LastThursday

@zeroISinfinity I was very much into hedonism in my teens, 20's and 30's, mostly alcohol and night clubs. But really the hedonism for me was about the excitement of interacting with new people (women) and letting loose and being free. I also learnt a lot from the experiences some of it wonderful, some of it brutal. Nowadays I find hedonism kind of empty. It's fun now and then, but I think I've drunk from that cup too often - I need something different I need to expand - spirituality gets me there better.

The watchwords for this morning are distraction and motivation. I'm mostly talking about work here. I've been working from home since the lockdown came into force here in the UK at the end of March. On the whole it has been a positive experience for me. I feel less tired, and a bit more free. I reckon I've always had somewhat of a "free spirit" and anything that interrupts that triggers me. It's informative that the first time I ever felt my free spiritedness being interrupted was my first day at school. This was in Spain in the mid 70's - which technically was a dictatorship at the time. I point that out, because deferring to authority was very much the norm then. I think that even at that young age of four years, sat in that school hall with rows and rows of desks separated from each other and to be told to be quiet and sit still was torturous. I rebelled. I would often hum in class to deliberately annoy the teacher. Because the hall was large and echoey she couldn't locate where it was coming from, and if she got close I would stop. In the end my parents moved me to another school, which was a lot better. I was sat with other kids and the setting was more of a classroom style and I made friends. But the feeling of "constriction" never left me. So even now I find myself rebelling against work. I allow myself to get distracted, and my motivation for work is barely above zero - it's just too much of an imposition on my freedom. Work happens in bursts, like being in water all the time and occasionally dipping your head in the water and holding your breath - it becomes a competition to see how much I can tolerate it. To my luck I'm very productive during the bursts. What's disappointing is that I can't see a way out of my quandary. Survival in my society dictates I need to work, but the very core of my being is telling me that's bullshit and it can fuck right off. My being needs to expand not stay constricted! Working for myself may be an improvement in the long run, but it doesn't resolve the conflict. Going back to deferring to authority, that also triggers me. There's a direct connection in my mind between loss of personal freedom and authority. The reasons I was experiencing being "constricted" even as a child was because the adults (authority) were forcing that upon me. I never really forgave them, it was a betrayal. I'm nearing 50 now and I find myself tolerating authority, but never comfortable with it. This sometimes puts me in direct conflict with managers at work and has caused me problems in the past. It's a fine line I have to walk.

Yeah being triggered is emotional and uncomfortable, and it's easy to get lost in emotions. But they are a blessing in disguise. If you can sometimes step back from the emotion and ask yourself why something triggers you, it can be very powerful in understanding yourself and also in learning to understand your emotions better. In short, it's good shadow work and also improves emotional intelligence. Your comment about "letting men walk all over me", explains why you are triggered by his "poor sense of boundaries". These are quite vague ideas, you should get very specific with yourself: Which particular men walked all over you? What actions did they do that meant they "walked all over you"? What do you mean by "boundary", is it physical or mental or is it about loss of control etc. And so on. See how deep you can go.

Take the course. I'm thinking myself of taking lessons for light aircraft, but could be an expensive hobby, and COVID has stopped all that here for the time being. I think with that sort of hobby it doesn't need to take up huge amounts of time - apart from the course itself maybe. If you're running a business you'll need down time, what better thing to do than fly? There might even be some synergy with the business there. If you find yourself going to and fro about any decision in life, then the answer is nearly always: Yes. The scarier the better. Except if you want to go out with an Axe Murderer. Don't do that. It's excellent that your friend wants to pay you back in a way that works for him. Hold him to it. My view on lending money, is to only give what you're prepared to lose. But it depends on the person, money problems can certainly break good friendships. But if you like the guy why not spend time with him? If he doesn't appreciate you for your mind, find more friends that do! But don't delete him first.

I was just about about to write this as an aswer to a post: "Non-duality is the paper on which everything is written. The story of hedonism comes and it goes yet the paper remains. The paper is blank." I didn't because, it wasn't quite right in the context. Too poncy and pretentious. However, I did have a hell of an odd sensation reading my own last words: "The paper is blank". I got chills and become somewhat emotional. It's just like it's there, just below the surface, waiting to burst through. A kind of truth and memory that I've forgotten. And I don't even do mind altering drugs.

I'm on a roll today. So I have an interest in all things computer and especially A.I. I was gobsmacked by this: The question which arose was, how is the A.I. intelligent enough to recreate a lifelike face from a painting? These A.I.s are just dumb mathematical functions wired up in large networks, there's no intelligence whatsoever. But clearly something is happening here. The neural networks have to be trained with vast amounts of data. This data comes in from the real world and is condensed down to binary signals. So if the intelligence lies anywhere, it's in the data. The data itself is intelligent. But how can a passive stream of binary digits be intelligent? I reckon that it's the structure in the data that is key to its intelligence. There's plenty of structure out there in the real world - plenty of intelligence to draw from. Maybe a measure of structure in data would give a scientist a measure of intelligence? The converse question can be asked. Can an A.I. produce more intelligence than it receives in its training? I would say not. If an A.I. is going to take over the world, then it needs to be taught how to suck in intelligence from its environment, otherwise its doomed to forever be our pet.

Thoughts about a young supermodel wife (probably objectifying women, but hey it's my journal): Pros: Kudos Ability to rear children (fertility) Experiencing beauty daily Potentially beautiful kids Status by association Hopefully good skin and teeth Cons: Potential high maintenance ($$$) Fighting off competitors for her attention Probable height disparity Definite age disparity Possible narcissism or neurotic behaviour on her part Potential "entitlement" issues - but probably depends on upbringing Neediness Boy I seem like a shallow materialist chauvinist pig. But that's biology for you. I like a pretty woman as much as the next man. For the sake of balance, other than the Pros and the Cons, a young supermodel wife is probably not much different from an old average wife. Old average wife: Pros: No "entitlement" issues, has had to make her own way in life Probably more confident in her abilities Experienced in life and wiser Makes better decisions More shared cultural history Low maintenance (<<$$$) Lower chance of affairs Cons: Past child bearing age Average to look at and not going to get any better Too set in her ways and views No energy or sense of adventure Potential children and ex's to worry about That concludes my mental survey.

Memory is the present moment, not separate from it. It's as real as my hand is now. But it's never an exact replica of some original experience. In fact the original experience never existed. You think God took 15 billion years to get here? Nope. It just happened. Memories are phantoms.

The strange things I do. I thought it would be interesting to see how Views versus Replies goes on the forums I'm mostly interested in: Actualization and Mind Spirituality. So plugging in the figures into Excel and taking line of best fit, it's 2%+10. So 1000 views should have about 30 replies. I suppose that could be used as a very rough metric for quality of post. If it's below expected replies it may be a low quality post, or at least a post that folks don't gel with. This is just one example of going meta. I think I'm naturally contrary, or at least I'm always wanting to see things from many different angles (apparently INTJs are into this). If Mr X or Ms Y tells me "it's like this", my knee jerk reaction is to think "no it's not, what about this thing you haven't thought about?". It's a blessing and a curse. I think the net result of always going meta, is that either I get ignored (in real life) because it doesn't fit with people's model of the world, or people completely misunderstand my point of view(s). The other thing that happens is that people think I'm wedded to a particular strange point of view - nothing is further from the truth. Going constantly meta allows me complete freedom of thought. I'm not particularly attached to any point of view. There is an upside. In order to get people to understand my new way of seeing stuff, I need to be very articulate and precise - which is surprisingly useful in today's world.

How is it possible to reconcile your dreams and aspirations with reality? Here's a list of my ridiculous and not so ridiculous wants in no particular order: A young supermodel wife. Living in a hot/warm climate all year round Living simply and minimally and uncluttered A fast high performance car to pose in Enough cash that I can give it away freely to my friends and family and boost their lives To not work - especially not for someone else's gain To stop blaming others for my misfortunes To have drive and energy and enthusiasm for everything To engage my god given talent and brains with the world Having minimal neediness from friends and family To have a family that don't use me as a permanent crutch for their inadequacies To stop being used by people as some kind of "resource" to fix their problems - especially work To have an adventurous lifestyle and experience what the world has to offer Live somewhere and in a culture where I'm not so anonymous To be an amazing musician or artist or writer To stop being "in my head" so much To be charismatic and noticed by people And the more spiritual things: To be as genuinely loving and understanding and compassionate towards people as possible To experience as many types of consciousness as possible To live freely and flow in life with no resistance To eliminate all negativity and shadow To be completely organic and uncontrived and open to my very core To take people and things for what they are, not as a judgement about what I think they are or should be To be playful and joyful and gratful every day And the downright crazy: Powers of time travel and stopping time Powers of teleportation Powers of Inhabiting different bodies Powers of Invisibility Powers of flying Instant materialisation of things I'm sure there's more, but I've run out steam. Ha! No stamina. Stamina

The Colour Purple.

Agreed. It's like turning 40 and denying that you were ever 39. I think what causes division in arguments about SD, is precisely because SD has clear demarcations between stages. I would say that's one of the model's faults. Having a traffic light system is easy on the mind, but it sows division! Draw a line in the sand and people will start arguing about which side is "best". If I were to update SD myself, I would remove the colours and replace them with traits. Things like: defers to authority on principle, or believes in material possession as good and so on. People would then have a mix of traits. Some traits would then be deemed as "higher" or "more advanced"; something like: believes individual change is not possible without affecting the whole. However, that would simply be another model with its own different divisions of reality.

SD is still an extremely useful model of the different paradigms people live by. And, it applies to both individuals and groups. What seems to get quickly forgotten is that each stage incorporates the stages "below" it like Russian dolls. You can't be Yellow unless you've been through Orange and Blue etc. If an individual inhabits different stages even in one day, then that simply shows their level of development - it's not that SD is wrong or outdated. But. The sheer fact that there is more than one model shows that SD is incomplete, it's a simplification of human behaviour.

@MoreiraI feel your pain. I take a rational approach and that is to ask myself: "Can I personally do anything about this injustice I'm witnessing?" I then ask myself: "Am I prepared to do something about the injustice I'm witnessing?" If the answer is "no" in either case, then I simply drop it - no guilt, no rumination - just move on. It takes practice, it's hard, but it can be done. if "yes" then act immediately and with conviction - otherwise you may as well be saying "no". Sometimes it's impossible to do something to help or fix an injustice. You just don't have the resources, level of consciousness or ability to do something about it. There's no shame in that. Having the strong emotions shows that you have love to give - acknowledge that - and give love when you can.

@beastcookie for a slightly different take on your question: you are already dead - welcome to the afterlife. I say this because life and death are a duality. In it's non-dual form they are the same thing. Any explanation of death is always made in the living world. Thoughts and words about what comes after death, are just that, thoughts and words. Anyway, don't take my word on it. Try this mystic for size:

There's a kind of synergy between the two paradigms. Parts of the models are about survival. Survival being the continuance of the physical body. Survival can be progressively automated by putting in place people to help you survive and strategies that protect you. Some examples are shelter, food, families, employment and so on. This then frees up your time to be able to do non-survival related activities. The models ascribe survival to lower tiers. But really survival is never guaranteed and has to be maintained, and so is ever present. The other parts of the models are effectively about consciousness or spirituality if you will. Consciousness has the property of potentially infinite depth. The depth of consciousness is a kind of crystallisation, where step by step you are able to discern a greater range of "states" of consciousness. This happens naturally, but can also be forced by meditation, drugs, novel experiences etc. There's a kind of ratchet effect where once you've levelled up, access to the new states becomes easier in future. It's worth noting states come and go, but it's the range of different states that matters. Some states are more useful than others for accessing Truth or God or tapping into universal intelligence or whatever - that's what "higher" means. As a comparison think about your consciousness as a six year old and your consciousness now. How differently do you perceive things? And just as it's possible to talk to a six year old as an adult, there's no problem in maintaining a "higher" level of consciousness permanently - you are just in a different "state" from the majority of people. So once survival is automated, you have time on your hands to deepen consciousness. That's what the models say in my opinion.

Get drunk, why not? To qualify that statement, getting drunk serves a purpose, it has utility. I can't say exactly what it was in your case, but I'm guessing it was some sort of social bonding. Keeping up social ties is important for survival - of course there are other way to that too. The other utility of getting drunk in your case was regression. Regression is useful as a form of contrast. By contrast I mean a way to compare two things easily. You say you felt terrible after getting drunk. But it certainly gave you a good way to compare your current level of development with how you used to be. And you have come to the conclusion that you dislike how you used to be. Good. That should have strengthened your view of yourself as you are now - not diminished it. We all regress from time to time, it's no bad thing, it helps us to reinforce what we don't want in our lives. Just be super vigilant and don't let it become a habit - otherwise you really will have regressed.

Make sure the paracetamol doesn't contain caffeine, read the packet carefully before taking. I've been caught out by that one more than once! Also as mentioned avoid screens before sleep. I would go further and say avoid ALL blue light TWO HOURS before sleep. Unfortunately most light sources are very bright and contain a lot of blue light nowadays. The only realistic solution is to wear blue blocking glasses (i.e. they have orange or red coloured lenses). They should be wraparound to stop light getting in the sides. Ridiculous I know. And as mentioned, getting sunlight (even on a cloudy day) as soon as possible after waking will reset your circadian rhythm. Effectively to get enough light you will need to go outdoors for a minimum of 30 minutes. Use those 30 minutes as part of your exercise regime and maybe even time to meditate. You have specific receptors in your eyes for blue light, which connect directly to sites in your brain that control your hormones and circadian rhythm. Doing just those two things will improve the quality of your sleep no end. It can even help with weight control as disrupting your circadian rhythms can speed up fat deposition.

@JayG84 To paraphrase your excellent observations: We see a beautiful old building in a state of collapse. We decide to build a huge scaffolding to enshroud the building that then collapses and no longer exists. What persists is just the scaffolding. We can also try to erect a huge complex scaffolding in the hope that a building will appear in it someday. And when it does we say "Look! I did this! My scaffolding was just right.". And in time when the building disappears again we are again just left with scaffolding. In my view to awaken is to give up on dreary old scaffolding and to always experience it for what it is, even if it's only fleeting and ephemeral.

Weird, but I'll roll with it... Firstly, until I decided to re-model the living room by knocking through the wall, the golf ball and raisin did not exist. Whoa? Let's call the "stuff" of consciousness something like: appearances. It's very important to understand that appearances are precisely that. An appearance is a sudden discontinuous manifestation in your consciousness. For example you look through your telescope and suddenly a small red blob makes an appearance. The next most important thing is that appearances are transient: they dis-appear just as discontinuously as they appeared in the first place. Your annoying sister digs you in the ribs and you lose the damn red blob through the telescope. So is there anything which isn't discontinuous in consciousness? Is it all appearances? Yes it's all appearances, everything, the whole lot. We can all agree that appearances are something. They are hard to deny. Whilst you are experiencing an appearance, it exists. Appearances also morph and meld into each other - it's basically chaos. However, in that sense, appearances don't exist because they are never static. Existence implies some static quality that lasts for some time period. So... In order to have a sense that anything exists continuously we have to simplify reality. This happens in several ways. We notice that there are "patterns" in the appearances. These are repetitions in the spatial and temporal arrangements of appearances. But it's worth noting that no two appearances are ever identical - so already this is a huge simplification. The patterns are not real, they only exists as appearances themselves. Secondly we notice the same patterns recur over time. So already we've gone one level up the hierarchy, there are patterns to the patterns! We might call these patterns: "golf ball" or "raisin" or just plain old objects. We also notice these objects obey certain "laws" of motion and change which are just more patterns. On up the pattern hierarchy we go. Eventually we come to the conclusion that some patterns (objects) persist over time. Note how incredibly weird this is: we have a maelstrom of unique appearances in consciousness, and yet we agree that the golf ball exists and not only that it persists over time. And even weirder than that, even though I have just clapped eyes on the (appearance of the) golf ball as I knock through my wall - I make up a story about it having existed throughout time inside my wall! Existence, is pure faith.

@Nak Khid ha! My point entirely. Then my belief is even more important. I would still get a conk on the head, that enough exists. But what was it that hit me? My story creating belief factory kicks into overdrive. "Probably a Golf Ball, due to it's weight and it's dimpled texture between my fingers". When you lack information about something, you fill in the gaps with pure faith. You literally make the "golf ball" exist. You then contemplate during sleep zzzz... Upon waking you find out it wasn't a "golf ball" at all but a giant gobstopper and poof! The "golf ball" stopped existing.

@Nak Khid that would definitely constitute existence. My belief in the rock would be 100%. Unless of course it kills me - but that's a different story.

@Nak Khid I Want To Believe. Belief doesn't bring something into existence, but belief is necessary to keep something existing.

How do we know anything exists? How do we know we are not being hoodwinked or gaslighted or are delusional? The simple answer is faith. A thing exists if we believe it does; and when we stop believing it stops existing. Mars definitely exists - well it does for me anyway.

When I browse the different threads here, it kind of makes me sad how there's such an underappreciation for how astounding and beautiful people are. The skills that people show and the beauty they create in the world often blow my mind. I'm a visual and auditory kind of guy. When I listen to great music or look at stunning art or craft, I feel a certain kind of excited love and gratitude (for being alive), which I wish I could feel more often and share with other people. Anyway, enough gushing. Here are two tokens of what I'm talking about. The sheer atistry, patience, tradition and dedication astounds me: The sweet tones of a human song bird, and history of two other geniuses woven together (Michael Jackson and Stevie Wonder):