RendHeaven

You're my favorite person on this forum ahaha

lol I love this guy

lol

I know people have already said this, but I just want to emphasize that you can 100% find FREE pdfs of these books online. Just type in the title of the book and the author followed by "pdf" in the google search bar. Usually it's the first link that pops up. I have read dozens of self help books this way, saves TONS of money. The only benefit to buying the real book would be 1) to support the author and 2) to reduce stress on your eyes (the latter especially, because I personally spend a little too much time looking at a screen, so it doesn't help that reading for me also uses screens).

You can also deeply fall in love with someone you wouldn't have even considered attractive at first. This can fuck with you if you really think about it, this means that you can potentially end up with literally anybody so long as they are your preferred gender and they aren't completely repulsive to you. To some this may be obvious, but others might even deny it, like "no way I'd fall in love with someone unattractive" ...as if perceived attractiveness can't suddenly change overnight haha

Hey all, as of now I'm currently living in Chicago Illinois. As you may or may not know, there is a MASSIVE annual music festival going on right now called Lollapolooza, with all the hottest pop culture icons lining the streets putting on a show for literally half a million people. A huge portion of my friends are attending, and all of their social media is drowning in them taking videos of their experience. The majority of them seem to be having lots and lots of fun. Drinking and smoking seems to be standard here, while the crowd of thousands jump and scream to their favorite songs. Boy, it must be real mind numbing but perhaps that's part of the appeal Anyway, on to the main point, I'm sitting here at home looking at this and I can't help but feel VERY arrogant. I can tell that I have an instinctive sense of "hah, look at them wasting away their lives, numbing their brains, getting wasted and actively devolving as a mob with no purpose." I can sense that I feel better than them and that to a certain degree I pity them. I believe that they are all suffering and this whole party culture is glorified escapism... the last thing anyone needs. Of course, stuff like this happens on a smaller scale all the time (going out with the boys/girls, etc.) but the fact that this is a cultural phenomenon where I live is what's really getting to me. People are excited to do this. They're looking forward to it and it's encouraged. Now for the juicy stuff... recently my point of focus whenever I am contemplating is "how am I full of shit?" This is particularly powerful because you are able to dig up things you've never known about yourself before. For example, just recently I discovered that I'm in this journey for my ego. I think that's somewhat obvious in retrospect, but the ramifications never hit me. To put it simply, I'm a validation whore. I'm such a validation whore that I pretend not to need validation (to the world and to myself) just so that when I get it, I come off as even better. I'm always competitive. I always want to be better. I realized that I'm not interested in enlightenment work for Truth's sake, but rather for selfish reasons. I want to be able to say "I have the Truth!" Now I'm wondering if my judgement of Lollapolooza is full of shit as well. I know through theory that all judgement is untenable, that on a nondualistic scale it's just me pointing fingers at myself and pretending there are boundaries. I'm also aware of some valid counterarguments, for example "hey man it's just one week of partying and letting go of stress and responsibility, there's no need to be so anal about it, there's no harm in having fun." Despite this, some part of me still feels (intuitively) that the path of contemplation and meditation is more rich and meaningful. I can't help but see how hollow this cultural party mentality is. I'm willing to hear thoughts on this, I'd be nice to hear different perspectives. Am I full of shit? Am I being arrogant and anal? Or are thousands of people really degenerating as I'm describing? Both? Neither? Or is the whole question meaningless? Thanks for reading

Knowing the rest of this forum, most people will tell you that he is what he is and that you should simply ~be aware~ because everything is ONE and there's no distinction between you and your dad!!1! (or they might just be like "fuck that guy") Since I have a similarly delusional, egotistical dad, I'll try to give more "practical" advice. Beware though that you most likely know the answer to your problems already. Rarely are you blown away by new insights here. Chances are, you come to this forum seeking empathy and to feel as if you aren't alone in your struggles. I do it all the time! Level 1 solution: Focus on yourself. If your dad is really draining you emotionally by being a butt, I suggest minimizing interaction with him. You absolutely CANNOT self actualize while you have an egoic maniac screeching at you from the side. Trust me. You just can't. Just imagine trying to see how ~everything is one~ while your dad is doing his usual shenanigans. Impossible. Put yourself together first, I'm assuming you're not perfect. Do the usual, eat healthy, work out, meditate, read a book or two. Sit by yourself and contemplate your predicament. When interacting with your dad, be polite but brief. Don't linger. Don't clash egos either. Talk to your mom. This one is huge. When one parent is a lunatic, it seems to be the case that the other parent generally will be more open to you because they feel the same helplessness. Little by little you'll grow stronger. Bond with your mother. Form something solid there so that the two of you at least have each other. Your dad may see this and change the way he treats you, or (more likely) he will just get more aggressive. If that happens, just cut him off more. Don't deal with his bullshit. This is the tactic I used while I was in high school, worked well for me. However, keep in mind that I had the luxury of not interacting with my dad that much because he worked rather late, and on the weekends I could just leave the house. Some people are more tied down in which case this advice wouldn't really work. Level 1,000,000 solution: Be a saint. Your dad is the way he is because he is hurt. Your dad is the way he is because he's sad but unable to cry for help. Your dad is the way he is because it's the only way in which he knows how to cry for help. Imagine every time he bursts out in anger, or makes an arrogant comment, that deep deep down, the angel in him is screaming out "someone, anyone PLEASE help me... love me...I feel so alone..." Then, imagine that these screams are muffled by a more twisted version of himself which just goes "SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP I DON'T NEED LOVE EVERYTHING IS FINE" and that steps all over the little angel in him and consequently possesses him. Just imagine, for a second, that that's his reality. If he were to ever sit still and deeply reflect, that is what he will find. I know this because I've been there!! (to a lesser extent) In my first relationship ever, I became highly controlling, angry, manipulative. Granted, I didn't know what I was doing, and I had a serious case of jealously, but regardless, the way I acted was exactly as you describe. What did I really want? Love. It's that simple. That's all I ever wanted from my girlfriend, but of course I was too prideful to say "I feel unloved." Rather, I would burst out in anger, or make her feel like she did something wrong all the while NOT SAYING THAT I FEEL UNLOVED. Dear god I swear this is the key to all angry men, lol. If you are able to, it would serve you really well for the rest of your life if you interpret every outburst by a male as "I feel unloved, please love me." Now, that doesn't mean you just love him and that's that. It's way more complicated. But If you are going to take this alternate solution here then the first step is to acknowledge that he is hurt and that he is crying for help and love. OF COURSE he will make it seem like love is the last thing he wants. In fact, I bet if you asked him he would say love is completely unnecessary. That being said, step into his shoes for 2 seconds. When do you think is the last time he heard the words "I love you." When do you think is the last time he felt deeply respected or worthwhile? If he's in his 50s, it might even be decades, in which case it's really no surprise that he is the way he is. Tell him you love him. But really mean it. Find something, anything about him that's remotely lovable. For me, it happened during a fight I had with my dad where I straight up told my dad that "hey, I feel unloved right now and I've always felt that way too." I didn't say it aggressively, I didn't say it to spite him, I just said it the way I really felt. Immediately, his character changed and he said (probably for the first time ever, really) that he loves me. Then we both cried. Lol. After that, my dad didn't really change that much but I could distinctly see his vulnerable side and that he really does have a heart. At least I could love that. He would still run around being a complete dickhead, but at least he was human and not some sort of caricature. I haven't fully embodied this advice myself, but the "be a saint" method simply involves realizing his suffering, realizing his needs, seeing though his bullshit and finding a way to love him. If you REALLY love him, then he will have no choice but to love you back. NO SHIT when you point out that he needs to self reflect, he gets upset. THAT'S NOT WHAT HE WANTS TO HEAR. HE WANTS TO HEAR "I LOVE YOU." Does this mean you hide your resentment and pretend it's all hearts and rainbows? No. If he's being a piece of shit, politely tell him so. But you have to find that love one way or another or this issue will NEVER resolve itself. Here's something to try... "Hey dad, you really need to self reflect more ...but I love you either way" In the end, you can really do whatever you want. The first solution is much easier and it's much more practical (in the short term). If you're at spiral dynamics stage orange you can easily pull it off. However, it's more or less a band aid. On his death bed, your dad will be bitter and most likely you will harbor resentment for him to his dying breath. The second solution is the real solution. If you can pull it off, your dad just might die with something to smile about. It's a MASSIVE burden on you, however. He will throw all the shit in the world at you and you will have to interpret all of it as "Help! Please love me!" That isn't easy. For now, I suggest you try the first solution, but keep the second one in the back of your mind. Good luck!

BUT LEOOOO

@Emerald Hmm you know that's interesting, I would actually say no to all those questions. I've stopped caring about the opinions of other people quite awhile ago, if some guy is looking down on me from afar, more power to him haha. That's assuming I even went to a music festival. I don't stay away from them because "fun is bad" or because I somehow have to be a cut above the crowd. Rather, I simply don't like pop music! You're much more likely to catch me at a concert hall listening to a symphony That being said, you could still apply the same line of questioning there, for example how would I feel if I knew that there were people out there actively disdaining me for going to a concert hall? Well, in that case I still wouldn't care haha. Really. People bullied me in middle school for listening to classical, and for about a month I remember listening to only the newest hit songs to fit in. It was like selling my soul. I've tried fitting in for the sake of validation (many times) and every time I learn that it's not worth it. At this point, the activities that run my life are done for my own sake. When I "judge" people for partying, it's not that I cannot bear to see myself in that position. I would party my ass off if that were appealing to me...trust me. I'm very spontaneous and emotionally driven. But I genuinely don't find partying interesting. I've done it, self reflected, and seen that I feel hollow when it's all over. So I don't think my judgement is your standard defense mechanism, it's a lot more subtle. It's not even a thought. It's an almost undetectable pride, I suppose, which just makes me feel superior when I see "low consciousness" activity around me. Just yesterday for example I decided to go out to the lake to meditate, and then this group of young men sat down a few feet away from me and started blasting rap music and smoking pot. Instantly, (it wasn't even a thought, more of a sensation) I began feeling superior. Almost like "hah they have to intoxicate themselves to quiet their minds... I don't need that! Listen to the lyrics in that song... it's all about 'bitches and money.' Poor kids, I hope they realize there's more to life..." (that's what the sensation felt like, that wasn't the actual dialogue in my mind). Sometimes this feeling of superiority is so subtle that I don't even notice it. I've only recently started to notice it. If I'm even more honest, it feels good. But surely, infinity must feel better At this point, what else can I do but observe?

@Nahm Ahaha my thoughts exactly

Just watched this youtube video featuring 3 people that are very very, intelligent. They discuss nihilism, but of course from a dualistic perspective. Many, many times they border on the possibility that all of reality is groundless, but that's never really explored... Well ya can't blame them, the only way to explore it is by drowning in silence Just as a disclaimer, I'm not trying to discredit these guys at all. I just found it fascinating that you could intellectually reach the edges of duality but nevertheless end up trapped. I suggest you check out more of Cosmicskeptic's stuff, though he is fundamentally one of those "Atheist channels" that seem to run contradictory to most of the stuff we do here at Actualized.org, the guy really does try hard to push his boundaries and you can see him questioning a lot of things including himself.

@Emerald Wonderful response! I hadn't even thought of that but if I'm really honest that motive was definitely there. Looks like there's a lot more to the question of how I'm full of shit "If your heart is heavier than a feather, you will not pass." This really hit me hard. Did you come up with that? To be clear though, I really was curious to know if these feelings were "ok" or not. I'm glad we got various perspectives here. To everyone else, I do want to clarify that I'm not actively sitting around brooding about how "bad" these people are, nor do I call them out for anything. No need to crusade. More simply, I'm noticing that these judgements arise, and I'm asking if that's justified. Part of me thinks it's better to just ask these questions of myself, and that the forum may just be a distraction (or even a validation trap!!) but I'm really glad I posted. Thanks guys.

Hi all, Very recently I've begun to have many dreams of a similar nature. These dreams usually start out normally (I, as a self, am doing whatever... and of course I have an agenda of some sort) but then somewhere along the dream I start to question what's occurring and after some (seemingly) deep introspection, I realize I cannot exist. Not logically, even, but more or less instinctively, I just get hit with this immediate, overwhelming sense of "holy shit I am everything and nothing at once, and everything I used to think was false." This realization is followed by a mix of intense pleasure and horror, pleasure at the freedom I now have but horror at how wrong my entire life has been. I then proceed to continue doing whatever the fuck I was doing in this dream except this new "filter" of "I am nothing and everything" persists, all events seem to be a joke (for example last night in my dream I was back in high school and everything as serious... then this "enlightenment" thing happened and the setting didn't change but suddenly everything was so utterly meaningless but beautiful I was just enjoying the ride really as opposed to worrying about my surroundings). Let me stress how overwhelming it feels, by the way. It's completely mind-shattering, no words to describe it, all my senses are overwhelmed by chills/tingles, and I feel like crying. What's especially interesting is that with this revelation I begin questioning "is this real?" "what if this is a dream?" I'm a very vivid dreamer so I always have trouble figuring out if I'm in a dream or not, but at least last night when I had this "enlightenment" experience in my dream I asked this of myself and the answer was "what's the difference?" Well, I ended up waking up and the difference is night and day lol. Here I am back as my self and for all that the little dualistic me knows, everything I experienced was "just a dream," "just a fantasy in the ~brain~" (I'm still in the process of contemplating for myself if brains do or do not exist. I've been heavily indoctrinated by modern science, excuse me for not knowing ) Gosh, I hope universal intelligence is real. Perhaps this is myself telling myself to wake the fuck up? How cool would that be.

That's a good point. In the moment it's all shits and giggles but I guarantee you that the vast majority of those people are unable to sit quietly in a room by themselves and be content. That shit haunts you eventually, you know. You'll grow old and solitude will catch up to you... it's a matter of when you face it, not if. I think going out and partying once in a while isn't bad per se, but when it's culturally encouraged that's when I start to feel pity. Have you seen Leo's video titled "30 ways society fucks you up the ass?" He talks about how a lot of our daily life is "an amusement park for the ego." Realizing nonduality is so bloody hard to begin with, the way people party like there's nothing better to do is just insult to injury. I've tried talking to my friends about this stuff you know, all they do is go out all the time and it seems they will continue to do that haha more power to them I suppose?

@starsofclay Glad I'm not the only one! I think that's part of why I posted, I wanted some sort of reassurance I suppose. At this point I guess all we can do is keep trying for the real deal, and the dreams may or may not come. What's SO curious is that while you're in the dream, there is no difference between that and "physical reality," but of course the second you wake up the boundaries are set in stone. Maybe I'm just too unconscious haha I should do some shrooms.

You're analyzing and structuring unnecessarily. When you are contemplating, you are concerned with being... simply the fact that whatever you are questioning exists to begin with. Traps would be to try and see HOW or WHY they exist. For example, with meaning, I assume you tried to answer for yourself WHY it exists and that led to you trying to pull up evidence/theory. At that point you've lost the essence of the question. Rather, recenter yourself on simply the idea that it exists. Ask yourself if meaning is real or not. That's the first (and last) step. Bring up concrete examples of meaning existing (maybe you might think of all the meanings that arise within you in reaction to certain events). Well, then you would conclude that yes it exists but what exactly is it? These should be your points of focus: 1) Is it real? 2) What exactly is it? Is it a compilation of emotions or something else? Does it only arise in reaction to events or can you conjure it on a whim? Does it exist without the presence of humans or is it a human construction? Is it tangible in the "physical realm?" If not, does it really exist? Is there universal meaning? What's the opposite of meaning? Finally, when you've gone through enough examples, tackle the big question "is it real?" Well here's a spoiler, you won't ever come to an answer because real/unreal is ultimately the same thing. Maybe you can contemplate that too

Bro you're forgetting that the universe is literally absolute infinity. Literally. Not metaphorically. Thereby ego must exist, it's inevitable. You can't cherry pick what should and should not exist. That's like saying "absolute infinity should be everything but ___" (fill in the blank with anything, really). That mindset in itself is egoic

How could he possibly be more specific lol. He gave you the "method" ... do nothing. It's not like there's some special secret alternative regarding porn.

That's kind of like asking how being straight is related to spirituality... I'm sorry but infinite love simply is what it is, and anything less would just be egoic/lust. Any depth regarding the topic of love directly has to do with nonduality. Things like homo/hetero sexuality is a hard duality which doesn't cut deep on a spiritual level.

HAHA I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE

@brovakhiin Dude Leo's kitchen shit is on another level he's cooking up 5,000,000 IQ bait for his ego "I want junk food" LOL NOPE HAVE SOME DELICIOUS SOUP man it keeps me on TRACK you don't even know

It's completely possible. You will definitely have to put in more work than a jacked handsome 6 foot guy to get the same results, but you CAN do it. Don't view it as a disadvantage, that will kill your chances. View it as a playful challenge. Approach girls with this "lol I'm short but you're going to fall for me " mentality and see where it gets you

MILD SPOILER WARNING I remember when I first watched this show when I was young, there's this part where the guru guy tells Aang to "imagine someone he loves" and then to "let go" of her. Aang, a 12 year old boy imagines Katara, a 14 year old girl and for completely understandable reasons refuses to simply "let go." He says "I can't do it" and I remember agreeing with him while watching. I was also near his age, maybe a little older, and I remember thinking "why the heck would you let go of someone you love? that makes no sense." The animation also fantastically illustrated how "letting go" was not merely an abstract thing, but that he would literally have to cut ties with her to achieve "the avatar state" which I now see is an obvious allusion to enlightenment. You could see him imagining Katara while she was slowly fading away and when Aang says "I can't do it." you can see why this attachment is so meaningful to him. But at the same time, of course, this attachment and meaning is the biggest barrier he has to overcome in attaining enlightenment/the avatar state. Of course! Because to transcend the self while also gaining infinite power and wisdom, or in other words all his past lives and their combined power/knowledge (lol coincidence?), he must let go of all attachments including his egoic love. Rewatching the show now with all the self actualization theory in mind, I'm mind blown at how well these parallels are drawn. I doubt any of the creators were enlightened but damn did they do their research.

Fantastic questions all around @fluidmonolith. I have similar questions as well. I am eager to see if Leo himself has an answer for us on this thread. After closely following his content for quite a bit, however, I think I can predict his answer even if I do not know the truth of it myself. I believe Leo would tell you that direct experience is different from belief because all distinctions dissolve. While you are operating from the paradigm of duality, questions like "is the bridge safe" is up for debate because you have various perspectives and various agendas. When you reach an enlightenment state, you BECOME the bridge. The question "is the bridge safe" will actually seem absurd, since you, as everything in existence all at once know that you cannot be wounded. So on one hand you would conclude that the bridge indeed is safe. But then you would also realize that the bridge doesn't exist and that you do not exist and that safety doesn't exist and therefore the answer would be that the bridge is unsafe while simultaneously being safe. And that would be Truth with a capital T, and you would only come to that realization with this heightened state of consciousness. The big question, "how do I know I'm not being delusional?" still seems to negate everything I'm saying here. How would you know that you're not deluding yourself into believing that you are the bridge? Maybe you've become a lunatic that thinks he's a bridge (lol) and is basing everything he thinks he knows upon this delusion? Again, I believe Leo would respond to that question by noting that LITERALLY BEING INFINITY is not a belief. You can't just imagine yourself to be "everything" at once, your mind could not handle that. You can't even fathom the limitlessness of reality. Anything short of BEING infinity (direct experience) therefore, must be a belief while on the other hand, direct experience could not be a belief for you will simply see that "I am." In the example where a lunatic thinks he's a bridge and everyone else thinks he's insane, well from the enlightenment paradigm, everyone is insane by thinking that they are people. The bridge guy is quite average in that regard. By being a human being, you're just as delusional as the bridge guy! Of course direct experience is bullshit from a dualistic paradigm. That's why science is so revered. We assume we are finite and therefore we need to come to a consensus of what's real. If one guy is looking at a tree and sees a pancake, but everyone else sees the same tree and not a pancake, we instinctively say "oh that pancake guy is hallucinating" and we begin to draw boundaries and labels and we assert that we see truth (the tree) while he sees fantasy (the pancake) simply on the ground that MAJORITY agrees. There's a slight slight slight chance that we're all hallucinating the tree while he sees truth (the pancake), but we dismiss that because reality couldn't POSSIBLY be that tricky, right? In this example, even if every single person on the planet sees a tree instead of a pancake, we would all be BELIEVING that tree to be real, for we would not literally BE the tree. We would not be directly experiencing (being) but rather indirectly experiencing (seeing) the tree. Now I'm not saying that we're all mistaking pancakes for trees, all I'm saying is that we make assumptions about what is real without ever questioning it. 99.9999999% of people (I came up with that number lol) including myself have not experienced absolute infinity to the point where all sense of self is obliterated. By considering such an insane paradigm shift, you might begin to appreciate how valuable direct experience might be.

Try Thoreau's Walden. It's very subtle... he's not screaming "NONDUALITY!!" at you but if you're well versed in the theory you can't miss it. After all, the whole premise is that this guy is isolating himself in the woods for two years to find his true nature, your self actualization sirens should be blaring just by that fact alone. The insights gleaned from Walden are rather profound. On the other hand if you know nothing about nondual theory, all the juicy stuff will fly right over your head