RendHeaven

You're very clearly implying that WaveInTheOcean is not smart - and in the same breath, disparaging "not-smart" in favor of elevating "smart." That's absolutely an overreaction, because smartness has nothing to do with any of this - it is an unnecessary judgement that you brought into the conversation in order to have narrative control. Oh yeah? Explain to me why. Such that little not-smart child me can understand your aged wisdom Obviously lol. But that doesn't mean that the suffering is equal. Have some nuance!

You're lacking in Self-Love by having no boundaries. Kick her out. You're not her babysitter. It's absolutely unacceptable that you've allowed her sweet victimhood to hold your will hostage. What you need for yourself right now is healing and independence. It is impossible for you to achieve either while she's literally under the same roof as you. You're the man. Get shit done. Call her parents (if she has any) and insist that they take her. Or maybe find a friend who's temporarily willing to take her. Or give her enough money for a week's worth of hotel stay, as a parting gift, and forcefully say goodbye. Could she die if you kick her out? Maybe. Is it unloving of you? Maybe. But what about her material possessions? Tell her you'll send them all to her later. But don't you have a duty to her as an ex-lover to help her survive? Maybe. But not right now, when you need to FUCKING HEAL! What's the 'objectively' right thing to do? Nobody knows. But what is certain is that she absolutely cannot be living with you under these conditions. You're fucking 32 dude. Take care of yourself, lay down some rules.

Seems from here like you're overreacting to overreacting If you actually understood the shit that women endure from men just like us, there would be no room left to leverage notions of "smartness" against them whenever they express their discontentment.

I don't know if I'm willing to take this as a universal, but I can nonetheless attest to viewing this phenomenon in action.

This is a much easier problem, and slightly derailing the topic at hand. The moment women stop confusing their sexual market value with their relationship market value is the moment when this "struggling" greatly reduces. The problem here is that women are delusional about their relationship market value, confusing it with their sexual market value which is much higher, hence disappointment and suffering. And if you had any empathy towards these struggling women, perhaps you wouldn't peddle pick-up advice so willy-nilly, since all the ideologies behind it promote more casual sex - which of course lowers the relationship market value of women. And men to some extent also. I'm not saying it cannot be used for relationship purposes - but be honest. The more casual sex a woman has had, the vast majority of men will see them as having lower relationship value. An easy girl seems to have the same relationship value as a wimp guy has sexual value. Because the easy girl is a threat to his reproductive and survival purposes, just as the wimp guy is a threat to the girls reproductive and survival purposes. Hoooooooly crap you are dense lol yeah because the post is framed in such a twisted way, it doesn't deserve serious intellectual scrutiny. pretty much

*and a man who does not get laid(?)

"Most often attention is confused with a kind of muscular effort. If one says to one's pupils: 'Now you must pay attention,' one sees them contracting their brows, holding their breath, stiffening their muscles. If after two minutes they are asked what they have been paying attention to, they cannot reply. They have been concentrating on nothing. They have not been paying attention. They have been contracting their muscles. We often expend this kind of muscular effort on our studies. As it ends by making us tired, we have the impression that we have been working. That is an illusion. Tiredness has nothing to do with work. Work itself is the useful effort, whether it is tiring or not. This kind of muscular effort in work is entirely barren, even if it is made with the best of intentions. Good intentions in such cases are among those that pave the way to hell. Studies conducted in such a way can sometimes succeed academically from the point of view of gaining marks and passing examinations, but that is in spite of the effort and thanks to natural gifts; moreover, such studies are never of any use. Will power, the kind that, if need be, makes us set our teeth and endure suffering, is the principal weapon of the apprentice engaged in manual work. But contrary to the usual belief, it has practically no place in study. The intelligence can only be led by desire. For there to be desire, there must be pleasure and joy in the work. The intelligence only grows and bears fruit in joy. The joy of learning is as indispensable in study as breathing is in running. Where it is lacking there are no real students, but only poor caricatures of apprentices who, at the end of their apprenticeship, will not even have a trade. It is the part played by joy in our studies that makes of them a preparation for spiritual life, for desire directed toward God is the only power capable of raising the soul. Or rather, it is God alone who comes down and possesses the soul, but desire alone draws God down. He only comes to those who ask him to come; and he cannot refuse to come to those who implore him long, often, and ardently. Attention is an effort, the greatest of all efforts perhaps, but it is a negative effort. Of itself, it does not involve tiredness. When we become tired, attention is scarcely possible anymore, unless we have already had a good deal of practice. It is better to stop working altogether, to seek some relaxation, and then a little later to return to the task; we have to press on and loosen up alternately, just as we breathe in and out. Twenty minutes of concentrated, untired attention is infinitely better than three hours of the kind of frowning application that leads us to say with a sense of duty done: 'I have worked well!' But, in spite of all appearances, it is also far more difficult. Something in our soul has a far more violent repugnance for true attention than the flesh has for bodily fatigue. This something is much more closely connected with evil than is the flesh. That is why every time that we really concentrate our attention, we destroy the evil in ourselves. If we concentrate with this intention, a quarter of an hour of attention is better than a great many good works. Attention consists of suspending our thought, leaving it detached, empty, and ready to be penetrated by the object; it means holding in our minds, within reach of this thought, but on a lower level and not in contact with it, the diverse knowledge we have acquired which we are forced to make use of. Our thought should be in relation to all particular and already formulated thoughts, as a man on a mountain who, as he looks forward, sees also below him, without actually looking at them, a great many forests and plains. Above all our thought should be empty, waiting, not seeking anything, but ready to receive in its naked truth the object that is ready to penetrate it. All wrong translations, all absurdities in geometry problems, all clumsiness of style, and all faulty connection of ideas in compositions and essays, all such things are due to the fact that thought has seized upon some idea too hastily and being thus prematurely blocked, is not open to the truth. The cause is always that we have wanted to be too active; we have wanted to carry out a search. This can be proved every time, for every fault, if we trace it to its root. There is no better exercise than such a tracing down of our faults, for this truth is one to be believed only when we have experienced it hundreds and thousands of times. This is the way with all essential truths. We do not obtain the most precious gifts by going in search of them but by waiting for them. We cannot discover them by our own powers, and if we set out to seek for them we will find in their place counterfeits of which we will be unable to discern the falsity. The solution of a geometry problem does not in itself constitute a precious gift, but the same law applies to it because it is the image of something precious. Being a little fragment of particular truth, it is a pure image of the unique, eternal, and living Truth, the very Truth that once in a human voice declared: 'I am the Truth.'" - Simone Weil, a Christian Mystic. Passage taken from her book, Love in the Void: Where God Finds Us

Beautiful soul-searching ^.^ I can relate to each struggle and emotion you've painted here.

Beautiful progress

I mean if you read my journal I basically wrote that I've suffered my whole life because that is exactly what I deeply desired - to bask in the beautiful richness of my own suffering. Now that's crazy! But not "crazy" in any bad way. It's all perspective. Each perspective ought to be honored and validated for the sheer fact that it is existing - Let's gently pet that dismissive voice that gaslights us into invalidating our own experiences - as though it were a rebellious, grumpy little kitten or puppy - until it is re-contextualized into its natural state of playful joy. Crazy & proud ^.^

This is conjecture

Remember to lick with Self-Love

"I" am at the point in my journey where "I" phase in-and-out of identification with separate self. Counterintuitively, absolutely nothing is lost when you stop identifying with separate self. You don't suddenly become a crazy person, nor do you become incapable of doing societal or human functions. Be careful, this is not a mere "philosophy." It's not a new identity to take on - Rather, this is simply what remains in the absence of philosophic belief or thought. Oneness cannot be dysfunctional because it is Truth.

The Ultimate "step" is of course to Let Go. But that only comes after/along with Acceptance. So don't waste your time with affirmations that don't bring about genuine Acceptance. But as long as your affirmations do bring about genuine Acceptance, then you're all good! What matters more is the place it's coming from, rather than the activity itself

@Proserpina That sounds like a serious gift. I'm sorry nobody else is honoring it Everyone else is busy focusing on themselves - can you bring yourself to forgive them for that?

Are you willing to share more?

Yes - he said all of the "right things" to manipulate you. That is the nature of good manipulation lol. If there was authentic love between you two, he wouldn't have to bribe you with "sacrifice."

The fact that you have a manipulating snake slithering in front of you and yet you need the forum to tell you to run away - as though that were not obvious - is kinda cute.

look where leo started LOL.

This whole journal is so beautiful. And oh my God those wordless photos!

LOL

Of all the "fake" meat brands, I like Gardein the best. Specifically their "meatless crumbles." Minimal ingredients, still tastes good. Totally destroys something like beyond burgers lol. That beings said, it's still relatively unhealthier than unprocessed foods. Just eat well-cooked seasoned tofu lol

@Absolute Haha what makes you say that?

Inspiring! I feel similarly where I am in my journey now, looking back