billiesimon

I totally support the emotional work you are suggesting. But regarding polyamory... There are several women who suggest to their partner to try it, causing them to suffer. So it's not a male egoic fantasy at all. And even if you give her monogamy, she is going to chase other guys behind your back out of boredom. At this point it's just fair to keep an open relationship. Neither men nor women can appreciate commitment.

I actually think that stage red values are missing a lot in kids nowadays and in my generation too (early millennials). Studying spiral dynamics and doing shadow work/meditation I have discovered that I have a strongly deeply repressed conqueror side which have been battling against me my whole life. It expresses mainly with obsession with classic metal music, the impulse to run a lot of miles even in freezing cold to keep my anxiety down, and the devastating impulse (only in my mind, never expressed) to react to those who limit my freedom with sheer violence and steel (yes, literally swords and axes in my fantasies). With my shadow work I've come to realize that it could be my stage red phase that has been totally repressed by my family since the earliest ages. In my family taking a stand for yourself as a kid is a major offence and was punished with very harsh stage blue judgement. Of course my family is very traditional stage blue, and they always treated my first rebellious acts as a small kid as a criminal offense in our family. So I completely repressed them at an early age, and later I've reacted very angrily towards them by developing a strong orange mindset. The point of this discussion is that at the core I'm actually very peaceful and loving as a person. It's my true nature but I believe that stage red lessons are screaming inside me to be reintegrated and the screams are becoming very loud... Also my tone of voice is becoming very loud by the day and it's something that's happening unconsciously. What can I do in practical (and peaceful) manners to integrate these lessons?

I'm not talking about stage red pickup. In fact I am learning pickup as the stage orange/green I'm actually in now. Social calibration and honesty, empathy. What I was talking about was facing your social fears of approaching (in an honest and peaceful/sweet manner) a woman in an unknown avenue. If you go out and approach girls at a loud club, a big chaotic bar, or a party where you know nobody... you are going to feel a lot of fear and distress, because the enviroment feels like another tribe that might be against you. In your mind. This is what I mean by integrating the stage red courage and willpower to conquer a new enviroment (peacefully with social skills). The deep fear you feel in these cases are too primitive to be resolved with stage orange mentality, that's what I meant.

It's an interesting response but I beg to differ. Stage orange is immensely superior to stage red, because it shifts competition in a respectful and peaceful environment where everybody can win using the brain, which is actually the best tool we have as humankind. Stage red is very bodily and somehow primitive, even though it's VERY important to define the individual man and woman, as it is the stage that defines the powerful will to be an individual that escapes the tribe to conquer his/her life. But once that escape from the tribe is made... you have to find a peaceful manner to live with people and to compete. And brute force is also not the smartest at all... and I'm not even talking about the rules of blue societies. Science and business are vastly more powerful than a bunch of warlords. Money can build entire cities, while science and brainpower can create deadly mass destruction devices. There's a reason why stage red is nowadays just a willpower phase in a childs life. Because it has no meaning in a modern society.

I want to inform myself better on martial arts, because I need to integrate these lessons. But why isn't cold approach red integration? It's confronting a very primal fear of unknown and of uknown tribes. For what I can see cold approach has a lot of red lessons in it. Especially conquering fears and boyhood.

I didn't see this thread. Well, I have a huge deficit in stage red, since I've never experienced it. Now I'm starting pickup and going out in a lot of unknown places and confronting very deep fears which feel very very primal to me (confronting unknown women as an outsider and being brave). Do you think that practising pickup as a shy young man is going to reintegrate the warlord inside me? Or is it really necessary to practice some fighting sport? Pickup seems very hardcore to me. Not orange at all.

What is it?

I feel embarassed to write this but I want to understand it and move past it. In this 2018 I have developed a lot in terms of pacifying my female side (and Jungian anima), having new female friends, understanding them, even finding some hippie friends. I also stopped demonizing feminism and started seeing it as a process to reintegrate all the aspects of female nature in society. It was fine. Yesterday night I was out with a small social group to meet new people and approach, both to find new friends and new girls to meet. The group was made by me, and another two male friends, and three girls (his friends) who most of the time were on their own, while we were socializing with people. Sadly, since I'm still a bit shy, I had bad results and ended the night with zero new people. But I understand that I need to improve more and better myself. But is what triggered me: a group of three guys approached the girls in our group (I'm not interested in them, but they are cute) and since they were cool they exchanged numbers with them. And the girls were very very excited and attracted to them. It was clear that they will be dating in the future. Now, the problem here is that normally I see this as perfectly normal and it's also how a nice interaction should go... But I felt so bad and so wrong inside of me that I went home immediately because I was having some kind of mental breakdown... I went home and in my head I started having paranoid thoughts of comparing myself to those guys AND to those girl too! I felt like I was worth nothing, because I am still a bit shy and slow to socialize with new people, and this caused the girls I meet to be closed off and indifferent. While those cool guys were having fun, and were loved and appreciated by the girls. It's a shame to say it, but I want to be honest here, to improve and heal this unknown wound I have inside. I started crying in my bed for apparently NO REASON AT ALL and I was being haunted by images of all the cute girls being completely indifferent to me and also mocking me like I was worth nothing, while happily hugging cool and extrovert guys. The worst part, which doesn't make any fucking sense to me, it's that in these crying images the girls were suddenly dirty and evil and all the sensual figures the I normally like about girls became a source of absolute fear inside me. it was like their own primal feminine sexuality was terrifying and predatory, evil and dirty, in my mind. This was all happening with no fucking reason while I exploded crying in my bed! The problem is that I've never judged women for hooking up, I've always seen this as normal and healthy, And I don't understand what the heck is wrong with me. Also I don't understand why female sexuality all of a sudded became source of fear to me yesterday night. Where has all the work on my self and my female side gone? (suggested by @Emerald, who I thank a lot:) ) What can I do to heal all of this nonsense? I thought I was going in the right direction.

As somebody who is making the first steps in the field, but has already studied the basics with rsd.. I suggest you to buy a basic program for authentic man to woman approach. Start with "the natural" by rsd Max. Or if you want deep understanding of authentic communication and empathy with women buy "tengame" by rsd Julien. It's hard to apply as a noob but it is helping me a lot to be myself and to find my true attractive personality. It's really good but not basic at all. Max explains the mechanics of social interactions and all the practical steps to find people and dates.

Yeah, I'm definitely motivated by internal harmony too. I want to be at peace within myself. I want to stop this anxiety and the fragnentation of my unconscious. Harmony in relationships are just a result of finding the peace that I desire for my own sake. What bothers me is that this is a huge byproduct of my religious upbringing and not the result of my personal choices. And I didn't choose to hear years and years of bigotry as a child, even though as a teenager I escaped from this religious indoctrination.

Wonderful! I'm going to explore this topic to the core, and the teachers you mentioned too. Being at ease with the feminine is so important to me and to my peace of mind, since relationships are a core value of mine. Ah ok, you meant disintegrated in that sense. I thought you meant "shattered in a thousand pieces" The content you personally created I've already seen (including yin - yang), but I wanted to explore some hardcore material to really find the solution to this problem. I want to be honest though: since that emotional crisis, now I have this constant ghost haunting me behind my back that I don't know when it will go away. It's a fear of feminine sexuality that I've NEVER ever felt before... not even in my first sex session with my first gf. It feels like I've opened the Pandora's box, and now girls are some kind of unknown and feral creature (no offense to you!) with a mysterious and dark sexuality. If I had to have sex now with a new girl... I think I would feel unease. I guess in the past it was always there but deep inside my darkest abyss.

Thanks! What is a disintegrated Anima, precisely? Also, do you have some deep useful resources on how to perform the reintegration process/finding all the issues?

In fact I'm going out exactly to meet new friends and girls, and this happened at a night out.

@Emerald thanks a lot for the useful response I'm still pretty shocked now even though 24 hours have passed. Now I'm less identified with goodness and political correctness, so I think this helped the possession to let go. To be honest I think this possession is also related to my recent upgrades in terms of female acceptance. I have a new female friend who's very feminine and we talk a lot about sexuality and we exchange opinions on feelings and dating. She's also at the same SD stage as mine, orange/green. She also triggered me in some small instances to view her as "evil" even though she is very sweet and gentle and honest. It was so absurd and nonsense! And it was absurd because when it happened I felt sexual attraction towards her! Some questions, if I may ask. 1) why is the Anima trying to use the space I'm giving her to be a "bitch"? I don't get it. Shouldn't she be happy that I actually want to make peace with her? I'm genuinely interested in reintegrate and make her feel appreciated. And how is it possible that more and more emotional crisis can lead to reconciliation? It makes sense to create chaos if I wasn't listening to her. 2) Is it possible that some aspects of my Animus are repressed too and creating these issues? Maybe he's angry that I wasn't very active in the dating scene in the past, and was very lazy. 3) Yes, you are right that I have a very powerful need for female connection (this also led to creating more female friends in these months) and also a very strong form of need for validation. Will this need for validation decrease the more that I reintegrate? I don't like being so emotionally needy. 4) I don't have the form of sexual obsession for women that you describe in your video. I have some form of sexual obsession but it's mainly an emotional obsession. I tend to be obsessed (always been) with female affection and hugging, kissing, being appreciated as a wonderful partner for love and intimacy (sex too of course). And having had some gfs in the past, with whom I was very affectionate, didn't heal this need at all. Is this also related to conflicts with the anima?

I agree, it's definitely a journey of healing. I'm going out to find a new social circle and meet new girls, but I realize that there's a big component of self help in this discipline. I guess I'll have to shed a lot of skin in this process... my ego is very resistant to game/socializing. I fear that I have some issues with validation from women... certainly related to the anima possession too. I hope that the purifying fire of going out will set me free of this pain.

@Shroomdoctor So what are you suggesting with the things you asked me? What do you think are the core issues with women?

Well, my intentions were true. I was out to meet new friends and girls, also because I want to find a girl I like to date. So of course there's also a sexual interest in it, and the need for companionship too. It's that I don't understand why the dynamic of mystery and unknow is relevant to my emotional breakdown.

Yeah, that's true and I know it, but it's not part of the problem

That's an interesting question. To be honest... half yes, half no. I have a strong male-nerd rational side, I've always practised creating projects, bettering myself at work, being strategic etc, but at the same time my edgy side is very repressed since childhood. Doing some shadow work recently I have discovered that I have a huge "warlord" shadow, and in fact I miss all the lessons from stage red of spiral dynamics. I've never tried to be the action-guy, even though as a kid I was always dreaming of being edgy and a conqueror of my own destiny. Also I've always repressed violence since childhood, so I tend to resonate a lot with metal music, especially stage red metal music about honor and glory in the battlefield (power metal and 80's metal). In real life I'm very peaceful and to be honest I'm a huge pacifist at the core. Sounds like I'm very fucked up.

In the latest RSD video Tyler talks about how the dating trend is becoming more and more alarming (he actually said alarming/terrifying). He explains how, especially in north america, women are becoming more and more superficial and addicted to status, cheap fun and attention from celebrites. In a nutshell: disfunctional stage orange. In the past I would have been only interested in finding a way to get the attention necessary to find a girlfriend, but nowadays, as I'm moving into stage green, I feel a lot of disgust and fear towards this terrifying shift that society is making. Male celebrites are using their status to reach girls and date them in packs, while the women themselves are discarding all normal guys to chase only the celebrities and the rich. What the fuck is happening? How can we (both men and women) find meaning and connection with a partner if society is becoming like this? I've never felt scared by watching a dating video. But this is so damn wrong. Is human romantic connection dying? Are women really being so deeply corrupted by stage orange?

I was just being cheering. Well, yes, but I'm not at that level of development yet. Now I tend to see everybody as valuable and unique. I guess it's typica for orange/green transition stage. To me every human has their skills and perks and beauty inside themselves. He/she just has to discover it and cultivate it and bring value to enrich the world (not necessarily in a materialistic manner). It's still hard for me to see the world devoid of value.

Great advice, and very reassuring. People are valuable for their own uniqueness, not for the position they embody in society. Of course they have to find their own uniqueness and their own path in life and follow it to embody their true value.

Since the universe has the only purpose to experience itself as matter, energy, and life, one logical conclusion should be that Earth is not necessarily the only place that experiences Life, and conscious, self developing Life (humans), Since we are not the design of a theological god, nor we are just the random result of matter, energy and gravity, there is a decent possibility of other conscious life forms out there in the universe. What's your take on this subject?

By the way, this topic is creating so much confusion in my head... Leo says that we have to be authentic and just go out to socialize without stupid games. Julien from RSD actually says the same as Leo. Tyler and Luke and @aurum say that you have to play games to trick the girls (I know you didn't say that , but if you watch the video they say that you have to be smarter to play it smooth etc). My personal experience and the experience of some of my friends is very similar to what Leo and Julien say. Which is by the way what @Emerald is saying, just in a different wording. I don't know what to think, but I guess I'll continue practicing authenticity.

My end goal is to meet people, to find better friends and better girls, and also to find a compatible girl for a meaninful relationship. Is this still possible in 2019? Because judjing by the latest video you can't even do that anymore... just game ADHD girls with zero personality and almost zero IQ. I don't mind using instagram to message or to send funny videos to girls, it's fun and just another way of socializing. The problem is: do meaningful relationship still exist? Or do I have to become a fucking clown, whoring my whole integrity on social media to get attention from girls? And to be honest I've done some game from time to time, and my last gf didn't need all this BS of whoring myself on social media. It happened last year and I just exchanged number at a bar, while having fun and socializing with her friends. No games, no tricks.