tsuki

What I read in your post is that you feel guilty for not adhering to a specific, self-imposed, schedule of practices. I treat techniques as lessons to learn. I learn them by merging, integrating, what I do in formal sitting with my ordinary (organic) way of being. You don't have to sit and still your mind at one particular point during the day. You can meditate and walk, you can even meditate and sleep. This applies to do-nothing, self-inquiry, mindfulness, 3-centered awareness, and even yoga. Which realization? The one about the underlying scarcity mindset/hole? It's a gateway to spirituality, enlightenment work. Egoic mechanism and duality are the root cause of that.

That's very powerful. I'm so happy that you want to confront the hole. When it comes to practices, I tend to treat them as lessons to learn about my everyday consciousness. There is always an insight within a technique that I can merge with my ordinary way of being. This is why I'm not concerned with formality too much.

I don't feel the same way as before. Don't burden yourself by claiming that you (or I) caused this experience. My energy runs amok from all the identity that I released in the process, that's why I need space. I need the dust to settle until I can dance with you again effortlessly.

Hey, I don't want that! You wouldn't either! I'm still integrating. That is what I call weaponization of ambiguity. You hide in symbols. Your anja is working in reverse. It should read and not write them.

@now is forever Obsession is choice. It does not mean that you choose to obsess over something. It means that you choose to not obsess over it. You are drawn to it, attracted, but you don't want to. You resist what you get. That is obsession. By trying to get away, you stir your mind more into thinking about it. You crave it more by deprivation and you finally give in when you feel starved. You still engage on the forum, but now you have guilt. "I promised to not come here!" "I spend too much time here!" "How much is too much?" etc. I think it is much better to introspect into why you are attracted to this place at all. Is it about what Mandy said about me and you?

There is no me, sweetheart.

@mandyjw OH MY GOD THAT IS SO BEAUTIFUL. The watery "I love you guys" at the end was powerful.

When I am talking about chakras and kundalini, I refer to the substance of emotions. Kundalini can be usually experienced with inner movements of the body that are flavored by the mind. Flavors of these movements are what we call emotions. Emotions are distinct from raw energy/kundalini through ego. Egoic interference shows itself by conflating these movements with "external" events. This is when the illusion of control takes hold and we project current circumstances towards future or from the past. Chakras are energetic centers around which kundalini can be focused. There are 7 such centers and they are spread across the spine from the base to the top of the head. Energy can be focused willingly and their experience can be recognized when emotions arise spontaneously: Muladhara is located between the genitals and the anus . It s the 'DO' energy. When hijacked by the ego, it manifests as anger. When the body is energized for action, this energy is used to justify the mind's subversive attitude. Svadhisthana is located between the tailbone and the navel. It is satisfaction. When hijacked by the ego, it manifests as fear. Projection through time and space makes us conflate this feeling with objects or people. It makes us dependent and defensive. Manipura is located in the solar plexus. Its energy is FLOW. When hijacked by the ego, it manifests as doubt, directionlessness. Prior to awakening, this is the prime driving force of the mind. The greatest component of time. Post awakening, flow feels thick as jelly. Anahata is located in the heart. It's energy is softness, vulnerability. When hijacked by the ego, it manifests as infatuation, or hurt. The feeling of this energy is overwhelming, like when you cry. It tightens the chest, radiates towards the throat and disrupts breathing. It is very easy for me to confuse this energy and project it towards people or situations. Vishuddha is located in the throat. Its energy is silence, clarity. When hijacked by the ego, it manifests as chatter. Ajna is located on the forehead. Its energy is vision. When hijacked by the ego, it becomes imagination. The loop between Vishuddha, Manipura and Ajna is the driving force of the Ego in intellectuals. Sahasrara is located at the top of the head. Its energy is oneness. When hijacked by the Ego, it becomes separation.

And here's the"I" talking. The spiritual one.

@now is forever It's not that I don't like your symbols. You are already symbolic so there isn't much to do for me here. Should I symbol the symbols? That's too much even for me.

now I get it. The I goes away. Bye bye!

@now is forever Sorry, but are you going anywhere? You're breaking my heart! I would comment on your journal if you were less ambiguous and symbolic. Or maybe it is best if you stay that way... I think you're doing great. I believe in you.

Thanks to the recent emotional turmoil and the appearance of the Joker, I was able to identify him as a foreign entity. I did the vacuum cleaner meditation yesterday and today's RTCM session confirmed him to be a dragon with a firm yes. Today's meditation is supposedly the last one.

Self-image narrated by thought is the experience of resisting the present moment.

@mandyjw I'm very happy to hear that you connected with your father. You even had some time to know @now is forever better. I think the three of us will make good friends. In today's I-ching reading I received two hexagrams: Gathering together and Nature. One is a guidance regarding human relationships, and the other is traditionally associated with the feminine principle. This is so fitting that it scares me . It gives me hope too, thankfully .

3.04.2019 (two days ago) 62 ䷽ Preponderance of the small, lines 1,3,4,6 27 ䷚ Nourishing I really loved the symmetry of these hexagrams. 62 is Ken/Chen and 27 is Chen/Ken. The first one symbolizes a bird flying out of the nest, while the second is an open mouth with teeth.

I feel like a rabid animal stuck in a cage. The ego desperately wants to claim ownership of this situation and react to it. To figure out how to deal with it. To find relationships between shadows and disrupt them. That's a no-no. That brings more confusion. My wife is my physical mommy, @now is forever is my emotional mommy and @mandyjw is my cruel mommy. I need to integrate.

@now is forever I'm sorry! We really need to figure something out with the mess that's happening here. Confusion needs to settle down first. I can't think straight for now. It's like my mind tries various thought patterns that worked before, but I keep being mindful and it just drops out. Like beliefs that were there before aren't available anymore so it just gives up. I actually have to stop being mindful to write posts like this one. When I read them again, they don't make much sense .

@now is forever Mommy knows me! It's so cute that you explain that after she ripped through this place.

@mandyjw Post your songs in your own journal. Please.

Oh, I know that one Mandy. My favorite song of Parov Stelar.

It's such an amazing experience to suffer without breaking the flow. It's like I'm surrendering to the fact that I resist hahahaha. Only the mind can come up with twists like this. Anyways, my meditation proved very fruitful. All of my 7 chakras are active and fully open. It's beautiful, very soothing.