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  2. Reaper, I use it professionally in sound design and mixing. I paid for it to support them, but you get the full functionality without paying anything which is crazy cause it’s one of the best DAWs. For example it’s amazing at batch processing which is super useful in certain audio cleanup or mixing tasks.

  3. Muslim family wants to find me a wife.

    Husseinisdoingfine replied to Husseinisdoingfine's topic in Dating, Sexuality, Relationships, Family

    My family is getting more serious about finding me a wife, and I recently received a phone call from my Uncle saying that they had already found me a wife, and that I'm schedule to meet with her soon. I spoke to her father over the phone, and he said that if I get married, they'll start to teach me all about Islam and such. I'm wondering if this is a good idea. One part of me is considering that this is a good idea because it would involve no effort on my part. I just have to meet this woman, see if I like her, and maybe we'll hit it off. But another part of me is rejecting this because I view this as a betrayal of my values. The thing with this woman is that she is some sort of Muslim. If I get married to a Muslim, she and her family will try to rub off her values onto me and try to make me a Muslim. I feel as if this would be antithetical to the values I built up over the years watching Actualized.org videos, going on meditation retreats, and reading spiritual books. I'm so confused right now. Are married people happy? @Leo Gura Do you personally feel as if you missed out on happiness because you never got married or had children? I don't know why I'm even considering this. I think its because the cultural forces of my Arab family are pressuring me to conform, but I'm wondering if it will make me happy.
  4. I have a similar experience of being sexually shamed by my mother at a young age just not to the extreme that you've been. You may be unaware of just how much trauma you are holding. I see that you are really good at intellectualizing your problems and you are aware of what they are but that doesn't actually get rid of them. To release this trauma try something called Somatic Experiencing. It's one of the most effective ways to release trauma and results come quickly. You wrote a lot can you just be clear in one sentence what your moral issues are? However if you believe that caring about personality before looks or not viewing women sexually somehow makes you moral it absolutely does not. It just means you are disconnected from your sexuality.
  5. If you dont find interest in your direct experience while meditating you are not doing it correctly!
  6. Can you say if it's serotonergic or something else? (What's the general pharmacology/receptor system?)
  7. It's all good man.
  8. Yesterday
  9. Hey Leo, congratulations for bringing this into reality. I've been leading underground psychedelic retreat for years. If you want some expert advisory I'm here to offer tangible value. Consider it seriously, I can assure you there's some blind spots in how you are conducting the psychedelic retreat that can only come from seasoned experience in the field. Leading 20 people as a first psychedelic retreat is no joke, hopefully you're aware of the magnitude coming ahead.
  10. Journalling on online forums can be a good way to thread the needle on narcissistic exhibitionism and genuine self-insight.
  11. @Leo Gura i did not know you posted on instagram. i have deleted instagram, but i really like when talk about societal stuff. can you post them on the blog or on a thread aswell?
  12. Some call it stardust & others consciousness, I see no distinction.
  13. The Beauty that this Screen is Capable of Displaying is Unfathomably Endless!
  14. Insightful, thanks for sharing
  15. In your 20s be the Warrior In your 30s be the King In your 40s be the Sage

  16. Share mistakes you learned from

    Davino replied to YIDIRYIDIR's topic in Personal Development -- [Main]

    Not realising the value and love for people and pets till they die
  17. Life is too short for not doing what you love
  18. This screen can display any color, even such things that humans would not classify as color.
  19. Sometimes this is the wisdom being employed by the infinite intelligence to get a message to transmit. It's not always going to be pleasant and quite often that's the case when you're working your shadow. The horror is the point is the only way I can put it. Ive been shown and told horrors I would never speak about publicly. Suffice to say you start to wonder about the stories of people who do horrible things and say the voices in their head told them to do it and ponder if thats just someone succumbing to what you're experiencing. One I will share is once, while under the influence and in a state of pure unconditional love I asked to take on all the suffering in the world as my burden and offered to carry it for eternity if it would mean no one would ever have to suffer again. Then I was ported into a vision of a living jesus still nailed to a wooden cross. He knew everything about me because I did what I could to know him. He revealed to me he never got off the cross. He has experienced time as we have - he's been on the cross this whole time, watching. There was no resurrection, it was a bullshit story to absolve themselves of guilt out of the knowledge of his fate. Some joker made the claim and they ran with it. He revealed to me it was our perverted idolatry of his image that keeps him there and the priesthood knows it. He said his people still perish for their lack of knowledge - not understanding his true message. Until we do, he is to remain right where he is and he's totally 100% cool with it. He sees everything and chooses to focus on the good stuff and it makes it worth it for him. I need not take on the burden I asked to take on because it was his burden and he delights in it in a way in which I would never understand nor ever be capable of as an entity in form vibrating at this level. Then he laughed in a way that thrilled my soul because of the joy and humor in it and with a huge smile said but since you asked ye shall receive and I will grant you your prayer for a very short period that will almost guarantee I come out unscathed. Maybe. It wasn't up to him but me. I cant really describe it but the best way I can put it was it was like a tremendous weight was put on me and it totally broke me. Depersonalized, disassociated nightmare wherein I destroyed every single possession in a fit of unbridled sorrow, hate and rage. I lay in the wreckage of my belongings and collapsed into a vision of physically embodying, well, Godzilla of all things - but not in a hollywood movie kind of way. I wanted to destroy most everything so the humans would have to start over - there was too much suffering and the only way to solve the issue of suffering was to get rid of all civilization and I saw myself as Godzilla actually doing it and hating myself for it but knowing it was the only way to give them another chance. They were getting ready to erase themselves entirely. I would not admit defeat, not yet and to be honest, I slightly delighted in doing it. The deepest occult truth there is - is that we never left the garden. The garden is just extremely fucked up. As for how I explore my shadow, well, it starts with brutal honesty, understanding and forgiveness. I look at all the depravity and horror in the world and understand that I am wholly capable of doing all of it myself if pushed and in a certain way, I already am. I am not separate from the universe inside of me. I can't really care if that universe is perfect or imperfect or horrible or terrific, ultimately it is all of these things.
  20. Consciousness is as a blank wall upon which any possible image could be projected. This wall is not limited to two dimensions, it is not limited to three dimensions, it is not limited by time, & it is not limited by space.
  21. Journaling is a kind of writing, that you are doing just for yourself. No need to feel bad about in any way it as long as it serves you! I did tons of journaling ranging from very conceptual self-analysis all to downwright insulting people I was angry at and punching holes into the paper with my pen. Had to get all of that out of my system. So it served me in that way. The only thing I would advise against is sharing journal entrys that you wrote about other people with those people. Especially if you were in an emotionally charged situation. The journal is a snapshot of your emotional state. It can never capture the entirety of your feelings towards a person. So its very easy to hurt people if you shared a snapshot where you expressed yourself in a situation where you were angry.
  22. That you enjoy it is what ultimately matters. People find different uses for their journals here, with "emptying out" being one of the big benefits. On the other hand, why are you asking for validation? That's WRONG!!! Seriously though, there's nothing necessarily wrong with it - it's even beneficial. Keeping a semi-public journal can empower learning, sensitivity, accountability, etc. - as your assessment suggests.
  23. for example my forum journal. it's been criticised before and i am very aware that i am a bit self-centred in it, although i'm not sure how that's not a more or less essential part of journalling. it feels cathartic to me to put my emotions into words and helpful to share sometimes, but i wonder all the time what others think and if this is wrong or something. to me, journalling/writing unites my passion for emotional reflection/introspection and languages and i've been doing it for a long time even just for myself. sometimes the additional element of sharing what i write feels nice because it's like some of the thoughts and emotions going on in the mind, i do find interesting or fascinating, after all, and then it's more fun to express that and carry that out into the world. does that make sense? is this wrong? i think since it feels so natural to me, it's okay that this is a part of my life, but maybe i should practice this in healthier or more deliberate ways? though i am not sure what that would look like, either.
  24. You captured the essence of this beautifully. However most of the other things you wrote are false. You don't have to cater your art to the taste of a specific audience or to whatever kind of standard of professionality. The most interesting breakthroughs in the history of art happend, when people found ways of going against this in an innovative and serious way. Not true, the goal of art is not nessecairly to share it with the general public, except you aim to make lots of money from it. The goal of art is the creation itself and its beauty. Recognition and fame are secondairy. Also improvisation and professionalism do not mutually exclude themselves. There are many accomplished professional improvisers out there.
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  26. When were you going to open an OnlyFans?
  27. She just needs assurance. I can't see why it's necessary for you to play therapist and let her trauma dump all over you in some kind of big show. It's lk an insult for her to compare you to her ex, even if she didn't mean it like that.
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