LastThursday

@intotheblack have a read of Machines Like Me (Ian McEwan). It's a about a couple and an affair with an android.

Good contemplations. I wouldn't say misunderstanding, just perspective. Love isn't given, it is love within yourself that is triggered or reflected by others. But that doesn't make it any less or fake. What more beatiful thing is there than to set off love inside another person?

Don't worry you're going to be ok:

This is a good philosphical question. Do you really love the person, or do you love the impression of a person? Was it just your fantasy you loved all along? Could you keep on loving an android with one less finger? Questions. Can you keep on loving a person even if they change? Can you keep on loving a person even if an unpalatable truth comes out? How do you know if a person really loves you? Is it just behaviour or does there have to be intent? How do you know someone's intent?

I fell in love with a thought, And then the thought fell in love with me, Wild and feral it tore me up, Gnashing teeth and blood, I cried in anguish, Unable to contain my orgasm, The thought pushed forth, Again and again and again, I pushed and pulled, This way, that way, Until I could fight no more, Fearsome love, Fearsome devil, Fearsome body, That animal thought screamed, Then all was silent, Surrendered, I lay there bleeding, Injured and ravaged: By the tooth and claw of thought, Now, an expanding wave of emptiness, Overtook what I had thought was myself, Until even memory was not enough to hold on to, Thought left. I left.

@Barbara yes exactly. To be authentic is to be a whole person and for all the parts to work in harmony together, even the ugly parts. When you are learning to be authentic, you have to push against all those inauthentic ugly parts - like a rebellious teenager pushing against their parents' wishes, until you realise your parents were right.

Indeed, isn't that the definition of holistic?

I really don't want to throw water on the fire; we are always being authentic. The transcendence is to realise that we can never be anything else but ourselves in every moment. Acceptance.

@Null Simplex don't be so lazy! Don't you know you have to grab life by the horns? Go go go...

I would say the nostalgia comes and goes. I watched a huge amount of TV as a kid and teenager. Luckily, they have channels nowadays full of all those old shows. It's fun to indulge sometimes and watch an episode or two, it's like seeing an old friend! Saying that, I wasn't at all nostalgic in my twenties and thirties I was too distracted by living. To be honest a lot of my teenagehood actually sucked, that I've never been nostalgic about.

I was out on a walk this morning. For a reason only the gods know, I woke up about an hour and half earlier than normal. There was nothing for it other than to go for a walk. In the end it was about an hour and half of wending around town. It is a beautiful morning here, warm in the sunshine with fluffy clouds floating in a cyan sky. I think because it's nearly spring the flowers are out. Especially, I've noticed just how many cherry trees there are here. There's a beauty to the dense delicate pastel pink blossoms against the near black of the branches. I should mentally note where they are and one day take a meandering tour and connect the dots, the cherry tree walk so to speak. As I was walking I was thinking about all the things that have come and gone in my life. There's an ebb and flow to things just like the waves lapping up on a beach. Sometimes, as when someone we love passes away, we mark the coming and going formally with ceremony and dressing up. At other times we hardly even pay attention. What about all those people we've met in passing and forgotten until now? What about all those hot summers and crisp winters? What about those old school days? I absent mindedly started to reel off some of the things that have come and gone, feeling that in that moment of sunniness and lightness it would be the right time to do so. Those few years in Spain as a kid with it's endless sunshine and heat - came and went. Before that the place in Hampstead which my mum indelicately called "The House of Rats" - came and went. My first two schools in Spain, infants in England and then juniors, secondary school, sixth form and university - came and went. Many many people came and went, all my best friends Candy, John and Bayo and Lee, Danny, Kieran and my teenage love Elaine, Mohammed and Peter and Sai and Tehmina, my adult loves Susanne and Mariska. My nuclear family formed and dispersed. Over 17,000 sunrises and sunsets - came and went. The 70's, 80's, 90's, 2000's, 10's, all of them. In the reverie I also felt emotions ebb and flow, melancholy, nostalgia, relief, catharsis and closure, letting go. My walk ended. I suddenly realised that some of those strands of life had started but were yet still to finish - I was living them now. In the end I myself would come and go, born and die; and that's ok.

The laws of nature are stories the grown ups told us. Reality is a lot looser and glitchier than people think.

@Javfly33 looking for purpose comes from the dream not outside of it. There is no outside. Can the dream explain itself, is that possible?

Agreed you can't control others' reactions. Many people will be in your shoes and they also want to be authentic, but are are afraid to be. What's the best thing that can happen to them? That someone authentic, gives them the space and encouragement to also be authentic themselves. It's infectious, win win.

Neither. It's the nature of conscious reality that things and thoughts suddenly appear, only to disappear again. The present moment is full of such discontinuities. You can weave any story or theory around it you like, but it's fundamentally mysterious and unknowable.

I confess that I do feel people's pain. I want to help. But I can't fix everyone's problems, I can't even fix my own a lot of the time. The best way to help a person is to show them how to help themselves. Occasionally this works, but most of the time there's confusion or anger at this approach. People want their problems solved practically and immediately and on their level - it's understandable. But examining themselves and learning is painful and slow work. I could give a homeless guy a thousand pounds, but it would probably be useless, yes they can buy food and cigarettes for a few months, but what then? What the homeless guy needs is for their problems and context to be understood, and then they need to be taught how to help themselves - that's more help than most people are willing to give. Sometimes it pains me that I'm unwilling to help most people. It pains me that I have to pick and choose who to help and when. It pains me that despite my efforts, some people can't be helped or actively resist it. It pains me that I don't show more compassion. I helped my mum for most of my life. I made her life bearable and stopped her from living a nightmare; she could never have done it alone. But I only relieved her symptoms not her causes. Only she could have done that and she was unable to.

Why do you think that? Just questioning for the sake of curiosity to explore the topic. Not judging Sure. What's the purpose behind being authentic? It seems like it's about removing the barriers you normally have, that stop you thinking and doing the things you desire. The barriers are things like fear of rejection, anxiety, guilt, lack of confidence, uncertainty, fear of being ridiculed and so on. So what's it like to think authentically? In that case you would just think thoughts without any judgement (barrier) from yourself and let them play out. But just thinking like this isn't the whole story. The other half of the story is acting on those unrestricted thoughts - this is the outward expression of authenticity. People will admire you for being free to act out what you wanted in the moment. What's the purpose behind being vulnerable? It's about showing parts of yourself that you consider painful or unpleasant or that you could be judged on; putting yourself in a position of being at the mercy of other people. And normally people will empathise with you. Again, it's an outward expression of openness and invitation to intimacy.

You could just be super pragmatic about it. I have a briefcase full of my stamp collection (nerd). Despite that briefcase only taking up a small corner of my study, I could easily spend the next month looking at the detail of each stamp and sorting them by country etc. Or, I could go into my friend's modest garden and start examining every blade of grass with a magnifying glass and each would be different, and spend the next year doing just that. That is reality, there's just so much damn stuff out there. It's moot whether it's infinite or not, your life isn't long enough to see it all.

Exactly. NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) is essentially this. All thought and memory is neutral, but emotions get tied to those memories as a case of conditioning. Often, the conditioning is constantly reinforced by sheer mental repetition. The bell rings, and the emotions kick in. It's stimulus/response. It's a tragedy that people are unable to disengage stimulus (memory, thought) from response (traumatic emotion). NLP tries to do this with via a process of interference, one stimulus, two responses. The premise being that the nervous system or subconscious will prefer a strongly positive stimulus over a negative one. It's different than other therapies in that it doesn't reinforce the original conditioning by constantly replaying the memory (i.e. talking therapies), it's not lost in content and interpretation.

If it's good enough for Bruce Lee... Systems and techniques are the scaffolding not the house.

No person is an island. Being authentic and vulnerable is an outward expression, not a thought in your head; it is for other people to admire and recognise. If you're not fearless about expressing yourself, then you are not being authentic. It's about breaking out of the role others expect you to have, but also not behaving out of neediness. Being authentic or vulnerable is a two way communication that flows freely.

Who needs a book when you've got the forum? Somewhere to start would be to read the two recent threads on this, if you haven't already: There are some very intelligent and coherent answers in those threads. But I agree a booklist of some sort on this topic would be wonderous. Oh, and this thread:

Alice: My new mantra is "Just do it!" Bob: But you're not doing anything. Alice: I am. I'm doing laziness.

I have such a strong connection with some songs. This is one of the vinyl record (a tautology) albums my parents had. It just reminds me of being with my family around the late seventies in Spain as a very small kid. It's just as good as the original song in my opinion: This song was played incessantly late night on TV at my girlfriend's parents' place around 1990. I was foolishly given a key so I would crash there after going to the nightclub across the park and up the hill. Sweaty and drunk and tired: I just love this song for it's etherial, crisp quality and beautiful voice (2021). And looking back in another thirty years will remind of now: Boy, I've lived a long time.

I agree up to a point. There are a million actions that would be good for you, but require effort to do. Implicit in being referred to as lazy, is that you should be doing something. But who's to judge what you should be doing or even if you should be doing anything at all? Where does this judgement come from? It's a societal thing, we're obsessed with doing. If you're not doing then somehow you're deficient in some way or wasting your time. Time is treated as a commodity to be filled with doing stuff; progressing, advancing. Maybe conserving energy or having down time is actually good for you?