Chris_021

Sometimes, if I e.g. drive my car or bike or do some other sort of monotonous task I get caught up in though stories and it seems like running on "autopilot". Since I started meditating and working on being more mindful a few month ago increasingly more often during the day a thought pops up reminding me to discern the experience of "being aware". Immediately when that happens I notice a subtle shift in my awareness and I recognize, that I have been dreaming all the time... Unfortunately, I very often again forget and get caught up in thoughts again until the next spontaneous shift in awareness happens. Now I watched a video from Rupert Spira where he talks about not fighting thoughts and feelings or trying to control attention in any way as everything still is pervaded by consciousness. That seems very logical intellectually. When I am meditating sometimes my mind is relatively still but other days it seems very agitated. My question is when my mind is so unrestful and I am not in any way trying to "control" attention or stay on that "experience of being aware" like mentioned above I get thouroughly caught up in thoughts and I even forget what I am doing until the next recognition that I've been dreaming. I don't understand how letting attention flow is any different from this unconscious everyday "autopilot" because if I do that I get so caught up that I'm everything other than present in that moment. It seems I can't really let attention flow whilst being completely present. I have the same experience with concentrating on the breath. I have a hard time letting the breath flow naturally whilst being completely present and aware. When I'm aware of the breath it feels like I'm slightly manipulating it and when it really flows naturally I'm not "actively" conscious of it but rather, again, in dream land. Some hints or insights about your experiences would be very much appreciated! Thanks Niko p.s.: This is the video i watched by Rupert Spira. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ba8Lf-3XWnM&t=216s

@DMM710 I also read Leo's comment on that and I understand that this frightens you. I personally started my psychedelic journey with shrooms and did it 3x now (1,2 & 4g of dried mushrooms on an empty stomach). The effects of the 1g dosage were mild visual distortions, the body felt a little different and physical sensations were intensified. There also were slight changes in the way thoughts arised in the mind. However, I was perfectly aware that this was due to the mushrooms and at this dose I did not felt like not having "control" as used to. So for me, I could not think of that dose really leading to anxiety. With the 4g dose you really feel how the mushrooms take control of the "space" that seems so familiarly filled with your internal voice and dialogue, but, as the onset is not that harsh and a punsh in the face like with other substances I felt able to be "pushed" towards letting go. That trip was extremely profound and insightful and being in that state I somehow felt beyond "bad" or "good". I was just being in the flow. So I really think your plan sounds good and you will be finde starting out with 1g