Xstream

Showing all content.

This stream auto-updates   

  1. Past hour
  2. You respond that because you are not masculin enough to receive the truth.
  3. If they agreed to share food, it would make them look like a vulnerable beta. They subconsciously understood that they needed to position themselves above her socially. So they do things like that, saying no actually I'm not hungry, and watch her eat while they keep watch with their sunglasses on. If you're dating you know that the more "nice" you are the more likely you are to get ghosted; and conversely the less consideration you have for the girl (not necessarily being "toxic", it goes beyond that), the greater your chances of getting the girl. Whatever the kind of girl.
  4. It depends on how much you care about producing excellent artworks in a particular artform. Sometimes you do it for the love of sharing without trying to be a somebody.

  5. Distinction Journal

    Emull replied to Emull's topic in Self-Actualization Journals

    Friday: July 3rd, 2026. Reoccurring rhythm as a pattern is distinct from mad brilliance.

  6. Distinction Journal

    Emull replied to Emull's topic in Self-Actualization Journals

    Friday: July 3rd, 2026. Observing the behavior of others is distinct from making assumptions.

  7. Distinction Journal

    Emull replied to Emull's topic in Self-Actualization Journals

    Friday: July 3rd, 2026. Narrowing down a key information is distinct from careless overlooking.
  8. I meant my family not the people from the forum 😅. My family's situation was an enigma to me. I saw fragments, but being inside it made it almost impossible to understand. I knew something was deeply wrong but I thought it was me, and during my teenage years I descended into an increasingly dark state until I reached a level of brutal psychological suffering. Resume, my father was a con artist, a complete son of a bitch and a world-class self-destructive alcoholic. For example, he underwent surgery for throat cancer at the age of thirty-eight, and afterward he smoked ninety cigarettes a day and drank an entire bottle of gin, starting with breakfast. That, in itself, isn't unique, there are many self-destructive alcoholics, but my father was an artist, a genius, a god. He created the appearance of being a leader, a genius, an artist, an idol, a ubermensch. This was a man who had spent ten years at university without passing a single course and had been fired from every job he ever held, but he managed to have contacts, and women in love of him In short, I wanted to be like him. He was my idol and my god. He used to give me long lectures about Hitler as the greatest achievement of the human race. When I was eleven, he would say, "Let's shower together, like men," then compare our bodies and repeat over and over that my penis was too small, that he was perfect and I was disgusting. Then he would buy me an expensive gift and tell me my mother was mentally retarded. And I would think, He's not a man. He's a god. Then I would do my best effort to be a piece of shit, seeing any integrity as weakness. In my mind there was a religion: my father, that living god, that supreme being, that avatar, and I was fortunate enough to have been insulted by him. Eventually I reached a point where I understood nothing. I didn't dare speak to anyone. If I went to the supermarket, I couldn't even bring myself to speak to the cashier because I didn't know what I was supposed to say. Everything felt insane, alien, unreal. My mind was a whirlwind of self-directed aggression. Every tiny humiliation I had ever experienced echoed over and over again, like the crack of a whip. Then, one day, I was walking alone through the countryside, trapped in rumination and suffering, when something happened. It was overwhelming. Inside my mind I felt what seemed like a massive steel gear, weighing tons, slowly turning until, with one final, decisive impact, it locked perfectly into place. I couldn't believe it. It felt like a miracle. Suddenly, all doubt disappeared. My mind became a vector. It was like a samurai tying the band around his forehead before committing seppuku, without the slightest hesitation. absolute certainty. I was eighteen or nineteen years old. From that moment on, reality became war, and there were only two possibilities: win or die. Everything became radically simple. There was nothing left to weigh, nothing left to analyze. Of course, everything remained incredibly difficult. I still couldn't talk to people. I still couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I couldn't even remember my mother, who had died three years earlier. I knew she had existed, but I couldn't retrieve a single memory of her. My psyche was like a massive slab of stone, a labyrinth of madness. But the direction, the vector, was absolute. I never doubted again. Then the work for clarify that horrible psyche that my father helped me to build was a interesting mission. If my father wouldn't die when I was still teen maybe I would kill him, but if I would saw him now I would say him thanks. No father could be better , he gave me the handicap necessary to make the game interesting.
  9. Tell me again how bad I am 😈

  10. Unhealthy Aesthetic Mindset

    Inliytened1 replied to integral's topic in Personal Development -- [Main]

    Keep making excuses.

  11. Unhealthy Aesthetic Mindset

    Joseph Maynor replied to integral's topic in Personal Development -- [Main]

    This is where it is important to understand your MBTI. So for me it is Ni dominant with an Fe subdominant. For others it might be a Ti dominant with an Ne subdominant.
  12. Well... that was quite something to read

  13. Leo's Blog Discussion Mega-Thread

    Rafael Thundercat replied to Leo Gura's topic in Personal Development -- [Main]

    Guys, look this. The question in the introduction: "Where the instruction came from?"
  14. @Rafael Thundercat God doesn't require needless complexity to manifest Reality, although being Reality infinite, you can follow any fragment of Reality for Infinity. We can zoom in forever and it will continue to manifest forever. We can zoom out forever so it will go on forever. In an absolutely perfect way. Although that's not necessary unless you force Reality to generate it, to render it into existence. Are you seeing what I'm communicating? Your mother is in a quantum uncertainty state till you force it to manifest. The cells in your hand don't exist unless you look them up in a microscope. You don't need to hold all cells in consciousness for them to be, but if you go into it, Reality will generate it in an absolutely perfect way. This design is actually super efficient and insanely intelligent. Why would Reality be doing all the background out of your experience work all the time? Nope, it just does it when it's necessary, when it appears in consciousness. Your bathroom ceases to exist when you are not there. With objects you are willing to take the leap, but it gets even more radical with others; people cease to exist just like that, but when they happen to be in your presence all their experience is recreated in a flash in total coherence. Like when you start dreaming, your past all makes sense, in the same way, other people happen just like that, they exist while they are with you, but cease to do so when they vanish of your awareness. It's very radical and hard to integrate, you need to have simultaneously an imagination awakening and a solipsism awakening. I'm still wrapping my around every nuance of this. Read this a couple of times and contemplate.
  15. What are you talking about, and what does it have to do with what I said?
  16. I like this meditation because towards the last part, the advice gets subtle, pointing towards very deep unconscious layers of the meditation process.
  17. That’s precisely why they landed pretty girls; a girl is supposed to be trained like a dog, that’s what attracts them and that’s what attracts us too even if we’re in denial about it. It’s the result of hundreds of thousands of years of brutal evolution in the jungle. I was going to give you a long reply but actually I will do a topic about it soon, a bit of a "blackpill" one. Well blackpill...at least for the modern male in denial of his biology.
  18. SamadhiMaxxing
  19. So why was China able to build so many tech companies being a conservative country?

  20. Aghori taking 5 MEO

    Oppositionless replied to MaDoubt's topic in Psychedelics

    Profundity is relative , right now I'm not on 5 meo so it doesn't matter , all I have is this.
  21. Today
  22. Jim Newman is his man. Thanks for posting the "interview". I can listen to that a 1000 times over and it will still be amazing.
  23. He has the deadpan shtick down for sure from a comedy perspective.
  24. Just take a burrito.
  25. Jim Noman as Sugarcoat likes to call him
  26. Im trying to show him the Absoluteness of things. The black and the white. Reality is in front of you precisely how it is. When there isn't a you, there isn't a you. It is total.
  27. Thank you.
  1. Load more activity