LastThursday

Sounds like a bad joke: How do you awaken a fool...? You don't, let the fool awaken you.

You can impose any framework you like on reality, it doesn't mean a thing. Reality is always bigger and more complex. Reasons and purposes are just logic like cause and effect. A reason is just the first cause, and a purpose is the final effect. But cause and effect are just mental constructs, we're in a timeless void (more constructs but closer to the truth perhaps), cause and effect are meaningless without time.

Learn to be present as much as possible. Rumination and over analysis is not being present. The greatest tool for doing this is learning to stop that inner voice (subvocalisation); meditation is a good way to do this, as well as hypnosis. It can also be done through distraction, but that's less effective. Notice that there are times when you're not mentally preparing things, what's special about those times? What triggers the need to mentally prepare? I have been there, I used to do this chronically and it used to cause me a lot of anxiety. But it's definitely a habit that you can unlearn.

Do different things on different days. Make a schedule.

Tell a story. People love stories. Just before I made this comment, I was contemplating eating lunch early. I think it's because I got up earlier than normal, who knows why I woke up at 5:30? Has that ever happened to you...

It helps to read a lot of different material. But also just write a lot. Find complex ideas to write about, just trying to get them down will improve your English grammar, the same for German. Being able to write and communicate properly is incredibly important in everyday life.

I must remember that for next time ARSS. Maybe Ejaculation at the end of it. Sorry, ignore me, carry on.

Another dose from the infinite @LastThursday well of observation. Coping With Attraction In my younger years I used to have a different style towards attraction. I used to love pubs, clubs and crowds in general - I still do to a lesser extent. One reason for it, was that where I lived in Brighton, there was a large student population. I wasn't much older myself, having just gone through the student mill. My favourite activity was basically oggling at girls. I was fairly shameless, but it was so much fun. I think I just enjoyed the visual variety and the exchange of glances and the occasional conversation. However, it was always window shopping, I somehow didn't exude whatever intoxicant (charisma, confidence etc) the female sex needed, the young women just enjoyed the flattery. Forward wind a decade or two and something happened. Inbetween girlfriends I would still go to pubs and clubs and oggle and sometimes engage. It was a favourite activity of mine to chat slightly drunkenly to as many girls in clubs as I could get away with. I say chat, most of it was gesticulation. I still didn't get much luck other than the odd kiss and dance - although, my intention was always purely the sensory overload mixed in with sexual frisson - rather than getting laid, although that would have been a bonus. I've always been one for messing about with sensory experiences (note to self never do hard drugs Guillermo!). So. What happened eventually, was that my taste in young women with good skin and pert bodies, never really changed, but I did. I think it happened in my late thirties, say 38, I became painfully aware that I was old (comparitively). It's taken me ten years to get over that pain and I'm still coping with it. My tastes well, there's nothing I can do about biology. I can't force myself to fancy a wrinkly, fake tanned 48 year old, who dyes her hair. However, what has changed is my need to oggle and get my cheap thrills that way. Don't get me wrong, if an attractive woman (of any age) crosses my path, then whatever happens happens, I'm not going to stop it. But I've found that my focus has completely changed. It's hard to describe, but I'm a lot more present than I was previously. This means I'm focused on conversation and completely on the people I'm with, I'm not distracted and "out there" gawping at girls. This is a result of a lot of work, meditation, and just learning to be present at all times. I found something flipped this weekend. I went out for a birthday meal in a pub tucked away in a village. Naturally, I was dressed up, I always scrub up well as they say here. The young waitress asked for our drinks order and she didn't the know the drinks selection well enough, I got up went to the bar and told her what I wanted. I found her attractive, but thought no more about it (oh how I've changed). After a while, I noticed that from the corner of the adjoining room she was looking over at me. I just suspected she was being attentive just in case our table needed something. But no she was definitely eyeing me up. I was definitely flattered, and the shoe was now on the other foot. I tried to play it cool and not fall back into old habits, but couldn't help the odd glance. Anyway. Whatever I didn't used to exude when I was younger, I do now (well at least sometimes apparently). I think what I'm giving out is a confident-I-don't-give-a-fuck-non-needy demeanor. Maybe it's true some young women just like older men. Who knows? The thing is, what to do about it? Do I just take the hot heat of disapproval of society and my peers and just date a string of young women? Mid-life crisis anyone? Nah, I'm over my crisis I wrung it out for all it had. Nothing I can do about biology, and pertness and energy. Does a beautiful young woman have anything to offer me? Are you kidding? Hahaha. Do I have anything to offer a young woman, yup, my handsome looks, money, and keen intelligence. Oh, and spirituality, that too.

I suppose in a rational light some emotions are negative and some positive and some neutral. Although even seemingly negative emotions can have a positive intent behind them. I would say that a negative emotion is just a signal that something is out of balance, so complaining is a way to redress that balance. It seems to me that you'd have to be superhuman not to be able to feel any negativity, but expressing is different. Emotional mastery comes into it, and knowing when and when not to express an emotion. And as soon as an emotion is expressed, then it's completely open to interpretation, it may be seen in a negative or positive light depending on the people involved. Just my two pennies' worth.

Constantly. It's the most annoying thing ever (if pressing F5 can be seen as annoying). But I know why it's done: to save on server resources.

There seems to be no expiration to log ins on multiple devices. In other words, once you've logged in with a device you stay logged in forever (on that device) until you log out again. It can look like you're logged out because as @cookiemonster says you will get served a cached version (local copy) of a page unless you press refresh in the browser. The cached version of the page can be one from where you were logged out before.

Oh yeah, don't get me wrong, it's all manipulation. It just depends on whether the manipulation is beneficial or not. Generally, being outraged and complaining about an injustice is about reducing suffering for the complainant in the long term. But you have to be strategic and take a systems view of these things. Is your reduction in suffering more than the increase in suffering for the persons carrying out the supposed injustice? I'm guessing that it's not always obvious.

I hate to bring Spiral Dynamics into this (I don't really), but I wonder if happiness is different at the different stages? I like the video it's simple and soundbighty, but strikes me as a very Stage Orange way of being happy. For example, happiness is not a commodity, it is neither found or created (Orange). Perhaps happiness is a process dependent on many factors (Yellow)? Perhaps happiness is empowering people to have opportunities in life (Green). Perhaps happiness is realising that life is a dream (Turquoise). Just my random thoughts.

That's real love right there. Hopefully she gets the hint. Anyway, I'm out of here. No more joking around. Good luck.

Erm... go to the gym 4 times a week? Sorry I got nothing else. My only other observation is that couples will often copy each other as a form of bonding. If you're scrolling, then it gives your girlfriend a free pass for her to do it too (and vice versa). If you can lead by example and stop doing it yourself, maybe she will stop doing it too?

I would agree that all these are undesirable behaviours on the whole. But isn't there a space for them to be used strategically or in moderation? Sometimes getting riled and authentically complaining about an injustice can be beneficial. Maybe. Dunno.

Man, that's a big question. It needs someone with more wisdom than me to answer it really. I would ask it as a separate question. But being your own independent person helps. Do you have any activities, sports, hobbies or anything like that going on? Doing or buying nice things for yourself helps. Catching any negative self talk and stopping that helps (using meditation). Maybe daily positive affirmations. Dressing well, keeping hygenic and so on. Really, just being the best version of yourself you can be. Being actualized. EDIT The man himself has some advice in this area:

That's normal and healthy, if you weren't triggered then I'd say you were in the wrong relationship. Some women would even like to know that you're triggered by it, because it shows you're into them and you're prepared to fight for them. I don't like this sort of behaviour personally, but each to their own. Be aware that you may be being tested this way. Anyway, either you trust your girlfriend or you don't. If you decide to trust her, then you have to keep a lid on your feelings and do it 100%. Just have clear boundaries for yourself, trust her, but if she messes about then cut things off immediately. Make it clear to her that's what you would do.

If you can, approach groups of women, especially in club situations. Always decide on one woman you find attractive in the group. Approach her less attractive friends (it's easier) and ask them questions about the woman you find attractive, make it blatantly obvious you are doing this. Get the friend(s) to introduce you, they may even be excited about doing this. Honestly, it's not going to work every time, but it does work and it's much easier than approaching directly.

Yeah I feel your pain. I think when you feel insecure in yourself and you're with someone you find beautiful, then it can be hard to believe it. It can be hard to believe that they find you beautiful back. You don't feel worthy of their love and you can't trust what they say because of it. You have to work on that. The best way to work on it, is to learn to love yourself for who you are. Imagine you are your girlfriend, what would you find attractive about yourself? I've had a hot girlfriend once, and she would regularly go see single guy friends. One she went dancing with, and one was a chef and he would cook for her. It gnawed away it me, but I never said anything about it, because she had the right to talk to and be friends with whomever she liked, it was none of my business. She liked the fact that I trusted her, it allowed her to be herself and that's true love. At the end of the day, she's with you and not some other man. And if she goes with some other man, then just move on.

Deconstruction or wage slavery which one shall I talk about? Hmm... I'll alternate the paragraphs for a lark. A thought came back to me recently in discussion with a friend of mine. It's one that I'd put to the back of my mind for a long time, but it's appeal is still there nonetheless. It is, to work for only three days a week. The main pressure against doing it is of course money. It really boils down to how I want to live my life in the future. See my Restructuring posts in this journal for an in depth analysis of that. In short I have no answer to that question, I have no idea and no immediate motivation to know what to do with my life. This is pretty unsexy for most people (aka potential partners, sigh), and to be honest is fairly unsexy to that Stage Orange part of me, but my Stage Yellow+ parts don't give AF - it's nothing to do with me, but it's systemic, ha! There's a Deconstruction thread somewhere in the forum. I did think about posting my musings in there, but to be honest it would get lost in the pseudo-philosophical toing and froing that normally happens there - the forum is for soundbites, the journal is for in-depth analysis of current affairs. Anyway. Where was I? Deconstruction. As I've mentioned quite recently I have a love for deconstructing abstract ideas, that should be obvious just by reading my journal. The first thought about deconstructing deconstruction, is whether it is a reductionist process or not. I mean, the word deconstruction sounds like reducing one big blob into lots of little smaller blobs, in the hope the smaller blobs are more comprehensible. But actually it's not about reductionism at all. It's about focus or bringing to the fore ideas and mechanisms not previously noticed, it's an additive process. This is how learning of any sorts takes place, there's a kind of ratchet effect which takes place with learning (and increasing awareness). If I were to go part time, this first thing that anyone will scream at me is: why? Especially, since I have no intention of filling those two extra days with any wage paying activity whatsoever (not in the short time anyway). The logic my peers throw at me is: if you're not doing anything at all for those two extra days, why not just work and get paid, are you crazy? Of course, it only seems crazy from a certain viewpoint. What isn't realised is that any time worked it time lost forever (putting aside arguments about time itself), realistically money is not a good recompense for time used. Seen in this light, I would actually be gaining back something more valuable than money itself: freedom. Naturally freedom is completely relative, the sort of freedom I'm after is the space to think, play, research and just develop myself generally. All of that stuff however is nothing to do with Stage Orange and capitalist and societal ideas, but my ideas and my wants and desires. I want freedom to be me, my way. Really, Deconstruction is mislabeled in this context. It should be more accurately called Reconstruction. That is really what the Construct Aware stage of the Ego Development model is all about. It's about taking a thing - say love - and really examining it deeply, in order to learn more about it and raise greater awareness of it. The first place to start any deconstruction, is to look at the words being used. Language has a large distorting effect on everything. A word like "love" is very overloaded with meaning, but also at the same time is very nebulous. You should always be very wary of these types of words, further examples are: god, everything, consciousness, time, work, good, happiness, bad, develop, higher, lower. Comparatitive words are especially pernicious, because there is almost some type of oneupmanship (Leo's: devilry) going on - distrust them all when deconstructing: higher consciousness, levels of awakening, greater intelligence and so on (all bullshit). Can I actually afford to cut my wages by two fifths? Probably, but I haven't sat down and done the calculations. Can I actually cope with the same workload in less days? That's an interesting question. I know for a certain fact that I "waste" a lot of time when I should be working. Most of this is because I'm not being kept tabs on working from home, I no longer have to exercise presenteeism. On the flip side I am just about managing to keep up with the important work which comes in. I'm fairly autonomous is how I do my work and I get to choose which bits of work I deem to be priority and which can be quietly brushed under the carpet. I like this state of affairs, but really it's a consequence of my client being super disorganised and largely ineffectual at planning and communication - everything is now, everything is last minute, everything is important. If my client could be convinced that the important things would get done in three days, they would probably be more than happy to pay me 3/5ths wages. If you can get past the quagmire of words, then deconstruction can happen more smoothly. The comparison I like to make is learning a new subject, especially a technical one. You spend 90% of the time just learning jargon, as if that is actually learning anything at all! And the same goes for deconstruction, you spend 90% of the time just going round in circles with the meanings and definitions of words (aka the forum), but the real juice is the actual deconstruction and the 10%. To deconstruct "love" say, forget about the word itself: instead go directly to the meat, love points to a sensation or emotion, just sit and be with that emotion and understand it for what it is. Proper deconstruction is actually a process of being, which requires large swathes of time to incorporate and learn from. Proper deconstruction is a process of noticing too. Notice how love manifests itself in all its different ways and understand what the thread that joins all those ways is leading to. In a strong sense, deconstruction is not something that can be talked about, because as soon as you do, you're in that 90% lost in words. I have no particular intention for not being at work for four days out of every seven. But I do know for a certain fact that that freedom will lead to better things (comparitive word alert!) in the long run. But, I also know for a certain fact that the times I didn't work at all, I kind of floundered, because I didn't really have anything to anchor my days: I'm a dreamer not a doer. However, even having a small anchor point stops me from drifting about too much, and having four days a week to think about how to lead a different life will eventually pay for itself. Maybe I can even start working for myself and escape wage slavery altogether (or at least escape being told what to do and how much to do).

Yup. Not only do you suffer, but so do the people you complain to. I guess it's the all down to wanting the world to be a certain way, but the world has other plans. It's a lack of presence.

Awakening has absolutely nothing to do with authority and being limited.

If it were possible to jump around in time or repeat events, then we could say that time exists as a one dimensional stream - a bit like jumping around a YouTube video and replaying the same bits of video. Clearly, if you could jump around (time travel) then everything physically would have to be repeatable. All the positions of atoms in the universe and so on would have to be in exactly the same place to repeat the same events again. Also, there would have to be an observer to observe the same events again. You could argue that an event could have many conscious observers. Let's make things simple and say you time travel backwards into your younger self (not someone else's consciousness) to yesterday at 9 am. The question now arises, do you still know that you've time travelled? Say your memories are intact from yesterday at 9 am up until the point you time travelled a day later (now). That would mean the younger you of yesterday (after time travelling) would have knowledge of the future. This doesn't seem right, because the first time you experienced 9 am yesterday, you didn't have knowledge of the future. Therefore the first 9 am is different from the time travel 9 am. So there are several ways to fix up the problem: 1. Time travel (backwards) wipes your memory of the future. 2. Consciousness is outside of time (not affected by time travel, and by extension separate from physical reality) 3. Time isn't linear, and you can never time travel back to the exact same state (arrangement of atoms etc, because your consciousness affects future arrangements) 4. Time doesn't exist at all and it's not possible to time travel 5. You did actually have sudden knowledge of the future the first time at 9 am, and knew that you'd time travelled. But because of this you don't know if this is the first time or the millionth time you've travelled. Personally, I like number 4. But if materialism is wrong and there is only consciousness, then number 2 is the same as number 4.

Colour perception is all about context: https://www.ted.com/talks/beau_lotto_optical_illusions_show_how_we_see#t-228783 There is no absolute red or blue. In a way, you're asking the wrong question. You should be asking: why is colour different from sounds or touch or taste. But even here things can get murky: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia