tsuki

@Leo Gura Doesn't it imply that anything you say about infinity is nonsense?

Why do you regret it? Is regret driving you back to your practices? Is it perhaps easier to discipline yourself, than keep being lazy?

I used the phrase 'running' to make our conversation coherent, but the original question was about stillness among your troubles in general. You can solve all problems by not seeing things as problems to be solved. By seeing that having a problem is not a problem. I'm hesitant to say this, but the point of this exercise is to see that you do not, in fact, do things for a reason. You may think of yourself as someone needing discipline in your life to be happy, but this idea originates from your self-image of being lazy. This cycle of discipline and laziness is perpetuated by the interplay of two conflicting self-images that combat each other through discipline and relief. Try being a lazy fuck for as long as you can bear. At some point it will actually be easier to discipline yourself than do keep being lazy. Noticing of the point at which 'personalities' switch is a valuable skill of self-mastery. It will allow you to feel like going with the flow of yourself. People need to rest. Being lazy sometimes is okay. Sorry if it feels like a projection. I simply have a feeling that we're alike.

To stop running. The subtlety of the distinction becomes apparent when you see that idea of stopping running makes you tense. Does it?

I think that the difference between the two is very subtle. Struggle can manifest itself as chatter commenting on your feelings or actions. It can also manifest itself as chatter commenting the chatter that comments feelings or actions. That's the spirit! Have you ever considered them as useful in some respect? Each of your perceived vices can be seen as a strength if you give them enough consideration. That is a very powerful perspective. Stoics had something to say in this regard. The prominent ones are Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus. Thinking about death can also bring you solace when you are in the grip of your self-loathing. There is nothing to fear, but there is nothing to rush towards either. It will come on its own terms - no need to hasten it. Suffering is a welcome change from the perspective of the eternal stillness.

@pluto That is beautiful.

Interesting how you advise me to question my beliefs while at the same time refusing to question yours. Treat the statement that 'Brains do not exist' not as a belief, but lack thereof. Truth is not a matter that is decided through a consensus of independent actors. Nor it is a matter of investigation of reason predicated on cause and effect. If every effect needs a cause, then what is the cause of 'cause and effect'? Is 'cause and effect' an effect, or a cause? Your squirming ego is delicious

Hey, sorry to intrude. I've been following you for a while and your previous post struck a few notes in me. I really enjoy your honesty and openness. I've been wondering whether I should post this or not, but I guess I have no choice now that I'm writing this. What would happen if you would accept your situation in its entirety and decide on living like that for the rest of your days? It always fascinates me in highly driven people that they seem to think that it requires strength to work on bettering yourself. Wouldn't it actually require more strength to be voluntarily still in your current predicament?

@Ether When the surgeon opens up your skull, you are not there to witness it. Somebody tells you that you had a brain surgery. Even if you saw a footage of said surgery, it is still a TV playing a movie. How do you know that it is you on the table? Because you saw your face? How do you know if you have a face? Because you saw yourself in a mirror? You point your finger towards a mirror that shows something looking like a person and call that you. You are imagining yourself as having a face that is the same face you see in a mirror because you assume that mirrors show you. You do not prove the existence of a dream. Dream is self-evident once you get rid of all proofs and assumptions.

@Leo Gura Is intelligence chaos? Pure, unconstrained, possibility and openness to change?

I was somehow compelled to write it and see what comes out of it. The result was that once I started to describe it, I came to understand that it was an unresolvable spaghetti of various strands of narratives. I gave up, as I understood that trying to resolve it into a coherent story is a lie. It is too much to convey through words. In retrospection, I of think of it as shedding my skin. By combing the narrative of my life, I came to understand that there is no me in that.

I originally came here to share my story. I stayed to answer questions and read them as if I gave advice to myself.

"We're all puppets Laurie. I'm just a puppet who can see the strings." - dr Manhattan, 'Watchmen'

Helping others and being taken advantage of are two sides of the same coin. They alternate as you go trough your life, interacting with people. To help someone is to recognize that they are less able than you are. To be taken advantage of is to see that your ability has been exploited by someone that can take care of himself. You are the one that makes the distinction between the two as you go through your life. The act of helping is a judgement of their ability. Calling others exploitative is a judgement of your own gullibility. When your environment is always competitive, recognize that you carry competitiveness around with you. Action born out of evasion of suffering, or pursuit of satisfaction, is bound to alternate between them.

@joej Let's say that you want to have trips with your family to the countryside. The problem is that you don't have a car because you don't earn enough money. This is the cause of your suffering. So you strive to earn more money, be a better employee/entrepreneur and you success in securing a greater income. You buy yourself a brand new, shiny car and go on trips. This is satisfaction. The problem with stories such as this is that they always end on 'they lived happily ever after', which they never really do. Now, you have: less time for your family because of greater responsibilities, so it may interfere with your trips you have less money because you have to pay the car off you have to take care of your car Accomplishing any goal to secure satisfaction is at the same time opening yourself for fear of losing it. Can you see how it relates to your original problem? As long as you do things for a reason, you are bound to alternate between suffering and satisfaction. If you treat satisfaction as something that pulls towards something and suffering as something that pushes away from something, you will always look for reasons to do things.

Seeking satisfaction through being a man that can is a purpose that defeats itself in case of success. You have created a business that can more than you can. It is a success that stripped you of the reason for satisfaction. Either - find a new purpose, or a new business. Seeking predicated on any reason is always bound to produce both satisfaction and suffering.

Who is the one that says: I'm going to empty the mind?

@egoeimai Voice commenting on its own obnoxiousness and dismissing itself

@okulele You do realize that it is the voice that judges itself to be obnoxious, do you? It says things about itself when you say that it says something. It even says that it doesn't let itself out to justify having two faces. The internal and external. It can get pretty wild if you look at it detached.

@okulele What about speaking out loud? Do you 'let' the voice out?

@Rilles During self-inquiry. I never used it as a mantra, but if that's what you do, you may have to try it yourself. When I was in meditative state this pair of sentences would often produce big traction.

What was helpful for me is to repeat: I am not the Voice. The Voice is not the Voice.

When you look for the nature of reality, you are not a man that has been born blind. You do not acquire sight as you become aware of the nature of reality. It is a matter of recognizing what already is and seeing it for what it is. Language can be helpful in doing that.

A lot of my spiritual development came through reconciliation of the abstract and practical. My day-to day job consists of analyzing documentation of various parts of a tool we're building and developing plans for manufacturing. These plans are then implemented by me as programs for CNC milling machines, or as electrodes for EDM treatment. I also work on CFD simulations for injection processes. The abstract and practical are two sides of the same coin. There is no abstraction without practicality and vice versa. I can express my work as 100% abstract, or 100% practical, depending on the given situation. In the abstract terms, my job consists 100% of planning and preparation which is then executed by other employees and machines. I understand various ways in which a part can be machined and decide which ones are optimal for a given context in which the workshop currently is. I then compile these ways as a plan and explain it to various employees and machines. To convey the plan to people by creating 2D and 3D documentation with annotations and talk to them and explain it. To convey the plan to machines by creating programs to be executed on milling machines for specific parts and electrodes for EDM treatment that I also design. There is a lot of theoretical, physical, knowledge involved in this process, and the process itself is mostly planning. I a sense I defer all of the responsibility to other employees they are concerned with execution of what I developed. In the practical terms, my job consists 100% of technical knowledge how to physically manufacture things. I have to understand the optimal ways to do certain things and this knowledge is not conveyed in textbooks. Even though I work on a computer, there are a lot of technical details on how to operate the programs I work with. They are directly linked to the way the manufacturing is performed, so I need to work in a way that makes other people's lives easier. I have to know how they work and what is difficult for them so the we cooperate smoothly and efficiently. In a sense, I have to imaginatively perform every action that a further employee has to do physically when implementing the plan. From this perspective, my job is 100% practical. As funny as I sounds, I now think about my job neither as practical, nor abstract. I just work. I think by performing practical steps to describe the plan. In a sense, I don't think at all. The thinking and the doing became intertwined. Just like in martial arts. I think that it has to do with mastery of skills required for the job. I've been doing this for about 10 years, 3 of which in the current company. I used to do that. I was worried about the plans that were implemented when I was at home. The company works 3 shifts, 6 days per week. The problem with obsessive worrying came from the fact that I was over-emphasizing the abstract perspective on my work. I used to worry that I will not deliver the results, so I created elaborate plans. Then I used to worry that my elaborate plans would not be accepted, so I defended them fiercely. Then, I used to worry that they would not be implemented the way I wanted, so I controlled everybody. It all changed once my expertise became high enough so that I understood that there is no correct way to do things. All plans have their ups and downs that always balance each out evenly. Any irregularity in balancing caused by not looking hard enough, so instead of creating a single, long, plan I explore different options up to certain point and have them on a standby. The work became much more chaotic, but paradoxically - I'm much calmer and have better results. It also is related to the fact that I'm not thinking of myself as highly as before. I'm just a piece of this company and as I understood that thinking is practical - I became much more trusting in other people's ingenuity when things go wrong. Things started to get better as I started meditation, actually. When I was willing to apply the spiritual teachings in my everyday life. It may have something to do with the fact that I'm an engineer. I apply theory to solve practical problems. Spirituality is a great tool for solving all problems. Now, that I mostly don't worry at all at home - I have a lot of free time to learn spirituality. It's been of great help to me. Do you have any more questions? Perhaps something related to your specific problems?

What kind of work do you do? I'm involved in building tools for injection molding. As a technologist, I invent ways to machine parts for tools and oversee the process in general. Do you have any specific questions?