triadne

Hi, I posted before about noise and how to possibly ignore it etc. I've made various connections since then. Today I've got something pretty solid after having a very unpleasant dream. basically I know I'm dealing with abandonment issues and feelings of being violated. every time I hear a noise of a door banging or a loud bang in the building, I feel violated. This is linked to when I was younger and living with my mother. there were numerous occasions where things happened and she did not come to my defence. There was an occasion where the neighbour started doing very noisy home improvements, and my mother did not think I needed to know. I got woken by the noise and it was quite traumatising. The dream last night though was related to my half brother at the time, he moved into the room below my bedroom and caused a lot of issues with noise. he replaced the door handle with one that made it so that whenever he closed the door it slammed very loudly. he removed the carpet and replaced it with hardwood floors and used it to bounce his basketball. he played his guitar with his amp very loud. This period became quite hellish for me and when I went to my mother to ask for her help to remedy my situation, I was of course turned away. my life became a living hell at that time and my mother did not care. So now, these issues persist. when I hear a loud bang, like my neighbour closing their door heavily, I get anxious. I feel violated. I have tried to let it go but i can't. I have a pervasive feeling of uneasiness and I just feel unsafe. It's not as though the noise is very loud. that isn't the issue. the issue is I can hear it. this fact means that they are making the noise, not considering my feelings and nobody is protecting me from it. my home is being violated by unwelcome noise and I am being subjected to this. I would really appreciate any insights on this and how to move forward. thank you.

It always is. I didn't think I suggested otherwise. Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Thank you for all the advice. I've tried some things. BKH, thank you for the advice. it sounds good, but I don't know if I can do that. I'm too scared of repercussions. It may make my situation worse. I love peace and quiet and I feel like perhaps this is too emotionally loaded for me. I think I need to wait until i have a place where my banging won't upset anyone else. then I can do it. purerogue, I think I know what you refer to. there was one where she walked through some negative situations and started making different associations. she was on a stage sat with a young man. I understand that and I tried to work with it. I cannot imagine any good thing to associate these noises with though. There's nothing I can think of that might make me feel happy about them. zigzag idiot, this was really useful. I actually got woken up by noises this afternoon. I started doing what you described and it did actually stop any feelings of anxiety at first. the continuing bangs didn't help me to maintain my low anxiety state, but at least it was a start. I don't feel so overwhelmed today, whereas I would have in the past.

It's possible. are there any specific triggers? analyse the times when you've felt this way and look for commonalities.

you're fighting it. you're fighting so hard that your body is close to breaking point. just remember that resistance makes stronger. if you resist your thoughts so strongly, they will become that strong. please address this now. if you resist any more and make your emotions even stronger, you might break. You need to find a controlled way to let some of your thoughts trickle through. you need to let them wash over you. perhaps you need to find a therapist or somebody trusted to talk to.

can you embody the same intensity whilst whispering? sometimes a whisper can be even more powerful than a yell. I think it's more about teh energy you want to work with, rather than the volume.

The idea that suicide is logical has a massive flaw. it relies on the assumption that after death is nothing. The truth is, we have no idea what happens to our consciousness after death. we may have to relive the last day of our suffering over and over like groundhog day. we may be put in a situation that is even worse. we just don't know. There is also the idea that we CAN suicide. This is an issue because people have been shot in the head and survived. people have fallen from great heights and survived. people have survived all manner of things and the suffering that comes afterwards can be many times worse than the suffering of a person who feels suicidal. This is how I overcame my suicidal ideations; by realising that it is not under my control.

I think Mindfulness is good. with mindfulness you start to become more aware of the thoughts that contribute to your feeling of depression. Over time I have become aware that a lot of my feelings of depression were mainly due to being tired. tiredness can trigger a negative spiral of thinking. at least for me. so now, when I feel depressed, I just accept that I am probably tired and I realise that my feelings of low interest and low motivation are merely because my brain wants to sleep more than anything else. I then make a plan of what to do in the time I have between now and bedtime.

Thanks, I really should do this more. Actually, I did put a request out to the universe, the angels, my subconscious, however you would normally look at these things, for getting up earlier with minimal stress. It does seem like I am naturally waking up earlier than I normally would so I think this may be improving. Thank you, this is exactly what I have been wanting. I am indeed wanting to work on my own issues and I have felt for a while that my problems with noise etc are not going to resolve unless i do this work. I want to move but I am concerned that noise will still be an issue wherever I move to. You're also correct, this does stem from earlier life issues. furthest back I can trace it is when a neighbour decided to smash their downstairs wall with a sledgehammer to do some work, at 7am and my mother decided I didn't need to be forewarned. My mother has a history of being neglectful to the point of abuse so that is something I have been making a point to deal with and I am on the waiting list to see a therapist to really dive into it. I think that these vibrations and noises do immediately feel like an affront to me, they make me feel like a victim and I feel like these people should be more considerate, not just of me but anyone else who might also be in my situation. my payoff of course is that I feel like a victim and then my righteous anger is somehow empowering, but of course it isn't. and with regards to when i sleep, I think I prefer the chance of silence i the middle of the night, so I prefer to stay up late so I can have my own peace and quiet. of course that seems to have evaporated so that may be why my sleep cycle is actually improving now. of course it doesn't solve the underlying issue. that is.... I feel nobody has a right to encroach on my space with their noises. I want to feel like there is nobody there. maybe because I feel like living in a shared building is... poor. I am a failure perhaps and am living in the lowest vestiges of society. I realise i'm not at the bottom, but it's not great. I've had the feeling that living in a flat was the worst situation i could be in, I felt this from a young age. it's a value judgement I have held on to. and it means that I've failed at life and i am a worthless human being. and because my own mother doesn't even love me, then I seem to be worthless to everyone. if I'm not worth anything to my mother then I need to be worthy to society but since I am not, then that puts me in a vulnerable position. hmmm ok what else is there... i think that is a lot of it there.. I feel a bit of a release of tension here. I felt a vibration just now and i felt less angry about it. more forgiving. I'm sure that this little exploration won't be enough though, I'll have to come back and reread this and see if there is more, but this really helped for now. thank you Rebec for prompting me to do this self examination.

Hi, I made a topic a while ago about dealing with noise from a slamming door. That time, the noise as unreasonable and a lot of people who replied said they also thought it was unreasonable. The council finally dealt with it after i spoke to them many times. they came and replaced the door and ensured it closed properly and has a lever on it so it is impossible to slam. It really pushed my stress and anxiety quite high at the time and perhaps I am still in a heightened state. Anyway, now I am struggling with various noises and vibration. At this point though, the noises are not what you might call unreasonable. at least I don't think so. for example, I got woken up at around 9.30 am by loud bangs. I think most people would consider that reasonable, but as I have lost sleep because of it, It makes me anxious. I've had sleep problems for a long while so I feel like I can't avoid that, but society views it as expected normal everyday noise. so I need to feel better about it. The vibration is a tough one. I don't know where it comes from. the majority of it is certainly noise from my own television causing vibrations through my chair etc. but there are times when my TV isn't making any noise and i feel something in my foot. There is the possibility that some of it is coming from a neighbour, the one who was causing issues with the door, and perhaps now is stomping, banging and making loud noises within his flat. I've spoken to the council about that on the off chance it is also causing a problem to the other neighbours and they are also complaining about that. But in the situation where the other neighbours don't view it as a problem, then I am not going to see much of a change and need to find it within myself to be able to ignore this. I probably already know the answer, I'm just a little mired in at the moment. I've been desperately trying to make some money in order to move and so am quite stressed and also lack of sleep causes me to feel subdued and rather depressed. I'd appreciate any feedback or support you could offer. Thanks for reading. Jessica.

I'm feeling really anxious lately because I don't know when my neighbour is going to slam their door. I've tried speaking to them and they did try being careful closing it but then when they got visitors it was the same issue again. I've tried approaching them again but they ended up yelling at me and slamming the door in my face. Their door is 3 feet directly in front of my front door and I'm now scared to go in my hall. I wear earplugs in my flat all the time. I can't move, I'm at the bottom of the financial ladder and rely on social security. I am working on changing that btw. I need to figure out how i can ignore the noise and not feel anxious about it. I've had issues with noise for almost 10 years and this issue seems to be following me. I think it may stem from having had my sleep disturbed by it and developing anxiety and depression from loss of sleep. I understand that I am holding on to a bit of victim mindset here, but I am not sure how to go about changing this. I feel like if I hear this loud bang, then it puts me on edge and I feel anger inside or hopelessness or some other strong emotion. I don't know if it's possible to have a really loud bang happen near you and not feel some strong emotion? at least not in your own home. a place of work maybe.

see on see, thanks, I have done this, but now there is a different issue. the noise has not happened since that time when it got really bad, but I don't know when it will happen again. I am scared to go in my hall because it feels like an unsafe environment. i am scared to use my bathroom as it is right next to my front door. I feel scared like this because I don't see that the automatic door closer has been fixed and I am scared that at any moment, somebody could go through it and forget to stop it from slamming. I feel like if I go to the council, they won't do anything. even though I have been full of anxiety. I now close my bedroom door so I feel easier sleeping. it's not perfect but it's getting better. my problem is general anxiety because I just don't feel safe. I think I would feel better if I just knew that the door was not ever going to slam even by accident. but after I tried to talk to the neighbour last time and was met with so much hostility, I don't feel like i can ask them to fix it. I think they already said they were going to fix it but I can't see any evidence of it. ingit, yes I think we had the same source of the problem. the issues with noise just grew and grew over time, since about 10 years ago. xyz, I really empathise with you. this sounds like it's quite bad. I wear earplugs all the time in my flat as a habit. this amount of noise is wrong in my opinion. I don't think human's are supposed to live like this.

Thanks for the tip, but unfortunately in the UK, police don't deal with this kind of thing unless it is between 11pm and 7am. It's useful if you work all the hours and aren't in your house in the day or evening, and only between 11 and 7 to sleep. Honestly, I think our laws need to be modified , but for the moment that is the way it is.

thanks for the advice. it seems it is unreasonable behaviour. I think I should keep in mind that if it does get worse or if the loud bangs continue, I need to contact the council. they are a council tenant same as me. looking at this, it seems if my neighbour continues to slam the door after I've told them that it is a major issue, they are in breach of their tenancy. anyhow, I will try what you say, to accept the present moment. I appreciate it.

Maybe I'm wrong and maybe it just crept up on me. It's actually quite possible since I've been feeling a bit on edge recently. I'm talking about sudden attacks of depression. like I could be feeling ok and then just BAM I get hit in the face by this feeling of emptiness. Maybe it is an underlying issue that is wandering in my subconscious... it hit me yesterday. I was working on my game (I develop games on my own) and I went into the kitchen to get a snack and all of a sudden i felt like my world was ending. It's possible that it's related to my work and that my feelings about the snack just sort of triggered something. I do feel quite lonely at times when I do my work. I think it's a feeling of loneliness because being around people is often an easy distraction. So when I am working on my game and I start to feel really bad, maybe I feel like I need to be around people? to be honest though, I don't think being around people would actually help at that moment. but I am not sure why I start feeling that way. I start to lose motivation to continue working on it. it's usually when the task I'm on is quite repetitive or when I'm not solving some interesting problem. But then I feel like there is no point in anything. I lose interest in everything. Another factor is that I feel so tired lately. like everything is too much to handle. I'm not yawning or sleepy, I'm just tired. I sometimes feel like I can't focus on anything. I wish I could put my finger on anything, something to help me figure this out. I know I am feeling overwhelmed, that much I have figured out. Anyway today, I have been doing many things that ought to make me feel better. I went to the gym earlier and had a good circuit training session with the girls, really enjoyed it. as I was walking away from the gym, I was feeling okay, and then suddenly BAM, I felt awful. no apparent reason for it. I guess my question is... does anyone understand this at all, or is my brain probably broken and I need to see a professional doctor?

@Shin brilliant!!! thank you!!!

Thank you it would be totally cool to have some good friends I'm glad this sounds normal, I was starting to worry. I am on the list to see a therapist , but NHS waiting lists are very long. Thank you, that shadow work sounds really useful actually. I have been watching Leo's videos for a long time and haven't come across any mention of that yet. I will take a look. I checked on google just now and I found a book that comes highly recommended. I'm gonna search it out and buy it. I do need to do more reading.