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@Ramasta9 Ah yes good old David Wilcock. I've read his book the Source Field Investigations, interesting stuff. The power of pyramids was already being talked about by Lyall Watson in his book Supernature. I think I even made a cardboard pyramid razor sharpner in my youth. I'm more intrigued by your direct experiences than a video with a bunch of anectodal evidence however. Maybe start a new thread explaining what you've witnessed? Sounds interesting.
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Ramasta9 replied to James123's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
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Yeah. Seeking approval is a pain in the ass.
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i just want to be safe. that's all.
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it's so weird, but it feels that way. don't know if it always has, or if it used to be the other way around. but being this miserable, struggling this much, doesn't feel like me, it doesn't feel like my life, it doesn't feel like that's what life should be like, with all the crises and the disproportionate amount of drama that supersedes the boundary of what could still be perceived as adventurous or enjoyable.
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i've also been wondering if the ideal, mature, wise me would react to my toxic meltdowns, my crises, my moments of using obviously harmful coping mechanisms by being able to handle it by myself, keeping it to myself. would that be wiser, i wonder. cause i feel toxic af when i speak up and go hey, i did x y z, i am struggling with behaviour x y z. it's a weird dynamic to think about, a weird mind game. is it toxic when i reach out, or is it good? either way it's because i'm too weak to handle the loneliness when i know something extreme that shouldn't happen happened. maybe i'd be "cooler" if i managed to deal with this by myself more. maybe that would be noble of me, more self-sacrificing, self-loathing, good. .... but i'm also too weak to do that. and rationally, the recovery-interested me kind of gets how for people struggling with toxic behaviours....that somehow they can't shake, they're stuck with, they ended up with - without being able to choose, for now....the realm of responsibility isn't always the behaviour, but the part where they say "hey i'm struggling there". ....which is quite a compassionate perspective, i'm impressed ( - ugh....express disgust at my own "healthy thoughts" again. i'm not supposed to have them.). i wonder if this is me adulting, growing up....or me recovering and struggling with mental health. maybe it's both. quite a nasty combination. maybe there is no difference between the two. it's nasty, though, that adulting has to hurt so much all the time and i think it's mean that i struggle more than others. all the time. i don't like being stuck in this reality....i don't know who thought to put me here, and to make my life so vile.
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At the risk of derailing this journal I'll say that, for me, physical exercise and in particular pushing my body to its absolute limit is a spiritual practice. I find lifting weights in the normal "body builder" way really boring and not very challenging . Im not consistent, not because it's too hard but because its too easy. Makes sense as my background is high school cross country , track (800, 400) and wrestling. When I started doing hatha yoga , particularly vinayasa, I got like 80% of the burn I got from my high school sports , in addition to boosting my meditation. Hardcore meditation retreats, such as vipassana or zen sesshin, are another way , a different type of physical exhaustion but exhaustion nonetheless. I like doing things in a group because it's so easy to chicken out by myself . I intend to return to the monastery sometime this year for another sesshin.
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Anyone is welcomed in here as long as your kind and respectful. we hold space for everyone
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Hey thanks for the reply. One thing, what do you mean by targeted area? I mean from context I understand its where you want hair to grow, but I was under the impression that you put it everywhere on your scalp no? Thanks
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Make it a trilogy
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i can't fall asleep so i'll just write a bit to wind down. so earlier i was debating whether to start another post in the mental health section...then i realised it would just be the tenth or twentieth time of me asking "i'm stressed and i can't relax - how do i relax?" i feel so messed up and really quite uncomfortable in my own skin. random insight, but approximately since last summer, every now and then i've been thinking that i can change my attitude toward money and be a bit more liberal with my finances. what good is a full bank account if, talking in extremes, i'll end up so miserable i wanna die. not that that has anything to do with the money..but i'm thinking that i may as well gamble a bit and invest in stuff (education, therapy). might be a waste, or it might make my life a tiny bit better and make me happier. who cares. i don't have the energy to care anymore. and i'm miserable anyway. ...i'm shocked every time i hit a low like that, that that's just life. or maybe that's life at 23. but i keep waiting for it to get better. i don't see why it's always such an endless struggle, why everything hits me so hard. ...kind of anticipating that autism or adhd diagnosis. not that that mattered. would just be nice to validate that i'm weird. it doesn't really matter what it's called, but i can just tell there's so much tension, so it's the ... and, most likely, generalised anxiety again - i've had it for years and it keeps finding new things to worry about, new topics that haunt me day and night as if my life depended on it. i feel so exhausted and the worst part is i can't even relax when i try....that makes me sad to admit. haaaaa. sigh. a few days ago i was still trying to counter this all with some positive lessons, but by now i've been conquered. i know that back then a technique i wanted to share, that i actually felt hopeful about, was to ground myself in things that are permanent, steady, and independent of the current object of my anxiety. something like the weekly podcast i listen to - it'll be there again next week, and it'll make me smile a little bit, no matter how stressed i am right now about the mess that's my life. i hate being such a mess. that's not me....i hope i'll get over that soon, but for now i feel forced to be such a mess and to hustle, after all, to try to get somewhere good and get things sorted. ....too much pressure. crying as i'm writing this. i think i'm just sad at the situation, the neverending struggle. is that all life is? it should be more. but i don't think it is. i think most people just jump from one disappointment, one discomfort to the next, maybe delude themselves into being happy, or oblivious, inbetween....but the disappointment and suffering, that's ultimate. ....okay i onlysay that because that's the state i'm in now. what a shame to admit that. truth is, i don't know what life is, and i'll never have the definitive view, and all of Life changes as my emotions come and go. is it sad, tragic, dull, happy, meaningful? God knows. i know. i do, it's always what it is to me, now. duh.
- Today
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Wednesday: February 11th, 2026. Modesty in one's own capabilities is distinct from timid behavior.
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Wednesday: February 11th, 2026. Exceeding one's own expectations is distinct from feeling pleasantly surprised.
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Wednesday: February 11th, 2026. Verdict of the actual truth is distinct from strong conviction.
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Wednesday: February 11th, 2026. Intensifying the feeling of suffering is distinct from physical harm.
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Wednesday: February 11th, 2026. Headstrong paired with psychological detachment is distinct from energy depletion.
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I have a reference for you about this as well:
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Round 1: -I took 200mg of Dmsa and 50mg of Ala every three hours. Started Thursday and ended Sunday. This is what I want my rounds to look like every week. Goal is to do one round per week, 4 days on, 3 days off. -Beginning at 7am (first dose), then every three hours until 10-11pm at night. So 6 doses per day. I will not be waking myself up at night to take a dose or two. I am willing to accept the risk of redistribution or whatever in order to lock in a steady sleep rhythm as my sleep has been severely dysfunctional for years. I choose more sleep over more doses. I know I can tolerate missing a couple doses at night but I can’t tolerate waking up during sleep 4 days a week. (YMMV) -(supporting supplements) I take one large dose of an assortment of pills each morning usually shortly after my first dose containing, zinc, magnesium, selenium, vit c, k2, nattokainise, lutein, vit d, l theanine, b complex and sometimes a pure fish oil although I avoid the fish oil on days when chelating. Not all of those supplements are needed for chelation but they are things I take everyday anyway so I down it all in one go. On off days I do not take selenium, zinc, magnesium and b complex. *One thing I learned is to not supplement with vitamin e if you can avoid it because it can cause a quicker death basically is what I have found, apparently it isn’t good to go over 400iu per day so I just skip it altogether and focus on eating almonds and other foods naturally high in vit e. Also focusing on consuming lots of dairy in order to get the calcium needed as I do not want to take calcium pills. -I started off the first day with the Dmsa-only provoked test and then rolled into my round. I found it pretty fatiguing and I felt like a zombie, headaches, lightheadedness etc, it was tough but I know it was doing something to release the metals. My urine also smells, but that is normal. -I thought about starting rounds without Ala at first but I decided to start with Ala because I want to take a more aggressive approach and will back off if I feel I need to. -Side effects were noticeable throughout the whole round but I did have a distinct moment on the second or third day of feeling amazing for a few hours. Felt like a fog had lifted and I had more energy than usual, I also wanted to socialize a bit more which I take as a good sign. I think it was the Ala. One side effect to note is that I was experiencing quite a bit of heart burn which has been uncomfortable. But I heard it is somewhat of a normal side effect and hopefully it isn’t anything more serious.
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Thanks for posting! The part with "not being able to trust you own judgement" is very true for me. Me being stubborn sometimes on this forum has kinda been my way of finally learning this skill.
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Today I reconnected with my body after weeks of rest and healing. Injuries I suffered from a couple weeks ago was intense. The recovery especially brutal. But today, feeling ready to be active again, I tested that trust. Gently and cautiously. Fear came up. Insecurity. Of course it did. Fear of re-injury, fear of my own body betraying me again. But I moved through it anyway. And my body and soul held me. I’m learning to trust it again. Not blindly, but with presence. Not judging or jumping to conclusions when the intrusive reactions tell me I’m wrong. Instead, I listen to my higher wisdom, and trust the process with care and patience. The fear was still there throughout the process, yet I was willing to reconnect with myself anyway. I am glad I did. Slow and steady is the way to go. Let’s keep going
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Until I know for sure that I'm awake I'm going to assume I'm not. I've previously said I know I'm God, which is true , but that doesn't mean I'm awake, awakening is way deeper than just realizing you're God at some level, it's the total embodiment of that realization and the end of identifying with the body or the mind .
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Why does it have to be Thailand? But yeah my first intuition also said Asia. Saw a documentary once about kids in the Philippines growing up with a single mom and no dad cause the guy just went back to Europe and didn't take responsibility. So op is doing a much better job.
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Looks like Jewish supremacy in US politics is being questioned... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3qooWybQWo
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He already said South Africa I believe. My question (only if you want to answer of course): is the tension in your relationship caused by cultural differences you think?
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