PsiloPutty

I have never once seen a reference to that movie here. I must be missing something, too.

And Jed, that is by golly an interesting photo. Is that you? There's no stopping a man who dresses like that. What's the scoop behind it?

Die, bitches, die!!!! Ha, even though you're right, whenever I see a thread title like "I want to die" it hits me like "Oh, noooo.....I hope he doesn't do it. Better go in there and see if I can talk him down."

This is nice. And am I nutty for hearing the last part as a Dr. Suess line? "Notice the air, notice the chair.....a little bit more attention here and there."

@Viking You can love the nastiness in you because it's a part of being trapped in this chimp body. And when you look at the other chimps, know that every one of them has the same dark business going on in their mind/body as well. I don't know, it's seeing the shared tragedy that also lets you see the shared beauty. I guess a person could just as easily see us all as wretched wastes of space, but damn, I think love is easier.

A good way to start is with Loving Kindness meditation. There are many guided Metta meditations on YouTube. That should be one of the more non-threatening ways for you to practice love without anyone even knowing it. Unless you're really connected to love organically, which I'm guessing from your post that you aren't, and that's okay, it might feel corny and artificial the first few times, but once you get used to conjuring genuine love on command, you'll find it much easier. From that point, you're only a hop skip and a jump from feeling love for people you interact with in person. You're made out of love, brother. Share it!

Ego backlash is very normal as I'm sure you know. It's like our ego realizes that we've done something awesome for us, but life-threatening for it. Let it hoot and holler for a few days! It doesn't feel good, but it certainly helps to understand what's happening. It's just like a little kid freaking out when you tell him to do the dishes. He might pout, cry, pitch a fit, tell you he hates you, and make life a bummer for a while, but eventually he does the dishes and peace is restored. Just like the kid will eventually calm down, your ego will realize that it's still alive, and things aren't so bad. Try not to give in to everything it wants right now, though. Be the parent.

That's a good trip report, and your English is better than mine! Was it your 1st psychedelic experience? Think you'll branch out and try others? Ayahuasca was my first, and it started a whole cascade of positive and healthy changes in my life that took place during that year. I hope your experience opens you up to the same. It takes serious balls to do what you did; you should be proud of your-self.

In my vision, I see myself realizing that I embody pure love. Loving myself, loving everyone and everything on the planet. Treating all of it with tender, genuine compassion and kindness. "We're All in This Together" is one of my favorite phrases. The teacher at my retreat said something that stuck with me. "Awakening is always an accident. Meditation just makes us a little more accident-prone." That's one of the reasons why I meditate, self inquire, introspect on psychedelics, and all of the other modalities that I use to remain on the path. Even if it takes me years and years to get there, I'm happy feeling each step toward it.

You're not nodding off or anything? No jerking yourself upright from time to time? If you can be sure that it's not sleep, I think it sounds like a huge deal!

Well, I think that's a beautiful answer and a wonderful vision. I don't know how anyone might know how long it will take you to realize those ambitions, but for me, words of love and encouragement would help me to maintain my drive more than questioning my goals and telling me how distant their realization is.

Phoenix, thank you for posting this! I do that exact thing sometimes when I'm feeling lost. Looking back to where I was 2 years ago, I realize that I'm a lot more found than I thought I was. This is a hazy path for me, and hard to gauge progress. It's hard to see where I'm going, or even where I am sometimes, but I can always look behind me and see where I've been.

I think it sounds like one of the things that ALL meditators wish would happen to them! Especially interesting is that it doesn't go away when you aren't meditating. And it's above the eyes? Kind of like where your 3rd eye is? Prepare for full enlightenment, Tsuki Moon! *gasp!*

I was there. At 18....yeah, I was there. Would you believe a stranger telling you that it'll work out OK? Something will come along, maybe today, maybe next month, that will inspire you and send gas to that pilot light you have burning inside you, even if you don't think it's lit. Something to fuel you along. Interest in something, curiosity in something, passion in something. Don't try to imagine what that thing will be - it might be something you've never even thought of before. If you can't dig inside you and find other reasons to stay positive, just know that if you keep your mind open, it will find you, friend. In the meantime, keep yourself patient and trust that you're supposed to be here. The universe needs you to be a complete system. It truly would be a flawed place without you. Your being here isn't just because your parents chose to have sex one night; it's much bigger than that. You didn't come into the world; you came out of it.

Glad to hear you've had something like that happen! Did the feeling go away as soon as you were done with the contemplation?

I dunno, but it sure doesn't sound bad, so keep exploring it! So, this isn't something that only occurs when you meditate? I ask because you said you realized something about it as you were writing your post. Hey, I've wondered: what is your avatar?

I think most people drop out at the stage you're in right now, so keep in mind that if you keep it up daily for just a couple more weeks, you'll be over the first hump. I think I started to see some subtle benefits after 2 weeks, and that was the motivation I needed to keep me going. Glad you're getting into this, keep it UP!!! Side note: binaural beats like this with headphones really helped me to squeeze more out of my meditating for the first month, and I still use it once a week or so. Check it out with headphones on and see what you think. At first it sounds like a headache waiting to happen, but try it out for a sit or two.

Cool, sounds like a good time. I'm already thinking about planning my 2nd Vipassana retreat as well.

@astrokeen I think cirkussmile was saying that meditation is a good way to integrate psychedelic insights into one's waking life. I don't think he/she was suggesting that meditation renders psychedelics obsolete. Just my take on it.

Thanks, I appreciate it!

@Dogsbestfriend I've heard allusions to that, but you have more details than I've heard before. Do you have a source for that info? Sounds like a challenge, but it's simply curiosity.

The week after a heavy trip, I tend to have lots of synchronicities happen in my life: same numbers coming up again and again, strangers needing my help, hearing from people I haven't thought of in years, etc. Have you watched this video? Paul Stamets is one of the most respected mycologists in the world, and he is no stranger to tripping. He tells a few wild stories in this video, plus it's just interesting all the way around.

Releases endorphins! Haha, sometimes when I'm a little down, I do "smile therapy" and just smile huge for 30 secs in the mirror. Feels phony as heck, but it helps to some degree.

@Shakazulu I have enjoyed many of her videos. I'm no expert, but Teal's good stuff in my opinion.

@Ether Right on. It takes a while to clear that shit out of our systems, and the ones that affect the brain are the trickiest, because they make us think that we need them to be normal. Good on you for ditching them. Now it's just a matter of time until you see the dawn arriving....see beyond the road you're driving.