YaMayka

I don't know if my reply will help you but might give some extra information. For some months now I experience a lot of blockages and movement of energy in my body. Sometimes it's my head, sometimes neck, stomach etc. It started with meditation although I suspect that migraines I used to have were a symptom of that - the thing that has changed is my awareness. What I do is to focus my attention on parts of my body that need some 'work', I move my centre to that spot and just 'watch' it from the inside. The moment my awareness goes there there is movement and the energy goes through, dissolves or moves out (or keeps bugging me ;)). Do not 'push' it, just let it relax inside you, you should feel your muscles get loose. Scan your body - often the block that is disturbing you is not where you expect it to be. I suspect that they are meridians that go through your body and they can be felt as some kind of links, so if a block is in the bottom it will pull also the top of your body. Sorry, it's difficult to explain. I do try to ground it often by imagining a string going from my root chakra to the Earth. Sometimes I do the opposite - send it through the top of my head in a similar visualisation. I will be happy to hear more from other people too because once I started to clear up the links there is more energy rushing through me and sometimes it is also a hard experience (so be warned). I don't know any other solution for that so I continue meditating and relaxing, clearing the energy channels.

I prefer to find an order in my chaos - god works in paradoxes

Full title is: The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are I very much recommend books of this author - it is a scientist/researcher with a soul, if I may put it that way. Very open minded and perceptive, she learned from her research and changed her life. She has great insights about vulnerability, shame and how to live wholeheartedly. It made me reveal more of my shadow - really great for personal and spiritual development. Audiobooks available https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gifts-Imperfection-Think-Supposed-Embrace/dp/159285849X

It reminds me of a great book I read - "Black box thinking" by Matthew Syed which covers learning from failure. Great book Thanks for the video.

It is this feeling that you have to make something, that energy that is pushing you to do it. It is in a way making without thinking (but maybe depends on a discipline), it is like you have nothing to do with it - you are not doing it, you are a piece of it that is manifesting the new.

I wonder why she triggers you I found a lot of spiritual teachers have a weird laugh - still I continue to listen to what they say. I do not see evidence to support your character description of Teal. To her beauty - I think it is more likely opposite, people (or men rather) judge her because she looks good and is not afraid to express it. It does not click well with a stereotype of a spiritual teacher and makes men feel threatened - does not mean that women should hide their femininity in my opinion.

If I remember well, that was quite the case, he was surrounded by a lot of enemies and was ruling by fear (trying to keep the system where one man ruled, without being restricted by any written laws - sounds like a rule of a fist), not taking care of his subjects that well. But of course I would agree that nobody is just one colour, so most likely he had quite some aspects of blue. Both red and blue have a hierarchy but in blue the one on top is also restricted by rules.

In my opinion the French monarchy was red and the revolutionaries red/blue.

I don't think you have to BUY them... If it was to stop you from reading it is better that you borrow, isn't it? You may choose later books that you'd wish to own and buy them.

I eliminated gluten, milk and milk products and I try to stay away from sugar (not always successful at that), processed food, soya, peanuts, corn and whatever I had a positive result on food intolerance test (e.g. banana, pepper, avocado etc.) I eat only fish (as little as possible), no meat (although that for over 20 years). Some say that many legumes are suspicious but I keep eating them.

I have learnt quite a lot from her - she does have good insights in shadow work which has become my priority and she is usually quite open about her own shadow (at least the part she's aware of :)). I was a bit judgemental at first (maybe indeed not a vibrational match ;)) but I do like what she has to share. I am not able to verify everything and I leave that part for another time, maybe. I try to watch other teachers as well to have a bigger picture and decide myself what works for me at the moment. Since I have no way of checking her life story I choose to believe unless proven otherwise since it does not affect my life directly and might be more loving for her (at least that's how it feels). I find some of her videos quite complex and deep on psychological level at least.

I suppose you made yourself familiar with work of Elaine Aron? https://hsperson.com/ This discovery was one of my first steps on spiritual path

I'm no expert myself but I watched enough videos tu suggest that it might be your shadow lurking out, it is not gone just because you are thinking positive thought, now it's below the surface and sending its own vibration. It's best to work on all aspects, not just what you'd rather have.

That's a long discussion, I'll try to join I had quite mixed feelings about Teal and was detecting some strange vibe at the beginning but then I gave her a go and watched quite some videos - ok, some were not really for me/I wouldn't agree with the content but a huge majority really gave me an interesting insight. She helped me to have quite some breakthroughs in the shadow work department and discovering my core beliefs. I can't understand why people here say it's "only" self help - how else do you take your way to spiritual development and potentially enlightenment if not by awareness of self and developing yourselves. If what she says about her childhood experiences is true I am surprised she made it so far... I cannot verify the more "exotic" stuff she says because I am definitely not that advanced- I keep only an open mind (some time ago if a person had said anything about kundalini or chakras I would have laughed). The only things I bought from here were books and I dare say I benefited from them as well. As long as it keeps happening, I'll continue following her videos.

I may only write about my own personal experience, so I can't tell if you can find any advice in it. For me meditation hasn't been anything what I thought it would be - it is very physical/biological experience (could be I am doing it wrong). I’m mainly trying to be aware of my body and focus attention on whatever part calls for it. I also experienced (still do but less) a lot of cramping and unblocking followed by a huge relief. I observed the process and now I kind of can manipulate my awareness in the way that these blocks of energy dissolve or move, I observe what they "look" like, I learned not to push on them but gently touch with my awareness. Moving my body while I do it often helps (I have just started Tai Chi lessens and that gave me some ideas). Sometimes I would think about some experiences from the past that I thought might have influenced some behaviours patterns or just hurt me and simply observed what emerged. I noticed that the energy can move more freely now but is also more vibrant and demanding. I got some relief over migraines and I know that when something hurts in my body it is worth directing my awareness towards it. I have hardly had any emotional symptoms - but I noticed that certain psychological patterns released their grip, some attitudes changed. I am more aware of my action in regular life.

Apart of the obvious - lately Kiran Trace, Teal, Igor Kufayev, Evette Rose, Castaneda (for the sake of old times :P), Mary Shutan,

If you're interested there is a series of free webinars about Spiral Dynamics given by Jon Freeman - very knowledgable guy. To have an access you need to sign up: https://atop.kartra.com/page/EWe26?fbclid=IwAR04Ndg5RMYXSm5e-PZD6emLtJWYSNOST70sOXS_As9OvsG1aalUw9TjGnE Just wanted to share this Have good weekend!

I could not drink for few years - I would get a bad migraine after even a sip of alcohol (dah - probably smell would have been enough ;)) and I missed it. I like the taste and the initial effect (hangover not so much). Lately due to my meditation practice my migraines got better and from time to time I allow myself some wine, not too much because I still want to meditate before sleep and I don't think it would work very well being drunk. I discovered that I am emotionally more available, I can sense them better, I am more social, more cheerful, full of energy - I actually feel like doing staff (not big surprises - these effects are known :)). I just feel that this is the way I would like to be without this one glass and I think it's possible if I continue working on myself by removing blockages. I only don't want to do it too often because it is not healthy and with time could maybe become a problem. So I made a deal with that part of me that we'll do it when there's some special occasion to it.

I would recommend Teal Swan for that - she has some good insights on the subject (it helped me). Her book "Shadows Before Dawn" is just what can help (if you get a bit motivated to read it - otherwise try some of videos). It's great to have an insight like that - great shadow work

And here I am thinking of finishing my studies at 39 go for it!

I have a feeling you have a lot of emotions and trauma locked in your body and it decided to to have a say. You need to find a way to resolve it. Here's an interesting article: https://www.consciouslifestylemag.com/cellular-memory-healing-clearing/ I don't know if the method he proposes is good (I am so far releasing it by meditation) but maybe worth of trying. In any case the theory is worth getting yourself familiar with. Plus what Nahm said

@Lynnel I'm trying in the way I can. Although for me it is still more on a physical level. I have a feeling I will be coming back to it.

That’s a brilliant book. If you have any physical symptoms and you want to heal them and in the same time you are serious about your emotional wellbeing and health then there you will find so much to learn from. Quite some things to dig in to do your shadow work. It is not a book you read cover to cover (not everyone anyway); it contains a list of ilnesses and symptoms and possible explanations for them from metaphysical point of view. You may just browse by what relates to you. It’s around 760 pages, so be prepared, quite some raw knowledge there There is volume 2 but I’m not there yet.

I heard about it third hand when I was following the SDi training course. One of the trainers was quite involved in it and that would give me at least a reason to check it out. I haven't so far but on first glance it seems interesting. She was giving an interesting point of view on it.

I have been thinking over authenticity lately because I've been doing quite some self-reflection and shadow work etc. Plus there was a video of Teal Swan that also made me think about it - in a very short summary she says that people who don't like being in other people's company are not authentic because they are not showing their true self to them and it is tiresome, they can only be themselves when they are alone. And as usually with her videos I agreed only to certain extend because there is a ring of truth to it (but there are too many other factors that contribute in my opinion - but it's for another post ;)). Anyway, what I was wondering is if not showing a part of who we are to other people is a lie? We all do it: showing only certain face to certain person because we think it will resonate best with her/him or we know that this person is not ready to know all about us - they are too closed minded or on another level than we are. Bah, we are often hiding stuff from ourselves - in that sense it is lying I guess, so is it also lying to other people? Most of the people I know have no clue about me. They are not bothered to know me and I am not bothered to make them know me. I often hide what I think - I don't explicitly lie but I don't speak out. Am I unauthentic?