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confused, SCARED, and unstable
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i had a good day on Monday, but then, all of a sudden, i began to feel really confused and unstable. ... still trying to figure out how to deal with that now.
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Breakingthewall replied to Loveeee's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Infinity don't create the physical reality, the physical reality, that is, the diferentiation, is the inevitable manifestation of the infinity. As there are not limits, differentiation arises. There are no difference between the unlimited and the limited, the limited and relative is the inevitable expression of the absolute unlimited. Saying that the unlimited is real and the limited a dream is incorrect. The unlimited is not an entity who creates a dream, what you call dream is the unlimited appearing. There is not unlimited without expression, there is no separation between the form and the formless, both are one, then the form is not a dream , is form, period. The difference is crucial, one closes, another opens. -
@Olaf What i noticed is that pick up mostly doesn't work. I mean don't get me wrong, it can work. But not in most cases and for most people. That's why pick up artists do thousands of approaches. If pick up worked, then you would need a couple approaches before meeting your girlfriend, and then you're done. I think dating relies heavily on cultural context. Like if you're at a bar, it's different than if you're at a café or restaurant. Sort of the difference between night game and gaming during day time. So this is one factor, another factor, which i think is hugely important is the culture itself, and the customs around dating in your local area. I recommend you check the customs of how things are done in your area and try to work around it.
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Hmmm, yeah, you can find all sorts of opinions on reddit. 32 and 25 is not that crazy of a difference, but depends on the stage of development of the person of course. That being said, I am also not the biggest fan of bigger age gaps especially when it comes to younger people (there is just much bigger difference between 20 and 40 than between 40 and 60). Often times these relationships are very objectyfing and transactional (though you could argue that all relationships are transactional in their nature - except for parent and their child relationship perhaps). A lot of the men I meet who seek much younger woman for relationships are simply men who do not see woman beyond their beauty and sex. Is it evil or immoral? Of course not. But it is immature and the people who engage in this are immature as well. I just turned 30 and even dating a woman who is 25 is a struggle for me because I feel like there is simply noticable maturity gap for a proper relationship. That being said I do not go around judging people or telling them what to do. We all have our own paths in this. But I generally do not get along with ppl who seek these age gaps - and the worldview is same among my guy friends who matured as well. In a way I am jealous (and I complain about it a lot haha - my own stuff to work out).
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Psychedelic awakening for me has either been like: the precise sight & sharp sound of liquid water freezing into crystalline ice — chaos and confusion jumping into a perfect structure or, a glowing, buzzing ball of plasma — bursting all limitations and constraints The videos help illustrate the point
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Jehovah increases replied to Jehovah increases's topic in Off-Topic: Pop-Culture, Entertainment, Fun
2001: A Space Odyssey Cyberpunk edgerunners Love Death + Robots -
Breakingthewall replied to Loveeee's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Saying that reality is a hallucination implies a subject, an entity, that is having that hallucination, thereby establishing an absolute duality between subject and object. This is impossible; there is not an absolute subject, because if there were, it would be a limited and relative entity. The absolute is not dreaming, it is reality, not the one who creates reality. -
Hitler is legit.
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I still suffer from insomnia and restlessness to this day. This morning, I woke up after 12 hours of sleep, having been awake for more than 24 hours beforehand. Insomnia is pure torture and pure pain. If it lasts Long enough it can lead to suicidal thoughts but not suicide itself because eventually you will pass out and sleep or you take some sleeping pills. But insomnia is literally hell . My whole body hurts because of it, and I feel as though my head is going to explode. The reason I still suffer from insomnia is simply that my mind is not at peace. Not my conscious mind, but my subconscious mind. Because Even when I am in a deep sleep, I feel disturbed and never fully at rest, which I know might sound strange or difficult to believe. But there is a certain tension and restlessness going on in both my conscious and subconscious mind. That is the main reason behind my insomnia. And the main reason behind that tension is simply overstimulation, as I mentioned before. Maybe I need to go on a silent meditation retreat or something along those lines.
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Yesterday on my walk around town and as I was on the leg back home, I could see walking towards me a woman in her thirties. She was staring wistfully into the shops that lined the street with a half smile on her lips. I was wondering what was on her mind when I suddenly realised what it was. She had been staring at the wedding dress in a small boutique shop I've passed a million times. It's not often you get an insight into what strangers are thinking. I wondered if the woman had been married before or even if she was about to. I did half think that I should ask her the question as I passed her: "Hey do you want to get married?" and see what her response was. I had also stared into the shop wistfully at times. It catches my eye every time without fail. I don't know if it's the prominent white classic wedding dress that's always fronted and proudly displayed in the window, surrounded my her entourage of lesser wedding dresses. Or is is the dinky size of the shop, like a little mysterious shop of curiosity; one in which if you ever entered you might be enchanted and never leave. Or is it just the name of the shop which my super-logical mind gets its knickers in a twist about every time: Isabella Grace. Is that two first names? Two last names? The founder's name? Or just a perfect name for someone about to get married? When they get married will they become a more ordinary Bella Jones? The shop brings out the schoolkid in me. I had always expected that I would get married, most probably in my twenties. And if you can believe it I always wanted a lavish affair with lots of guests and all that traditional Western wedding stuff; most of all I wanted a bride in a beautiful dress. It would be a symbol that I'd arrived as a man and everyone could see it and acknowledge it and congratulate me - us. Marriage was the done thing, and the thing to do, a symbolic rite of passage, things that grown ups do. All my friends managed it and I was invited to every one of their weddings. Hindu weddings. Muslim/Chinese hybrid weddings. Weddings in country houses. A wedding in a farm house. I had fun at those events and I always wished my friends good luck and was happy for them. But each was a reminder that it might be me one day, but not today. I was even booked to attend two weddings on the same day once. That's not untypical of my luck. I chose by precedence, but secretly I'd wished I'd gone to the other one. My ex got married in Vegas: I was not invited. This is despite us supposedly having been on "friendly terms" and having known each other for twenty years or so at that point. She was never one for awkwardness however, it's sort of fair enough, kind of. The irony being that she'd also been at nearly all those other weddings with me. The other thing that always occurs to me is: I want to be the one in the wedding dress. Could I just walk into that shop and ask to try it on, just the once? To be honest I'm not sure what has happened to me in the last five years or so. Whatever feminine part of my make up that was submerged for fifty years or so has bobbed up to the surface and it won't go away. I do a lot of work on myself perhaps. This journal is really about shadow work dressed up as observation and I've done a lot throwing light on that shadow. I've never strongly vibed with being a man for various known and unknown reasons, which leaves the question: what do I vibe with? It has certainly been hugely easier to present and behave like a man but it's somewhat of an awkward or lacklustre mask at times. I just don't care about huntin' shootin' and fishin' if you get my drift. I seem to vibe with feminity a great deal. I both enjoy the appearance of women - like most hetero men do - but I also like the company of women. At school I was always more comfortable talking to and being around girls, when I could manage it - boys were coarse and unpleasant. This changed as an adult and I became equally comfortable with both. I got shoehorned into maleness and adapted, and mostly became amnesic about my feminity or more precisely my lack of strong embodied masculinity. I kind of learned to be male. What may have happened in the last few years is that I've dug around into my shadow, stopped being amnesic, and allowed myself latitude to experiment with what does vibe with me. More than anything I seem to yearn to embody that feminity to really understand it in all its glory, rather than being a passive observer of it. I want to somehow and temporarily switch off that maleness in me and let her take over me. To put on her clothes and mannerisms and to be her for while and to let her sink into my bones. What does all this mean? I haven't the faintest clue. I don't know where it's all headed and I also don't seem to care much particularly. All I know is if I could shape-shift for a while and be a woman, then I would. I don't want to kill the man I am, but I do want to let the woman I am have breath.
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Nicely done, man. Seems like instant dates are getting easier and easier. A lot of game is like that. Once you do a thing once and see it's possible, then each time after that it becomes more and more second nature. As far as buying drinks goes, I respect your boundary. When the girl said that you'd be more fun if you drank, I'd say something like "You're free to go if you're bored" but in a charming, playful and cocky way rather than a serious butt-hurt manner. It's a fine balance. They almost never leave, which builds massive attraction cause you convey a willingness to lose the set. As for the last part where the girls asked you to go along to another bar, I would've gone with. Netherlands game is different than American game. Todd V has an old video about this, but Alex Social talks about this a lot too, but women here definitely do the choosing. You can still pull a girl and lead the whole thing all the way to your bedroom. But I've had equal degrees of success just hanging out with a girl who was basically leading us in circles only to eventually end up in her bed (and in her guts). Girls wanna fuck too, they just dont want it to be predictable and as long as youre a cool dude and are around her long enough, sex will happen.
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Someone here replied to Loveeee's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Can you give some examples? -
A vegan diet is simply not for me. I love the taste of meat and seafood, and I genuinely enjoy eating them. I have just bought large quantities of seafood, along with a big, meaty duck that I plan to roast. In this cold climate, a hearty meal like that feels so comforting and warming. A bowl of crab soup in winter is incredibly relaxing and delicious. it can help when you have flu also . I honestly choose to eat meat not necessarily for health reasons, but honestly, for the taste and the way I feel after consuming animal protein. That feeling is simply irreplaceable. No matter how flavourful, spicy, or well cooked a vegan meal may be, vegetables and carbohydrates cannot quite offer the same experience. Meat is something else entirely. That being said, I do acknowledge that a vegan diet is generally healthier for the body than a diet that includes a lot of meat.
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Hi ROOBIO, Sounds like you’ve been experiencing a strong ego backlash. What you’re experiencing is completely normal, so please don’t judge or moralise your behaviour. After a 10-day Vipassana retreat, it’s natural to feel like this, to be pulled in the complete opposite direction. It sounds like your unconscious/shadow is driving your behaviour. When we do spiritual work, we can sometimes ignore our shadow by suppressing our desires and pushing them back into our minds. The thing is, those desires never really go away. By focusing on transcending the ego, we can push our animalistic needs to the back of the psyche, and they can then show up in the ways you’re experiencing right now. After 10 days of Vipassana, the shadow can become even denser. I can’t say for sure why, as I don’t know you personally, but I understand how you feel and what you’re going through. What I find with a lot of spiritual people is that this is exactly what’s missing. By focusing entirely on transcendence, they build a strong shadow, neglecting their animalistic nature and their true desires. In the same way, you don’t become a good person by moralising your behaviour; you become a good person by understanding that you are an animal capable of cruel violence. Sometimes the biggest liars, manipulators and flakiest people are the “nice” ones, because they haven’t integrated their shadows. I would say look within yourself: why are you so strongly pulled towards sex and food? Maybe there’s a deeper connection you crave? Is there any side of your life you’d like to work on? Any desires you want to satisfy, in your personal or professional life? Sometimes, to become more spiritual, we need to satisfy our desires rather than run and hide from them.
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You were ultimately never born and you'll ultimately never die. I'm scheduled to hold a speech in an 85-year-old's birthday. Wouldn't you guess the thought crossed my mind.
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Natasha Tori Maru replied to enchanted's topic in Society, Politics, Government, Environment, Current Events
@enchanted many didn't choose. They were conscripted. - Today
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Carl-Richard replied to Asayake's topic in Society, Politics, Government, Environment, Current Events
He should step down from his position as podcast host. Oh wait, that's another guy. -
I call this concept “perceptual priority”. It’s a very deep psychological thing. My perceptual priority is structural coherence. I’m always looking out for structural inconsistencies because that is my priority. But why is that my priority? Someone else might have a social priority and doesn’t give two shits about structural coherence. Structural coherence types like to call these people fools. Each perceptual priority sees the others as less than ideal ways of being. The interesting thing is, no one can choose a different priority. Deep implications here. My conclusion is that none of the priorities are objectively better or worse - they just are. There are objectively better and worse ways of being within your specific priority (to the extent one has goals or cares about reality), but the priorities themselves can’t really be said to be superior or inferior to each other, because such a claim is made from inside your own priority, and this reality actually needs various priorities to function well. If the spiritual or structural coherence types were 90% the population, we’d be fucked because physical reality progress would be slow as hell.
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Carl-Richard replied to Loveeee's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
It never ceases to amaze me the low intellectual rigor and groupthink and blind attachments to words and lack of understanding of underlying concepts some people on this forum possess. -
So you're agreeing with the fact that children shouldnt learn math anymore? That goes against the number one principle of this community and Actualized.org - developing yourself and your own knowledge for its own sake.
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I already did.
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All arguments are self revelation. I agree because this is who I am and I have lived a life that proves of refutes the validity of this statement. All arguments are tools to bolster the self one feels one is. This is good since I am like this. I am like this since this is good. Smarts is claiming to be impartial. I am objective man and just follow the evidence. Yes right. We are all hacks claiming we know and we are right. Yes right.
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Morality, good, and evil are human inventions. Ultimately, the child rapist and the Saint are One and the same; there won't be divine favoritism of any form. God loves the child rapists and the child being raped to the same "amount".
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~~~_._._._._{{{[[[[([(:-].|.|.|:-) ])]]]]]}}}_._._._._~~~ , 2^3=8, 3^2=9
