RendHeaven

That's a good point, I had a strong stage green aura at that point. I was big into compassion, empathy, "turning the other cheek," being selfless, pacifist, conflict-avoidant, etc. All in the name of spirituality. Those were mostly good qualities, but they certainly made me too soft.

No, I was just young and trying too hard to see the good in people and desperate for friends. Gatekeeping your circle is something men learn over time. Also, denver is genuinely just gay as fuck. I later moved to Tucson Arizona and had no problems whatsoever (everyone's a latina/latino with dark humor there lol, it was awesome) Nevermind u right

Being sexually active does not mean you aren't depraved. In fact it's usually the most sex-crazed guys who are the MOST depraved. I am talking about a depravity of the soul. Some do, some don't. People are fragile. They chase fantasies knowing they're not real, but hoping they could become real, until one day the distinction blurs and they lose themselves in false hope. This makes them prime targets of exploitation, semi-willing cows to milk. This allows the exploiter to feel justified because "he asked for it," it allows the exploited to feel temporary relief (because their fantasy seems to be coming to life) but at the end of it, none of it was real, the exploited has more dependence and less cash, and the cycle continues until he hits rock bottom. The thing about fantasies is that they all implode eventually. As long as you are aware of this, there is no problem. But fantasies tend to be wrapped in a second fantasy which says "this isn't a fantasy." Most people are not aware of how their own minds warp reality. What seems to you like an obvious innocent transaction could be a false hope of something more to someone else (and the more money you are making, the more likely you are milking this dynamic). Maybe you have the necessary consciousness to see that this is all a transaction, but remember that most people have shit consciousness. Now obviously it's not your job to babysit them or to cater to their 'highest good.' You should only be honest if you care about truth. If you don't care about truth, then feel free to exploit people however you want. However, insofar as you are on this forum, at least be self-honest. Be objective with yourself when you are exploiting. Don't act like you're not exploiting if you ever are. Of course, the exploitation of others is not exempt. You've got to call it as it is. And most critically, the exploitation of entire industries. If the exploitation is there, it better serves us to notice it than to downplay it or pretend it's not there. Keep in mind that "they should've known better" is the rationale of a con artist and thief I never said that sex work is bad or wrong. I'm only encouraging more honesty. I would imagine a more honest sex work would involve minimizing false promises, or at least upfront announcing that "this is a roleplay" if you're going to help them fulfill a fantasy. Will this hurt your income? Yes. Duh. Which is why nobody does it. Which is why exploitation is rampant and endless. Which is why people get hurt. Just pointing out the dynamics. If you think I'm wrong, you're going to have an uphill battle justifying how blatant lying is healthy or benign.

But it IS lying and deceitful. I care about what's true. Maybe I'm different.

@Princess Arabia I live in japan, we have a unique nightlife industry called "hosts" and "hostesses," where people pay outrageous sums of money just to flirt and converse with attractive men and women, developing a consensual transactional affection role-play loop. It's fascinating stuff. Japan is a lonely society. Again, you would drink your own piss if you were stranded at sea. Right now you are looking at men drinking their own pee and concluding that - "see! they WANT to drink their pee. They ENJOY it!" But you're not seeing that they're stranded at sea. If they were on land near a river, it would never occur to them to ever drink their own pee. You can't say that they actually genuinely want to drink pee without acknowledging how their depraved circumstances + their raging thirst forced them to consensually and willingly lower their standards Better than dying of thirst. Doesn't mean that this dynamic is actually serving their highest good. That's actually not so obvious. You may be right but you may be wrong. All I know is that harmful lying is happening in both cases.

If he has not updated or explained his situation, then yes he is out of integrity. But this is an easy fix, because all he has to do is make a 30 second post that says "sorry guys I mislead you, it's taking longer than I thought." The degree of deception is important to consider. Whether Leo keeps his word with his course or not doesn't really violate any of us on a personal existential identity level. But sexuality and emotions might be the final boss of vulnerability. Hopefully I've made it clear that I'm not ragging against women here. I think men are way worse with their manipulations.

You don't know what men really want deep down. Men themselves don't know what they really want deep down. You would drink your own pee if you were stranded at sea. I'm not the one getting lured lol. I don't have a personal stake in this. I'm talking about integrity at a high level and highlighting the institutional dysfunction. Yes, the men ought to be called out too. I'm saying that women lack integrity, and your response is "but the men do it too!" Yeah. So everyone will eventually be forced to step up. A lying society is not healthy. Not complaining. Just pointing out a dysfunction. Yes and this is dysfunctional. The truth will sacrifice profit, yes.

@Emerald I do have a moderate degree of empathy for a woman's situation as you describe, since I've been subject to the other side of the equation at times. Especially during my university years, I got a lot of attention and advances from frankly unattractive girls. And I struggled to say no back then because I was part of a big social circle and I didn't want to rock the boat. These girls would run up to me and grab my arm (thinking they were being cute - they were not.), constantly ask to hang out, and generally hovering around me and trying to get frisky. They would make poorly timed sexual jokes and insinuations (of us being together) and I remember the gut curling feeling of my eyes darting and wondering how to dodge that insinuation without hurting her feelings or ruining our friendship. At one point I was developing what I thought was a genuine platonic friendship with this one girl, when one night she gets real close and asks for a makeout. Unfortunately for her she was not attractive. My stomach drops and I try to gently say "no I don't see you that way" and I tried to pat her on the shoulder as a passifying move, but apparently she didn't want my pity because she literally ran away crying and never talked to me ever again (so much for our multi-month relationship with deep late night talks) After graduating, I moved to the more liberal city of Denver CO where LGBT is more openly celebrated and commonplace. In that city I got hit on by gay guys to a traumatizing degree. I still get a nasty shiver down my spine just thinking about it. I learned a lot from my time in Denver. It forced me to grow thick skin and iron boundaries. For example one time I met a homeless guy in his 50s who was conveniently perched on my path to work, and he had a decent degree of outgoingness and a spark in his eyes which made me interested in hearing his story. I actually went out of my way after work to stop by and say hi and to hold a 5 minute convo with him every day. He was a veteran, a father, and held grand new age beliefs and had a fundamentally optimistic heart. Until one day he straight up asked me for a physical intimate relationship point blank. I didn't even know he was gay/bi(?). And he didn't bother to ask if I was gay (I am not). He just basically said "I want your body" and jesus fucking christ, just those words were so violating. I turned him down and never spoke to him again because everything about that just felt intuitively wrong. From that day on I deliberately took a longer path to and from work every day, because I didn't even want him to notice me. The common thread for me with all these gay guys is that I actually thought I was building a real friendship. They were all unassuming guys with no glaring red flags. And then down the road after I figured they were harmless, they all pulled off their scooby doo villain mask and cornered me for my body. Maybe my gaydar just sucks (honestly you can't tell in Denver - even the straight guys act queer lmao) but there is also something very sleazy about the fact that these guys flip-flop on their intentions at their whim without informing me. I imagine a woman's experience is like this, but x100 worse. And me at that time unfortunately kept running into these uncomfortable situations over and over because I was in a new city, I wanted real friends, I was working on opening my heart to people (spiritual path) so I was always giving the benefit of the doubt to people. And at that time, even when my gaydar could pick up on the fact that someone was gay, I would ignore it because I figured "there's no harm in being friends! there's nothing wrong with them being gay, I need to learn to accept everyone!" ...until low and behold, almost like clockwork, they start testing my boundaries, making me MASSIVELY uncomfortable, and then I basically start avoiding them, and all the weeks and months of "friendship" up to that point turned out to be a waste of time and energy. As of now I basically have no tolerance for gay men in my close circle. I love and accept them as they are, but only from afar - because they're all children of God so to speak, but that doesn't mean I owe them friendship or access to my vulnerable inner life, because they consistently use that as a way to eventually try to pull a fast one over me. Oh yeah like the time my childhood best friend, a guy named Henry who I knew since 3rd grade, years later came out as gay, and then when we were around age 21 he reached out to me and we reconnected and spent a lot of time voice calling. I agreed to go travel to Oregon state and meet him at his house because it's been a long time, and then suddenly he starts insinuating that we would do sexual things together (like "i only have one bed but it's ok we can share it I can't wait to see you" or "you're so handsome I would get so hard if we were in the same bed") Needless to say I promptly rejected him and said "bro i'm not gay" and then this guy had the gall to get SAD, he literally started pouting and I really started questioning life like this must be a big cosmic joke wtf am I experiencing right now lmao The reason I'm sharing this is because I think I do have a genuine hint of direct experience with the woman's POV. What further complicates things though, is that I'm still a straight man with raging hormones myself. As much as I'm sharing my displeasure with "unattractive girls and gay men," the irony is that there is a finite category of humans that I cannot help but objectify and worship - i.e. "attractive girls" And so zooming out, I see that I'm really no different than all the people I am repulsed by. They are doing to me what I want to do to attractive girls. But I have always been meta-aware and emotionally sensitive in this way. I dare not do to others what so deeply disturbed me. So around the age of 22 I settled on the false conclusion that sexuality is an ugly thing (because of all of my negative experiences, and how violating it felt to be the target of sexual objectification) and so I basically repressed my own desires towards attractive girls. After all, it's not fair to her if I end up being like that homeless guy. It's better for her if I just stay away, I don't want to hurt her with my untamed desire. But of course, that causes me to twist into a pretzel of agony because I still really really really want these girls. I'm getting unwanted sexual advances from one side; I'm blocking my own sexual desire on the other side; and the whole time I'm lonely. Eventually I reach the conclusion that I have to start pursuing the girls I'm attracted to - for my own sanity. But this was difficult to backwards engineer. Because I wanted to be very careful not to be like that homeless man. I had to do a massive amount of inner work in the span of 1-2 years to stop viewing my own sexuality as an ugly thing. It's OK that I want really pretty girls. They're beautiful, I'm beautiful, we can be beautiful together. Sounds obvious in hindsight but god that took grueling emotional labor to lock in, because my instinct is to assume that I'm being an ugly gross creature for so much as having a simple authentic sexual desire. And be honest - society fuels this negative self-imagine reinforcement in young men. Nobody celebrates a man's sexual desire anymore. My baseline assumption was that I was ugly and wrong for having these desires, and then everywhere I looked, people were reinforcing that view. Girls were always complaining about men, acting disgusted that we are attracted to their bodies. And I myself have experienced the violating displeasure of being an object of sexual gratification. It's honestly a really lonely journey to pick yourself up off the floor and to be your one and only cheerleader. Leo's work with epistemology and deconstructing concepts really helped. I had to cut through all of the programming and really feel into what this desire I had actually is. It was so refreshing to finally see my desire as it actually is. It was a pure force much like magnetism or gravity. No wrong or evil anywhere to be found. But my journey was not over because now I had to actualize this insight in real life. If my acceptance of my own sexuality was like a tiny candle light, I had to nurture and grow this flame while shielding it from nonstop rain and wind (forces telling me that I am wrong or bad or ugly for feeling the way I do, and reconciling what felt like hypocrisy - that I am repulsed by other beings being sexual towards me, but ironically I myself am a sexual being) Funny enough, when I got my balls together and decided that I am justified as a beautiful sexual being, I ran into yet another brick wall because I would talk to women and be too direct lol. Because I was really careful not to mislead them or to lie to them. So I basically came swinging out of the gate by verbatim announcing that I find them beautiful and that I want to build a relationship with them. To my surprise, this got me ghosted. A LOT. Lol. So I understand deeply this bitter sentiment by men that "women love to play games" or "nice guys finish last" or whatever. Because it takes enormous courage to be a self-advocate and to put yourself out there and to pursue a woman. After getting over ourselves, and listening to the women around us, we gather that we should be brave and honest. Be yourself! Shoot your shot! So we go out there and show our hand. The cards are all on the table. And then she vanishes. LOL. Hopefully you can have some empathy for the man's POV here, even though it's terribly biased. But I was careful not to get bitter or to point fingers at the external. I gathered over time that by being so literal and honest, I was coming across as logical, predictable, and boring. Announcing all the good things I want to build with her from the get-go feels almost manipulative from her POV (even if I meant to be sincere). She doesn't want me to promise her a bunch of dreams, she just wants to feel who I am NOW. So I learned overtime that honesty is not bad per se. It's still good to be honest. But there is a difference between autistic honesty and context-appropriate honesty. I learned (and am still learning) to keep most things to myself, and to give her the space to get curious about me. Learned the hard way that most women are cats and not dogs lol. @something_else You would hate it if they had dicks.

@BlessedLion and if you point this out to the guys, they actually defend their "relationship" and are physically unable to see that it is fabricated/illusory/exploitative. Leading to people like princess saying that "see they actually want it so it's fair!" the unconsciousness is several layers deep. It's not just that these men are exploited, it's that they defend their own exploitation because they actually think their relationship is real, and if you try to show them that their relationship is fake, YOU are somehow blamed for misreading the situation. And deep down, these men would kill for a real relationship - that is all they've ever wanted, but they think they've got it already which caps their self esteem and love life, and it's all designed in a way where if you try to free them, you are in the wrong. The one true ally these men have (people like you) are painted as the villain. @Vynce Of course she doesn't care! That's the whole point! Nobody is complaining that "she should care" That's not the problem. The problem is that she pretends to care, when she clearly doesn't. It's a matter of reporting the truth. We're not asking women to care more about us. We're asking women to report the truth accurately. If you don't care about me, that's perfectly understandable, but don't lure me with fake promises

bro that's my game

I measured 1 small red microscoop to be roughly 5mg. And it takes me 5 scoops plugged for a proper breakthrough. So the math adds up to around ~25mg. Keep in mind, when I say a "proper breakthrough" I mean ABSOLUTE INFINITY and coming face to face with the abyss. All anchors deleted, everything you've ever known and loved is slipping through your fingers like dust. Pure Terror, pure Death, pure Love. God. Eternity. Tragedy. Triumph. Insanity. Intelligence. Void. Perfection. Alone. This shit ain't a joke, start small and ramp up over time. Understand that if you take enough of this chemical at once, it will feel no different than loading up a gun and piercing your skull with a bullet. You will enter whiteout territory and leave behind your human life so thoroughly that you will realize that none of this ever even existed in the first place... but if you ever go there, it's likely that your heart will not be ready for that realization, and you will struggle and claw and fight the whole way through, twisting yourself into a pretzel of agony crying to yourself and begging God to bring reality back... Not meant to scare you, just reporting a possibility. The power scaling on MALT is steeply exponential. For me, the difference between 1 scoop and 3 scoops is roughly linear (x3) The difference between 3 scoops and 5 scoops is like a factor of x10 and then the subjective difference between 5 scoops and 6 scoops is like a factor of x100 Stay safe, start small.

In lingers for a minute or so even with swishing water. Even if you could muscle your way through it, it's hard to justify over rectal

@ZenSwift This doesn't cut it. "Zone of Genius," strictly speaking, is the singular lane which ONLY YOU CAN FULFILL out of 8 billion humans. "Speaking" at face value is something that everybody has access to, so you can't claim monopoly or superiority over it. But even if you specified a particular kind of speaking, such as "philosophic discourse" or "energetic transmission," I bet I could find hundreds of people who do it better than you, even if you trained your whole life for it. Unless you really deeply believe you can be the best speaker of all time - in which case you must wonder to what extent you're fantasizing vs accurately assessing your abilities. Regardless, if even a handful of people are doing it better than you ever could, then that means it's not actually your Zone of Genius. And this isn't a dig against you or an attack on your capabilities, this is just the reality we deal with. I myself believed at some point that some form of "speaking" would be my Zone of Genius. I have been told by numerous people from a young age that I have a strong voice, that I should become a speaker (one time a substitute teacher in 8th grade said "you should become an orator!" this stuck with me because I remember asking "what's that?"). And yet, I was wrong. Speaking is my Zone of EXCELLENCE, but not my Zone of GENIUS. I can be very eloquent and convincing, but I'm not Martin Luther King Jr. It's just a completely different playing field. This is really key, re-watch Life Purpose Course module 24 if this is causing confusion. Which means my actual Zone of Genius cannot just be "Speaking," but rather is an idiosyncratic offshoot/intersection of various transmission frequencies. Maybe "speaking" is part of my Zone of Genius, but there are other adjacent (more important?) elements at work. There is an impact I can have that Martin Luther King Jr. could not. And it ain't "Speaking." You shouldn't be able to state your Zone of Genius in one word, unless you are a historical-level generational talent (or on the clear trajectory of becoming one) such as Usain Bolt, who's Zone of Genius was truly and simply "running." But nearly every other sprinter cannot claim that title, their Zone of Genius is an idiosyncratic blend of "running" with other important personal factors. If you take my words here seriously, this does complicate things and force you back to the drawing board. Which can feel very annoying if you just want to define yourself and move on with it. But I think it's not worth it to roll with a fake Zone of Genius, that will backfire down the road. We want to truly know ourselves after all. I also think it's not a bad thing to hold your Zone of Genius loosely. If you haven't figured out your ONE of ONE unreplicable lane, then saying "I'm discovering myself atm" is more honest than to shoehorn in something like "speaking" It's freaky to think that every single person alive has a certain mode of excellence which is unreplicable by anybody else. Most people are so busy conforming that they don't comprehend the sleeping giant that they are. Some people will unleash their Zone of Genius by conforming to premade social boxes. For example, Martin Luther King Jr's Zone of Genius was simply "speaking." And Usain Bolt's Zone of Genius is simply "running." Both highly saturated fields because they are simple, premade, socially accepted mediums of expression. It's not so simple for you and I, or for anybody on this forum for that matter. To us a metaphor, for the vast majority of us, we will not find our uniqueness by conforming with whole numbers (i.e. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, etc...) but rather, we must dare to be an irrational number like √2. Endlessly embrace your uniqueness. Of course, when you finally nail it, it cannot be verbalized. When you truly sink into your Zone of Genius, it will be more like a silent felt sensation of trust and right action. But until we hit that point, it may be wise to question any simple conclusions that our mind may latch onto.

Yep, oral MALT works, but it's about 50% of the power of doing it plugged. So immediately there's a massive inefficiency problem. For oral, you have to double the dose to get the same effects. Or another way of looking at it: by plugging, you literally have twice as much stash relative to oral MALT also tastes like dogshit in your mouth. Might be one of the most bitter things I've ever eaten. This alone incentives me to stop eating it. Hypothetically you could mix it into a smoothie or something to mask the taste, but then you introduce complications by not having an empty stomach, and you make yourself prone to nausea, cramps, vomiting, etc. So all in all, rectal wins in basically all metrics.

I have no idea what you mean.