Flowerfaeiry

I ultimately just want to do the right thing. Yes there is a little fear in me that I will spend eternity in a fiery hell if I don’t accept Jesus. AND there is the side of me that is afraid I’ll be living in a type of “hell” here on earth if I don’t believe in Jesus.

This is very interesting.

Because if I don’t I’ll go to hell. Hypothetically. If you get what I mean.

I could see how it would bring more peace. For it to be an end to seeking. To see that Jesus is the most high and to believe that is reality. Were you raised religious? To me it’s like asking me what water is (I come from very religious families)

Quote from her Facebook: “I could never deny the growth I experienced in 12 years going so deep with the plants. But after so many years and still having so many questions and feeling unsatisfied with the loop I found myself in I knew what I was experiencing wasn’t truth. The gifts and blessings God has for us through his son Jesus is unlike anything I have ever known” Sheesh!

They are pursuing truth though! That’s why this is so hard.

What about Christianity is so tempting for people? Why are there so many stories of former new agers coming out of their old ways into Jesus? I mean there’s gotta be something to it right?

I don’t really know how to put this but I’ll just start by saying I’ve been a spiritual seeker pretty much my entire life. I was quite young when I remember asking the question to myself “why am I here”. So I guess that combined with trauma from childhood I naturally turned to therapy, psychedelics, self improvement. I always felt like I was looking for someone or something who had life figured out. Leo was definitely that person for me for a long time. Then I found ayahuasca. The healers I saw had over 700 ceremonies in over 10 years under their belt. I experienced MASSIVE MASSIVE transformation under their care. But now—they’ve stopped drinking medicine and have: turned to Jesus (???). This means that I’m more lost than ever because I really looked up to these people and they really do know so many secrets to the universe. So I believe that they have found something real in believing Jesus to be the son of God and to be our Lord and Savior. Typing that out is painful for me… I thought I had already figured out that while Jesus was a really cool guy, he wasn’t the Son of God and I DEFINITELY didn’t need to repent for my sins to go to heaven. I did however grow up religious. This complicates things for me. I don’t know what to do. I actually kind of do see the Truth and value in believing that Jesus can save us. But like as soon as my mind starts working I debunk it pretty fast. But maybe I just need more faith? Ugh. So back to more questioning I go. Man, I’m tired of this…

Very normal and very ok. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Very typical. It’s the nature of this work and it’s why change, when it happens, is so precious. Because it takes a lot of effort. Try and see where you can comfortably “brute force” something and where you find that titrating your work will be more beneficial. Yes, trust the process and also realize that this sort of “itching to just meet your goals” you feel is normal and part of what will fuel you. It’s not comfortable to have big dreams and to see all the work you need to do to get there. You sound like you’re doing good though. Big dreams, a hunger for more, you’re getting out there like seeking therapy. Sometimes big change happens in big moments and often it happens through all the small moments that have added up <3

Sounds like you’re doing fairly well with some small and bigger hangups and that’s part of life. That’s why we improve so we can have more of the life that we dream. But this will be a constant thing if you chose it to be. Once you get a girlfriend maybe you will experience a temporary high of sorts and then fall down again so you can continue improving. Someone told me once that the darkness in our lives is to help us grow and show us how amazing we really are. You are not insignificant, and being lost is how you find yourself <3

You can get an astrology book and read that. I got a lot out of “Astrology for Dummies” by Rae Orion. A person with their sun sign in Taurus may appreciate stability, be stubborn, enjoy earthly pleasures like fine food or clothing etc.. But none of this is set in stone and you can’t really be like “a Taurus is like this”. There are many different pieces of someone’s chart that will influence how this all shows up.

For me, my usage of psychedelics has ultimately come down to a desire to heal. And I know everyone will be different in this and we all have to walk our own path so you may just be done with psychedelics for now. That could change though. Before I experienced ayahuasca I sort of felt like you do like: “okay I get it, I’ve seen god” etc. but I was really blessed to be able to have some deep deep spiritual and emotional healing with that medicine and it really brought a whole new meaning to the other psychedelics I’d done and the spiritual “work” I’d been doing for a long time and I feel like I will be on that path for the rest of my life. So I mean maybe you just don’t have a strong desire to keep seeking in that area of life and that’s ok. You got what you wanted out of it and are ready to grow from all you’ve learned. You can always come back when you’re more ready.

I’ve done it. We all do it. Life is HARD to figure out and sometimes we think we’ve found an answer only to later realize that’s not how things are at all so we have to backtrack and learn again. But I think sometimes on this forum it’s easy to talk willy nilly about things we don’t know much about just because we want in on the conversation or want to seem important.

Yes!!