tsuki

I was not expecting to hear an answer. I was just showing you some strangeloops regarding birth and family. Okay, I gotta figure out how to integrate vision. Make distance into a mirror.

Why don't we? Were you born because of your parents, or were your parents together because of you? (Assuming that they are, sorry!) Should you be grateful to your parents for having you, or should your parents be proud of what you are? Your gratefulness is their pride.There is no causality here. What does it refer to?

@now is forever Did I learn to set boundaries because of you, or were you drawn because my buttons were exposed? Did I enter a week-long mystical experience, or did I make myself publicly vulnerable during a schizophrenic episode? Am I a shaman, or am I a madman? What is the difference? If I ever chose my life purpose, I want my zone of genius to be madness.

@now is forever It is so funny that all of these thing happen simultaneously, acausally. That your interference was vital to what happened. That, or I'm just rationalizing .

It's not like I overstep boundaries or not. The problem was that I was establishing them consciously. The emotional energy seems to be resolved on the bodily level now and boundaries take care of themselves. I am no longer 'blocked' from pushing back when I feel like something is wrong. There are no emotions about emotions. It's like I am this giant body that talks to itself. Let's see where that goes. Thank you for the advice.

Words: short-circuit, interexistence, inter-being, inter-are, etc seem to be synonymous with synchronicity. I'll have to look into it. Schizophrenia is described in such a way that I can both relate and not relate to it at the same time. It is a perfect description of my everyday existence, except for the fact that it does not interfere with it. I am a high functioning human being with good stable income, good education and meaningful (but few) relationships. I'd even say that everyday I effortlessly solve complex problems that I suspect that few people do. On the other hand, I do actually experience disassociation with sight, sound and movement, as well as various kinds of mental activities that I suspect few people relate. I do hear a voice, which is my inner dialog, I do experience hallucinations, which is my imagination and do not control my movements (which I call mastery of a skill, thinking by movement). I do have not only a word-salad, but also a thought-salad, vision-salad and movement-salad. I let these things flow and when I need, I look for meaning within their records (like this journal). The only thing that is different from the description of a schizophrenic is that they do not produce distress. They are what they are. So, what makes a schizophrenic? Looking for psychiatrist's help to solve these 'issues'? Allan Watts once said: Anybody that looks for psychiatrist's help has to get his head examined.

Yet another lens to perceive this mystical experience: shadow work. Integration of my male energy. Establishing borders. Imposing myself onto others. Impregnating the world. Sadistic pleasure. Resolving my mother issues. Effortless redirection of inner movements back into outer movements. Effortless establishing of boundaries. Boundary Touch = mirror. Important post:

That's scary terrifying: Synchronicity (interexistence) -> Synchromysticism -> Schizophrenia (word salad) EDIT: or is it just ego backlash?

You responded to the man's energy. This man in your presence was interpreted as the sensation you call 'abuse'. It is only abuse/unpleasant if you do not know what to do with this sensation. How to release it in the instant you recognized it. Instead of trying to get rid of this sensation, be present to it and learn to harness this energy.

I seem to have reached the critical mass of flow. Yesterday I had a breakthrough. I am not aware of the voice. Hearing is self-aware. I am not aware of the movement. Movement is self aware. Touch is a mirror. As I look at my fingers that touch, looking is a movement. This thought was simultaneous with the realization of self-reference of movement. The mind is not a part of body and the body is not a part of mind. They interexist. Vision is still something different. I still look at things.

Now that's something quite remarkable. I was wondering what does it mean for the sense of sight to be a 'dimension'. Isn't it obvious that it is 2 dimensional? When I look at the screen, the screen is flat. It is not a line. Now is it really? As I touch my index finger and the thumb and start rubbing them together, I know where to look. It is not that vision is two dimensional. Looking is. Looking is vision + movement!

Hmm, action implies interaction of senses. I can use two senses to convert the sense of being into one other sense. For example - if I have the sense of being of a loudspeaker and can move and hear, then I can see it. The motion of my head is constrained by my sense of being and my hearing. No - they coexist at the same time. There is no causation.

Thank you for the reminder. What I'm trying to pin down is: integration of the separate senses.

It's okay. See you later in my journal .

Sigh, mind, feelings, movements interexist. Why not talk about your feelings about my mind stuff then? Feelings that compel you to comment.

Well, you're only disturbing me if I say so . We need to learn to communicate properly without suffering. Since we seem to be stuck together, why not make it a learning opportunity? Also, isn't your will to comment on my mind stuff - your mind stuff? Why not talk about it?

And my space isn't my space when I ask you to stay out?

Sigh. Myself. Reality. God. Creativity. Infinity. I'm sure that it is unpinnable. End of story. Still, I hunt for it because in the process of doing it, I have to learn new tools. No tools will ever be sufficient. The only way in which I may pin it down is by deluding myself that my proof is correct. Delusion is, however, a sign that I have not mastered the tools that I used to capture it. I know that I am deluded when I suffer. By retracing my steps I can tell what mistakes I made and convert the suffering back to ignorance and achieve mastery. This is the cycle. Now I'm going uphill. Please, don't disturb me.

Post your comments here. Please.

@now is forever No. *slams the door*

@now is forever Yes, mother.

Well, I suppose that I want to express the strange-loopines of reality as a result of how senses are wrapped onto each other. Ego - the sense of being limited - is expressed within that. Oh, and thank you for your compliments.

Oh, the flow is getting back online. The end goal of description is: I am a kind of N-dimensional space of senses A sense is a group over a set that includes point at infinity. Because of this (?) sense is homeomorphic to a circle There is a homeomorphism between one sense and two other senses If you look at one sense from the point of view of two others, it is circle-like (constrained).

Sigh. I am nothing, I know nothing. Is this the low after a high? Is this the feeling of embarrassing myself in front of the forum people? Is this the feeling of being well-rested? Did the high go away because of the glass of wine, or because I lost momentum in the depths of group theory? Or did I upset the muse by being too greedy with my reasoning? It certainly does . I am not trying to capture anything. I'm trying to describe it honestly. The language may seem bizarre, but hey! This is the language I speak. I want to speak maths. Think of this journal as Ulysses written in mathematics. I do not write it to accomplish anything, but as a ladder to change my state of consciousness.

Ok, today is not my day. Maybe I'm just sleep deprived? That, or I lost momentum by diving into abstract concepts. I may have to retrace my steps tomorrow. The order of beings is very nuanced. Especially when it comes to the taxonomy of senses. Beings are multi-dimensional and I lost track of that. I also seem to have confused ordering with invertibility of the group operation. Huh, I also didn't notice that I started to call the elements of the group 'beings' and beings do not belong to any of the gross senses. Note to self for tomorrow: inner and outer may be represented by the inversion of elements in the group operation. this model may apply only to the sense of being and is projected onto other senses. Definitely sleep deprived.