LastThursday

How long do I get to live for? Now doesn't sound like a long time

As @dflores321 says there is only this - the present moment. You can spin your wheels conceptually all day long; but there is still only this. Just accept you don't know and you'll be closer to the truth.

@Hulia that's what really made me laugh. The answer is, is that there a pros and cons to both situations. The deeper answer is that you should be happy with either - where being happy is not dependent on the situation - but that takes a lot of self development and work.

That made me laugh. I thought the opposite.

More beautifulness

There is no future. But in that case what's left? From the book Supernature by Lyall Watson - the last sentence is key: In short if we want to see the future, we need to have a wider view of the present. To do that you would need to expand your level of awareness. Another way of seeing the future outside of time is to employ Jung's idea of motifs. Instead of seeing events or things that happen (a motif) as a short continuous block of stuff - for example playing a game of chess - we instead see events as being discontinous and spread over time. So say we make only one chess move a day. The motifs in this case are "moving a chess piece", and these repeat at various semi-random intervals. We can "see the future" because we know via the rules of chess, what may happen in the game. But notice how the game is no longer one event, but many smaller events linked only in the mind of the players. That's crucial. Predicting the future is simply linking in the mind a motif in the present with one held in the mind of the past.

Keep things simple. Keep busy and ground yourself with tasks that don't require too much thought. Stay in the moment with any tasks you do need to carry out. Take time off. Give yourself as much mental space as possible to integrate. Eat well, exercise regularly, sleep properly. Journal or speak to people about what you're experiencing if possible.

I've been struggling recently to get anything done. I think if I were a bear I'd be just about ready to hibernate. Even the simple task of filling out a Christmas card to my mother is proving impossible. I just don't give a fuck. My work clients want two new third-party systems integrated and set up for January - no chance. And, I just don't give a fuck. My father sent me an e-birthday card early by accident, he was apologetic. Except, I just don't give a fuck. An ex-colleague of mine contacted me and wanted to talk on the phone, I haven't contacted him back. I just don't give a fuck. I desperately need to vacuum my flat. Yep. I don't give a fuck. What have most of these things got in common? Expectation. I'm expected to care. Paid to care. Socially expected to care. I just don't give a fuck. I suspect that is what age does to you for some. Ideally, I would engage people on my own terms. Then, authentically I would be acting according to my own desires. But I think the upshot would be that I would barely engage with any of my family. And I would probably have a completely different set of friends. I definitely wouldn't work for someone else to survive. But in all honesty, I would care even less about clients if I worked for myself. I'm not high on the conscientious dimension. This feeling of not giving a fuck started about ten years ago. I think it stemmed from having the dawning realisation that everything I'd ever done I had done to please others, or if not that then to take a "path of least resistance", in which I put myself at the mercy of others' decisions. In turn that sort of shoulder shrugging existence was borne out of fatigue at having to deal with my family's problems. At this particular moment in time, what I want more than anything else is to simply to be left alone to stew in my own juices. Christmas, I don't give a fuck. New Year, I don't give a fuck. Brexit can fuck off. Covid can fuck off. Lockdown can fuck off. Ah well tomorrow's another day.

It's an unsatisfactory answer but: existence is its own context. There is no ulterior motive, plan, meaning, purpose, goal or anything more than just existence itself. But heck, what an existence! So no simulation. To say the universe is infinite, is to dream of two different ideas: universe and infinite. They are not enough. You can't define or understand existence in any way that describes all of it at once. But there's no need to describe it, because here it is. All that has to be "done" is to just be and let it happen - and it will describe itself to you (itself).

You believe you exist. It all comes from there. You can't get away from belief, not even with meditation.

@Parththakkar12 you are entitled to your opinion. I won't labour my point any more.

Come from a standpoint of love. Love and accept people for who they are, and love and accept yourself for who you are (jeez I sound like a hippie). So sometimes cutting friendships is an act of love in itself. Sometimes sticking around is also an act of love. What I'm getting at, is not to blame or shame others for how you feel - this is unloving. Take responsibility and admit that you're ready to move on and then actually move on when you're ready to.

Don't forget, the lockdowns are not caused by the virus, but by government themselves (look at Sweden). So people ARE scared of Covid, and this fear is represented by government. What people want is to remove the fear of dying from the virus. What I will say, is that people are pinning very high hopes on the vaccine, and that many people see it as a "cure" for the disease - which it isn't. It's just a way to reduce the infection rate, in the hope that it will eventually disappear or is kept at manageable levels (endemic in the population). The vaccine(s) will have been tested extensively before release. If therefore it show signs of harming people when deployed into the general population, then trust me they will immediately pull it, because there will be legal and criminal ramafications. The government and pharma companies are accountable to the law. The same law that says killing people is unacceptible.

From my experience there are two sides to social awkwardness. The first side is that there are unwritten rules to social interaction. You know, correct level of eye contact, saying the right things, talking enough, being relaxed. And a hundred other things. The only way to improve, is to pay attention to when you feel awkward and ask yourself "why?". The awkwardness is a signal that you've broken one of the rules of social interaction; find out which ones and correct them. The second side is that the feeling of awkardness is not real. It's not life or death, it's just a feeling that will pass. It's good practice to just let the feeling wash over you and to "own it" rather than to shrink away from it. Admit to yourself you feel awkward and say to yourself "so what?" and let it pass. If you can learn to do this with confidence, then it won't be a problem for you.

Naturally?

The latest version of me, so people know what they're dealing with...

It's all about risk. Is the risk of catching Covid - and being permanently injured or death - higher than the risk of taking a vaccine which is NOT the virus? The UK at least has NOT cut corners in testing the vaccine, instead it has poured a huge amount of resources into it, so it could be released as quickly as possible to for the good of the population. They stand to gain nothing from injuring the very people who put them there in first place. In any case, young fit people will be the last to have the vaccine, the old and infirm and health workers will be first. If there are any major negative effects from the vaccine, you can bet it will be pulled immediately.

Fair enough, but then it won't be a Yellow club. Not unless someone is there to continuously enforce Yellow ideals. Otherwise it degenerates. It's just like this forum, anything goes which is great. But don't expect high consciousness in return. Leo and mods are basically enforcing higher ideals from the top down. But if you want a certain standard from the get-go then you need a way to vet new comers.

If you start a club or organisation, you'll need entry criteria: a questionnaire (and a bouncer). And lo and behold top result in Google: Is actualized.org really the top resource on the internet for these things? Or does Google know me too well? Well done anyway!

@Tim R you're right. There will definitely be a skew towards the States - as Leo is American. You're not negating my main point though, in that bilingualism is not that surprising. Saying that however, being taught a language in school is in no way indicative of having any level of fluency (I guess that wasn't the question though). Mon French c'est terrible. So I wouldn't count my French as a second language.

Well. If the people who are interested in the forum are equally distributed around the world, and the forum imposes the rule that you must communicate in English - then it's not so surprising that bilingualism comes out on top. Yellow thinking. But what can I say, I'm bilingual? Ha ha ha.

@Michael569 good to hear. There was me thinking there was a conspiracy. Sorry, I know that's a dirty word here. Anyway, Monaco and Leichtenstein are small, Slovakia and Czechia not so sure Keep up the good modding, much appreciated.

I woke up in a funk this morning. There is still definitely an undertone of not wanting to pander to the crap of life. I need a permanent escape from it. Anyway, that was the first time I woke up. The second time (after I had disabled my alarm) I was a lot brighter, and just got on with my daily routine. And that is something I have to keep reminding myself of. That however bleak things appear in one moment, they can seem completely different a few days or hours or weeks later. The feeling of doom and gloom ebbs and flows. And anything which is not permanent in life is hallucinatory. The doom and gloom is not "out there" it's all "in here". So thinking is the cause of bleakness, but it can also be the way out, or at least a stabilizing influence. I like to label it "wonky thinking". It's really because the process of thinking is completely relative to itself. As such it is ungrounded or can be, and left to its own devices can easily wind itself up into a tight spiral and go wonky. What stops the wonky thinking? Mostly wonky thinking stops with input from other people. Other people point out your wonky thinking and this gives you a point of reference, an anchor for your relative thoughts to tie themselves to. In other words your thinking is corrected by other people. But, it should be borne in mind that two people's relative thinking doesn't necessarily stop all wonky thinking, it may actually amplify it. But on average, there will be a smoothing effect. That is why having relationships is critical to good mental health - and why being open and receptive to criticism is also beneficial (you don't have a monopoly on being right). It doesn't need a lot, just that one person who is willing to honestly give you their two cents now and then. How scared a lot of us are to upset the balance of a relationship and not speak up, but that really is detrimental in the long run. We shouldn't tolerate the wonky thinking displayed by others, but aim to correct them and help them. So what is really causing my funk? Mostly a distinct lack of novelty, fun or joy, and just the self absorbed nature of all the people I care about. How can I connect to people that don't want to connect? I don't blame them, they just weren't the people I thought they were, or at least they changed along the way. So in a word: people. Getting out of the funk involves having some strong anchor points for my thinking, to stop it spiralling away. And that in turn will allow my sensible executive functioning to kick in and to plan a way out of and into something more desirable. I will need to connect with people who will be long term fixtures in my life, who will reciprocate my love, and who will correct me when I go wonky. From there I will have a springboard for a better more joyful life. Amen.

@Space I'm originally a Londoner and I know Greenwich too well @SirVladimir, good pie and mash there lol. In Tunbridge Wells now though. Do you have to be British to be a mod then?

There are some of us Brits floating around these here parts.