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https://www.actualized.org/insights/who-gets-to-define-science Tysm for this blog post. I realize that I seriously need to take Epistemic Responsibility for how I view and embrace reality. I am learning not place that authority onto anyone else. It’s extra tough for me, since I’ve always experienced the world and myself so differently than how it “ought to be”, since…. forever. Every accredited professional I worked with growing up would always try to fix me and conform me to be functional and “normal”. I spent decades masking for others so that they could approve of me and so that I could feel safe. Yet, no matter how much of that I do, in the end it just made me deader inside, less authentic, more dysfunctional , and experientially hating reality. I had all the spirit, life, and joy sucked out me. So now, I’m finally realized that enough is enough. I’m tired of going down that same road of not trusting my authentic self, and worse, placing others as the authority to define and dictate who I am. I am now committed to embodying what is true, even if it seems impossible or crazy to others. <33
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She just came back from work and I'm wondering: "fuck, what is wrong with me I want to break up with her?". Literally looking at her, sweet woman of mine. It's really messing me up. And shortly after that doubts and second thoughts begin to slide in.
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The greatest insight I get is that God is pure. I mean Leo teaches the most pure God form. Maybe not the most useful or most intellectual form, but pure.
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I am pretty productive in my life as far as I'm concerned atm . And in a sense I have a life in terms of what I am doing . I respond quickly to my girl , and often , because I am just always by my phone . Could something happen where she just finds it unattractive , or it might seem like I am very invested in her without a life . Or she's the centre of my life . Is dis bad to do 😳
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@Zenterus They might look like they are on their way somewhere but has a spare 10-15 minutes, if you open them well. Many girls are missed, if you skip these. Most girls during a day are going somewhere. Quick numbers lead mostly nowhere, I agree. But a solid 10-15 mins is good.
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Elliott replied to Elliott's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Lol -
Is this an actual short? Can anyone give me a cliff notes summary of the argument made?
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Ah fair enough. Well, I honestly dont care to interact with those. I dont do quick number/instagram closes since I want to get a taste of the girl's personality first and if she's clearly in a hurry, then that goes against my standards of a solid approach. Plus, I believe in offering value when I approach women and if a girl is clearly on a mission, I view it as taking value from her and not respecting her agenda by approaching her in that context.
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I can gurantee you that just from the description alone, you are not secure at all. The online tests are quite bad around determining this - I feel like most insecure people would score secure in them.
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I really wondered about it. I even made a test which showed that I'm secure actually... I think I will ponder this topic on my next session with the therapist.
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She does want children. I was the first one brining that up. I want to feel happy and fulfilled in it. Pros: she's a loving person, she understands my needs very well, she's intelligent, caring and a good person overall. I feel that we share many values and views. I find her attractive, I love having sex with her. Cons: I feel frustrated when listening to her and opening up to her. It has nothing to do with what she says and who she is. It's more about my and my body's reactions that I don't understand.
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Vynce replied to Brandon L's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
nahhh, he is just bored and horny. knowing well, what works in this stupid internet era. not 5% as deranged as Connor. -
I know I keep using this all the time over here but you sound like a person with typical avoidant attachment with all the anxiety and realted stuff. Have you explored that?
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Do not fuck with nature. https://www.reddit.com/r/interestingasfuck/s/T8hkgs9E0M
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I will have to say this first of all. If your GF wants children, you are doing her extremely fucking dirty. So I truly hope it’s not her big goal. Then secondly, what do you want from your relationship? What are the pros and cons of your relationship right now?
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I’m not doing any drugs anymore ( or rare coffee or thea once in a while ), and I don’t even meditate, yet I can still reach those states while completely sober. In fact, even green tea can feel strong to me now. THC is actually a trap, maybe the worst one of all. It can take around four to five years for your brain to recover from heavy use ( despite the mainstream belief that it is a month, this is a the biggest deception about it ), and eventually you may realize that smoking it was a terrible deal. You lose so much energy and money, sometimes even going into debt, just to reach a state that you could eventually access for free. But I suppose it took me seven years of abuse to get there, so everyone has their own path. It’s really about clearing your mind of many different things. Once you start doing that, reality can naturally become more psychedelic. Language itself may consume so much mental energy that it dulls or suppresses your natural state. it's very important to sleep a lot too and avoid anxious situations, that is more valuable than gold.
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AerisVahnEphelia replied to Brandon L's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
Who is to say they aren't the ones who will lead to your downfall? Why would you believe in psychiatrists? They are ideologically captured by the state. They do not serve you; they unconsciously serve the organism that maintains society. -- If Connor was doing so many drugs, it's because he was looking to die and melt into nothing. He suffered. It’s not because he didn’t look like a cliche suicidal and depressive person that he wasn’t one. To me, it’s quite clear he was longing to die and finally succeeded. You don’t need to take a bunch of direct killing pills to attempt suicide. What he was doing was a slow call for death because he never ever healed from the trauma of not being enough. -
I'm approaching the 8 years mark in my current relationship. I'm 30 soon and my GF is 32. We're renting an appartment for 4 years now. Since close to a year now she wanted to take another step and buy our own flat. What I was doing was running away and avoiding that. I think mainly because I was not and I'm not sure if she's "the right one". The point is - I don't know it after all these years. She's a great woman for me. We went through ups and downs, but after all she was there for me and did (and still does) her best to understand me and fulfill my relationship needs. And yet I'm still not sure. I went through anxiety and stiffness when thinking about buying a flat together and basically saying "yep, this is it, that's all for me" - meaning, that she's my final GF. I don't want to leave her and waste such relationship, but thought of commiting is scary to me. I went to discuss it with my therapist. At the beginning he challenged me with the thought that I wanted to leave her, but I wasn't sure. I'm also not quite sure if I love her. But then, sometimes I will look at her and think about how wonderful human she is and I'm feeling love. He also said that then I'm choosing to stay and I still wasn't so sure. I was and I'm lost. After coming back from my therapist I opened up to my GF about my dillemas. I cried near her for the first time. I cried really hard. She was full of understandemnt and empathy for me. For the past 2-3 years I wondered if something will happen and we will split. So it was really hard to plan for the things even like vacation together I thought - maybe I meet some other girl in the meantime, I will love her and feel that this is it. But it didn't happen. Of course other girls are hot for me, but it's not like I'm losing my mind because of it. I'm really torn guys. I'm just not sure if "this is it" and on the other hand I don't want to lose a relationship like that - stable, full of understandemnt, with an honest, reliable and mature person, who loves me dearly. It's really hard for me recently, because last few months I was running away from it and went into distractions. But I can't do it anymore. I feel like it's time to make a decision. And yesterday I sent her first links to apartments that I would consider. It was hard for me. I felt shivers running down my spine and anxiety. And sometimes during the day I feel like investing in the relationship is the right thing to do, and in just a few minutes comes thought about ending it all... But then - what is not right? What's missing for me? What I could get from other girl that I'm not getting from mine? I'm really lost and hurting...
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I’ve noticed this as well. I’ve had an almost a dozen experiences with ketamine before, and now when I do a strong session of THC, I get into a profound, zen like state. Dissociated from my self and clearly realizing that there is no me and only Infinity manifesting through everything/nothing.
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It’ll make you more emotional but it won’t turn you into a woman you still have. Furthermore estrogen is not merely a female hormone; it is a metabolite of testosterone that is crucial for bone density, water retention, liver, brain, and by extension for energy levels and mood in males. Women are estrogen-dominant only around the time of ovulation.
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AerisVahnEphelia replied to Inception's topic in Spirituality, Consciousness, Awakening, Mysticism, Meditation, God
my trap card was already in place and he took it right on the face -
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She was embodying the pure Stirnernian ubermensh and you weren't up to the challenge, you need to ascend more
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I wouldn’t bet on that in Asia, though. I’m almost certain that what the Japanese call weed is often made from derivatives, and even the plants themselves might be tampered with. But anyway, don’t do THC in Asia unless you’re insane. I found a bottle containing a CBD derivative that completely tripped me out and really felt like smoking joint more than "cbd". Anyway it was kinda irresponsible but I trusted this dude, because we met in a friendly manner. ( but very very grey area, sold to me by an american working in a cbd shop under the street ), and there were also legal LSD derivatives for sale in Tokyo ( that became illegal 3 months before I left ). I tripped at least three times there, although never fully, because, well... I was basically on a year-long vacation in Japan and wanted to avoid getting into trouble, so still stayed in the explorative mindframe. Still, I let myself stay right on the edge. It was really interesting contemplating life & walking around in Tokyo on Halloween, surrounded by everyone in costumes, while being tripped out as fuck lol.
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It gave me effects very similar to LSD ( not as crazy obviously ) after I had stopped using it for a month or two. But when I was smoking every day during the last decade, it had started to become mostly sedating. Or maybe that psychedelic way of perceiving reality had become my baseline, so it just didn't feel that unusual anymore. I was just describing my own experience, though. Of course, yours could be different. Maybe 5-MeO changed the way you react to it. I'm almost certain that using other psychedelics changed my relationship with THC and even other substances, like coffee. So I do believe you. It's just uncommon, and it might not be genetic. It could be the result of all the spiritual practices you've done or your past psychedelic use, which may have "unlocked" those kinds of sensitivities.
