RendHeaven

@Emerald Hmm you know that's interesting, I would actually say no to all those questions. I've stopped caring about the opinions of other people quite awhile ago, if some guy is looking down on me from afar, more power to him haha. That's assuming I even went to a music festival. I don't stay away from them because "fun is bad" or because I somehow have to be a cut above the crowd. Rather, I simply don't like pop music! You're much more likely to catch me at a concert hall listening to a symphony That being said, you could still apply the same line of questioning there, for example how would I feel if I knew that there were people out there actively disdaining me for going to a concert hall? Well, in that case I still wouldn't care haha. Really. People bullied me in middle school for listening to classical, and for about a month I remember listening to only the newest hit songs to fit in. It was like selling my soul. I've tried fitting in for the sake of validation (many times) and every time I learn that it's not worth it. At this point, the activities that run my life are done for my own sake. When I "judge" people for partying, it's not that I cannot bear to see myself in that position. I would party my ass off if that were appealing to me...trust me. I'm very spontaneous and emotionally driven. But I genuinely don't find partying interesting. I've done it, self reflected, and seen that I feel hollow when it's all over. So I don't think my judgement is your standard defense mechanism, it's a lot more subtle. It's not even a thought. It's an almost undetectable pride, I suppose, which just makes me feel superior when I see "low consciousness" activity around me. Just yesterday for example I decided to go out to the lake to meditate, and then this group of young men sat down a few feet away from me and started blasting rap music and smoking pot. Instantly, (it wasn't even a thought, more of a sensation) I began feeling superior. Almost like "hah they have to intoxicate themselves to quiet their minds... I don't need that! Listen to the lyrics in that song... it's all about 'bitches and money.' Poor kids, I hope they realize there's more to life..." (that's what the sensation felt like, that wasn't the actual dialogue in my mind). Sometimes this feeling of superiority is so subtle that I don't even notice it. I've only recently started to notice it. If I'm even more honest, it feels good. But surely, infinity must feel better At this point, what else can I do but observe?

@Nahm Ahaha my thoughts exactly

Just watched this youtube video featuring 3 people that are very very, intelligent. They discuss nihilism, but of course from a dualistic perspective. Many, many times they border on the possibility that all of reality is groundless, but that's never really explored... Well ya can't blame them, the only way to explore it is by drowning in silence Just as a disclaimer, I'm not trying to discredit these guys at all. I just found it fascinating that you could intellectually reach the edges of duality but nevertheless end up trapped. I suggest you check out more of Cosmicskeptic's stuff, though he is fundamentally one of those "Atheist channels" that seem to run contradictory to most of the stuff we do here at Actualized.org, the guy really does try hard to push his boundaries and you can see him questioning a lot of things including himself.

@Emerald Wonderful response! I hadn't even thought of that but if I'm really honest that motive was definitely there. Looks like there's a lot more to the question of how I'm full of shit "If your heart is heavier than a feather, you will not pass." This really hit me hard. Did you come up with that? To be clear though, I really was curious to know if these feelings were "ok" or not. I'm glad we got various perspectives here. To everyone else, I do want to clarify that I'm not actively sitting around brooding about how "bad" these people are, nor do I call them out for anything. No need to crusade. More simply, I'm noticing that these judgements arise, and I'm asking if that's justified. Part of me thinks it's better to just ask these questions of myself, and that the forum may just be a distraction (or even a validation trap!!) but I'm really glad I posted. Thanks guys.

Hi all, Very recently I've begun to have many dreams of a similar nature. These dreams usually start out normally (I, as a self, am doing whatever... and of course I have an agenda of some sort) but then somewhere along the dream I start to question what's occurring and after some (seemingly) deep introspection, I realize I cannot exist. Not logically, even, but more or less instinctively, I just get hit with this immediate, overwhelming sense of "holy shit I am everything and nothing at once, and everything I used to think was false." This realization is followed by a mix of intense pleasure and horror, pleasure at the freedom I now have but horror at how wrong my entire life has been. I then proceed to continue doing whatever the fuck I was doing in this dream except this new "filter" of "I am nothing and everything" persists, all events seem to be a joke (for example last night in my dream I was back in high school and everything as serious... then this "enlightenment" thing happened and the setting didn't change but suddenly everything was so utterly meaningless but beautiful I was just enjoying the ride really as opposed to worrying about my surroundings). Let me stress how overwhelming it feels, by the way. It's completely mind-shattering, no words to describe it, all my senses are overwhelmed by chills/tingles, and I feel like crying. What's especially interesting is that with this revelation I begin questioning "is this real?" "what if this is a dream?" I'm a very vivid dreamer so I always have trouble figuring out if I'm in a dream or not, but at least last night when I had this "enlightenment" experience in my dream I asked this of myself and the answer was "what's the difference?" Well, I ended up waking up and the difference is night and day lol. Here I am back as my self and for all that the little dualistic me knows, everything I experienced was "just a dream," "just a fantasy in the ~brain~" (I'm still in the process of contemplating for myself if brains do or do not exist. I've been heavily indoctrinated by modern science, excuse me for not knowing ) Gosh, I hope universal intelligence is real. Perhaps this is myself telling myself to wake the fuck up? How cool would that be.

That's a good point. In the moment it's all shits and giggles but I guarantee you that the vast majority of those people are unable to sit quietly in a room by themselves and be content. That shit haunts you eventually, you know. You'll grow old and solitude will catch up to you... it's a matter of when you face it, not if. I think going out and partying once in a while isn't bad per se, but when it's culturally encouraged that's when I start to feel pity. Have you seen Leo's video titled "30 ways society fucks you up the ass?" He talks about how a lot of our daily life is "an amusement park for the ego." Realizing nonduality is so bloody hard to begin with, the way people party like there's nothing better to do is just insult to injury. I've tried talking to my friends about this stuff you know, all they do is go out all the time and it seems they will continue to do that haha more power to them I suppose?

@starsofclay Glad I'm not the only one! I think that's part of why I posted, I wanted some sort of reassurance I suppose. At this point I guess all we can do is keep trying for the real deal, and the dreams may or may not come. What's SO curious is that while you're in the dream, there is no difference between that and "physical reality," but of course the second you wake up the boundaries are set in stone. Maybe I'm just too unconscious haha I should do some shrooms.

You're analyzing and structuring unnecessarily. When you are contemplating, you are concerned with being... simply the fact that whatever you are questioning exists to begin with. Traps would be to try and see HOW or WHY they exist. For example, with meaning, I assume you tried to answer for yourself WHY it exists and that led to you trying to pull up evidence/theory. At that point you've lost the essence of the question. Rather, recenter yourself on simply the idea that it exists. Ask yourself if meaning is real or not. That's the first (and last) step. Bring up concrete examples of meaning existing (maybe you might think of all the meanings that arise within you in reaction to certain events). Well, then you would conclude that yes it exists but what exactly is it? These should be your points of focus: 1) Is it real? 2) What exactly is it? Is it a compilation of emotions or something else? Does it only arise in reaction to events or can you conjure it on a whim? Does it exist without the presence of humans or is it a human construction? Is it tangible in the "physical realm?" If not, does it really exist? Is there universal meaning? What's the opposite of meaning? Finally, when you've gone through enough examples, tackle the big question "is it real?" Well here's a spoiler, you won't ever come to an answer because real/unreal is ultimately the same thing. Maybe you can contemplate that too

Bro you're forgetting that the universe is literally absolute infinity. Literally. Not metaphorically. Thereby ego must exist, it's inevitable. You can't cherry pick what should and should not exist. That's like saying "absolute infinity should be everything but ___" (fill in the blank with anything, really). That mindset in itself is egoic

How could he possibly be more specific lol. He gave you the "method" ... do nothing. It's not like there's some special secret alternative regarding porn.

That's kind of like asking how being straight is related to spirituality... I'm sorry but infinite love simply is what it is, and anything less would just be egoic/lust. Any depth regarding the topic of love directly has to do with nonduality. Things like homo/hetero sexuality is a hard duality which doesn't cut deep on a spiritual level.

HAHA I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE

@brovakhiin Dude Leo's kitchen shit is on another level he's cooking up 5,000,000 IQ bait for his ego "I want junk food" LOL NOPE HAVE SOME DELICIOUS SOUP man it keeps me on TRACK you don't even know

It's completely possible. You will definitely have to put in more work than a jacked handsome 6 foot guy to get the same results, but you CAN do it. Don't view it as a disadvantage, that will kill your chances. View it as a playful challenge. Approach girls with this "lol I'm short but you're going to fall for me " mentality and see where it gets you

MILD SPOILER WARNING I remember when I first watched this show when I was young, there's this part where the guru guy tells Aang to "imagine someone he loves" and then to "let go" of her. Aang, a 12 year old boy imagines Katara, a 14 year old girl and for completely understandable reasons refuses to simply "let go." He says "I can't do it" and I remember agreeing with him while watching. I was also near his age, maybe a little older, and I remember thinking "why the heck would you let go of someone you love? that makes no sense." The animation also fantastically illustrated how "letting go" was not merely an abstract thing, but that he would literally have to cut ties with her to achieve "the avatar state" which I now see is an obvious allusion to enlightenment. You could see him imagining Katara while she was slowly fading away and when Aang says "I can't do it." you can see why this attachment is so meaningful to him. But at the same time, of course, this attachment and meaning is the biggest barrier he has to overcome in attaining enlightenment/the avatar state. Of course! Because to transcend the self while also gaining infinite power and wisdom, or in other words all his past lives and their combined power/knowledge (lol coincidence?), he must let go of all attachments including his egoic love. Rewatching the show now with all the self actualization theory in mind, I'm mind blown at how well these parallels are drawn. I doubt any of the creators were enlightened but damn did they do their research.

Fantastic questions all around @fluidmonolith. I have similar questions as well. I am eager to see if Leo himself has an answer for us on this thread. After closely following his content for quite a bit, however, I think I can predict his answer even if I do not know the truth of it myself. I believe Leo would tell you that direct experience is different from belief because all distinctions dissolve. While you are operating from the paradigm of duality, questions like "is the bridge safe" is up for debate because you have various perspectives and various agendas. When you reach an enlightenment state, you BECOME the bridge. The question "is the bridge safe" will actually seem absurd, since you, as everything in existence all at once know that you cannot be wounded. So on one hand you would conclude that the bridge indeed is safe. But then you would also realize that the bridge doesn't exist and that you do not exist and that safety doesn't exist and therefore the answer would be that the bridge is unsafe while simultaneously being safe. And that would be Truth with a capital T, and you would only come to that realization with this heightened state of consciousness. The big question, "how do I know I'm not being delusional?" still seems to negate everything I'm saying here. How would you know that you're not deluding yourself into believing that you are the bridge? Maybe you've become a lunatic that thinks he's a bridge (lol) and is basing everything he thinks he knows upon this delusion? Again, I believe Leo would respond to that question by noting that LITERALLY BEING INFINITY is not a belief. You can't just imagine yourself to be "everything" at once, your mind could not handle that. You can't even fathom the limitlessness of reality. Anything short of BEING infinity (direct experience) therefore, must be a belief while on the other hand, direct experience could not be a belief for you will simply see that "I am." In the example where a lunatic thinks he's a bridge and everyone else thinks he's insane, well from the enlightenment paradigm, everyone is insane by thinking that they are people. The bridge guy is quite average in that regard. By being a human being, you're just as delusional as the bridge guy! Of course direct experience is bullshit from a dualistic paradigm. That's why science is so revered. We assume we are finite and therefore we need to come to a consensus of what's real. If one guy is looking at a tree and sees a pancake, but everyone else sees the same tree and not a pancake, we instinctively say "oh that pancake guy is hallucinating" and we begin to draw boundaries and labels and we assert that we see truth (the tree) while he sees fantasy (the pancake) simply on the ground that MAJORITY agrees. There's a slight slight slight chance that we're all hallucinating the tree while he sees truth (the pancake), but we dismiss that because reality couldn't POSSIBLY be that tricky, right? In this example, even if every single person on the planet sees a tree instead of a pancake, we would all be BELIEVING that tree to be real, for we would not literally BE the tree. We would not be directly experiencing (being) but rather indirectly experiencing (seeing) the tree. Now I'm not saying that we're all mistaking pancakes for trees, all I'm saying is that we make assumptions about what is real without ever questioning it. 99.9999999% of people (I came up with that number lol) including myself have not experienced absolute infinity to the point where all sense of self is obliterated. By considering such an insane paradigm shift, you might begin to appreciate how valuable direct experience might be.

Try Thoreau's Walden. It's very subtle... he's not screaming "NONDUALITY!!" at you but if you're well versed in the theory you can't miss it. After all, the whole premise is that this guy is isolating himself in the woods for two years to find his true nature, your self actualization sirens should be blaring just by that fact alone. The insights gleaned from Walden are rather profound. On the other hand if you know nothing about nondual theory, all the juicy stuff will fly right over your head

When we're all sons of God...

Hey guys, forum noob here just wanted to post about my experience in the last week I kind of need somewhere to vent. I'm an 18 year old male just graduated highschool going to college next year. I'm on summer break and don't really have anything to do although I'm currently looking for an easy summer job for a little pocket cash. That being said, when summer began I thought this would be the perfect time to buckle down on real self actualization work. If I'm honest with myself I would admit that I'm on the verge of being a zen-devil (or inverse zen-devil?). I know so much of the theory, I've watched almost all of Leo's videos and understand them (at least I believe I do, intellectually lmao while being aware that you cannot have an intellectual grasp on reality). Despite this I rarely ever sit down and do nothing, I try to meditate every day but during the school days I would always end up falling asleep around the 10 minute mark and I would hate myself the next morning haha. So. It's summer, time to get it, right? Well it actually started out great... so great, in fact, I have so much free time that doing nothing is almost inevitable. In light of this nothingness, also, arises the inevitable feeling of boredom, the need to distract that the ego needs to survive. My first few weeks of the summer I faced these head on, recognizing these obstacles for what they are. I got my first real meditation sessions in, and also did some shamanic breathing (as described by leo) and it truly works. I wouldn't say I got any enlightenment experience, I'm way beneath that right now but it definitely altered my state of awareness and I considered that a huge success. I'm also really into athletics so I train every day to get physically stronger, I've also had a habit of eating clean for years. About a week ago, however this all changed... suddenly, for no reason, I found myself regressing harder than I've ever regressed in my entire life. I started playing video games (I haven't touched them in years) wacking off to porn (haven't done that in months) and eating cookies and ice cream (haven't done that in months) while neglecting all physical exercise. I also stopped meditation and my awareness consciousness went through the floor. Everything went 180 so fast and I don't know how to explain it to myself. While doing this, I (rather miraculously, honestly, because wtf) somehow actually managed to convince myself that everything was fine "just a little videogames don't hurt," "hey you haven't watched porn in a while look at these tits, yum" and before I knew it, I was actually playing video games for 10 hours a day. Yes. TEN HOURS. This spree lasted for about a week. I can tell I'm coming off of it although I'm not anywhere near as conscious right now as I was before my regression. Thank god it was just a phase, I feel so dirty and weak right now even though I didn't have these feelings while the splurge itself took place. This kind of stuff is stuff I'm not comfortable telling my friends and family but I wanted it to be written down somewhere for feedback or even just support/feeling of relatability. If you guys have similar experiences, please share them here. I am back on the path again, at least for now. Now I know not to underestimate the ego (though I'm actually expecting to learn this lesson the hard way again sometime down the road). I'm off to eat a salad and go for a run. Thanks for reading guys

Holy shit so relatable! Read my post about my disgusting regression haha. If you're really on the path, I would consider this a phase. What's working for me right now is taking baby steps. Eat a salad, clean your room and go to bed on time today. Then do it for a week. Next week, add something else like exercise/reading. By week 3 drop in meditation and socialization/hobbies/honing skills. At least this is and always has been my game plan. Expect to fall off again in the future. When that happens just do it all over. Day 1, eat a salad, clean your room and go to bed on time

Mastery and The Way of the Superior Man. Hands down.

The degree to which you are internally grounded directly correlates (the most out of all traits) to your levels of attractiveness as a man. I would say this is true for initial interactions as well as long term interactions.

gotta go with Aikido on this one

haha smart

I want to be your friend after reading this