tsuki

Why does it matter that nothing matters?

I usually think options through until every one seems to be equally balanced. All pros and cons outweigh each other. Then I let the situation unfold by itself and I intervene if the right time comes. If that is not an option for you - toss a coin and see if you are disappointed with the result.

@Wisebaxter You have failed only if you have given up.

I'm pushing you again.

So, avoidance is fear of being manipulated . Resistance, resistance... It's okay. You may have more important things to do with your time.

And how is that different from fear? . Aaaand, I'm done. Not pushing you anymore! Sorry!

Yeah, me too. At some point in my life, the concept of language became a problem to me, so I started studying it. It all turned out to be a misconception in the end. Language is fundamentally just another way to move. We can either make sounds (or squiggly lines) that we both like, or dislike. Attract or repel each other. My agenda here is simply to encourage you to not be afraid of mathematics. It's a cool thing and it takes a lot of creativity to use it in everyday situations.

@now is forever One thing is to mesh mathematics with everyday situations, and another is make it internally interconnected. I find both of these things important. Making it mesh with the mundane makes it fresh and vibrant, but interconnectedness creates unexpected perspectives. It's great that I have people that dedicate their lives to increase the interconnectedness of my favorite language. Creating connections is one thing, but finding useful ones is an art in of itself. It's like navigating a library of maps, without a map. It may seem like it's dead ancient thing of monstrous size from the outside, but it's actually pretty cozy once you get used to its weirdness.

Because orange holds the authority to do so. Green people are rejected by orange because they have found ways to influence you that you find illegitimate: annoyance. They are going to annoy the shit out of you until you change your ways just because they don't care and you do. In a sense - they are like teenagers, but paradoxically - teenagers have a lot of power in families where parents are mentally unstable.

No, but apparently I am that dumb. Sorry.

Dark souls. Go play it.

Yesterday, I watched Leo's newest video. I'd peg myself as stage 5: taming the ox. There's so much work to do that it's not even funny. Thankfully, I forgot to take coffee to work and I can enjoy my suffering instead. Oh, and a new thought came up: I am energy. Let's investigate that.

I was thinking about this definition of meaning and it is really a bizarre situation. It is a group operation of the sense and I know how it works, but it's like I'm doing this in reverse. Let's take the group of integer numbers with addition. I know the numbers and I know the operation. I know that 2+3=5 and that -3+2=-1. The symmetry of addition over "0" is secondary. Its associativity and all of the other properties seem artificial. With meaning it's like I know the symmetry, but I don't know the elements of a set. I can only say what is inner and what is outer and if I think/feel, I can tell the zero element. But in this case the operation itself seems artificial, secondary. I was trying to create an example - what is 'not me' and this idea comes: my boss. So there is me, and my boss and we are meaningfully connected. I am 'inner' he is 'outer'. What meaningfully lies between us, what is neither mine, nor his is: the company. The company is not really mine, as I'm not involved in the topmost decision process. It is also not his however, as he is also dependent on the capabilities of the employees and their willingness to cooperate. So, the zero element is the company itself. Now what are other elements of this set? So I started plotting people on the line, drawing them closer and further along the zero and what struck me is this: I am sorting people with respect to their male/female energy content relative to mine. But what does it mean to 'add' people in this group? Is it the energy content of a given experience?

@now is forever This book is about mathematics. What you say about 'the book' is also true about its contents. Mathematics is a language of observation. What they teach in schools is a mechanical way to operate within mathematics. The creative process lies in describing reality using this language. The rest is mostly trivial.

@now is forever Are you talking about the book here, or about mathematics?

@now is forever Describe your experience of mathematics. What is 'normal' mathematics like and how is that book different?

Yes and no. If chasing enlightenment, money, sex, fame and science is an endless tail-chasing for you, then I'm afraid that you're doing it wrong. Each of these dimensions of value are attractive up to a certain point and during the period you're attracted to them, you have a free pass to learn a skill. You do not learn skills to extract value endlessly, but to change your perspective about the world. This is how the world keeps being meaningful and interesting. There is nothing to be gained from chasing any value other than mastery of its acquisition. Mastery is acquired when you gather the value effortlessly, without your conscious attention.

Yesterday was my sister's name day and she had a party that I attended. Usually I'm not too comfortable in situations like this because I feel like a sore thumb that sticks out. Conversations around me usually involve things that I don't follow, like: news, sport or politics in general. My strategy in these situations is to simply admit to myself that I am a clueless fool by choice and use this opportunity to learn the most important news about the world. It turned out very well actually and I had a lovely evening. People seemed to genuinely enjoy my company. In the middle of a party I had a moment for myself as everybody's attention turned to TV. Fortunately, they were thoughtful enough to decorate their place with candles so I took this opportunity to meditate on flame. Yesterday I woke up with a headache (slept for too long) that went away around 1 pm. In the evening I had a superb meditation session where I worked with my energy. It was very flexible and I could focus it in every major point along the spine at the same time. It was like a symphony played inside of me. Today's night was dreamless. My mind orbited around peaceful thoughts of unity. I woke up well-rested.

Difficulty in performing any action is rooted in the existence of ego. If I consider something to be: outer, alien, impossible, disgusting, inappropriate, taboo, then it means that there is also: inner, familiar, possible, beautiful, appropriate, normal. The distance between what I experience and my comfort zone (or vice versa) is what I call meaning. Meaning is the difference(distance) between yes and no. The midpoint between things of equal (but opposite) meaning is what I call Ego. The point furthest away-from the Ego is what I call Shadow. There are two paths of liberation: The path of centering: approach the Ego and surrender to stillness. The path of the absurd: approach the Shadow and surrender to movement.

After this whole thing I feel like a warm spiral color again. There seems to be no conflict between individualism and collectivism though. It just is. I just redirect the energy.

Today, during a shower I spontaneously started chanting AUM to merge thoughts with speech. It fascinated me how the voice was reverberating on the -M of the mantra. I got distracted by this and it went away. Later in the evening, I started to meditate on breath with stirring of the inner movements. It always made me wonder why does the exhalation of the breath help with the inner movements? Well, I started to chant AUM during the inner stirring and... voila. Reverberation! When I chanted the mantra I was also seeing something like white light when I closed my eyes and focused on my forehead. Why do I even write this? It seems like a distraction. I bet that I will regret this tomorrow.

The moment that I realized to be the whole of bmoidnyd, it became apparent how ripe with energy it is. Harnessing this energy is what chaos magic is all about. It's like nuclear physics. Energy is stored in egoic constraints. Breaking them releases heat to work with. I suppose that the amount of heat one can work with determines the skill of a chaos magician. It is not even about 'my' mind anymore. There is no boundary between the mind and reality. Upset the order that is fundamental enough (like sacredness of human life) and see how reality snaps back at you.

In relationships, there is inner (me) and outer (you). Object is zero, God is infinity. Closing the loop requires me to see the way in which zero and infinity are alike. Breath is still the gatekeeper of thoughts.

I just went through the journal and feel/understand/see that the sense of vision does not exist. This is the post that triggered it: I was curious about this vision thing, that looking at something is about looking at something else. In the sense of movement, touch is what implies separation. In the sense of vision, distance is what implies separation. As I read this post about vision being two dimensional (plane, not a line), it just struck me. Vision is not even a line. Distance does not exist. Oh, and my inner voice seem to have stopped yapping. I wonder whether it will come back. I fear that it won't. Sigh. Relax, buddy.

No idea. We are all, always, talking about ourselves.