PsiloPutty

Like our pal Shin said, I think it'd be a trick of the ego to say that you'd better wait to start or continue on the pathless path of self-realization. It's like saying "maybe I should wait until after the holidays to start my diet...…"

@Nagma Why no lion's mane? That's a biggie for brain health.

I get what you're saying. It sounds like sleep creeping in, but might be something deeper. Sounds like you're losing your alertness somewhere along the way in these meditations.

Good deal!! Gratitude abounds! I'm happy you got a lot out of your retreat.

I'd say it could be either. I've had to "test" that sort of thing before with myself. Sometimes when I feel that way, I will just sit there and notice the feeling. Staying with it lets you analyze it as it evolves. If, after a minute or two of watching it, I find myself slipping away, then I know it was just sleep that I was initially feeling. If I'm still alert and experiencing it after a minute or two, I know it's a deeper consciousness state. The trick of course is to not snap out of it by intending to observe it closely. With time, I'll learn to intuitively know which one it is without having to actively examine it.

Sorry you're still struggling. There have been some great suggestions in this thread though. Have you experimented with other kinds of meditation? Just focusing on your breath? Repeatedly saying and mantra in your mind? Body scanning? I understand where you're coming from, because I feel it some mornings as well. It sounds like you're dissatisfied with your life right now and you're putting too much emphasis on meditation being the way to change it to something that you like better. That's a natural inclination, but it won't work because it involves too much intent. Mentally, you're asking too much from your time in meditation, too much pressure. I know those are discouraging words, because you don't know how to not intend. I struggle with that one as well. We are all in this together, friend.

I'm 5 days in with using L-Theanine and solbutiamine. I acknowledge that it may be placebo, but damn I feel calmer and my focus is noticeably improved. Close to effortless focus on breath while meditating, even in noisy environments. This is where the notion of placebo effect has less ground to stand on, as I know my meditation routine very well, and I usually have to sit for ~10 minutes to get my focus dialed in. It's now almost instantaneous when I sit down to meditate. I also feel less inhibited socially. My sleep seems to be improved as well. How could I have never heard of these substances before this?? Thanks Leo, you magnificent bastard. I'm taking 400mg of L-Theanine in the mornings and then 200mg in the evenings. I'm taking 200mg of solbutiamine three days a week (Tue, Sat, Sun).

If it were me, I would power through the urge to tighten up. It will obviously feel very unnatural, and I'm sure your ego will be pissed off at you. You'll have to do it many times before it becomes your default to NOT tighten up your muscles, but you're stuck in a dysfunctional loop right now and you have to transcend it. To me it sounds like a hurdle that a person would have to get over if they wanted to progress in their meditation practice.

It was Zen Devilry! But seriously, it was okay. Kind of feels like you're sitting on a washing machine the whole time. Or maybe in it...

Dang, you're young. I don't want to give an underage person any advice on this, other than to say that my first mushroom dose was around 5g. But I was quite a bit older than you are.

@Javfly33 That's a good way to put it. For me, recognizing that illusion over the period of a few months involved a combination of becoming more aware of my breath, and also getting deeper into a meditative state. Once I got used to going deep and also taking full awareness with me to that level, it was easy to recognize the difference between mildly controlling my breath and not influencing it one iota. OP, the more you try to change things (even if you're trying to change it to something more natural) the more frustrated you are likely going to get. I would say to just keep going on as you are. As time goes by, you will get to the point where you can see the difference for yourself, and that will be something of a turning point for this issue. I know you want to fix it right now, but there's nothing to fix. You're doing fine.

I will just say that it's a weird trap, because meditation definitely isn't the other thing you're talking about.

Yes, for sure. A tell-tale sign that you're unconsciously controlling it is when you forget whether you should be inhaling or exhaling and do a double inhale for instance, lol that happened to me a few times at first. It's very common, and it can mean that you're trying to focus TOO closely on the breath. You want your focus "not too tight.....not too loose" and you're too tight if you are conscious of controlling it. Might help to imagine yourself as an observer to the person meditating. Like you aren't the one sitting there.....you're simply watching him/her.

I dunno man, if you haven't figured out what you are yet, then maybe you should keep the SI practice going. People often take breaks from that, though.

I'll give the dangerous one a listen later on.

* laughter increases *

@Shin you crack me up

@lmfao Yeah? So what's holdin' you back?

Like in Thailand or somewhere? Just curious. Might be an incredibly worthwhile thing to do for a year or two. Or longer of course.

I'm a newbie too, but I'd say that a regular daily meditation practice is one of the foundations of MOST people's spiritual endeavors.

He wrote exactly like he talked. A fascinating human being. One of my favorite modern philosophers.

Your English is muito bom. Have you tried meditation?

@Elysian Interesting, and I'll check into it. Thanks for the post.

Duuuuude…..that was an excellent report. Wonderfully written. I could taste your thoughts, man.

Yes, if I'm honest with myself I would admit that I hear that voice often, even regarding my own thoughts and actions. I just try to send love to that voice, because it must not be very happy.