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  2. Hearing him speak makes me cry, because after I was molested I had so much anger as a kid. And it turned into extreme anger issues that both my second eldest sister had and myself. I’ve done so much work to undo that, but it’s still here. “That happened at a time you were vulnerable. you aren’t vulnerable anymore.” - Kevin. I cried hearing that, because I think at heart I always feel vulnerable and afraid. I really needed to hear that. With all this Epstein shit going on. It’s triggered a lot of emotions, a lot of anger, etc. Though Kevin is right. I’m not weak or vulnerable anymore. It’s different now, and for the better. i refuse to be afraid of these sick people. I refuse to be afraid of these monsters. I’m sick and tired of them haunting me. I’m sick and tired of allowing them to control my life. I’m sick and tired of all of it. this is my life. and I will live it how I want.
  4. Next step is to amend my Birth Certificate with my new identity. That’s right, my birth is imaginary. I am giving birth to myself again. I was born in NJ, so they’ll also let me update my sex/gender marker to Female.
  5. Hmm. To be clear, I tactfully avoid those sorts of discussions and hierarchies. I see it as more attachment - the opposite of surrender. A deception. It's just making spirituality another ground, after erasing all other grounds. When everything needs to be thrown away, including all seeking, all spirituality, in the end. Spiritual ego.
  6. Of course not. The issue is when people dress it up as "discovering truth" rather than "I trained toward states I value and got them." The first one creates needless developmental hierarchies, levels of awakening, on an on with the hierarchies. Always arguing over what or who is deeper, more awake, more true, etc. - without realizing the hierarchy itself is a preference, not a discovery.
  7. I fricking ripped my favorite pants omfg WHYYYY
  8. Im so proud of you for advocating for yourself and learning to detach yourself from things that don’t serve you. Keep moving forward ^-^ this is only the beginning
  9. Today

  10. The Cult of Language

    Natasha Tori Maru replied to CARDOZZO's topic in Personal Development -- [Main]

    We are automatically going to filter all descriptions of experience through language. The insidious cataract between our awareness and reality 💀 Everything is therefor always going to be inherently muffled, incoherent and obscured. No wonder teaching is so hard, so many misunderstandings arise, and so many fights are had!
  12. I feel both. Pain and beauty. That is the resistence training in motion, baby
  13. I apologise if my words offended you. I did not mean it so. I was attempting to describe spiritual endeavours without using the word seeker, and to do credit to what you yourself described. It is a simple misunderstanding, no offence meant. I am open to not knowing. Because I do not know anything for certain. I make no grand claims, nothing about what I have experienced is remarkable at all. No-thing can cause awakening. Do you have issue then, with engaging in things that make one 'accident prone' to reaching awakening? The process you highlight, this : This isn't surrender, though. This is gaining something. You suffer. Then boom. Suffer, surrender. Surrender is giving up practice. Giving up reading, giving up liking, giving up orientation. The thing is, you don't even need to do those things, then give them up. None of it is necessary. So there doesn't even need to be seeking or training or orientation. In my own experience, I never learned of this surrender to try it. Suffering was so great, surrender just happened. As if it were so natural, as if to breathe. Surrender nullifies. I think I felt some charge behind this line of enquiry, as it is along similar lines to several other conversations. IE I believe taking action causes the brain to rewire to bias to action, and rewiring the brain does not come before action. Similar line of enquiry here. Indeed, I am not sure if it is clear - beliefs being smuggled into the process can happen. Confirmation bias - surrender exhumes this. Not sure if it was clear that was agreed upon. I claim this is not spirituality. Seeking isn't the path. Regardless, I do not want to upset you. So I will respectfully tap out 🙏
  15. @Oppositionless My love letter to OCD:
  16. How do you train emotional mastery?
  17. I have a cerebral palsy and my mind feels like it’s on autopilot. It feels like everyone is fucking with my mind. I’m seeing humans as part of nature and it feels like nature is hurting me and it’s not aware of what it’s doing through people. I just feel like watching my existence is like watching a big thunderstorm that never gets a lightning strike. The last instance I had with a female didn’t break my heart it fucked with my mind more than anything everybody please don’t take the sense of self for granted and the feeling for free will I feel like I’m just waiting for death now Life feels like it’s being fucked with by elves and inside my brain. Please don’t take love for granted either some of us don’t get to reflect that light with someone we love, even though we know that love comes from our being not from the other some of us never get time to feel fulfilled and that love space to begin with because of loneliness nature is doing weird shit
  18. @Yimpa on the one hand I'm very happy for you on another I wouldn't even want to go at that point I'd feel so cringe . Just being a somewhat more feminine straight male makes me feel so cringe . Advocaring for myself in general feels cringe but against active opposition would feel catastrophic.
  19. I'm legally illegal, bitches
  20. 🤦‍♂️HOW did you get there? You practiced. You read. You learned about surrender. You liked it. You oriented toward it. You tried an failed. You tried again. Over time, the effort became less visible and started feeling effortless. This is "training". You didn't just wake up one day into it. After you found it, the training disappeared - which is exactly what I've been saying. I think this might hit a little too close to home for you. No offense, but you don't know wtf you're talking about. I never stated "truth" is not for me". I said something like I'm not currently optimizing for spirituality. But you don't know how far I've already come. I am very humble/cautious in what I claim to know regarding spirituality. I don't make grand claims such as yourself and I sure as hell don't blindly adopt framework terminology that will skew my view. Don't let this fool you into thinking you know something about my spiritual development.
  21. Okay it got canceled because of extreme cold.
  22. Had a private chat with our city manager. She is letting us in, legally. She happens to also be our first female city manager in San Marcos. Wow.
  23. Yimpa is now allowed in the Women's private spaces legally in Texas. HOLY SHIT, HALLELUJAH!!!!!!
  24. I would look at my statement above as I think of it; I am not good enough at finding the words and descriptions to bring clarity to this.
  25. Selflessness trumps selfishness
  26. We can't know it. We can just infer into people's reality through language. What we can do is making bets and/or test if they can make you God-Realized - whatever that term means.
  27. Okay. This is just is not correct. There is no seeking. There is nothing to reach. There is no level. Whatever you are describing has nothing to do with spirituality. Nothing. I think there might be a confusion because you have stated truth is not for you. You don't actually know what you are talking about - and I mean no offence - you admitted this in a few threads. It appears to be an attampt to understand from the intellect. Surrender that. You can't train something to surrender - it is a total misnomer. You're even giving up 'train'. I can't go any further with this. It is a concept you are trying to squish onto spirituality.
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