oil. What companies, exactly? Most cryptocurrencies are open source. You mean crypto exchanges? There are cryptocurrency services that trace transactions and rate the money on each BTC address by whether it came from drug dealing, hacks, and other illegal activities. These coins are basically gone from the general circulation because no exchange will accept them for trading. Privacy in most cryptocurrencies is held by obfuscating the relationship between a wallet and a specific person. But the transaction graph is publicly available and it is relatively easy to trace each coin from generation to its current address of ownership. There are of course some cryptos that are even more obfuscated, like the ones based on mimblewimble protocol, but they are not nearly as widespread as the BTC-like ones.

@Lyubov Why do you think it's a hoax?