LastThursday

I've never been a follower myself. An admirer, yes, but that's different. I think it comes from a very strong sense of equality I've always had. No one person should be raised above others. As such I would object to being followed myself. I would agree that it's a strength because you have to take responsibility for your own mind and actions. Sales people have a hard time with me, because I have to be convinced on merit and not razzmatazz. The only weakness I can see is that sometimes self delusion can take over, especially when you ignore the advice of others who actually know better than you.

I think I've finally reached a point where I'm mostly comfortable with not knowing, ambiguity, the unknown and paradox. Instead of fear or agitation, I feel peace and acceptance. I'm finally able to switch off the logical analytical mind and just be. This statement is false. And yet despite the paradox and the breakdown of logic it implies, there it is. This is similar to the state of being. There is a deep paradox to existence itself in that existence cannot be proven within existence, and yet here it is. Being itself doesn't succumb to paradox and ambiguity because they are simply embedded within being. Instead of chasing my tail and being outraged by it, I can just let it be what it is. All paradox arises out of a constriction of reality. It's like the illusion of the twisted triangle: The paradox in this case is in the restricted viewpoint. As soon as more context is filled in, the paradox resolves itself. Being, ultimately resolves all paradoxes, because it embodies all view points. Being is freedom.

@Marinador I understand you now. Are you enlightened?

@Marinador have you disproved it? To say something is real or not, is a matter of definition. In other words something is real if you define it to be real or you agree with other people it is real. "Real" is just a word. "Truth" is also just a word, and so is "Nothing". In language everything is relative to everything else (@Meta-Man would love that). But I'm sure you know that already. So there's nothing to prove. I say the present moment of appearances is real, so therefore it is for me. You are completely free to say otherwise, if your definition of "real" is different from mine. I say the past is not real, so it isn't for me.

Figure of speech. It's very hard to describe timeless things in English. Time is a fairy tale, it doesn't exist, other than as a construct inside the present moment. Something has to be real right? Otherwise why use the word "real" at all? Although, you could choose to give up on the word "real" if you want, that's perfectly fine. My "real" is the present moment, which is just an English phrase trying to describe an event outside of the construct of time itself.

Service interruption. @K Ghoul you're so cool, but don't let that go to your head or your ego. Deal! We'll swap keyboards. See you on the astral plane, I'll stand on tip toes. Resume service.

It's worse than that. Nothing was real before this moment. This moment is real, the rest is make believe.

I would go to music school and study the piano - for the sheer pleasure of it. I didn't need to go to university to be a software developer. But it did teach me how to study and focus and how to socialise with many different types of people and how to look after myself - it gave me confidence - all of which are very useful.

How To Run About a decade ago now I used to run regularly. Eventually I managed to get up to half marathon distance, which is around thirteen miles. It taught me a lot about how the body works mechanically. Nowadays I mostly walk and play sports instead. However, there is an art to running long distance which other activities don't have. One of the most important considerations is rhythm (or pace). The legs act as a pair of pendulums and so will have a natural resonant frequency. Longer legs have a lower natural frequency, and conversely for shorter legs. This natural frequency requires the least effort to run. Running faster than this requires notable extra effort; running slower than this can feel awkward as if you're working against yourself. The natural running frequency, is not just determined by leg length, but by the body as a whole and especially by muscle mass and how quickly the muscles can contract. This fact is important for sprinters who tend to have muscle fibres which contract more quickly than most. For long distance running it's important to find this natural frequency and maintain it throughout the run. To run faster, you need to improve muscle mass. The pace at which you run will determine how much air you need to take in. Oxygen is burnt is the muscles at a specific rate, and so enough needs to be taken in to cover this. In turn the rate at which you breathe and the lung capacity determines this. However, for efficient running the breathing needs to be in sync with the frequency with which you move your legs. This is because the whole body is acting as a connected system, and each part needs to be in resonance with all the others to run well. You will find it awkward if you breathe out of step with your leg movement. You can increase intake by breathing through the mouth and by taking deeper breaths - but this will require you to have stronger diaphragm muscles. I never used to run with music for two reasons. Most running music has a lot of percussive elements, and this can affect your running frequency so that you're not at your ideal rate. Secondly, it distracts from paying close attention to what your body is doing. A lot of the art of efficient running is fine tuning different aspects as you run and at different phases of your run. I would never stretch before a run (I never had an injury). But I would always start off with a very light jog for about half a mile or so - especially on colder days. I would vary my pace in small bursts over that half mile to get the body and mind prepared for what's to come. At the end of the half mile I would nearly walk (but not stop at all) before doing the run proper. With colder muscles you will naturally run more slowly, so you should maintain a slower pace for the first mile or so. I found that I would naturally increase my pace over this distance, but that could well be due to training. Once up to speed it's essential to maintain that speed throughout most of the run. How far you can maintain it is purely down to fitness. If you find you can't maintain your natural pace more than a certain distance, then you should stop and aim to improve the distance the next time. A good rule of thumb if you run once a week is to increase distance by 10% each time, but probably a bit less if you are less fit. If you are just starting running, then you should run exactly the same route each time and extend it, so you have a very clear physical way of seeing your improvement. For distance running I would say extending distance is more important than running faster. You will naturally start running faster as you get fitter, so no need push faster than your natural pace, if you do so fatigue sets in more quickly. Of course it's absolutely natural that your pace tapers off gradually towards the end of the distance as fatigue sets in. But you will reach a point were the running feels stilted if it's too slow and you should stop then. Where you place your arms can have an effect on your balance as you run, and there will be more efficient positions than others - you should experiment as each person's body shape is different. Ideally you should aim to reduce any lateral sway or rotation when running, as this means energy is being taken away from your legs and momentum. You do this with both your arms and how you angle your feet as they hit the ground. Early on in my running, when I was improving my fitness I would find my knees would ache and sometimes my hip bones. The main cause was that the muscles around the knees were too weak and therefore not holding the joint together, which in turn was causing more rotation in the joint than necessary. The other was the angle of my feet. Ideally they should point forward at nearly 12 o'clock at all times. Any other angle will cause the knee joint to rotate and can cause pain and injury. The ideal for running is to use your Achilles tendon as a spring which stores energy with each step. Unfortunately, most running shoes impede this mechanism by making your run more flat footed than it should be. This also means that the shockwaves as you hit the ground are transferred to your knee and hip joints rather then being absorbed by the tendons. Obviously, running in barefoot is not really possible out in the street, so getting the right shoes is critical - unfortunately it's mostly trial and error - but they can make a big difference. Should you drink lots of water? No. Take small amounts if your mouth gets dry. If it's a hot day, drink so that the liquid is not sloshing around in your stomach. Running holding a large water bottle can affect your running gait and should be avoided. Lastly is the psychological factor. Towards the end of a long run fatigue will set in and you'll need to overcome this to keep the pace up. Efficient running technique will help to a large extent. There's a tendency to throw technique out when fatigue sets in and the running can become sloppy. Instead of battling through you should just stop and try again a different day. One thing I used to do was stare upwards towards the sky, this has the strange effect of putting you in a light trance and this can distract from the fatigue. Another was to imagine lying on a warm beach or taking a hot bath. Choose a visualisation which works for you. And very lastly, if you're just starting, then stopping half way through on a long distance can be beneficial - especially if you're quite fatigued or out of breath. However, you should keep it short enough just to catch your breath and avoid sitting if possible. Start off slowly again and gather momentum over a few minutes. Should you warm down? Ideally you should do a light jog or walk for a few hundred yards at the end - enough to get your breath back. After that you should get indoors and keep warm if it's cold outside.

My god. I think this combines all my fetishes into one: Notes for future self: talk about Fetish don't be shy.

Dont encourage us!!! Stick to the thread topic. I'm a very bad example. Sigh.

--> This is exactly the sort of thing I complained about in another thread. Mindless thread derailing. Sorry folks I'm a devilish hypochrite. What's my forfeit? Anyway... <-- So much "projecting" on this forum. But hey why not, I look forward to it. Shall we synchonise midnights?

How much influence do you have on other people? It's easy to think that the answer is: very little. Maybe we're just mostly self-centred selfish narcisisstic creatures? We want and feel that all influence flows inwards from the "out there", to our particular centre of the universe. The reality is a little different. Our very makeup is one of accretion and disorganisation. Bits and pieces of stuff from the out there stick to us and over time build us up to be who we are now. We are never a unified whole but a constantly shifting shimmering mirage of sand dunes and heat. We are built this way from nothing at all. Our complex selfs are then completely made of others. There's nothing original about us, other than the novel constant interplay of our stolen parts. We are all then made 100% of influences outside our control. The flipside of the Frankenstein is that we constantly influence everyone we meet, whether we want to or not. Every interaction not only changes you, but changes them too. And in their turn they will pass your influence to more, until those six degrees of separation are saturated with your influence. The irony is that we're mostly too dumb to realise our immense power and influence, we can't wrap out feeble cobbled minds around it. But there is something other than mind that can impress your influence on you. That thing is pure awareness. An awareness that you don't just exist here and now in this one body, but you are spread and diffused into the 7 billion. Use that influence with responsibility and awareness.

Yikes! I'll wear the heels then? Do you like red? But to be really serious now - must concentrate... What do I really really want? I want complete mental calm, all the time. I want to flow with life instead of feeling constant friction. And I want to break out of my repetitive mundane inhumane "adult" existence. And I want reality to be magical and liberating.

@Mikael89 ditto. There's definitely a market for an app that combines those two things: 5'7" or under (in heels), hair preference: 1.blonde, 2.brunette (jet black), 3.redhead, 4.mousy, can make babies, multilingual (speaks the language of love), at least SD Green or above, within 50 miles, sense of humour optional, must be enlightened or at least have seen the Ox's tail. That's probably why I don't have a girlfriend... And I'll also stop trolling. Sorry. My bad. Carry on.

@integral I agree it's a good idea. That would probably go some way to stopping mindless comments. I think the wording you gave would need to be made very brief and concise - otherwise people won't bother to read it (and it may not work well on mobile devices). However, self policing won't work all the time, the rowdy ones will just ignore it.

My own pet theory is that it's to do with reading. When we're children we don't have brain chatter. Instead, we just talk out loud in an uninhibited way. Our parents hear us and respond to us. Then we learn to read and we are progressively encouraged to read to "ourselves" as we get older. We are also discouraged from just blurting out everything that comes to mind. So our external dialogue slowly gets turned into hallucinatory internal monologue. The problem with internal monologue is that we never get a response to it - so there's never any natural resolution. We go to therapy so that we can externalise our dialogue again and get some resolution.

Some system or other for stopping interesting topics degenerating into two people arguing or chatting about uninteresting crap. It's so boring and uninteresting. Or at least a way to keep topics on track - but I know that's like herding cats. EDIT Programmer head on: let the poster have the option to limit replies from each individual to say, three comments. That will focus minds. The topic has some icon or other indicating "limited replies in force".

It seems odd to me that there was a time when I only knew Spanish. At the age of six I had to learn a new language: English. But I already had an ear for it as my dad would sometimes talk in English to me and my sister. But there's not much to think about when you're six, just food and play. I can't say I think in Spanish at all. But I have a love of words and languages because of it - I'm trying to pick up Swedish. Sadly, the only inkling of my Spanishness now is when my name trips people up and I suddenly switch into a different tongue.

There's no "i" in "me". Please, please, dear god never use that on this forum.

These are just some of my favourite things: Open fires The first sip of a pint of beer on a hot day Restaurant food The sea and the beach Making people laugh Being a little drunk at parties Walking, walking, walking Symbols and signs and maths and computers Showing off Sarcasm and irony Playing music, making music, listening to music Electronic music 80's music Unplanned days on holiday The first time I unbutton my lover's top That first kiss Thinking about hard complicated nitty gritty things Finding an answer Being the smartest one in the room Beautiful people Beautiful faces Talented people Going above and beyond for people I love Being non-judgemental Leading by example Good tasty food Being carefree Coca-Cola (I don't drink it anymore) Smoking (I don't anymore) A quiet peaceful mind Playing stupid games with kids (I'm a big kid really) Being a decent respectful guy Giving people my attention The Sound of Music (maybe I'm gay, no it can't be????)

Comparing is a source of suffering, because when you compare you only do so in a very specific way. You collapse your whole being into one dimension: better grades, better house, better partner, better hair etc. The other dimensions of your being get ignored and stay underdeveloped. To suffer less you have to pay attention to all facets of your being and let them work cohesively instead. You also need to enable this in others - lead by example rather than by comparison. Easier said than done though!

@Elisabeth I'd be super pragmatic. Careerwise, I'd make a list of what you want in a career. I see you already have: Make a bigger list! And put a bit more specific detail in. Then rank the points in the list according to how important they are to you. Which of the points in the list are non-negotiable, which are you flexible on? Use the list as a kind of compass to guide you when researching jobs. Whilst researching I would be completely free about what sort of jobs to go for, anything goes: herbal medicine salesperson, airline pilot, zookeeper - the sky's the limit. You will soon get a good feel about what would match you and excite you and what wouldn't. Obviously the internet is your friend. I would spend a month researching until you get sick and tired of it. Once ready start approaching companies directly through their HR departments, by then you'll have a very good idea about what you what from them and what you can give them. They will love the confidence. It could also be that you do all that research and find that working for someone else is not for you. In which case work for yourself. This is the ideal as you can tailor your work exactly to what's important to you - and you can fit it around your lifestyle. And lastly, I'll say that when you work for someone else it's never going to be perfect, don't expect that. You will have to compromise.

That's really appropriate for the whole of self actualization. Having the whole spectrum to choose from in all situations is being actualized. And not just for the feminine/masculine dimension. Great nugget there.

I have a kind of meta view, which may or may not be useful. I don't have children but most of my close friends do, and know that at least the first few years will require full time attention from you. That will be limiting but not impossible to do other things with. Also, most of my friends had their children in their late thirties. There were complications in some cases and miscarriage, most probably due to age. Some have even required IVF. But the children that survived are all happy an healthy. Children can wait at least a few years. Having children is a huge lifelong commitment - start when you're ready, not before. I guess if you go for option 1 then how much time is the postdoc going to take? If a year or two, then it is probably worth doing even for its own sake and interest even if not for improving employment chances. Living abroad will also give you new experiences which is always beneficial to your own development. For option 2 it seems as though you're not that invested in it, other than it may be lucrative and stable. I would say that you could find other jobs what give the same benefits and that you would find more interesting. It just requires more research and investigation on your part - take time to do it. Of course there is absolutely nothing stopping you from doing all of 1, 2 and 3 - probably in that order. And lastly, are these options real or just apparent? Do you have to do any of them? And if not, then what other choices could you make?