tsuki

Hahaha, now isn't that the attitude that lets you enter the relationship freely? The question is: do you really feel that way in everyday life? Do you embody it? Yes. Are you willing to reflect why do you want to change that? Is changing that actually possible? In front of the monitor with me? No offence taken! Just like you reflect on yourself by asking this questions - so am I, by responding to them.

Yep. We always think that we have answers until we are proven wrong. Don't get too hung up on that and actually try to live your insight until it proves itself to make you suffer. What does it say about your relationship with your mother? If "my" reality is the same as "your" reality, then are there actually two realities, or just one? Is one and two actually a valid distinction in this case?

I'd expect them to be offended and I would point this feeling back at them by saying: You just made an ass of yourself by judging that girl to be ugly. And then, probably ask: what made you sleep with her in the first place?

Thoughts and feelings are not disjoint dimensions of experience and the fact that you can meddle with their connection is one of the most amazing observations to make. I think that you falsely attribute this change to the process of 'thinking' (inner hearing), though. The connection between thinking and feeling is not rooted in thinking, nor it is rooted in feeling. Thinking and feeling are how this connection is expressed.

Beauty is irrelevant only if you've been with beautiful women before and seen that their beauty does not improve your relationship. Do not skip stages of development based on ideology/hearsay. Your current relationship proved you wrong. Don't dismiss this experience. Do not scapegoat the ego. You suffer because of it, but instead of disowning it - learn from your mistakes.

@Wyze I think that your discussion with @Haumea2018 was very yellow. Especially the part about impartially exploring the excesses of each stage. I'm reluctant to peg myself as any stage, but my response to the orange friend would be different: What does it say about you to sleep with a 2/10?

I think that the most important advice that I can give you is: stop assigning blame (and praise). Every good and bad situation with this woman you've been through is a combination of your and her presence. It does not matter who is the victim and who is the perpetrator. These two are the two faces of the same coin: ignorance. To illustrate my point, let me ask a rhetorical question: is she undeveloped, or are you full of yourself? Her 'being udeveloped' is a part of your self-image of a self-actualizing person. Is it really helpful to say that she should get on your level? I don't think so. Instead, I'd take this opportunity to work on making myself a more well-rounded person that can talk to 'normies' despite bettering myself. You do not want to build a crystal tower with your self-development. By commitment to making it healthy. You cannot change the other person.

@Anton Rogachevski In the OP, you described how belief is transferred, not wisdom. Wisdom is the ability to live a good life. It cannot be taught by a teacher. The only way to become wise is to mindfully suffer and recognize its roots. Sometimes, a presence of a wise person may inspire another to introspect by various tricks (upaya), but that does not mean that the student was taught. EDIT: What I wrote is just hilarious given my signature .

Not necessarily. When it comes to judging other people with regards to their spiral dynamics stage, what I find the most useful is this framework: If you think that the other person is just alien to you, their logic is downright offensive and they seem like they can't even think properly - this means that they can be higher on the spiral, or integrate something that you have as a shadow. If you have been like the other person in the past, you have followed their values and you transcended them to arrive here, then that means that they can be lower on the spiral. The person (1) has to be in a certain sense respectable by external circumstances, like -have a 'good life' otherwise. It does not mean that you should treat every lunatic on the street as coral. It is always beneficial, however, to listen to that person and try to squeeze your frame of mind into their perspective to gain some intellectual flexibility. Even if you do not agree with them (yet). The person (2) is never thought of as just stupid, or a moron. There is always a kind of sentiment to that kind of thinking and understanding of these people is compassionate. It's more like observing a child that has to learn their lessons and not an enemy to be conquered. It is also usually obvious, that the person cannot be talked out of their naivety by presenting arguments. From my point of view, the only valid reason to criticize somebody is to lay down your objections to their perspective in order to understand why you resist them. You can't change other people by talking them out of their nonsense. They have to experience their nonsense first-hand and suffer through it mindfully. Instead of changing them, you should focus on your own suffering and transcend it.

@The Don Start to take notes on what you are reading. Then, read your notes and write your insights about them. Rinse and repeat. Also, everything is difficult when you don't know how to do it. Once you know how to do it, it's easy. How do you breathe?

One week without coffee, minimal headaches (except for today). I replaced coffee with black tea and it is working fine. I'll try tomorrow. Thank you.

Today I realized that I need a dream journal, but I don't think that it is well suited for forum. I think that I will start another journal for keeping myself accountable for keeping my various addictions in check. This one will be reserved for self-inquiry.

@now is forever Hahaha.

There is no free will, but it does not mean that everything is scripted. Even if there is a universal rule set for reality, then it does not mean that we can predict what will happen. There are systems that are chaotic in nature, which makes them practically unpredictable in the long run. The accuracy of prediction of such systems quickly decays after a certain period of time and is dependent on how accurately you can describe its initial state. In those cases - in order to have the 'script', you have to measure everything, perfectly and compute the result faster than reality changes. Not to mention that such a computer would have to model its own interactions with the outside world. Not a chance.

That would be helpful, thank you. It's not that simple. Nr 2 and 3 are related with each other because I have a lot of free time alone. I'll think through this and post something later on. For now, I'm going cold turkey and meditating this thing off.

Well, their recurring nature reminds me of this idea we call memory. That there are things that we store and bring forth, either willingly, or unwillingly. Recently I came to understand that memory may simply be this acausal cycle of something that has alternating nature, like: A->B->A->B... For example: my coffee addiction may cause itself by disturbing my natural sleep pattern which causes me to be sleepy in the morning I bite my fingernails because I don't like how they look and I try to 'fix' them without proper tools. etc (the cycles may be longer). In this case, all addictions are a form of ignorance with respect to how some behavior influences our cycles. It is not that this ignorance is somehow avoidable - we do have to experiment - but it creates bondage nonetheless. (Now that I think of it, it does seem like the Buddhist description of karma) When it comes to, for example, childhood memories, I suspect that these are shadow material that is reinforced through our everyday life. That reinforcement may take the form of "wishes, hopes, dreams, chances" in your case. In my particular example - all of them seem to have something to do with various forms of trauma and releasing them leads to peace. By peace I mean: treating everything equally, as simply occurring, and not disturbing.

So, when it comes to automatic, mechanical states of awareness, here are my 3 addictions to surrender: Caffeine Porn Snacks What are the trigger points for caffeine addiction: It's cold at work and I'm warming up my hands * Buy heating pads, change the body temperature (?) I'm sleepy early in the morning and after each of the 2 meals at work * Drink tea (?), improve my diet, start to exercise. I like the taste of coffee * Drink malt coffee instead (?), drink coffee to increase the status of a situation (dates?) I'll have to research body temperature and sleepiness more.

Well, what I mean as awareness is described in my previous post as 'energy'. It is a word that denotes that, which manifests itself in various forms. What I mean by being unconscious refers to two things actually: Getting lost in a mechanical, habitual patterns of behavior. The loss of lucidity, like when scrolling facebook. Being used to the idea that I perceive things when they are not in my direct experience. For example, when I focus on writing this text, I'm used to the idea that my breath exists. Now, that I wrote it, it appeared once more. It's very easy to attribute 'attention' to will. I think that these two uses of 'unconsciousness' are somehow related. I wonder how all of that relates to memory.

I'll have to look more closely to this phenomenon of attention. Attention is focus to some of the senses while 'disabling' others. The amount of times I go unconscious during the day is absolutely staggering. I have an intuition that the two are somehow related.

Let's talk about the energy that I feel myself to be. I no longer feel that there is anything inner and outer on the bodily barrier. I feel that whatever 'this body' is, it is not separate from anything else. There is no solid substance that separates its inner sphere with the outer world. There is skin, but it simply converts motions to emotions. There is sight, but it is just another way to convert the energy. There are thoughts, but they are sounds that the energy makes when it enters the body and resonates within it. It's not like I can observe this energy directly, but I can recognize its various manifestations. Energy is an abstraction that creates equivalence between senses. Senses are an abstraction to create equivalence of experience. The abstraction is, however, a way to express this equivalence, like it is in physics. There is, for example kinetic energy and potential energy that create equivalence between stillness and motion. But it's not really there. It is a way to store the energy within me/you in the form of thoughts that are heard in the buzz of the resonance of the mind. Now that I wrote it, it sounds awfully like the description of consciousness - the formless substance that reality is made of. Did I pick this description up from somebody else and re-appropriated it for my own purposes? Sigh, of course I did pick this up from 'somebody else'. Knowledge is the structure that energy resonates off from. We program each other and create filters that make us react to reality in various ways. Boundaries of 'entities' are just lenses. Programs. I seem to have found myself in dead=alive, mechanical=intelligent, secular=sacred reality again. I've been here before, but for a few brief moments. Lets see where this takes off to.

Today I had a lucid dream. We were trying to get somewhere with my father, my sister and another person via a car. My father was driving. Whenever I drive a car in my dreams I can't seem to steer it properly. It always glides when I turn and it crashes, but it keeps on driving and on every turn I tell myself that I'm going to make it this time and it crashes yet again. Every crash seems to be just a scratch, but I'm always uncomfortable for violating the traffic regulations. Anyway, I am aware of this gliding pattern in my dreams and it was not me who was driving this time, but my father. I noticed it and told my sister and that other person that it's just a dream. We did the reality check with a clock (reading an hour twice and seeing two different times). They believed me and the dream dissolved shortly after that. The rest of the night was filled with peaceful thoughts of unity. It's strange because I can't seem to remember any of the thoughts that I had, but I remember being aware of them. One symbol that I recognize is this 3 dimensional cuboid drawn with light that I knew was just Ego. I can only tell the overarching peace and goodness that I felt that night and that it was filled with thoughts.

Nothing .

How about this?

@now is forever Show it!

@kieranperez The higher you build, the more you suffer when it falls. Build wide instead.