billiesimon

The perspective is that those people could have easily been me. I know what they feel. I have never hurt anyone, I've always been nice and progressive. But I have been subjected to a lot of trauma, bullying, divorce, abusive friends, abusive bosses etc. A lot. Truly a lot. I'm finishing therapy, and yoga and self inquiry have helped me so much to remain the same nice person i've always been. But i can assure you: There's a part inside of me that is so angry and furious for what they have done to me that it is thirsty to kill. Literally thirsty to kill. And it's NOT my fault. I have cried rivers to heal and quieten this trauma. Am I a nice and conscious person? All people tell me so. Yet the line that could have led me to become an evil beast was so close... Do you get it? You are nice only because you got lucky. You don't know what it feels like to work you ass off every day to remain conscious and caring after what i've endured. Suffering is the greatest teacher. Killers already have suffered much. Let this planet become a warmer and kinder place. Please. Yet, I love you too and want you to feel love for the unconscious ones.

Seems more like the slums of spirituality. Yeah, too much philosophy withouth feeling empathy is useless. And I'm a HUGE student of philosophy.

I've read too much nonsense and regressive opinions here. People who kill or get into crime are nice people as everyone else. It's not their decision. They are completely unconscious and subjected to trauma. Your "civil and educated" human life is not more worthy that theirs. They need to be rehabilitated and healed from their trauma. Or are we going to regress into the middle ages? What next? Killing religious heresy? Always remember that that killer could have been YOU. In fact it is you, it's just that your ego got lucky this time. They deserve the same help that you deserve.

The best advice. I suppose from a woman, judging by the username You need to ditch her and find a more progressive girl. You need to find someone who is not so closeminded and low in human development.

What is "you"? God or separate self? I guess the latter, since God can't die. I also guess that the reason why you're interacting with interviewers and the forum etc is just to play the game. I mean... You might be well aware that "others" (deliberately in quotes) cannot awaken.

Have you had experiences of the "original" singularity of God? I mean, without any forms and dualities. Just the pre-creation God.

Too much disfunction. I'll have a nice meal instead. Peace

Toxic masculinity is attractive to toxic femininity Violence (and attraction to it) is a huge red flag in men and women. Huge subconscious anger issues.

So advaita vedanta might be right on samsara. I tend to see reincarnation as BS because God seems to know it will recognize itself once the ego dies. That's because during awakenings/glimpses I feel like I have already planned everything. So... My guess is that God doesn't reincarnate in a loop. It might reconnect with its true nature at the end of every ego's lifespan. Why should the ego awaken for God to come back to singularity? God recognizes itself clearly once the false self is dead, or transcended by spiritual work. So... I'm still very skeptical about samsara... Seems like a fairytale. Pretty absurd to create other dreams and other dimensions without coming back home to design them isn't it?

Is this what ancient hindu sages meant with samsara and reincarnation when a person is not enlightened?

What? What do you mean? Why should not a dead ego merge back in the singularity? Once the false self disappears, your true identity should be clear to itself.

It's been several days since I've had this massive shadow work crisis. I'm cleaning up major childhood trauma, and these last days I've been feeling sad and deeply introspective. This is not an awakening episode, it's more of a contemplative inquiry into the nature of the ego self and The Self. Others and the "outer world" are just a mirror of me. This has been noticed over the course of several months, and probably amplified by several psychedelic basic awakenings. As I've seen my ego become more and more positive, pure, peaceful and clean, I've noticed how others and reality has become more like me. But it has always been like me. I have noticed how the violence in the world is reflected inside me (as an ego). I have noticed how my problems are reflected outside in others as well. I have noticed how the world cannot exist without my conscious existence alongside it. This one is especially radical and eerie. There are other aspects of this mirroring of ego self and others, and this mirroring becomes a fusion of ego and others in the unified form of The Self, or Atman. For some weird reason, "I" am playing an eerie play with myself, disguised as billion forms. All connected. All mirrored in some sort of vibrational resonance. I am not conscious right now of being the others. No. But I am conscious right now of how much they represent what I have inside me. The violence, the fear, the insecurities, the desires... I can see how they mirror my egoic condition. I can see how being disturbed by their own hatred and fear is REALLY JUST being disturbed by myself. Yup. It's that creepy. Still, I'm not soberly conscious of oneness right now. Just a simple inquiry Be at ease with yourself, love yourself. I need to love myself. Deeper.

In other words, it's like God created a scripted movie and now it is watching it by also believing to be struggling inside the story And the egoic resistances are meant to keep god from spoiling the fiction.

Yes, but that resistance is just conceptual, because egoic actions are "God-sent". What I mean is that God decided what the ego should look like and what it wants to do. So, in a sense, God wants the ego to act based on unconscious desires, because that's the only way to get an experience of struggle and progression. I totally agree on the ego resisting God realization (because of the death it implies) but the ego is still 100% God's pure will. That means that the Ego's resistance is just conceptual, because emotions, thoughs and fear are just phenomena happening to God, who is observing them, and at the same time believing that it is a limited human. At least that's how I've felt it myself.

What? How are you going to develop the existential concepts and frameworks? Let's take for example advaita vedanta's philosophy. It's full of nuanced and metaphysical vocabulary that it's going to boost your contemplation of reality. Maybe you were just joking

Hey, @Leo Gura, I was contemplating my perceptions tonight, alone in bed, and noticing how other people in photos are just my own perceptions, not real entities. But still I can't feel other people as me, because of survival agenda I have. I can on psychedelics. But i notice during my contemplations that people in photos are just my perception and not real objects. This is my question: Does the game of separateness collapse ON THEIR end too? I mean... You become conscious of being them. And that's ok. At that point do they drop the mask? Do they mirror your understanding? Or do they keep acting unconscious? It makes sense to me that they should drop the mask once you become totally omniscient. Why should they keep the facade up? Sorry for the weird question

Thanks for the replies, to everyone. Well, I get what you are saying. The Self is the one who awakens inside the dream, and not the imaginary people (my ego is included of course). But what I mean is that an awakened "person" is capable of showing that they are realized. I was just wondering if other people, EVEN THOUGH they are conceptual and not actual, can show this sign of realization once you realize the True Self. I guess it's still a game of duality that my mind is playing. Nonetheless, I found it possible.

I get it, I'm not talking about the core Self. I'm talking about the illusion. Does the illusion become self conscious? Do the people show recognition of their true self? You look at the mirror. Then you recognize that you are the person in the mirror. "oh it's me". The image in the mirror should also reflect that recognition. That's what I mean.

It could be useful to hear a more conscious woman's opinion.

If you want tribal or violent/impulsive girls, yes. Generally from stage orange and above girls tend to like personality, humor, authenticity and social freedom. Generally self expression is very attractive to a sufficiently evolved girl

What you believe you attract watch your beliefs as they get mirrored in reality. Attraction is far below Mind in the hyerarchy.

This is a massive strawman. People in general tend to respond to authenticity, freedom, confidence and good vibes. The last one is not a buzz word, it's a true energetic component. You could have seen millions of girls loving Justin Bieber when he was still girly and soft. Where's the ruthless and brutal masculinity now? Same goes for 60's rock idols and other soft men like Russel Brand. Girls in low SD stages, like stage red, are attracted to brute force and domination. More evolved girls tend to gravitate more towards authenticity, freedom, masculine wisdom and self expression. Stop caring about masculine power. That's makinh you more weak. Are you a feminine guy? WHO THE FUCK CARES! Embrace it. I am a 45% feminine guy, but I have developed confidence and more authenticity and girls have appreciated it. Of course not stage red girls. Be unapologetic about being feminine or soft or lighthearted. The less you care about being attractive to them, the more you become attractive. Be your own hero. Masculine power is liking your own authenticity without caring about others. Girls fall in love with lots and lots of gay men. Guess why? Maybe because they DON'T CARE about being attractive to women? They embrace their femininity and women can fuck off. (not in the red pill meaning )

Is it just my own self deception, or is God in search of understanding itself? When I have breakthrough trips I tend to feel like the Absolute/Me is just eternally looking for a deeper understanding of itself. Like it needs duality to study itself, cause in oneness it can't do it. Duality seems to act like a mirror. It can make you look into yourself like you are a different object. Also reality tends to mirror itself a lot, like stated in LOA teachings. Thus to me it seems like God is just using duality as a mirror to inquire its own mysterious existence. The biggest question is always: WHY?!? Why am I here and not not-here? I might be deluded....

I've tried to improve my sober self inquiry thanks to this video: @Leo Gura you mentioned two dimensions of waking up, one towards no-mind, another towards god-mind. The God Mind route passes through the Super Mind, some sort of active and awakening mind, which is not egoic in nature. MY SOBER EXPERIENCE OF SEEKING SUPER MIND: Since I generally have problems having insights with the no mind route, and even in psychedelic trips I tend to use an active mind to gain knowledge and oneness, I've started to train for several weeks on this active mind route. I've discovered that I can intentionally focus my mind only on debunking self deceptions, beliefs, ego structures, thoughts, emotions etc. It works like some sort of metaphysical voice which is very intelligent and sharp and notices all the mental dynamics of my identity. I'm also quite good and sharp in shadow work thanks to this feature I'm training. I've discovered through sober self inquiry, during a walk in the park alone, that this sort of metaphysically-oriented mind is very powerful and puts me in a state of PRESENCE and stillness, while at the SAME TIME the mind is very active and in debunk mode. What do I mean with debunk mode? Here are some examples: "There is no home left behind. You have no perceptions of home, there is no home right now. You are imagining it." "There is no time. Time is a concept you are using to lead a practical life. There is no trace of time in this present experience." "You call yourself Billiesimon, but that's just a name you gave yourself." Monkey mind: "No, my parents gave it to me" Super mind: "No, YOU are calling yourself Billiesimon RIGHT NOW, can you see it? You are remembering. Remembering means that you are observing a thought. That thought is not real. You decided to call "memory" a thing which is just a random thought. YOu have no actual memories." Monkey mind: "Stop doing this. I have a life. This world right here is happening and it has objetcts and it changes." Super mind: "No, you are just observing forms. The voice that is talking to me is also the voice which is creating meaning and direction and timelines. That voice is responsible for the meaning you find in life, and for the time progression too." And all these sort of things..... It's basically a form of Inquiring Mind that I have developed over two years of spiritual work and hardcore study of metaphysics and shadow work. This voice is very sharp and neutral, and after some time that it shows me the mental dynamics it starts to CREEP ME OUT, and I tend to leave it alone after a while. Because I have a life plan and projects. Right now, while writing this, the "super mind" is making me aware that my life projects and my interests are keeping me ASLEEP. I am aware of this. It's really creepy. Because I don't want to awake completely right now. I genuinely feel the desire to remain just 5-10% awake (or whatever it is). I feel like I am awake yet I am too afraid to be awake. I can't explain it, Leo. I don't want to sound arrongant. It's just that I feel at a deep stomach level that this life is going on just because I cling onto desires and projects. I can feel that. It's creepy and eerie. That's why I feel that I'm both awake and asleep. I'm not enlightened at all, just to be clear. It's a weird feeling. The feeling of knowing that I can dismantle it all with this super mind and lose all sense of reality. But I don't want to. I will do it in the future, after realizing my projects and interests. I'm too young to see life as mere perceptions floating in the void. Even though I've already seen it. Sorry for the long post. Of course I've also been told and demonstrated by the Super MInd that there are no others, because the ego mind is imagining others. Of course god is imagining others, but the direct responsible for others is the Ego Mind. Because Ego Mind keeps on telling stories and beliefs and feeling emotions related to "others". Yeah, I know I shouldn't be asking anybody, Leo But it's really scary. Especially because it's sober. Psychedelics are an excuse, just a plot tool, for the movie. I haven't taken psychs for at least 7 months, and yet I'm becoming slowly and slowly more aware..... Yeah. Psychs are just part of the plot. Give me your opinion, Leo. Also the other members Thanks a lot.

That sounds amazing. I really want to reach that sooner or later. Thought and emotion are extremely powerful and have a huge impact on perception, and also on manifestation of reality (especially beliefs). Reaching levels of trans-rational thinking seems to involve huge amounts of creative and understanding power