LastThursday

I apologise to @Preety_India for sabotaging a thread made in good humour. @BornToBoil the problem with your reasoning is, who gets to decide what degree of dishonesty is acceptible? Who sets up these "degrees"? You? Society? If you wanted to perpetuate deception, the first thing you would say is "my deception wasn't as bad as his deception" or "my deception doesn't hurt anyone". You're right even a judge is not immune from deception. Even a judge is a hypochrite.

@BornToBoil A dishonest man is telling another dishonest man not to be dishonest. Need I say more?

@BornToBoil here's my chain of reasoning that made me post my comment: This is entertainment. The entertainment is based on deception. You are a voyeur that's in on the deception. You are complicit in the deception and you get a kick out of it - that's the entertainment value of it. Within the first few seconds you already know that some people will con the deceiver. You get a kick out of being outraged when someone steals the money. You are playing at being morally superior, you would never do that eh? When the deceiver (blind man) catches out the thief you get another kick out of it, justice has been served. More entertainment. But actually, the thief himself was deceived, the person playing the blind man was being deceitful, and you yourself were complicit in all of it. All for your own entertainment. I'm just as bad for pointing it all out and trying to make you feel bad.

The bottom line is if someone outright says "no" and you ignore that, then you are being disrespectful. Personally? Move on immediately. Life's too short. But. Not everyone knows how to say "no", and most people are not sure either way. Honestly? You have to use your judgement wisely. You should keep things playful and light until you're sure. If you start getting good signals then push ahead aiming to "close", don't dilly dally.

What about free will?

A man pretending to be blind telling off someone for not being honest. That's hilarious! Tell me honestly, did it make you feel good the guy was caught out?

I would have thought that Stage Orangists would have happily assessed themselves in the name of efficiency and progress. There would naturally be an impatience to be ahead of everyone else, and so would want to identify with higher stages especially Yellow. It's Stage Orange Dunning-Kruger effect. I guess in that sense Stage Orange wouldn't want to self assess, the reality of any result would pop their bubble.

I'm on a roll. And also I'm practising work avoidance. When I was about 10 or so, in school we used to watch a film. I think this was once a week and most probably a Wednesday. I used to look forward to it. Invariably it would be somewhat educational even if obliquely. But I was a nerd even then so that suited me down to the ground. The teacher would set up the projector (non digital don't be silly), thread through the film and us little kids would all sit on the floor in rows. I think the floors were clean by virtue of the fact that our bums were constantly cleaning them. One particular favourite of mine I found on good old YouTube recently. YouTube wont allow me to embed the video, but hey: https://youtu.be/U_ZHsk0-eF0 After the half hour of fun was over (and to be honest it also gave the teachers a break), we then had to write up a Film Review, which I despised. It's typical of teaching that every bit of fun is countered with an equal amount of torture. The Film Review consisted of a blank page of A4 save for the television shaped rectangle in the top half of the page. I would put the title in above the rectangle. Draw and colour in a scene from the film in the rectangle. And then, horror, scrawl a mini review of the film below. Typically the whole ordeal lasted longer than the film itself. Saying that, I did sort of enjoy the drawing side of it. I do get a small tinge of irony every time I knock out these journal posts and actually get a kick out of writing. The small me would have thought there was something very wrong with the big me. Now I no longer review films, but myself. Maybe I should draw a picture and colour it in...

More self development. Self Love For most of my teenage and adult life I didn't think much of myself. I was a happy kid and felt loved. But something broke as a teenager. In retrospect it was a confluence of factors, but I'm getting ahead of myself. There were/are two main strands to my self-dislike. One is how ordinary and unexceptional I am. Already you can see there's a back story to this. Logically, most of us are just "standard" and "average". On any single trait, there will always be a bell curve distribution of it, and most people will sit somewhere in the middle. The other strand is more important to me and that is I've always disliked my apathy which is mostly born out of fear. Over time I've learned to just live with these two things about myself and become frustrated and indifferent - I would never amount to much. This self-dislike has really sucked the energy and life out of aspirations I had when I was younger. Not that they were fully developed - I loved locomotive trains and wanted to be a train driver, not an aspiration I have now. The point was, I had aspirations. Even as a teenager I had a great hunger for knowledge and wanted to be an expert in some field or other, say maths or music. I really wanted to be famous and recognised, another aspiration. It's taken a lot of work to get where I am today, and I'm still not fully out of this funk. The principle problem with self-dislike is that it's a negative feedback loop. It's hard to love yourself when you dislike yourself so much. After a while it's not even obvious that you should love yourself, I mean what is it good for? Isn't it all a bit Pollyanna and life is hard and indifferent to you anyway? Along the way I've had glimpses when I could just be myself and let loose. Those were times that I was at ease with myself and not torturing myself with self hate. Eventually, the penny dropped. It was precisely those times I could get drunk, say and do outrageous things and have fun, that I actually loved myself! Those were the times I felt like my real self - in modern parlance: authentic. And I realised all I had to do was to translate that to every day life; it was actually possible to love myself and it felt good. That was a game changer. The thing is, is that self love is a positive feedback loop. Self love will always trump self hate, but it can be difficult to realise that you even need it. It's taken me more than a decade to become more authentic and to become cognizant of the many exceptional and unique attributes I have, things that I can love about myself. There's still work to do though. I'm very much still apathetic and disillusioned, but I've come to learn that that isn't to do with me per se, but it's more of my rejection of conventionality - having a mortgage and bringing up kids. And I never did regain my aspirations, my future vision is clouded over. If there is one aspiration I need to work on, it's to have aspirations at all; to bring back the excitement and possibility of life with the backdrop of being free and higher conscious, to learn to create meaning for myself and to follow through on my dreams.

Look at the glass. Close your eyes. Open your eyes again and the glass is still there. Pure coincidence. That's how direct experience works. It's like reflections in a hall of mirrors or echoes in a cave.

Think of the whole experience like a conversation. How much do you want to talk? Does he have to reply? Is he good at listening to what you're saying?

@Farnaby I do love a good agreement. Most of us are blind to our own essence, we behave out of pure conditioning, mindlessly and automatically and on occasion self-destructively. So sometimes we need something to hold on to, so that we can climb upwards. Masculine and feminine energies are useful grips.

I'll talk about personal development in this post. That is, development that is personal to me. Believe or not I class everything as personal development. This goes with my mantra that "nothing is lost", meaning that every single thing that happens to me, changes me, and can be used positively in future. By positive I mean in a way that benefits me, or makes me more aware and so on. One particular thing I'm always aiming for is flow. This is about living a frictionless experience. There are many ways that flow manifests, but I'll give you a few examples from my life: Being with friends. I like my interactions to be natural and not awkward. This is both verbally and physically. Mostly, this is about being "present", where my full attention is given to my friends and not fixated on my own stuff - my own stuff is in my time, for when I'm by myself. That isn't to say I don't talk about myself, I do, but I don't ruminate and "get lost" in my thoughts when I'm with others. I'm attentive at all times. Driving. This is mostly experience. My attention should be on the road and stuff that happens outside. However, there is also the skill of driving smoothly. Gear changes should be seamless, clutch and break work should be smooth and not overreactive. Positioning on bends should be good, and the right gear and speed anticipated ahead of time. Town driving should be courteous and aimed at keeping traffic flowing. Calmness should prevail at all times. Walking. I'm fully in the moment. Rumination should be absent, except if my thoughts organically drift about. I'm aware of the breeze, my footfall, how my clothes move on my body, the sky and clouds, trees and wildlife and other people. If the walk is long, there may be discomfort from fatigue, but I don't overly react to it. I notice that I feel different on every walk, sometimes distracted, sometimes detached, sometimes fully present. I don't force myself to feel any particular way, I just notice it and if necessary bring my attention back to what's going on around me every so often. Programming. The best is to get absorbed in the task at hand. Code, then test, code then test, in small increments. If the coding problem is very dense, I will step away from the machine and use pad and pen to sketch out a solution. It's about engaging the problem solving mind. I will often use repetitive music to distract me from the outside environment, so I can focus. It also gets me into a kind of trance, which allows me to narrow down my attention. I take regular breaks so that I'm allow myself to be distracted by other things. It's all about working out how to work efficiently and without friction or self sabotage. Meditation and self hypnosis. This is just good practice for stopping the mental chatter. This mental chatter can put your emotions through the ringer, all in rapid succession and constantly throughout the day, and will fatigue you a lot more quickly. Also the effects of meditation last beyond the session and eventually become permanent with practice. A mental and physical calmness ensues eventually, which is critical for any flow situation.

@SQAAD the answer is simple, but counterintuitive. On one level, there are two types of existence. There is direct perception and there are thoughts. If you are not directly perceiving the existence of something, then it exists only in your thoughts. What seems hard to realise is that direct perception is very choppy, it's not smooth; things appear and disappear all the time, it's completely normal. Only thoughts (including memories) fill in the gaps and make "existence" continuous. You can experience this process in action, when something you never knew existed comes into your direct experience. Notice how you create a mental backstory to explain the sudden appearance. On a higher level there is no difference between direct perception and thought. At this level everything is "existence".

You're already doing this. Your body is literally changing into someone else right now. The converse is also true. Your sense of self is very malleable. How about staying in the same body and changing yourself into someone else by clicking your fingers? This is definitely possible. It's called: acting. All right I concede it's not the answer you wanted.

Sharing is about becoming more whole. There is no higher goal. The only problem you're experiencing is your thoughts about insecurity and seeking validation and genuine connection. Disinterest is neither positive or negative just another form of sharing.

Being alive is an improvisation. This journal is pure improvisation. To be alive is to improvise. The aim of all this is is not to deconstruct. The aim is to be as together as possible. To take any thing that arises and to be at one with it. To take anything that arises and to be it. All we are is this.

@Mu_ it was slightly tongue in cheek, in that God is often spoken about as if they were a person on this forum. In other words, God as a concept. My uneasiness from saying this and that and everything is God, is that God is not defined from the outset. If God is everything/everywhere/you then why not use the words everything, everywhere and you? Why fall back on some heavily laden and easily misunderstood word? Is God a concept or not? I don't know it's just my personal preference in the end. Maybe I prefer not label it, whatever "it" is. Nothing against your video BTW, it's great, I love it.

@Raphael obviously, the question arises as to why then you are not able to willfully manifest reality. I mean can you personally, create the perfect ice cream here and now, right this second? Probably not (but please let us all know if you can). So why the fly in the ointment? It's because the "I" you so generously mention in your OP, is the delusion. Once that's removed everything else falls into place. It's then just consciousness doing stuff to itself, which it was all along.

I should be sleeping not posting nonsense at 1:24 am. But the freedom imp is imploring me to say f**k you to conforming. My eyes are drying up, why do I do this to myself? Ok, that's the preamble. More on attachment/detachment. Boy I need a better name for it. I thought I would clarify about the difference between being in a relationship and being single - which I said were attached and detached modes of being, that's correct; but also being attached and detached with reference to being in a relationship. Those two types of attachment and detachment are separate, I was mixing my meanings. Still, A/D is good shortcut umbrella terms for all the different types of attachment and detachment. I spoke in the last post about A/D with regards to being in a relationship. But what about when being single? The emphasis when being single should be in self confidence or to put it another way having trust in yourself. A lot of self confidence simply comes from exposure. Everyday exposure to feeding yourself, keeping healthy and paying bills, gives you confidence in those areas. But A/D also says you should be attached to self-improvement, or more accurately increasing your exposure to novel ways of being. You should be detached from seeking novelty for it's own sake though. It should be more of a directed novelty seeking. You're attached to gaining confidence in precisely those things that will most benefit you as a person. It is completly right that this is a very personal and subjective enterprise. You will do and learn things which are right for your level at that particular moment. You should be attached to learning from others. But this requires discernment which you may not have, so it bodes well to be aware that you may be seeking things which are not useful in the long run. Nothing is lost however. Everything is in constant synergy with everything else. Even if exposure to something causes problems in the long run, it should still teach you to keep away from that thing in future - at least. And that's an important point, you should be very attached to and dilligent about self-correction. Although, self-correction also requires discernment, it is a muscle that needs to be used regularly. Many of the problems and neediness of singledom come about because of a lack of self-correction, an inability to recognise or want to learn from mistakes and unhelpful habits. You cannot develop if you don't keep away from the bad stuff. As mentioned in the post before, you ought to be detached from wanting to be in a relationship in a conventional sense. This is more of a detachment from a "possesive" idea of relationship and attachment to more of a "expressive" one. This means you don't wish to acquire or get or find a girlfriend (e.g.), but you wish to be in a relationship where love and authenticity can be freely expressed. One is possesion, the other expression. A lot of the notions about romantic love and soul partners has an underlying tone of possession and is the wrong emphasis. Possesing a human is like trapping and then pinning a butterfly in your display cabinet: everything is lost. You don't practice singledom just so that you can be better at coupledom. This should just be a synergistic side effect. If you're very confident and content at being single, then confidence will underpin a relationship later. But the converse is also true. Knowing how to flow in a relationship will rub off when being single especially socially. They are both sides in symbiosis, like waves lapping in and out. Being in or out of relationship is just a matter of degree not a hard boundary. You shouldn't be detached from human needs and desires - conventional or unconventional - but with the caveat about keeping away from bad stuff. There is often the expectation pressure to conform to certain societal or social norms and ideals. Conformity just comes from a lack of love or at least from a very external view of love as coming from other people and into you - you belong to a group who love you. Conformity can also be about simplicty, keeping away from mess and chaos and finding solace in familiarity and regularity. But A/D says you should strive for constant change and revision, and this necessarily pulls you out of conformity and comfort. So there's an element of courage that's needed. Courage doesn't come easily, but again it's grounded in confidence and fundamentally in trusting your own abilities. Practise and self-development makes you courageous. Sleep.

@Farnaby I thought I'd chime in since I have an interest in this. You make an important point about being authentic. From my point of view it's not about acting, but just being more free. The ideas of masculinity and feminity are just guidelines. It's not that you should behave in a more masculine or feminine way, but awareness of what the two things offer is what's more important. In a way it doesn't matter if the labels of masculine or feminine are stereotypes or archetypes, they are just useful templates to make you aware of how these things already manifest in yourself. It's about paying attention. Once you are aware of these different "energies" within yourself, then you have the freedom to consciously express them, so that you can be more authentic. It's about freedom to consciously choose, instead of unconsciously acting and being inauthentic. If you think the masculine and feminine labels are not useful, then you're right, don't engage with them. Personally, I think I could be more free and authentic if I embodied some feminine qualities, but it's really more about turning up the feminine volume already in myself, than taking on a new identity or acting in a more feminine way. It's freedom.

Back to my attachment/detachment theory. One thought that came to me, triggered by one of Leo's ego development videos. It is that when in a relationship, one partner will not be at a high enough state of personal development to even entertain embodying A/D. The chances are that there will be neediness, lack of confidence, lack of experience, and pressure of expectation: knight-in-shining-armour, princess-in-a-tower type of thinking (how medieval). I don't think all is lost though. If you are detached from expectation pressure yourself (i.e. you embody A/D), then that will still give the underdeveloped partner space to breathe. Of course there may initially be an inward expectation of pressure on their behalf. The needy partner will think they are expected to conform to stereotype in some way - they may even want it. But this should neither be discouraged nor encouraged, because in either case there would be pressure. A/D really is about being above such concerns. You are detached from pressuring your partner or yourself. But, neither does A/D say or feel superiority over an "underdeveloped" partner, there is no sense of pity or pulling the partner up to your level. Instead you just embody the principles of A/D yourself and be done with it. How then to deal with neediness or co-dependency from a partner? The neediness comes from several sources. The main one is a lack of self love or more accurately the inability to generate love for themselves. It's worth saying here that lack of experience isn't something to be punished. In A/D you simply give the partner what they want: love, unconditionally. You are detached from conditions being attached to anything you do in the relationship. Yes, there needs to be agreement and decision making in a relationship and adjusting to things as you go, but none of that needs to be conditional upon behaving or being forced to think in a certain way. A/D is not to be forced on anyone, it is just a philosophy you yourself embody. If the partner is interested, you teach them A/D; more than likely you lead by example and teach tacitly. Another source of neediness is lack of confidence. This mostly comes from a lack of experience or maybe trauma. Perhaps a partner doesn't know how to cook well, they've never been taught and never really tried. If you yourself are no good in the kitchen and this creates a problem, then A/D says you should go and improve yourself first. The needy partner should be included in this learning process, but only if they're interested. I will reiterate, in A/D you are detached from expectation. In all likelihood, there will be shared interests and unshared interests by both parties in a relationship. A/D says you are free in this respect. If you end up being good at cooking and the other partner not, then you don't complain about it, because you do it for love in all it's guises. After all, you're in a relationship because you love being in one, not to fulfill your needs and desires foremost. What about neediness that comes from expectation? A/D says are attached to the enjoyment of either being single or being in a relationship. You are free to choose whether to cater for a partner's neediness or not. You are also attached to loving your partner and providing for them, after all, being in a relationship is about his. If you start to feel an expectation or obligation to cater for a certain lack your in partner, then you are not doing A/D. If every day you cook a meal for partner out of obligation rather than love, then this needs to be addressed. The solution is not to project negativity onto the needy partner. If they are needy on Monday, they will probably be needy on Tuesday and every other day. Instead you need to step up and find that solution together. You ask the partner what their thoughts and ideas are first. If they have none, then you yourself find a loving solution. Perhaps you get a takeaway once in a while, maybe you jointly take up cooking classes, or whatever. Of course, if you love cooking, but the odd day here and there you just can't be bothered, then you just get a takeaway without complaint. So really A/D is about removing all blame and negative projection or parenting the other person. It's about being attached to love and the reward of relationship and being detached from blaming and expectation.

Keep pushing up. Through the dense nurturing soil. Keep pushing up. I can feel the sunlight. Keep pushing up. Unfurl myself. Keep pushing up. Expand myself. Keep pushing up. Breathing in and out. Keep pushing up. Feel the rain. Keep pushing up. Drink and rest. Keep pushing up. Sunlight, air. Keep pushing up. Soft breeze. Keep pushing up. Don't stop now. Keep pushing up.